.Have you everything heard something so ridiculous,so downright funny and infuriating that your brain doesn't know how to respond and your facial muscles have you stuck in a dorky expression?
That is me currently.
You probably won't understand me if I begin here,so let me take you a little bit back to when this all started,which was...
So,there I was eating my breakfast,ignoring every living soul around me. Everyone was staring at me,whispering in hushed tones while casting omnious looks at me.
I didn't care.
Lately,campers have been avoiding me,blaming me for stuff I had no idea about and generally being a bunch of dickheads.
It didn't bother me. When it came down to one on one combat,not bragging or anything,but I'm quite unbeatable. Ask Jason's black eye,it'll tell you everything you need to know.
So,I finished my half of the breakfast,sacrificed the other half to dad then proceeded to make my way to the beach,where I could be alone and in my element.
I came here to practice using my powers a lot. I had managed to master turning water into all its three forms,mastered my storm bringer abilities to the max. I could form a mini tornado in my hand and even charge it up enough to blast out lightning!
Jason did not like that,even after I told him it drained me completely. Sometimes I wonder what the fuck is wrong with people.
Anyway,loosing track here.
I was now trying to control elements with a liquid structure,starting with mud. Most of you would start slow with things like tea or coffee or soda but hey,go big or go home right?
So anyway,I was levatating a mass of gooey mud in the air when suddenly,the blasting presence of a gods divine form struck me,making me fly into the water.
I was prepared to take it as a joke and shrug it off as one of Hermes' dirty tricks when I saw who the god in question was.
And he had this smug look on his face that made my hand inch towards Riptide. The war god,clearly smart as he avoided the water,spit the toothpick from his mouth and spoke.
"Perseus Jackson,you are summoned to Olympus by the King of the gods" he said.
Of course I noticed something was wrong. He didn't call me punk,or make useless threats that amounted to nothing,or start cracking his knuckles for a fight he would make any excuse to walk away from.
"What do you want Ares?" I askes bored.
"Uh,to take you to Olympus,I thought I was clear. Or did I speak in Mandarin,I tend to slip a lot" he answered frowning.
Okay something was definitely wrong here.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because Zeus summoned you?" Are said.
"Swear it in the Styx" I said.
"What,why?". He asked.
"Because I obviously don't trust you,now swear it know the Styx" I said impatient.
"Fine,I swear on that bloody river that the King of the gods has summoned you and that I am to take you there immediately" he said.
He added the whole take you there immediately part...which didn't sit well with me.
But me being me,I did not see the harm. So I walked from the water and took his hand.
Few seconds later I was in the Olympian throne room marble floor with chains all around me,constricting any form of movement.
"Hey what the fuck!" I growled at the guffawing War god.
"Zeus,what is the meaning of this!"Poseidon bellowed.
"Release my son from those bonds!!" Poseidon bellowed,cutting Zeus off,something the Sky god did not like.
"In a moment Brother" Zeus,despite the bulging being on his forehead,answered calmly"Now,as I was saying,we are here to discuss the fate of the traitor brought before us"
"Traitor,what traitor?" I asked.
"Brainless,as always" Athena scoffed. I got the nasty feeling she was talking about me.
"What?" I asked.
"You are the traitor foolish boy!"Artemis bellowed .
"Jason my son,please step forward" Zeus said.
From the shadows of the pillars,the blonde haired guy emerged with a crazed look in his eye.
"Father" he said bowing his head.
"Please recount to us the misbehavior,Perseus happily partook in while in the Argo."
Jason happily gave a two hour garbage story of how I conspired against the gods while on the mission to Greece.
And cue the dorky face.
Once he was done,there were two shocked faces in the throne room. Mine and Poseidon's.
"How long did you take to come up with that lie?" I asked laughing. I was still having some trouble responding to the bullshit that was spewing from his mouth.
"It is not a lie,I swear" he answered glaring at me.
"Swear on what?" I chided.
"No need to swear on that scum river,the Argo members can back me up"he answered smugly.
From the shadows,Annabeth(no surprise there),Piper,Leo,Nico and Calypso (the last one wasn't even on the boat,maybe if you count Leo's fantasies) emerged.
"What your son says is the truth My Lord" Annabeth,that cheating backstabbing asshole said"we swear on our lives"
"What about Frank,Reyna,Hazel and Hedge?" I asked.
