I don't know how long I lay there for. My only source of time was from the quiet, shallow breathing of my companion lying by my side. I felt incredibly guilty for making the family worry like this. But no matter how much I tried, I just couldn't bare to face my past. I was pathetic. I was weak.
This was wrong. I shouldn't have to drag people into my troubles. What happened to me wasn't their fault; they didn't deserve to be stuck with such a low creature as me. I had counted five thousand breaths from the person beside me. I stirred a little and my eyelids fluttered slightly. I took in a deep breath through my nose and welcomed the clean air as it breezed through my body. The breathing beside me cut off. I exhaled slowly, trying to pry my body into moving some more.
"Bella?" I heard an angel whisper. I would recognise that voice anywhere, for that was the voice of Edward. My Edward. I could feel a small smile playing on my lips.
"Bella?" he breathed again, much closer this time. A hand brushed against my arm, sending the pleasurable electric shocks through my skin and into my bones. The bed dipped to the left of me, indicating that Edward had come closer, his scent wafted into my nose; it felt so much better than the air.
"Bella, love? Can you hear me?" Edward asked. I couldn't speak properly yet so I just shuffled a little on the bed, telling him that I could hear him. I heard him sigh from relief and I was glad that he was ok.
"Can you open your eyes?" I wanted to show him that I could, but my lids felt heavy. I tried to lift my lids, but they wouldn't budge. I whimpered as all I could see was black and it made me feel uncomfortable. I had been in darkness for too long and I wanted to gaze at my love. I started sobbing slightly, missing his glorious face already.
"Shh." He cooed me softly, stroking my hair, "It's alright. You might be able to do it in a minute. Please, love, don't strain yourself." I took in a deep breath and stayed still for a couple of minutes, gaining my energy. I counted down from five and n one, I pushed open my eyelids with as much force as possible. To my great delight, I succeeded, but my sight was still a bit blurry.
"Ed-ward." I whispered, my voice hoarse. I tried to search for him but my vision still hadn't improved.
"I'm right here, love." He told me. I felt slight pressure on my hand and realised that Edward was holding it. I looked in the direction of the pressure and saw an outline of a body. I glanced up and saw an unusual bronze colour that only belonged to my Edward. I started rejoicing as I realised that Edward had stayed by my side the whole time that I had had my breakdown. My vision started to clear and I could see a pair of topaz eyes, filled with worry, love and a hint of hope. My eyes widened at what I must have put him through.
"Oh Edward!" I cried and flung myself at him. I landed on top of him on the bed and he caught me easily and held me close. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly to me. His arms constricted around my frame and pulled me up so he could place a gentle kiss on my lips. I responded to the kiss, but he ended it much too early for my liking. He noticed my annoyance, so started pecking every part of my face. I giggled slightly.
"Oh God, Bella! I'm so glad you're alright! You had me worried sick!" he cried. He didn't give me time to respond as he pressed his lips to mine in a passion filled kiss. I poured all of my love in to this kiss, almost as if we had been reunited. I pulled away to start my apology.
"I'm so sorry Edward!" I sobbed, "I-It's just that, e-every time I think of…that, I just b-break down and…and…" Edward silenced my lips with his and kissed me for longer this time.
"Don't apologise Bella. We didn't know it was a subject which you were sensitive to. I'll be sure to have a few words with Rosalie." His voice grew darker by the end of his sentence and his eyes darkened slightly with hatred. I shook my head and looked into his eyes.
"Please don't take it out on Rosalie." I pleaded, "It wasn't her fault. I didn't tell any of you. It could have been anyone that brought it up. I just thought that I could handle it but obviously I can't. I'm so pathetic!" I buried my face in Edward's chest and started dry sobbing.
"Look at me." Edward growled. I timidly lifted my lashes and peeked at Edward; he looked mad. "Listen to me Isabella Swan. You are not pathetic. You are the most amazing creature I have ever met and I love you." He said, stroking my cheek. I froze at the words he had just said. He loves me? I repeated this phrase in my head and a wide smile spread across my face. That was the first time he said that he loved me and it sent warm shots through my body.
"I love you too." I whispered to him. His answering smile was brilliant as it showed off all of his perfect teeth. I saw so much happiness and love in his eyes that I couldn't help but stretch the smile across my face further. Edward pulled my face to his and gave me a breath taking kiss. When the kiss finished, I lay on his chest for a while, letting reality come back to me.
"Hey, where's the rest of your family? I think I need to apologise." I noticed that it was very quiet in the house.
"Firstly, you don't have to apologise. Secondly, they're our family. And finally, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie have gone to school, Carlisle has gone to the hospital and Esme has gone with him to visit the children's ward. She likes to cook for them and look after them."
"That's extremely nice." I choked out. Suddenly, I had a flashback from my human life.
I held her hand as the heart monitor kept beeping, telling me that she was still alive. My head rested on her bed, eyes closed. I hadn't left her side since she had come here. My eyes were sore from all the crying that I had been doing. I squeezed my eyes tighter and prayed that she would be ok.
