Chapter 1
I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…
It was my litany. My apology. For every single being I am killing for doing this.
My bullets hit the metal of the Crucible, every time the sound of metal hitting metal rang to my ears.
I'm sorry…
Their faces flash before my eyes… Joker and his little smirk… Anderson with his proud gaze…
Garrus… and his loving stare as he holds his rifle…
I'm sorry…
Poor Joker. Poor EDI. Poor quarians. Poor Geth.
Nobody could ever forgive me for doing this.
Even I don't know if what I'm doing is wrong or right. But I know that it has to stop.
I said I was going to destroy the Reapers. And that's what I'm doing.
I'm sorry…
My last bullet hit the Crucible, and it exploded, knocking me off my feet. Fire and metal flies off around me. I scream in pain as fire consumed half of the left side of my face. I fell to the ground, and rolled. The Crucible started emitting a red light… and I knew that it was done.
I'm sorry…
I guess I'm never going to see everyone.
I'm sorry…
No… no. I'm not going to let it end this way. There has to be a way.
I ran away from the explosion, despite my injuries. I have to get down. Down the corridor. There were dead soldiers there, taken in by the Conduit. Maybe I can get something there.
I'm sorry…
I have to get back. I have to get back to everyone.
I want to live a life in peace. I want the battles to stop. I don't want to be Commander Shepard anymore.
I just want to be Jane.
Jane Shepard-Vakarian.
The lift that brought me up finally brought me back down to the hallway I passed. Anderson's body was still there. So was the body of the Illusive Man. Fucking Illusive Man. Rot in hell, you bastard.
Anderson is gone. I am so proud of him. He was like a father to me. I wish I could bury him, but there's no time.
Another explosion rocked the Crucible. There's no time. Have to hurry.
I see a corpse of an Alliance soldier among the pile of carcasses. I wrenched his mask away, but is whole head came with it, snapping off from the neck of his body. I pulled the head away from the mask. It smelled of burned flesh and death. But at least I was still breathing properly.
I could feel the Crucible rocking around me. Crashing. Churning metal and concrete.
I have to hide.
A heavy metal beam seemed to support the structure. I limp over to it and cling on to it. I just hope the beam is strong enough to support everything around me.
I want to live. I have to live. I need to live.
Please, let me live.
I'm sorry…
Garrus… Garrus… I want to come back to you. I don't want to wait in that bar without you. I want to be with you.
God, please… let me be with him.
A red light started enveloping the whole Crucible as it shivered, quaking. I could feel the vibrations of the structure from the metal I was clinging on to.
Then suddenly, a flash of red. I look up to see that the Citadel had released some sort of energy to the vastness of space… probably heading to the Mass Relays. They are going to spread, from one system to the next, bringing death to the Reapers. And to the synthetics.
I'm sorry…
EDI… Legion… I am so sorry… this is the only way I can end it. Or at least what I think can end it.
What I think…
That's right. *I* made this choice. I picked to destroy the Reapers, and the synthetics. I killed the geth. I killed EDI.
Joker…
I'm sorry…
He would never forgive me.
Fire enveloped the Citadel, explosions happening everywhere, I lower to the floor while still clinging to the support beam that is now my life line. The Citadel groaned again, and I could feel the Earth's gravity starting to pull it in, slowly at first… and gradually picking up speed.
I'm crashing.
Will I survive?
I don't know. I don't know anymore.
But I want to live. I don't know if what I'm doing is enough to keep me alive.
I want to live. I want to live.
Garrus…
I'm sorry…
I want to live with you. I don't care if we don't get any turian-human babies. I just want to live with you. To love you. To sit on the beach somewhere tropical as we sip drinks. We're getting too old for this. I want to retire. I want to disappear with you.
I'm sorry…
I wish you were here with me. I wish you could hold me. Even with your armor, I know that the heat of your body is enough for me. Even underneath all that hard plating, I know that inside, you were a softie. You worried about me. You loved me. You stood by my side when nobody did. Even Kaidan… who called me a traitor a few months ago. You were there for me…
Garrus…
There was a crash, a gigantic bump… and the floors above me collapsed.
I'm sorry…
Looks I'm going up to that bar in heaven by myself…
