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Ascendant

By cantelooop

Other

Ascendant

"Beatrice, my child?" I hear a voice like my mother's calling my Abnegation name. How many times must I tell people that I am Tris and not Beatrice?

"It's Tris," I mumble.

"Tris? Tris it's me- your mother. Natalie Andrew Prior. Tris, please open your eyes, I can't lose you again." Mother? My mother? The person who died for me. The person who died fighting for me was here? Then I remember. David shot me. I pressed the green button and I saw David slump back down in his chair. The memory serum worked. A wave of joy passes over me. But then, why was Mom here?

Realization hits me. I also saw blood. And I saw Mom. I am dead.

I slowly open my eyes. I see her, my father beside her and someone else with a clipboard who I didn't recognize standing above her.

"She's up. Beatrice Andrew Prior -check," he said.

What was this guy's problem? I was trying to have a special moment with my parents here.

"Tris!" I growl. Ooh! I never thought I'd be this scary. I was as scary as Tobias' Instructor Four act. Oh no. I've left him. He's gone. Or rather, I'm gone.

"Hello? You still here?"The man looked like Eric. Eric? He died? If he did, why is he here? In heaven?

Wait, is this even heaven? I look around and try to take in my surroundings. Everything's grey. It's ABNEGATION GREY. Why is it grey? Did they fix me up in Abnegation? Did they fix my parents in Abnegation? No. It can't be. I saw them die in front of my eyes. This must be a simulation.

My mother helps me up. "Where are we," I ask.

"This is where people go after they die," the man answers.

"I thought-" He cuts me off by saying, "This is the platform you reach after you die. Only a few people achieve this fate as they might have given a lot things as sacrifices in 'life'." He raises his left hand and makes some claw marks while saying 'life'. What's wrong with being alive? "You get to choose. Heaven or hell?" He continues as if he couldn't see the confused look on my face. Who on Earth would choose hell? "I am waiting for fifteen seconds. Otherwise you stay here and you will be stuck between life and death. Or as people on Earth say, 'coma'." He makes the claw marks again.

I stare at my parents and from a distance I see Uriah, Lynn and Marlene. They couldn't choose fast enough.

I keep staring at my parents' worried faces. "5"

I see tears streaming down my mother's face. I have never seen her cry. I wipe the tears off of her face. "I'll be fine," I whisper, "besides, my friends are here."

I just look at the faces above me and smile as they float away and then, the only thing I can see is Uriah, Lynn and Marlene smiling brightly at me.

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borkarprasad: Story was overall a good experience. I liked that the truth unraveled slowly and kept me in edge every time I changed the chapter. I would love to read more volumes to this legacy and be glad to read it from a published book. Great work!!!!!!!!!

Theresa Alley: There always needs to be a BEGINNING and this reads like it!! I can see SEQUELS, yes plural, after this one!! Angel can take this character a LONG WAY!! And there R a lot of places to take Her to!! Have fun!!

ArgyrisMetaxas: Thrilling story which builds layer ontop of layer. A few mis spellings every few chapters. What I found special was that it took a modern day problem and took it to its logical conclusion and plays this realism with gritting precision. I'm always on edge ready to shout from adrenaline. This is gr...

Lacey Schmidt: The Trouble with Super is that you can't stop reading it. Mr. Barrett's characters are all to easy to relate to even if you don't have a super quirk of your own, and their plight is both heart-rendingly funny and heart-warmingly sad at the same time. It's a bit like Office Space meets the Matri...

RodRaglin: Your writing is very good, Rachel, but remember you also have to entertain the reader and in that regard it's a bit sparse in action and dialogue.Consider when revising...When starting a new story always consider your protagonist's Goal - what they want; Motivation - why they want it; and, Confli...

mariamalkorashy: Simply alluring, I have become addicted. Now the rest of this message is simply words because it notified me saying that my Review was to short haha. It has done it again so yup I am still here writing once more haha.

Brandy: What a great take on the idea of finding your dream man. The story was very emotional with strong characters. I would recommend this story to any who wants to read a good love story. And yes, Italian food does make everything better.

msccripps8458: The story is excellent,(some grammatical errors) the wit is razor sharp and the observation of human behaviour is right on point. Take a break from your day and start reading this from the very beginning and you won't be sorry.

mrh: This interesting take on the Harry Potter series fascinated me from line one on. I am in love with this tale and its characters and cannot wait to read the next chapter. I look forward to more soon.When can I expect the next chapter? I am so excited to read it!

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