This is the last completely Delly chapter I will post on Fixed, I am only posting it there so that my non COAV readers can see the ending. This chapter will also be posted on COAV.
This is what continued to happen with Thom, yes everything is true yada yada, except for the fact that Thom and I are NOT dating, he's just my best friend in real life.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT KNOW, DELLY IS BASED OFF ME.
I stare at the text for what seems like hours, reading it over and over. He hates me, he fucking hates me. He's never cussed at me like that, ever. Tears well up in my eyes, and for a brief moment in time I can feel everything Bonnie felt when she threatened to tell my parents my suicide plan.
"I will never speak to you again Bonnie." I hiss into the phone, glaring at the grey walls of my bedroom.
I can hear her sharp intake of breath on the other side of the phone, she's been crying for the past forty five minutes, but I can't bring myself to find any source of sympathy for her.
I'm so mad I can't even see straight, I'm mad that John told her, and I'm mad that she would even have the audacity to threaten me.
"You tell your mom or I'll tell her for you." Bonnie sighs over the phone, breaking into another uncontrollable fit of sobs. I roll my eyes, spinning the full bottle of pills in my hand.
"You wouldn't." I growl, suddenly feeling threatened. I know Bonnie isn't bluffing at this point, the second I hang up this phone, she's going to call my mom and then the whole police force will end up breaking down my locked door.
My phone beeps, signaling I have a text. Slowly I lower my phone so I can see the screen. John won't stop texting me and I groan again in frustration.
"I will call her Delly, I'll call her and tell her everything." Her voice is stronger this time, and I know my fight is futile, but I hold out.
"What the hell kind of best friend are you, huh? I can't trust you. You tell my mom, and I promise I will never be your friend again. Consider me lost the second you call my mother." I hold strong on my fight, putting the pills down on the nightstand.
"Fine then, someday you're going to thank me." The line goes dead and I panic. I start to open the bottle again, but I shut it as soon as I open it. What am I even thinking? What about all the people at church, what about my little brother, what about my friends.
I collapse to the ground then, crying out against the pain the world has wrought on me.
Tears form in my eyes as I remember that awful day over in my mind. I wasn't thinking right, but I hated everyone who threatened to tear down the walls I had built to protect my habits.
"Del, it's going to be ok." Johanna pats my back, trying to take my phone from me, but I hold on tight.
"I know, just let me send this text, ok?" I unlock my iPhone, smiling at the picture of Thom and me at one of the bonfires.
My fingers search frantically for the right words to say, but nothing seems to be ok.
I am so sorry. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but I did this for your own good. I can't let you leave me like Tanya, it can't happen. I know sorry doesn't help, but I am so sorry.
I send the text and look over to my boat where Jayden stands with an oblivious smile on her face. She's a sweetheart, but she hasn't seen the horrors of the world.
"Jo, I'm alright." I smile tightly, taking the promise ring off my finger and putting it in my wallet. I never take it off unless I'm rowing.
"Alright ladies, let's get a move on!" Our coach calls excitedly, looking at Jay and me over his clipboard.
I can't seem to focus and I about drop the boat on the way to the dock. Everyone can tell something is wrong. I'm not my usual chipper self, something is definitely wrong with me.
"Way enough." I call out as I stop to check us in with the dock official, tears still streaming down my face.
"You guys can go all the way to the end of the dock and launch from there." She tells me coldly, looking for the next boat to check in.
"Walk it forward." I call to Jayden, beginning to walk forward until we are clear of the ramp rails "swing it to the left." My voice cracks halfway through the sentence. This row is going to be a disaster. "Toes to the edge." I command through a mouthful of tears. "Up and overhead in two, one, two." We lift the boat up over our heads "Down to water in two, one, two." The boat is slowly lowered to the water and I lean over, putting my oars neatly into the riggers.
"One foot in." I call to Jayden as soon as we have the oars in place. I ignore the woman yelling at us to get off the dock quickly. "Down on three, one, two, three." We sit and the boat shakes in the wind. We already feel unsteady. Great.
I take the first couple of strokes from the bow, turning to steer. It becomes hard under the pressure of the wind stinging my already tear-filled eyes.
"Delly, are you sure you want to do this?" Jayden asks quietly from the front of the boat.
"Yeah, of course I do." I fake a happy tone, grunting when the wind begins to push us and the boats in front of us around. Our lake has been windy, but never this windy.
One second I can see the blurry outlines of lane one as I overcorrect, and the next second, I find the bow running straight into rocks.
