On your behalf
The first day I saw
Hermione Granger, my life changed one hundred percent. You’d be probably
wondering why, and I’m sure you’ll expect a non complex answer. Well, that’s
not the case. At the very same moment that our ways crossed, something happened
within our minds. Something which cause is still unknown, and nobody but us
knows; I started to hear her thoughts.
And because of her face, I
realized she could also hear mine. I must admit, though, that what disturbed me
the most was not finding out that we were connected, but to find out that all
she could think about during the sorting ceremony was how handsome Draco Malfoy
looked in his school uniform. I mean, come on! She was eleven, she was new, and
she was nervous. But not the kind of nervousness you feel while being in an
unfamiliar place, but the one you feel when you’re falling deeply in love with
someone, without even realizing. When you know you are attracted to that
person, although it means trouble. Because let’s face it: when she felt that,
she kind of knew what she was getting into. To fall for your best friend’s
enemy is never good. She was oblivious to the fact that she was going to become
Harry Potter’s best friend back then, but Draco Malfoy was still a Slytherin.
And me feeling all of what she was feeling dizzied me to the point that I
started to feel really sick. And her thoughts… My Goodness, she thought in such
a fast way! She was also very confused, because she was feeling my confusion
too. I needed that to stop immediately.
- Focus on the hat! – I yelled mentally.
- You don’t get to tell me on what I should focus! – She told me.
- Come on, are we really having this conversation? – I asked.
- Apparently. You’re in my head, get out! Who are you? I can’t recognize you. This had never happened to me before. Is it some kind of magic? – She wondered.
- I don’t know. I’m also new at this. My name is Cedric Diggory, I’m in Hufflepuff. And don’t play naive, please; you’re also listening to my thoughts. If not, this wouldn’t be happening. – I answered.
- I’m Hermione Granger, nice to meet you. - She said sarcastically. - I don’t know how to get out of your head. - She admitted.
- Neither do I. –
- So what are we going to do? -
- Let’s just hope for it to go away. We can’t live with each other in our minds! – I told her in an obvious way.
But it didn’t go away. We shared thoughts during the whole ceremony, and the entire night. And we woke up, and we were still connected. We also found out that we had had the same dream. It was a mix between something that had happened to her, and a story my dad had told me when I was just a boy. But it was the same dream! I was stunned.
The following day we decided to get together and try to find a solution to all that mess. It was so difficult to live two lives! It was way too much for one single head. We first considered asking to our professors about what to do, but then we thought they might find us weird. According to Hermione, she had done some research in the library during that afternoon and that had never happened to anyone in the magic world before. It was not necessary for her to tell me that; I already knew it. But it was difficult for us to catch up on the way our minds worked.
But eventually, we figured out how to manage ourselves. We didn’t find a solution; as a matter of fact, we started to consider living under that condition, and we got used to it. I still don’t know how, but time started to pass, and we became very good friends, because of course, we knew everything about each other. Not only thoughts, but also feelings, memories, needs. We had no privacy, and that really sucked, but there was nothing we could do about it.
Years went by, and I knew she saw me as her best friend. But my feelings for her changed one day, when I noticed the jealousy I felt every single time she looked at the wealthy blond Slytherin boy, or the pain that ran through my veins when I watched her cry herself to sleep at nights, because of a non corresponded love. She was my world, and I was sure she knew that, the same way I knew her feelings for Draco Malfoy. But what could she do? She was already giving me everything she was capable of. And I knew I was the person she loved the most, because friendship was what kept her life going. Or at least that’s what she was always telling herself. And that’s the reason I wanted to killed Harry and Ron every time they made her cry over stupid things. Also when she was sad about important issues, that time Draco Malfoy called her mud blood, for instance! Lord knows she had to tie me so I couldn’t kick his ass. Now I laugh about it, but I swear to Merlin I would have killed him.
So here I am. This is my last year at Hogwarts, and my name had just gotten out of the goblet of fire. I know Hermione is feeling the same way I’m feeling. But I can also feel her concern. I’m a little bit worried too. I know this isn’t going to be easy.
