No One Would Miss Me

A Story

"Hey Roxas," Demyx said, peeking his head through Roxas's door, "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," Roxas said hesitantly. He wasn't sure that he could manage talking to someone as shallow and carefree as Demyx right now. Roxas had spent his entire morning and afternoon thinking about what the events of last night had meant. This had distracted him all the way through his mission, and he hadn't walked to the clock tower simply because he was afraid to face Axel. He feared that his friend would not acknowledge what happened last night or, worse still, acknowledge it and regret it, causing him to avoid Roxas like he had the last time they'd kissed.

Although he had fallen asleep with the highest of hopes, now that he was awake and no longer influenced by the magic of the night, he kept thinking about how much alcohol it had taken for Axel to even speak to him. If Axel could only talk to Roxas, or smile at him, or kiss him, when he was drunk, what did that mean about Roxas? Was he only interesting and appealing to a drunk version of Axel? He realized these thoughts were making him feel substantially worse about the whole situation, and then he remembered that Demyx was still in the room.

"Are you okay man? You seem a bit distracted," Demyx asked.

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry," he said, trying to redirect his attention.

"I just wanted to apologize for falling asleep on you last night. I hope I didn't ruin your first time out…. I know I can get pretty obnoxious when I'm drunk," and now his smile appeared again, "I think I had ONE too many shots last night, if you know what I mean," he said winking. Generally, when Demyx asked if Roxas "knew what he meant," Roxas had no clue, but he just let Demyx keep talking.

"It's no problem," Roxas replied, "I still had a fun time. It was great. Thank you for bringing me." He realized these phrases came out a little flat, but he couldn't muster the proper level of enthusiasm.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Demyx asked.

Roxas wished he had the guts to say no, but he didn't want to be rude, so instead he said "Sure" with as much alacrity as he could fake, which wasn't much.

"Did you – uh- go somewhere with Axel last night?"

Roxas could feel himself blushing. He looked down at his lap. How was he going to explain this? He certainly couldn't tell Demyx everything that had happened. Could he tell him anything?

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me! I know Axel can get people into some pretty crazy situations when he wants to."

Roxas couldn't help but acknowledge the validity of this statement. "Well," he began, "he took me to the house of his somebody." This seemed like a very safe explanation. Roxas was proud of himself for thinking of it.

Demyx looked surprised. "How did he find the house of his somebody? I've been trying to open a portal to my somebody's house since I came into existence, but I can never get the it right, even though I know the exact address. I figured Xemnas was monitoring us or something, trying to keep us from finding them." He stopped speaking, clearly lost in thought.

They sat in silence until Demyx finally managed to break away from his reverie, "So, anyway, sorry for distracting you from your story. What'd you two do there?" he asked with polite interest. Roxas wished he hadn't said anything. He had thought his side of the conversation was over.

"We weren't there for very long because his somebody came home."

"Oh, I see. So Axel didn't involve you in any mischief?"

Roxas realized Demyx still had no clue what type of mischief Axel had put him up to. He didn't want to clarify, so he just shrugged again.

"You suck at telling stories man," Demyx said light-heartedly. "I'm sorry, but you don't seem to know how to express yourself. So you're saying you guys didn't steal anything or…blow up any mailboxes? …steal a car? …" He trailed off, and when Roxas didn't respond, he replied in a disappointed tone, " You just went to the house and then left? That's so boring. Axel usually has more exciting adventures up his sleeve." Roxas felt like he should explain even though Demyx hadn't asked him to.

"Well," he could feel himself blushing again. "That was mostly all…"

He must have looked visibly uncomfortable because Demyx looked slightly concerned (at least more concerned than Roxas had ever seen him). "Is there something you want to talk about man? I know I have some Axel stories that I would rather keep secret. But sometimes it helps to get things off your chest," he shrugged. Roxas thought the kindness behind Demyx's offer was genuine. It surprised him.

Maybe Demyx would be a good person to talk to, he thought. Demyx knew Roxas, he knew Axel, and he was actually a pretty decent guy when he wasn't complaining or slacking off on missions. Although he was still embarrassed to talk about this with anyone, Roxas thought it might be worth the risk. Maybe Demyx could help him figure out what to do.