"Fuck." Is the only thing that comes to mind, but the word hurts even more. Thom was so excited when I said it for the first time, he didn't like that fact that I was so good, and begged me to say it day in and day out, but I refused. I'm not exactly sure what he was so excited about in the first place.
The tears fall even harder and I groan in frustration as the officials zoom by our crashed boat to rescue three other boats ahead of us on the race course.
Jayden is panicking in front of me, and I know she's on the verge of tears too. Weve only tipped once before this, and at this point, tipping is inevitable.
"Jay, we have to get in before the boat gets a hole from the rock." I suck in a deep breath, preparing myself to be the strong one.
I let go of the rock I've been using to keep us upright and slowly fall into the water. Its unbearable cold and I shiver as I fall in. Jayden starts to shake and I pray she doesn't have another panic attack in the water like the first time we tipped. Slowly I push us out of the rocks, standing in the waist deep water as wind rips around us.
Is this what I get for telling, is this karma paying me back for being such a bitch? I want to scream or punch something like I once did before my boxing trainer ran away.
"Jayden, you get back in the boat, I'll hold us out of the rocks." She gets back in slowly, and I hold the skinny boat steady for her.
Part of me is using the cold water as a punishment for myself, the other part just knows that I really am a bitch, and I would hate myself for telling too. He trusted me and I went off and told on him.
God what have I done?
. . .
Three hours later I sit in the hotel room with Jo, scarfing down on a sandwich like I've never seen food before. Shortly after our doubles race was cancelled and four boats had to be pulled out of the rocks, they delayed all races until a later time, meaning that our team doesn't have to be back until five or so, leaving me with nothing to do but talk to Thom.
He answers on the fourth ring when I call, and his hello sounds strained and angry. If I had any more tears to cry, I would let them out now, but I've run out.
"Thom?" I ask breathlessly.
"What the fuck do you want?" he spits into the phone, and I cringe back slightly. Jo sits up a bit straighter, anger flaring up in her dark eyes. As if any second she's going to pounce on me and tell Thom off.
"I want to let you know that I'm sorry. I know you'll never trust me again and I just I'm so sorry. I promise you it will get better." I respond, trying to ignore his hatred.
"Yeah, you shouldn't have done that Delly. You're right, I can't trust you. I trusted you, and you went off and told my favorite teacher. My parents will never look at me the same again." His voice just sounds heartbroken now, and my heart drops to the floor with the weight of the guilt.
"You're going to thank me one day." I respond quietly, playing with a string on the pristine white hotel pillow.
"I don't think that day will ever come. You've done enough damage Del, I think you should go now." He sighs into the phone.
"Ok, I don't regret what I did." I say in a hushed yet confident whisper.
"You should. Bye Delly." The line goes dead.
You knew this would happen when you told, it's not forever. Plus, would you rather have him alive or dead? My thoughts swirl endlessly in my mind. Jo just stares at me, but she knows nothing will ever be the same again.
. . .
Four days of hell have past, Oklahoma City Regionals have come and gone, and with them, Thom has gone too.
We had a hang out night again, Katniss brought Nick, but I saw who she was texting, and it sure as hell wasn't Nick. Nick refuses to speak to me, claiming I've ruined his "babe" aka Thom.
John says I did the right thing, in a moment of panic I texted him for the first time in two years. He's the only person that knows me more than Thom does, but we drifted away when I didn't need his constant support.
In fact, most of the girls are on my side, our inner circle found out about Thom because Nick can't keep his big mouth shut. I almost feel bad for Thom, but I choke it down.
Johanna and Katniss have been spending more time with me, trying to keep my mind off things, but it doesn't work. How could it when you have a crazed guy sending death wishes to you every second. I'm almost glad that it's still Sunday and the weekend hasn't ended, but I dread seeing Thom at school, having him in my class, seeing him at lunch.
Part of me wonders if he will revert back to Misha, the awful bitch that broke his heart and continued to play with him after she did so. I hate that part of me for thinking of her.
I sit back from the computer and typing my columnist paper as my doorbell rings.
I can hear my mother's soft tread on the hardwood under my room as she approaches the door. I hear her gasp, welcoming the person inside with a really fake voice. Curiosity gets the best of me and I stumble out of my room, creeping to the banister to peak over and see the unwelcome guest.
My heart falls to the floor and my eyes fill with tears when I see who stands at the bottom of the stairs with a bouquet of flowers.
"I'm so sorry." His voice sounds thick, like he's about to cry. "I understand now." He finishes, looking at the ground.
Thom. Is all my mind can process.
There you have it… You want to know the rest? Go read COAV!
Love to All