My greatest memories with her come to my mind, and she notices. I watch her smile from where I’m standing, and I watch myself from inside her eyes, walking through the aisle, making for the place where our headmaster is. Everyone is clapping, and I wish they would stop. They send me to a separate room, and after a while, Viktor Krum and Fleur Delacour join me. But then something happens, because Hermione starts to feel anxious. And from her eyes I stare at the paper which is in Dumbledore’s hands, with Harry Potter’s name on it. The Goblet has chosen another competitor. This is unbelievable.
Dumbledore enters the room a while after, following Harry. Everyone starts shouting at each other, wondering how on earth that happened. As for me, I’m still shocked by Hermione’s emotions. Two of her best friends are now in the competition, and tears are running down her cheeks. I wish I could hug her, but this argument that’s taking place requires my complete attention. I know she’d like to know what’s happening inside this room, and the best thing I can offer her is a detailed conversation. When everything’s finally over, no explanation found for the inexplicable situation that has just taken place, I leave the room and I look for her, and when she sees me, she comes running towards me and holds me so tightly that I can hardly breathe. In that moment I realize I will love her forever. And she knows that.
- Ced… - She tells me.
- I know. – I simply say. She’s always hoping for my irrational love to disappear. – There’s no need for you to worry. It will go away, some day. I’m not asking you for anything. – I tell her, as I’m always doing. And it’s true, I really mean my words.
Talking out loud is unnecessary for us, but listening to our voices is something we just can’t give up on. The sound of hers is melodious.
- Something happened today, right after you were selected by the goblet, and before Harry’s strange selection. - She told me. – I’ve been trying not to think about it, but you need to know that…- But it isn’t necessary for her to continue speaking, because the memory comes to my mind as fresh as it if has just happened.
I see how Draco Malfoy came quietly to where I was standing, I mean, to where Hermione was standing, and asked her to go to his room with him, right after the ceremony was over. There was fire in his icy eyes, I could tell. At first sight she was stunned, but then she nodded slowly, as I supposed she was going to do. He then moved his right hand a little, and reached for one of her legs. He touched it softly, while looking at her into her eyes. I repel the feeling, being in Hermione’s body, but I know she really liked it, not only because it’s Draco Malfoy, the love of her life, but because he was extremely gentle. Though that was not the properly place to be doing that. They stayed like that for a while, and then he left, silently.
I was so into what was about to happen that I didn’t pay attention to Hermione’s thoughts when that took place. I’m thankful for that, because if not I don’t know how I’d had reacted. I come back to reality, and I can’t let her go with him.
- You’re not going to his room. - I tell her. – Not tonight, not without knowing his intentions. -
- Yes I am going. – She contradicted me. – Cedric, you know how I feel about him; you can’t forbid me to go there out of jealousy! – She says nervously.
- I’m not jealous! – I tell her. – Since when is he so interested in you? And why? It’s like the first time you two ever talk, without cursing yourselves, you know, and you’ll just hand yourself to him? Are you crazy? – I ask her. – I can’t let you go. He’s no good. -
- I don’t need for your permission. -
- Ok. Then I’m begging you please, don’t go. Please, stay here with me. I don’t trust him. –
- Ced… -
- Please. – I repeat.
For a few seconds I think she’s going to go anyways, but then she smiles, sadly. And I am able to breathe, finally.
- But Ced… - she starts saying.
- Yes? –
- It’s not the first time we talk. In fact, we’ve been talking for a while now; it’s just that I’ve been trying not to think about it. I don’t want to make you sad, Ced, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. – She says.
- I can’t believe you’ve been hiding this from me. – I tell her in response, with a neutral voice. – Come on, Hermione. I’m a grown up. I can take care of myself; I don’t need you to spare my feelings! – She stares at me, trying to read the truth in my eyes. But it isn’t working, because she can feel my disappointment.
- I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I swear. – She promised.
- I don’t know how you could do it. I mean, such a strong emotion… those are the ones which I usually feel the most intense. – I admit.
- Yeah, me too. I’m also surprised. – She agrees. – Do you think that if I leave the room with you he’ll understand the message? – She asks me.
- I’m pretty sure he will. – I tell her. And then, Hermione and I leave the Great Hall together, and we go to the Astronomy’s tower. That place is ours. It’s usually deserted, and there we can talk, and laugh, and share some time. Sadly, tonight is different. As soon as we sit in the freezing floor, she crumbles and starts crying in a desperate way. I hug her so I can comfort her, but it seems useless. We spend the rest of the evening in that way, and the crying doesn’t seem to be stopping any time soon. And I suffer; I just can’t watch her in such a misery.