"Axel and I…kissed last night." He realized "kiss" was a pretty simple blanket term for all that had happened yesterday, but it was all he could manage for the moment and he wanted to see how Demyx would handle this toned-down version of the truth.

Demyx smiled at him. "You kissed Axel? Seriously?" Demyx paused to look incredulous and then laughed, "I thought he told me he was done fooling around with organization members, but I guess that was before you came along, eh?"

Oh God. Was that a joke? Roxas was bad at discerning humor, and right now he needed to know if what Demyx had just said was serious or not.

Demyx apparently sensed Roxas's confusion because he explained, "I shouldn't have said it like that. He doesn't just go around seducing all the organization members within reach, okay? It's just , well… do you want me to tell you one of my secrets?"

Roxas didn't, given how the conversation was going so far, but Demyx didn't seem to care whether or not Roxas responded.

"Axel and I kind of 'had a thing' way back when you weren't here. We hadn't known each other for long…. He was really drunk and I was really drunk. That's how it was whenever we'd get together. And I'd never kissed a guy before, but that man is just so persuasive," he emphasized the last word in a way that concerned Roxas. Demyx kept talking, but Roxas wasn't paying attention.

A lot of thoughts came to him at once – if Axel just went around kissing random people why had he said that a kiss changes a relationship forever? He and Demyx must be a lot closer than Roxas thought. He also wondered why Axel had said that a boy usually kisses a girl. That didn't seem at all true from Axel's experiences – at least the one Roxas knew about. How many of Axel's experiences was Roxas still not aware of?

He was confused. He had thought Axel was his friend. He believed their relationship was special, that Axel treated him differently than everyone else, but he knew now that it was all in his head. To Axel, he was just another fling.

Apparently Demyx had stopped talking, because when Roxas finally got out of his thoughts and into the present, he found a concerned Demyx looking at him intently.

He put his hand on Roxas's shoulder. "Listen Roxas. It was a long time ago. Did I mention that every time we kissed we were drunk? It wasn't a relationship as much as a way to keep sane," he explained. "We had both just become nobodies, and Xemnas obviously wasn't giving us emotional support. Life was just missions and memories of the past. I know you didn't remember anything about your somebody when you got here -still don't I guess- but me and Axel knew everything about ours, and it was hard to deal with, because we realized that we weren't them-we weren't our somebodies-anymore… We were just…alone. Everyone I loved as a somebody: my wife, my children…" He paused looking at the floor, "I knew I couldn't' see them anymore. They wouldn't even know I existed." He looked painfully sad. "It's really hard, you know?"

Roxas was completely speechless. He'd never heard anything so tragic in his life. Had Roxas had a wife? He didn't think he was old enough, but maybe he had…. Who else had his somebody known? What had he left behind without knowing it? He began thinking of the many things he didn't know until Demyx interrupted him.

"Sorry Roxas," he said, becoming his cheery self once more. "I didn't mean to bog you down with all that depressing information. Xemnas has forbidden us to talk about our pasts, but we obviously all do it anyway. It's impossible not to, you know?" He got lost in thought for just another moment and then drew his attention back to Roxas. "Listen, man. Axel has been different these past couple of months. He's a lot less rebellious, way more polite, and… I don't know. He's just a better person." Demyx gave Roxas a sly look. "I never realized it until now, but everything about him kind of changed when you got here." His eyes were sparkling suggestively, " So, maybe that means something's in your favor, eh?" he joked.

Roxas was stunned. He felt like he had lost his identity somewhere in their conversation, and he wasn't ready to respond to this comment yet. "Yeeeah…" he said. It was the only response he could think of.

Luckily Demyx looked at his watch at just the right moment and turned towards the door. "Oh man, it's time for me to go! We've been talking for ages. I've got a mission to do that I've been procrastinating on since last week! Take care man!" He waved as he left the room. "We'll talk later."

Roxas just stared at the ceiling and concluded that nothing made sense anymore.


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