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50 Reasons to Hate my Brother

By Apollo Vengea

Humor

50 Reasons to Hate my Brother

Author's Note:

Dedicated to the Ruler of Cancer. And to all the girls out there who love their little brothers, with all their faults.


50 Reasons to Hate my Brother

It was a strange sight; Artemis armed with pen and paper, crouched next to a large bush, scribbling away. Thalia tore her eyes away from the scene. Trust Lord Hermes to muddle with the usual routine.

Lady Artemis meanwhile was blissfully oblivious to her environment as she focused on that scrap of paper.


1. I HATE it when he calls me 'little sister'.

2. I hate his haikus. Especially the ones about me.

3. HE MADE ME KILL ORION!

4. I hate his jealousy.

5. I hate the way he sizes up my Huntresses.

6. I hate the fact that I can never meet a male God, except Father, without him watching me from the shadows.

7. I hate the way he'd come in between Hera and me, like I don't know how to handle myself.

8. I hate it when he flirts with Hestia. For Zeus's sake, it is Hestia! She's almost like our mother!

9. I hate it when he doesn't listen to a word I've got to say.

10. He finds it so easy to taunt me and lose my temper; I play right into his hands.

11. I hate when he chides me for losing my temper.

12. Every time he turns up to visit me, it is because he sensed I was lonely or upset.

13. I hate it when he somehow prolongs these visits and we end up having fun and I'd forget all about my Huntresses.

14. Every time he leaves after his visit, Thalia would hover around me with a hidden kerchief. I have never used it though...

15. I hate the way he flirts with girls and chases them down.

16. I hate the fact that he doesn't disturb the virgins. Because of me.

17. I hate it when he sings his praises. I mean, literally.

18. I hate him when I yield Every Single Time he says, "Just one more song, sis," and looks at me with those big blues.

19. I hate it when he pretends to be upset and I forget all about teasing him.

20. I hate him when he tries to read my mind or abruptly asks "What are you thinking about?"

21. I hate the way he makes me feel really childish sometimes, wishing to play tag on Olympus.

22. I hate the way he'd let me win and not even brag about giving up for his little sister.

23. I hate him because he is, in truth, too mature to play tag and yet, does it because I like it.

24. I hate the fact that he is responsible for what happened to Daphne. She was a good girl.

25. I hate it when he becomes lazy and irresponsible and I have to come out and chivvy him.

26. I absolutely detest him when his children cry to me, because their father ignores them.

27. I hate it when he tries to woo Thalia.

28. I hate him even more because he is not trying hard enough, for then she would crack and leave me.

29. He is an excellent archer, but he NEVER hunts with me, the lazy bum. I bet he prefers the social life. I guess to him, it is better than scouring the forest with a crazy older sister anyway...

30. I hate the fact that he is universally liked at Olympus while I'm not.

31. I hate it when he orders the mortals to build a shrine for me in all his temples. Like I didn't have that many places of worship as him.

32. I hate it when he treats me like dynamite about to explode.

33. Despite him having a thousand varieties of arrows, he still only wants to use the ones I use!

34. I hate it when he gatecrashes my full moon celebrations with the Huntresses.

35. I hate it when he accuses me of hoarding unnecessary things. Excuse me, but I just can't throw away my very first bow and quiver! Or that brooch Athena gave me which is now broken. Or those pretty sandals that don't fit me anymore...

36. I hate it whenever I develop this urge to play big, caring sister when his ego is bruised by others.

37. I hate him when he scolds me at those times, saying that I baby him too much and to please stop being anxious for it was just a scratch.

38. I hate him when he keeps telling me my huntresses will be all right, stop worrying; when I am attending an oh-so-long Olympian meeting.

39. I hate it when he mocks my lifestyle, calls me a tribal girl and asks me to get more civilized. I am not the one who chases down skirts like a beast in heat, thank you very much.

40. I feel like killing him when he taunts me about being the Goddess of Childbirth but never being able to have a child of my own flesh and blood. I know it, you merciless idiot! Don't remind me!

41. After he heard that I was bearing Atlas's burden, the only thing that appeased him was Father's permission to aid the quest.

42. And I heard he hadn't sung one song or uttered a haiku till I reached Olympus.

43. I hate the fact that he can actually do very fine without me but I need him and his visits.

44. I HATE it when he says I don't love him. That's not true!

45. I hate it when I cry every time we have a big fight.

46. I hate it when he finds out about it and apologizes all over the place, like his life depends on it.

47. And he never lets me apologize; for he says he doesn't ask apologies from the ones he loves. Because he forgives them before they open their mouth.

48. I hate it when in the times I seek solitude, HE NEVER LEAVES ME ALONE!

49. I hate it when I deliberately irritate him and he'd simply say, "I love you sis" and I'd feel very small.

50. I hate all men, with a few notable exceptions. But the truth is; I can't bring myself to really hate Apollo. In fact, it is just the opposite.


It had been a long time since Hermes had retrieved the list for her, yet Artemis could think of nothing else.Suddenly, a figure rushed out from the woods and hurtled straight at her.

"Apollo! What in Hades?" she cried, before he wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey, I love you too, you know that right?" he said cheekily.

"Let go of me this instant!"

"No. Not for a few moments. I'm quite overcome with the emotion."

Artemis snarled in reply, but Apollo didn't miss the arms that rubbed his back or the whispered "I missed you, brother".

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