- You’ll have another shot with Draco, you’ll see. I’m sorry I ruined this one. – I apologize. – I didn’t know you’ll care this much. –
- You know it’s not just that, Ced. It’s also you, and Harry, and everything. It’s too much to handle, I don’t know if I’m that strong. Do you know how many students entered this competition in the past and died there? – She questions me.
- I’m sure we’ll be just fine. – I assure her.
- Promise me. – She demands.
- I’m promise we’ll all get through this alive. – I say.
- Thanks. – She smiles to me. – I don’t know in what I was thinking when I agreed to go with Malfoy. – She confesses. – You’re right, he’ll never love me. He’s probably fooling with me. – She gives a loud laugh. – Can you imagine? The prince of the snakes, and a mud blood? How pitiful that sounds? – She says.
- Don’t call yourself like that. –
- It’s what I am. –
- Hermione, please, don’t start with all these crap. It’s only a stupid term that stupid people use to make themselves feel superior, because the truth is they’re no more than poor souls with pumpkins instead of heads. - I tell her. – You’re great, brilliant and beautiful. And I’m putting my foot down. – I end the discussion by kissing her forehead. And she laughs.
- I can’t believe how lucky I am. –
- Why? Because you’re great, brilliant and beautiful? Come on, I’m those things too, it’s no big deal. – I tell her. I hear her laughter again, and I just know I could listen to it forever. Of course, she knows that too.
- No, silly. Because I have such a great friend as you are. – I smile and kiss her hair. – I can’t believe you’re really doing this. –
- Me neither. – I tell her. – But don’t be sad, I want this. I want to be proud of myself; I want my father to be proud of me. – I think that I’d like her to be proud of me also, and then I regret thinking that. Because, of course, she knows everything that’s in my head.
- I’m already proud of you. – She tells me. Even though I don’t want to ask her what I’m about to, the question appears in my head. And she reads it.
- I don’t know why I love him either. – She answers me. – But you know, hardly ever do people know the answer to those things. – She thinks. – I hope I could stop loving him. -
We decide to spend the entire night in that place. It’s got a bitter taste, but it is also kind of magical. We enjoy each other company until the following morning arrives. Then, we come back to our normal lives, and routine establishes again.
Days start to go by, and the first challenge we’ll have to face is getting closer. I am with my classmates during break time, chatting and catching up with the latest gossips – apparently, a girl called Cho Chang’s got a big crash on me – when Harry approaches me and asks if he can have a word with me.
- Of course. – I tell him while we leave the others behind. – What’s up? Is Hermione alright? – I ask him, suddenly feeling really nervous. Of course, he doesn’t know that I’m always in contact with her, but when he came a few seconds ago, I realized that I didn’t know what she has been up to during the last couple of hours. I must admit that when I’m really interested in something, I lose Hermione’s thoughts for a while. As it just happened. I try to listen to what she’s thinking, but her mind’s empty. That’s strange.
- No, not at all. – He says quickly. – I came here to talk to you about the tri-wizard tournament. – He makes silence for a while. – During the first challenge we’ll have to face dragons. – He informs me.
- Oh my God! Dragons! – The news leaves me breathless. -Harry, I’m really grateful you told me. It’d be of great use, I had no idea! –
- I know. That’s why I told you. Everybody else knows.-
- Thanks again. –
- It’s ok. - He leaves, and I just stay there. I must figure out a way of defeating a dragon, and it doesn’t seem such an easy thing to do.
From that moment on, I spend every afternoon after my classes are over to look for different alternatives, spells, everything that could help me with the creature. I find some ideas I like, and I show them to Hermione (she has already heard them, though), and she agrees with my choices. She’s still worried cause Harry doesn’t know what to do yet, but I tell her he’ll find a solution soon enough.
Who could have imagined that my best friend would sleep with the love of her life the night before the first challenge takes place? Not me. But I can’t do anything. I’m in my bedroom, lying awake in my bed, and my head is full of her thoughts and feelings, the pleasure of Draco’s lips all over her body, but at some level is my body too, and everything’s so twisted and gross that I wish I could fall asleep. Besides, I love her, and she’s in another man’s arms. And they are making love. I feel so sick… she’s so into what she’s doing that she can’t even stop to consider blocking her thoughts from me.