Someone must have heard my prayer for her little body stirred. My head snapped up as I stared at her. Her head was lolling slightly and she took in steady breaths. I saw her little eyes peek open and she winced at the light. Tears started to fill my eyes once again; this was all my fault.
"Izzy?" she coughed. Hearing her innocent sweet voice made the tears start to trickle down my cheeks Her ocean blue eyes were red and swollen. Her once rosy cheeks and creamy skin were now marred with scars, burns and bruises. Tiny cuts sprayed across the left side of her face and her beautiful soft blonde hair was now matted with sweat and scraped back onto the pillow .I could only just see her tiny chest moving up and down as she struggled to breathe. I stayed where I was, not blinking, not moving. Soon she would remember what happened and then she would hate me forever. Being with me almost cost her her life.
"Oh God!" I choked. I buried my face in my hands; too ashamed to look at what I had done. "I'm so sorry."
"S'not your fault." She whispered. I heard her start panting heavily and coughing horribly. The doctors ran in, shooing me from the room. I started to cry harder as I was placed in the waiting room. A nurse tried to comfort me but I forcefully shrugged her off. This was all my fault. She could die because of me.
She was only four…
"Bella? Bella?" Edward called. I shook my head and looked back at him. His face was filled with confusion and worry.
"Sorry." I mumbled, looking down.
"What happened? One minute you were fine, and the next you were staring off into space?"
"It doesn't matter." I whispered. I could see he was about to ask me about it again so I changed the subject, "Can I have a bath?" Edward looked surprised at first but nodded his head.
"Sure. It's through there." He pointed to a door that was in his room. Strange, I never noticed it before.
"Thank you." I told him sincerely and pecked his lips. I slowly walked into the bathroom, still recovering from my flashback. I could feel Edward's eyes boring into the back of my skull so I quickened my pace and entered the bathroom. I didn't care to notice anything in there other than the bath tub with shampoo, conditioner and soap neatly laid out on the side.
Alice. I thought. As I closed the door, I suddenly got the cold feeling that I was alone. My body started to tremble and venom pooled my eyes. Just thinking about being alone brought back so many memories from my human life. I quickly whirled around and opened the door again. Edward hadn't moved from his spot. But as soon as he saw my face, he was in front of me in the blink of an eye.
"Bella!" he asked alarmed. His fingers traced my face and his eyes roamed down my body. "What is it? Are you hurt?" he was starting to panic. I shook my head and simply hugged him. I needed to be comforted right now. He gently wrapped his arms around me, unsure of what I wanted from him.
"Can you bathe with me?" I asked. Normally, I would have been too embarrassed to ask, but now I needed him more than ever.
"Sure love. Whatever you want." He replied and kissed my hair. He picked me up gently and carried me into the middle of the bathroom, gently kicking the door shut with his foot. He carefully placed me down on the floor and started running the bath. He returned to me and I lifted my arms in the air, allowing him to pull off my hoodie and shirt in one go. He undid my jeans and slid them off my legs. I should have enjoyed this sensation, but I was too numb to think of anything but her; I winced as her face came flooding back into my mind. Edward noticed this and froze, thinking it was him.
"No, keep going." I told him. He nodded and carried on removing my jeans. Once they were off, he unclasped my bra and threw it by my clothes and did the same with my underwear. I was now completely naked and didn't miss how Edward's eyes raked down my body. I chuckled lifelessly.
"See something you like?" I asked emotionlessly. He smiled sadly and nodded. He proceeded to take off his own clothes so that we were both naked. He shut off the water so the tub was almost full. He turned to me and picked me up bridal style and gently lowered me into the bath. Once the hot water made contact with my skin, I sighed in content. When I was fully in, Edward climbed in behind me, making the water rise even further. I was in between his legs which were at my sides. I felt his arms wrap around my deadened form and pull me up onto his chest, cradling me like a small child. He occasionally kissed my hair and whispered words of comfort in my ear. I closed my eyes and let Edward and the water soothe me.
"Wash me?" I whispered. Edward nodded and grabbed the soap and a sponge. He applied the two together and gently washed me, rubbing soapy sponge down my back in small circles. He lifted each of my arms up and washed them, kissing parts of my skin as he did so. He carefully turned me around so that I was facing him and bathed the front of me too. Once I was all clean, I timidly washed my hair with the shampoo and conditioner whilst Edward washed himself. Once my hair was done I just sat in the warm water and watched as Edward washed his hair. I wish I could have washed him too.
As soon as he was done, he carried me out of the bath and grabbed two fluffy towels. He wrapped one around his waist and placed me down so that he could pat me dry. When I was fully dry, he handed me a white bath robe and I put it on, not feeling the texture, staring at the tiled wall. I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw that Edward was wearing a bath robe too. He picked me up bridal style and I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face into the crook of his neck. I started sobbing slightly as he sat on the bed, refusing to let go of me. He started rocking me back and forth gently when I uttered the name I hadn't spoken in five years.