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Whose Line?

By thequietwriter

Other / Humor

Two Lines

Shawn and Gus are on a stakeout with Lassiter. Too bad the detective doesn't know those pair only have two lines each. Oh, let the fun begin!


Their suspect had taken cover in a seedy hotel. Detective Carlton Lassiter lowered his binoculars after taking another quick look. He hit the steering wheel with his fist. "We better find proof soon, otherwise we'll lose him," he complained. "I hate to ask this, but do you have anything?"

He got no response from behind. "I knew it was a waste of time bringing you two along," he said, lifting the binoculars.

"Are you mad?"

At the question, the detective turned and glanced in the back seat. Shawn Spencer was looking at him innocently. "No," Lassiter answered, frowning at the 'psychic detective'. "Why would you think I'm mad? I just want to catch this guy."

"What was that?" Burton Guster asked, his tone puzzled.

Startled, Lassiter looked around quickly, but couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. "What is what?" he demanded. "You better not be messing with me."

"I resent that!" Shawn exclaimed.

"What?" Lassiter asked in exasperation. "What are you talking about? Tell me right now!"

Gus shook his head and crossed his arms. "That's not my thing."

Blankly, Lassiter stared at him. "I resent that!" Shawn declared, giving his partner and best friend a shove. "Are you mad?"

"What was that?" Gus demanded, shoving back.

"What is wrong with you two? "Lassiter demanded.

"What was that?" Gus asked, looking at him.

Shawn shook his head. "Are you mad?" he asked, putting his hand on Lassiter's shoulder. His tone was concerned. He frowned as Lassiter slapped his hand away. "I resent that!"

"I'm getting mad, yeah, and I don't know what you're resenting," Lassiter said, jerking away from the man. He glared at the two in his back seat. "I hope O'Hara gets back soon."

Gus tapped the detective's shoulder. "What was that?"

"All right, I'm only going to say this once, so listen up," Lassiter declared, glaring at them. "Whatever you're up to, stop it. Either you have something of importance to say or you stay quiet, got it?"

Gus frowned. "What was that?" he asked.

"I resent that," Shawn informed Lassiter. "Are you mad?"

"Shut up!" Lassiter shouted.

There was silence for exactly one minute. "Are you mad?" Shawn asked, his voice a whisper.

"All right, that's it!" Lassiter said, opening his door. Scrambling out, he grabbed his gun. "I've had enough."


Grasping the handle, Detective O'Hara opened the passenger door and slid into the seat. She handed a cup of coffee over to her partner. She glanced at the back. "Where are Shawn and Gus?" she asked with a frown. Her partner just sipped his coffee. "Carlton? What did you do?"

Lassiter jerked a thumb at the back. O'Hara heard a dull thump and quickly got out of the car. She walked around and opened the trunk. She stared at the tied and gagged pair that looked up at her. "What happened this time?" she demanded, ripping the duck-tape off Shawn's mouth. "Don't you know by now not to mess with Lassiter?"

The 'psychic' yelped in pain. "Are you mad?" Shawn demanded. "I resent that!"

"No, I'm not mad," O'Hara said patiently as she ripped the tape from Gus' mouth. "Tell me what you did to Carlton this time."

"That's not my thing," Gus answered.

"What?" O'Hara asked. "What's not your thing? I just want to know what you two have done so I can try and fix it."

"I resent that," Shawn informed her.

For half a second, O'Hara stared at them. "You've been watching Whose Line Is It Anyway reruns, haven't you?" she asked.

"What was that?" Gus asked.

Rolling her eyes, the woman slammed the trunk shut. "I resent that," Shawn said in the dark.

"I told you Lassiter doesn't have a sense of humor, and Juliet wouldn't appreciate it," Gus told him. "You owe me twenty bucks. We're lucky Lassiter didn't shoot us. And now we're stuck back here for the rest of the stake out."

"Are you mad?" Shawn asked innocently.

"Shawn, don't you even-!"

"Are you mad?"

Gus kicked the trunk. "Let me out!" he shouted in desperation. "Lassiter! Juliet! Don't leave me in here with him!"

"I resent that!"

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