At six am, I wake up and take a shower. It has been the worst night ever. I didn’t sleep, not even one minute. What happened between Hermione and the Slytherin kept torturing me once and again, and I felt more miserable than in my entire life. I literally wanted to die when those memories took over my thoughts. Fortunately, I stopped listening to her right after what she did with Malfoy. It was unusual, but it gave my head a break.
I go to the Great Hall to have breakfast, and sit in the Hufflepuff’s table. After what happened, I’m not on the mood to say hello to anybody unless is extremely necessary, but apparently, my wishes are not taken into account that day. A girl is standing right in front of me, waiting for me to look at her. When I finally do, she talks:
- Good morning. – She says with a smile on her face. – My name is Cho, how are you? – She asks me.
- Good. And you? – I say politely, remembering what my friends told me about her.
- I’m fine. – She seems nervous. - I came here to wish you good luck. – She says, finally.
- Oh, how nice of you. Thanks. –
- Hey, Cedric… would you like to go to Christmas’s ball with me? – She asks. That certainly takes me by surprise, mostly because I don’t know there’s going to be a ball, and for a moment I think I’ll say no, but then, Hermione come to my mind, and anger takes hold of me.
- Sure. I’d be pleased. – I say. She smiles again, and then she leaves. I serve myself some cereal, and start to eat it calmly. I know that from the other table, Hermione’s staring at me; I’ve just seen her looking. I mentally tell her to stay the hell out of my head, although I know she can’t. I still can’t hear her thoughts, but I’m pretty sure she can hear mine. I take a glimpse at her table, and I notice she’s gone back to her breakfast. I do the same thing.
The afternoon comes, and I’m all dressed up for the challenge. We’re in a tent, the four of us with the headmaster and the minister of magic. They give us instructions, and we are each assigned a dragon to defeat. I’m really tense; I just want that to end. Before everything starts, Hermione comes to visit Harry. They hug for a few seconds, and I know she just wants to get out. She can’t even look at me. Dumbledore invites her to leave the tent, but I grab her arm before she can do as she has been told, and I make her look at me in the eyes. I can see little tears in hers.
- I’m sorry, Ced. - She just tells me, and then she gets rid of me and leave.
Fortunately, my dragon wasn’t that bad. He was an easy creature to deal with, and I got the golden egg I was supposed to get sooner than I thought I would. Everyone celebrated my success, as they did later with Krum, Delacour and Potter. They threw a party in my common room, but I just wanted to get some peace, so I left.
I’m sitting in the astronomy’s tower looking through the window when she comes. I didn’t think she was going show up, but she is here. And that’s what matters.
- I can’t hear your thoughts. – That’s the first thing she says when she sits next to me.
- I can’t hear yours either. – We look at each other feeling really lost.
- I don’t know what happened, but Cedric, I need you. The last thing I heard was… well, some of your thoughts last night. – She says tensely. - And now I feel empty, and I want you back in my head. I miss you. – I stay in silence. I have nothing to say, I’m hurt. Minutes go by, and I still don’t talk. And she starts crying, and I want to comfort her, but I can’t. – I need my friend. I want to tell him about the best night in my whole life, and I want him to listen and be happy for me. I know that’s what I want, but even though I want it, I’m not asking for it. Because I know how much it hurts you. But please, don’t punish me for something I couldn’t keep you from… being part of. You know I’d have done that if I’d known how. Please, Cedric… look at me! – She demands. I do as I’m told, and I know I’m about to cry. She hugs me, and I let her.
- I miss you too. – I finally manage to answer. –
Time passes, and I know we’re getting back to our old friendship, but differently. We just can’t hear each other’s thoughts anymore, and even though I should be happy, it’s horrible. It feels like I’ve lost part of myself. I miss her every single second of the day, and being around her only a few hours a day is not enough. I miss her way of thinking, I miss her ideas, and I miss her life.
