And Her Life Spun Out Of Wack
Beloved readers. I'm so sorry it has been over a year since I last published. And I am aware that this is short. However A-Levels and my boyfriend came first. He's coming to Germany in autumn so maybe then I'll have more time to publish. For now he is in America.
Time was frozen, I blinked, slowly, letting the feeling rush over me. Looking up at the dotted cardboard square ceiling so typical for a building this old. I took in the dots one by one.
Black dot, black dot, back dot, black dot...
"Sam?" I was being shaken gently by Tom who looked...confused. I raised my gaze to his eyes, in a daze. He smiled mildly.
"Baby, this is great!" I blinked at him again, barely taking in his words.
What a cruel joke was god playing? First taking my mother and now putting a child in me?
I breathed a little faster, taking in the gravity of the situation. There was a human being inside of me. A whole other life, growing, thriving, living. A part of me. My baby. Baby...
I shook my head as tears started rolling from my eyes despite my effort of closing my eyes to stop them. I pulled my knees towards my chest, wrapping my arms around them, barricading my heart. Creating a temporary wall while I took in what was going on.
This was too much. Tom's arm curled around my shoulder but I shrugged it away.
"Go. I need a minute. Both of you."
And both Tom and the newbie left me, if reluctantly, drawing the curtains as they left.
Absentmindedly, I chewed on my lip, my mind running a marathon. This was it. This would be my life.
I turned onto my side in foetal position until I realised how ironic it was. I sat up and took a deep breath. I was alive, I was well. I was alright. There was no liver rejection. There were no complications. I was healthy. We...were healthy. I placed my hand on my tummy and stroked it softly, feeling weird while doing so.
This was so surreal. Pregnant. Me.
My mother would have been so proud. I felt myself welling up but stopped the urge to cry by burying my face in the pillow. I was fine, all I needed was air.
"Oi! Don't kill yourself just yet." I raised my head from the pillow to see Tom.
My fiancé, looking at me with loving, pained eyes.
He came over and took me in his arms, holding my form against him. He sat me down again and I looked up at him sadly.
"Please Tom," I croaked "I need some air". And he picked me up, drawing the curtain and carrying me to the exit in my flimsy gown.
He looked at me uneasily.
"So how long do you think-"
"Maybe 3 weeks. Remember when you were at mine and you stole my smoothie and we..became carnal?"
He nodded slowly.
"I forgot to take my birth control pills. The maths is simple really. And here we are with the consequences. Isn't it crazy how unfair God can be?" I looked him in the eyes and he grinned.
"I don't believe in God. But if he does exist I think he gave us a gift. A gift that will help you come to terms with having lost your mother. New life. A tiny little baby." He raised me a little higher and kissed my tummy lovingly.
I couldn't help but smile at his effort to cheer me up. He had always seemed to want to be a daddy. So caring and loving yet firm. He would make a wonderful father. And it wasn't that I wasn't excited for a child. I had wanted children. I was just in shock. And terrified of motherhood. Of hurting our child while it was still in my womb. And nothing could relieve this stress better than time. And thinking. And so that was what I did. When Tom returned me to my cubicle I was wheeled into a room to stay the night. Tom fell asleep almost immediately. But I stayed up far longer than j should have merely to think of what to do next.
And I new what I ought to do. What j had to. To make my mother proud. To make my family proud. And to give Tom what he do desired.
I had to prepare for motherhood...