And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying.
“Where are you going?” he asked not looking at me.
I smiled in the mirror to him while I applied my make up, “I told you its Luna’s birthday were just having a quiet night in. I won’t be long…”
“Okay.” Was all he replied, leaving the room.
It was just an ordinary Friday night, the kids were in bed and I was getting ready to go out. Only this time was different. I wasn’t going to see Luna.
The war had ended. Five years had passed since the fall of Lord Voldemort. It seemed like only yesterday Ron had proposed. I was over joyed and now I was with Ron; But I have to admit - it isn’t the best. We had two children. Hugo and Rose. They were only young. I loved the both so much and so does Ron.
Ron loved me and I loved him. I’m not sure when that stopped. It was like I woke up one day and I just didn't care. If he noticed the change in me he didn't say anything. I think he knew though, He knew I was no longer in love with him. Sometimes I wonder why he never said anything but I guess he didn't want anything to change. He didn't want to break the relationship. It was what was expected of us. To love each other forever. But I didn’t.
I knew he tried his best but maybe that wasn't good enough for me anymore. Our lives had become so mundane. We woke, left for work, came home, had dinner and slept. Then we started the routine all over again. We were both busy and saw very little of each other. I often thought that it wasn't such a bad thing. If we didn't see each other then we didn't see the cracks in our relationship. We ran from the problem.We both had jobs. He was an Auror with Harry and Ginny and I was a Healer.
It was at work when everything changed. I had been kidding myself, telling myself there was nothing wrong, making myself believe I was happy. My mask wasn’t as good as I thought. Even He could see it. I turned to Him for Love instead. I knew it wasn't right. I knew if Harry and Ron ever found out they would kill Him. He had a wife and child. We were risking everything but neither of us seemed to care. It was a secret. It had to be because the man I was seeing was Draco Malfoy.
Ron knew. Or I got the feeling he did. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me. I could see he felt betrayed. Any time we saw Draco and his wife, Ron would glare at him and try to walk in the other direction. But sometimes its unavoidable. At the ministry Christmas Ball, Draco asked me to dance. I couldn’t believe he was being too risky but I knew I had to say 'yes' after all I had to keep up appearances. They Malfoy’s were upstanding people and it would draw attention if I refused him. I thought it would look suspicious if I said 'no'. So we danced and I could feel Ron's eyes glaring at us. It was like he was trying to make a whole in my back.
That's when I first realized he knew.Even though I saw the glares and the look of hatred in his eye. I didn't stop. I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt Ron but I was happy with Draco. I knew he must feel numb inside and unloved. So Draco and I kept it down as to stop suspicion. I was taking advantage of Ron and we both knew it. But I was his life. The children and I; But I was killing him. I knew it. He knew it. But he still said nothing.
I used to work late in the office. Or so I would say. But I was with Draco. I would make my self-look pretty in the morning before I go to work. Ron would be going round getting him and sometimes the kids ready but I still saw him look at me. And it killed me to know where I was really going. He knew the truth. He knew I wasn't working late. Every day he asks the same thing.
"How long till you get back."
And each time I replied with the same lie, “I won't be long hunny; it's just with the new system I have to work overtime.” But no I was going over to the Malfoy manor while pansy was on a girls night out with some friends or to a hotel or sometimes even out of the country for a romantic dinner. I see the looks. I can feel his pain but I can't stop. Not now.
I knew what I was getting into when me and Draco first kissed. I don’t even know how it stated. I didn't realize how addictive Draco Malfoy could be. I realized that the old saying is true:We Always Want What We Can't Have. Yeah, that described Draco and me. It was…Forbidden Friendship. Forbidden Lust. Forbidden Love.
Sensing something wasn’t right, Ginny and Harry took Rose and Hugo on holiday with them. Then Ron was called away on business and I had the house to myself. Pansy was visiting her parent with her son. We had the whole week just the two of us. No sneaking around, no leaving in the middle of the night, no secrets. Even though Ron wasn’t around, he knew I who I was with. I was so over whelmed with guilt but it was soon gone. And I enjoyed not having to sneak around. I knew that this was the life I wanted. With Draco.
We made a pact, Draco and I, we would run away together. Leave out partners and start a new life together. I knew it wouldn’t be good for the Kids, but was this any better for them? A loveless family. I couldn't do this any longer. I wouldn't be fair. I had a right to be happy too.
Our Love. His trust.
I might as well take a gun andput it to his head.
Get it over with.
I don’t wanna do this.