The ball was amazing. We had a great time, Cho and me. She’s a nice girl; the only problem was that she’s not Hermione. Nevertheless, we danced all night long, and we laughed a lot. I was surprised because I thought that Hermione and Draco Malfoy were going together, but that didn’t happen. That tore her heart into pieces, as she told me later, but I must admit his arguments were true: they couldn’t be seen in public. It’d make no sense, and it’d embarrass them both. A pure blood with a mud blood? A Gryffindor with such a snake? That’s why Hermione ended up going with Krum, and when I heard that I really regretted accepting Cho’s offer.
I’m in my room, trying to get some sleep, when she enters. I can tell she’s been crying because her eyes are really swollen. I jump out of bed as soon as I see her, and my very first instinct is to hug her, but she stops me placing softly one of her hands on my chest.
- Cedric, I’m pregnant. – She tells me.
I’m shocked, as shocked as a person can be. But now everything makes perfect sense. I have the certainty that the reason we can’t hear to our thoughts anymore is because she’s pregnant. Now there are two brains in the same body, two different electric waves working, and two different frequencies.
- And I’m having this baby, in case you’re wondering that. – She adds.
- No, I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking that this baby is the reason we don’t live in each other’s head anymore. – I explain. She smiles, sadly.
- Of course it is. I don’t know how I didn’t think about it before. –
- You’ve got more important things to think about now. – I say. – We’ve got a lot of talking to do, come here. - I add, and she sits with me in the bed.
During the following month, I had to face the second challenge. I almost died when I saw Hermione under the lake, with Cho, Ron and Fleur’s little sister. I thought about everything I was going to tell the authorities once I was out, but then I told myself that she’d probably already done that. And this wouldn’t affect the baby, I assumed. And I was right, after we were both outside she gave me a significant look, meaning she was alright. And so was the baby. Only then I could breathe properly.
I promised Hermione I’d help her always, and take care of her and I certainly will. She decided to break up with Draco, and to tell him nothing about the baby. She would hide it until school is over, and then she’d figure out what to do. I don’t agree with that, but it is her decision, there is nothing I can do. I know they both love each other, and splitting over this pregnancy is really silly, but I can understand her. It is too much for him to take. They are young, and it’d be too risky considering Draco’s parents.
I wish Hermione’s got more support. I’ve been having this strange feeling lately, as if something bad is about to happen to me. The third and last challenge is almost here, and that’s what worries me the most. What if I die there? Who’s going to be by Hermione’s side? Who’s going to help her?
Two days before the ending of the tournament, I went to see Draco Malfoy. At first he was really doubtful, but then he ended up listening to me. I asked him – in fact, I begged him – to look after Hermione if something bad happened to me. I asked him to swallow his pride, and take care of her. I asked him to be a man. I think he knew something else was happening, but he had the decency not to ask. He just nodded. I also asked him to love her, even if she kept pushing him away. And I simply knew he would keep his word.
Right now, while I’m in this graveyard standing in front of Lord Voldemort, his wand pointing at me, I know I did the right thing. I know Draco saved Hermione. If it wasn’t for him, she wouldn’t be pregnant. And if she wasn’t pregnant, she’d be listening to my thoughts right now, and she’d presence my death. And I don’t want that, I don’t want her to suffer more. I’m sure Draco understood I wasn’t going to get out alive, and that’s the reason he promised me what I asked him to promise.
Now I know things happen for a reason.
While I’m watching a green light approaching me, out of nowhere I see what’s going to happen some time after; Harry is going to return my dead body to Hogwarts, and Hermione, from where she’s standing, is going to give the most piercing yell ever. She’s going to come running to me as fast as her legs allow her, and she’s going to fall down the stairs during that. She’s going to lose her baby, and there’ll be nothing I could do, because I’ll be dead. And I’ll always hate myself for that. Then Draco is going to arrive, and he’ll take her to the nursery. But she won’t wake up. He’ll hug her for the first time in front of everybody, and mumble softly in her ear: “Hermione, please, fight. Fight for your life, for us. Don’t die.” And she will stay alive, for both of us: for Draco, and for me. She’ll leave the nursery some weeks after that, feeling healthy, but terribly sad. She’ll be depressed for a long time, but sooner than later, she’ll find happiness.
They say that when you’re about to die, those few seconds before the end comes, you see your whole life as if it was a movie. Fortunately, that was not my case: instead, I saw hers. And I left peacefully, knowing that every little thing I’ve done during my life has been on her behalf.
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