"They are in Camp Jupiter" Leo said"but if they were here they would agree with us"
"This is Propesterous!" Poseidon Bellowed,arm inching towards his Trident.
Of course I wasn't the first one to notice this.
"Hephaestus" Zeus said. That made Poseidon's hand freeze in confusion,a big mistake on his part. The Forge god pressed a button on his gauntlet. Thin golden threads sprung from the curved designs on Poseidon's throne and wrapped tightly around him,so tight his skin started turning gold with strain and began to swell. Overall,I seemed Waay comfortable than him.
"Thank you" Zeus said.
"Release me you whore of a King!"Poseidon roared.
"Ares can you do something about the noise" Athena chided,and evil smirk on her face.
"Gladly sister"Ares said. He took off one of his slick,wet boots,took his sock off....oh crap.
No matter how much Poseidon thrashed,he couldn't get out of the chains. Which resulted in him having a stinking wet sock stuffed into his mouth.
My emotions still hadn't aligned themselves,so I watched with a stoic expression as my father was humiliated in front of the Olympian Council.
"Lovely" Zeus said smiling" So,boy" that turned all attention back to me"as the council,minus Poseidon,we have decided to let you live for your outrageous crime against us."
"Well that's a relief" I said" especially considering I didn't do anything of the sort" Gods I love sarcasm.
"Quiet Sea scum"Jason said ramming his fist to my face. I laughed despite the pain that exploded on my face.
"Still haven't learned to punch after all this time. You disappoint me Grace"I said. He was about to come in for another one but Nico held him back.
"I'm sure you are interested to learn what kind of punishment we have picked for you boy"Athena said smugly.
"Hmm,not really no" I said shaking my head"but by all means,Please do enlighten me"
"And eternity in Tartarus"she bellowed,obviously pissed off at my comeback. Poseidon gasped...well,as much as he could with a stinky sock stuffed into his mouth.
"Relax dad" I said to him. That made him,plus everyone else look at me confused"I'll be fine. Just tell mom,I went to explore the world"
"You don't sound scared of your predicament?" Artemis said.
"Was I supposed to? I asked smiling at her.
"Yes,you were!" Annabeth screeched.
"Need I remind you I have already been to the pit,which is more than I can say to most of you,and I came out of there stronger than ever. So if you think this is the best punishment,then please do not hesitate"
"Athena"Zeus said looking at his daughter for support.
"He is obviously frightened Father"she said smugly"he is using his humour to hide it. Cast him to the pit"
"Whatever the barn owl says" I said closing my eyes and nodding vigorously.
"Hades!" Zeus bellowed cutting Athena off,which made me wink at her. The Lord of the underworld stood next to me looking bored.
"What is it little brother?"he asked.
"Please,escort this vile sea scum to the entrance of Tartarus and be sure to see to it that he falls in"Zeus said.
Hades turned and looked at me"huh,I was wondering when this was going to happen"
"You and me both glum-glum"I said.
That made him chuckle,which made Nico sputter unbelievably at us,before the tall Lord hauled me to my shackled feet. He was about to shadow travel away when I said
"Told you he was scared"Athena said smugly.
"Actually no"I said"I just wanted to tell Annabeth,Babe,next time you are swearing,choose your wordings carefully. That's all. Let's go Uncle H"
Hades smirked and shook his head. I gave one last sad look at dad before darkness engulfed us. Next second,I was at the edge of the pit with no chains bounding me. I could feel Tartarus pulling strongly at me,making my shirt tear and get sucked in leaving me with my black vest,which was also in the process of tearing up. Only Hades' powerful arm kept me from being pulled inside.
"I'm sorry Perseus,but as Olympus' chief disciplinarian,I have to abide by Zeus' words"Hades said.
"That's a bummer" I said"but its okay. I'll be fine down there,don't worry. I'll make my way up here again,then I'll keep my promise to the Olympians"
"What promise?" Hades asked.
"Crap! I forgot to promise death and destruction!!!"I Wailed"can you do it for me?"
"Sure thing sea scum"Hades said"be Careful down there Perseus" he finished with a sincere look in his eye and somehow began to make my emotions align themselves.
Before I could answer he let go and with a loud and ear popping whoosh,I found myself falling into inky darkness.