Sterling knocked on Blair's door. While her phone conversation with April had ended abruptly, it had taken her the rest of the ten minutes she'd ask of Blair to calm down - amidst about a dozen f-words and her beating a pillow.
"Come in," Blair said and Sterling opened the door carefully. She pushed her head in first and promptly got hit with a pillow.
"I come in peace," Sterling said.
"You come in at your own risk," Blair answered.
Sterling sighed but stayed safely behind the door. "Come on, Blair, I didn't mean to yell at you. I was just..."
"You were just talking to April. Dammit, from your reaction it felt like you two were having phone sex. Wait, were you having phone sex?"
"No, we..." Sterling was tired of talking through the door so she pushed it open and came in.
Blair was sitting on her bed, her laptop open on a pillow in front of her. She was looking up at Sterling, however.
Sterling came over and sat down at the foot of the bed. "I was maybe just telling her that I still liked her."
"You were professing your undying love to April? Well, I guess my timing could've been better. Sorry."
"I miss her. I miss... kissing her." Sterling drew patterns on Blair's bedspread with her finger, not looking up.
"I feel you. I miss kissing too. Not even anyone in particular, just kissing. Urgh, with tongue and everything. Scratch that, I miss sex with Miles."
Sterling didn't have anything to say to that. She'd never gone that far with April, though she couldn't bring herself to regret that. Because she wouldn't have wanted with April what she'd had with Luke, sex in his car, sex in the janitor's closet. She wanted something... better with April, something ridiculously romantic, or at least comfortable. And intimate. And... something that lasted longer.
"Are you fantasizing about having sex with her right now, 'cause I'd rather you did that on your own bed," Blair said into her thoughts.
"No, I was not... I just, dammit, Blair! I..."
"You wants her back, I get that."
"Yeah," Sterling said. "We were talking about the debutante ball."
"Are you honestly thinking of going?"
"Not sure. I mean, do you know if... mom and dad are planning to stay as members?"
"No, they haven't said anything," Blair answered. She closed her laptop and pushed it to the foot of the bed. Then she scooted down so she lay on her side. "Come up here," she told Sterling.
Sterling lay down beside Blair, facing her.
Blair took her hand, looked into her eyes.
Sterling knew what she was doing, or trying to do. She concentrated on Blair, gave it her best shot but she still couldn't hear what Blair was thinking. "It's not working," she said.
"I know. Why though?"
"You don't seem overly concerned about it. What's up with that?"
Sterling rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. "It's all too much at the moment. With everything that happened with Dana and... that night. April, Luke. I don't have the energy to deal with it all, Blair. And I'm sorry. I know this worries you, it worries me too but I have to push it all away for now. Just to be able to breathe." She rolled her head to the side and looked at Blair. She felt heartbroken by the look from dark eyes.
Blair scooted closer and put her arm around her. "It's okay," she said. "I got you."
"I know." They lay like that for a while. "Tell me about Miles, that night?"
"Hm? Oh, it was all a mess. I was such an idiot, Sterl. He didn't even tell his parents about me."
"Excuse me?" Sterl instantly felt outraged about that.
"You know what he said? He said he couldn't tell them because our parents are republicans. How's that for irony? I thought democrats were so open-minded."
"You're a democrat," Sterling said, teasingly.
"Not yet. I can still change my mind until my first election."
"But you're not gonna. Not over some stupid boy who hasn't got the guts to stand with you. Not for someone who doesn't appreciate how awesome you are."
Blair tightened her grip. "That's basically what I told him. But it still hurts, Sterl."
"I know it does."
"We're both such messes, Sterl. I mean, my man rejects me 'cause our parents are sticking to their hateful roots. And your woman rejects you 'cause her parents are even more backward than ours. We really need to emancipate ourselves. Not like completely, 'cause I have no idea how to pay for an apartment or anything but in our way of thinking and acting. Our generation should do better."
"Yeah, we should. And we probably will. But it will take a while."
"Meanwhile, Miles will date a beautiful black girl whose parents are like-minded democrats. And April will... conserve herself in a virgin-white dress at a ball she doesn't want to go to with a guy she doesn't want to even kiss. And the two of us will have to wait for either them to defy their parents or us to get sick of waiting. Urgh!"
Sterling pulled Blair tighter to her. "I know, it sucks."
"Sucks ass, is what it does. And not in a good way. Did you know people do that, like during sex? I'm kinda grossed out by it but I guess people have to make their own choices."
"I could have done without the visual, thank you."
"You're so delicate. Maybe that therapist of yours will help you with that. When is your first appointment?"
"Are you excited?"
"Expectant, more like."
"Will you tell her or him about our... broken twin-communication?" Blair lifted herself up on one arm, looking down at Sterling.
"I'm not sure what I'll tell."
"Knowing you, you will tell them everything. Don't tell them I threw a pillow at you because you yelled at me."
"Good," Blair said, lying back down.
There was a knock at the door to Sterling's room, they could hear it.
"We're in here," Sterling called out.
Blair's door opened and Debbie stood in the frame. She smiled when she saw them hugging each other. "Aw, this is just how you would always lie in bed when you were little. Is everything all right?" she then asked, concerned.
"Boy trouble," Blair said.
"Still Miles or..." She waved her hands around.
Sterling was aware that Debbie didn't want to pry into her affairs and possibly be rejected. It had happened before over the last few weeks. It was hard for her to trust again which wasn't exactly surprising. "I don't have boy trouble," she said, wondering if she should just blurt out that she had girl trouble. It would probably be a shock to Debbie for two seconds and then she would want to know who the girl was. No way!
"I should probably get back out there," Blair mused. "Find a rebound and just..." She left the sentence hanging for interpretation. She had her own way of telling Debbie off these days.
"Just make sure it's someone nice and... responsible. From school. A good Christian young man," Debbie rambled.
"Was there something you wanted, mom?" It had come out without the usual hick-up and Sterling was just as surprised as Debbie.
"I... I just wanted to see if you girls would like to watch some 'Dancing With the Stars' with us?"
Blair looked at Sterling who almost imperceptibly nodded. No telepathic conversation needed.
"Cool, we'll be right down."
"All right, that's great. Daddy's making popcorn." Debbie smiled at them and then just nodded and closed the door again.
"I hope she stops trying so hard soon."
"Maybe she does if you tell her to," Blair said with a weak smile.
They pulled themselves off the bed and were about to go downstairs when Blair said: "Btw, I told Bowser to look into Stevens, his finances and work."
"Yeah. If he tries anything, I want to be ready."
"You're not mad?"
"Only that it wasn't my idea," Sterling said.
"Will April be okay?"
"John Stevens is her dad, so probably not. But that's not on us, I'm sure she knows that too."
"I don't wanna make it harder for you guys but we need to be prepared. He's up to something."
"I know that, April knows that too or she wouldn't have warned us. It's okay, Blair."
"Okay." They started down the stairs.
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