Chapter 4

I don't like this chapter, but maybe you do. Thank you once again for your support, I wouldn't be where I am today without all of you.

I would really appreciate it if you could review, just take the time, I know it's a hassle, but do it as a holiday present? I love hearing from you!

Also, if anyone can tell me who the people in the first paragraph are (italics) each one, I will be very surprised! I may even throw in a prize!

She watched them that day, they all had stories behind the happy smiles, they all had pasts. One was so lost in the darkness of life, another was her light. One was a dancer, another her biggest fan. One was the football star, another the invisible girl he made visible. They were an odd mix, but what group wasn't. They were happy that way.

She watched everything, and kept the memories locked up in her heart. She wished her Peeta was there every second, but soon another drifted into her life, and she believed it could be true. He could be the one for her, but life crashes down at the worst of times, and those you trust turn out to be the ones you shouldn't.

. . .

"Hey Katniss, wait up." I turn to see Delly rushing after me, clutching her bag to her side. She gives me a warm smile, slowing down when she finally reaches me.

"Hey Delly." I offer back, attempting a smile.

"You left lunch so quick I thought I wasn't going to catch you. I can walk you to your next class, I heard you have Mrs. Ronald. We had a vocab quiz today, can you believe that. I left my jacket in her room though, but don't worry, people don't usually steal things here." There's an awkward pause in the conversation as she runs out of breath and looks up at me, expecting me to fill in the gap.

"Yeah." Is all I can manage, staring ahead of me.

Dammit Katniss, you have to do better than that. Do you want friends here?

Peeta was always the one that was good with people.

No way in hell we're going to think about him again, think about class. For God's sake think of something to say.

I pull myself out of my chiding mind, looking at Delly. I can see something in her eyes, I can see past the kind façade, something in her past is dark, something not many people know about I'm sure.

"Well," she smiles awkwardly "are you having a good first day?" her blonde hair is pushed back nervously as we shuffle down the hall.

"Yeah, so far so good, right?" I smile halfheartedly, adjusting the heavy books in my arms.

"Yeah, you know you don't have to talk back. I understand if you don't want to talk. Gale told me a little bit about you, I'm sorry, but um-I-I know what it's like not to have the right words, and if you, you know, need someone, I'm-I'll be here for you. I know we just met and all, but I'm a good listener too." She fidgets at a standstill, looking at me with a twisted anxious face.

"That's nice of you, but I'm over it, really." No you aren't "I'm fine" you're the farthest thing from fine Katniss. I give her another fake smile before turning towards the classroom at the end of the hall.

The lunch bell rings and students file down the hall towards classrooms, giving Delly one last smile I push myself through the door into my next class. She follows silently, the smile fallen from her face.

"Hey Delly, your jacket is right over on the front table." The teacher calls out from her desk, barely looking up at us before she begins typing furiously on her computer again.

"Thank you Mrs. Ronald." Delly gives her a small smile of thanks before she turns to the door "see you later Katniss." Her smile is brighter this time, and she gives me a big wave the door shutting behind her.

"You must be Katniss?" the teacher behind the desk stands, giving me a once over.

"Yes ma'am." I respond through gritted teeth, I can already tell I won't like her. Her ego seems to vibrate off of her in waves like heat in the summer.

"Ma'am, I like it. You must be one of those country girls, am I right? Don't even answer that, I know I am." She lets out an obnoxious chuckle, pointing at a desk as other kids come filing in the room "you, sit there behind Johanna." She points again, turning back to the door to harass another student.

I look around the room, trying to identify Johanna before the teacher turns her attention back to me.

"Hey, brainless, don't you see the hand waving in front of your face?" a girl with spikey hair calls out, motioning me over "I'm Jo, I guess the witch wants you to be my buddy, she's all about forcing friends on people, stupid teacher." She scoffs, kicking the chair in front of her.

"Katniss." I nod in her direction, pulling the chair out from the desk and taking a seat quickly.

"Alright, settle down, Logan, throw the smoothie away, what did we talk about? No food in the classroom!" a boy in the last row of chairs stands dejectedly, walking the long walk to the trashcan. He takes one last drink, throwing it away quickly.

"Bitch." Jo whispers behind me.

"Alright hand in your papers, if you don't have one, feel ashamed. You had two days to write this people, it should have taken thirty minutes." The sound of papers shuffling in backpacks and binders fills the room.

I look at the others in the class, most look like they stayed up way too late writing the paper, others look like they want a pat on the back for their completion.

"Katniss, could you come up here for a second?" Mrs. Ronald calls from her desk as students organize their papers on the front table.

I stand silently, trying not to draw any attention to myself as I make my way swiftly to the front.

"We are doing a letter project in here, exploring different types of writing. Right now we are on the personal letter, aka the easiest one. While the kids take the vocab quiz I want you to write a letter to someone you've lost, it could be a grandparent, a pet, a friend, just someone you miss. I'll read it after you're done, and from there I'll get a feel of where you are with your writing. Your old school sent over copies of your previous writing. Winner of the Young Writers of Kansas poetry contest… impressive Katniss. When we're on our poetry unit you can read it for us." She smiles, handing me a blank piece of notebook paper.

"Thank you, I'll get writing now." I take the paper back to my desk, pulling out a pen as the vocab quizzes are passed out.

I stare at the paper, thinking of all the people I could write the letter to. Before I can even think rationally, my hand moves on its own accord. I stare down at the perfectly scrawled name on the paper. My heart beats a little bit faster and I restrain myself from crossing the name out. I have to face it sometime.


I stop, pulling my pen up. What the hell am I even supposed to say after this. I shouldn't have taken Advanced Placement English. It's Mr. Thomas's fault, he was my honors lit teacher. He changed my papers for me, he didn't even let me know until the summer. The pen presses against the paper.

I'm honestly not sure what I'm supposed to write here. It's not like you're ever going to read this, so why write it. God, do you know how much I miss you. I can barely hold back tears right now. You'd hate that, me crying. You've only seen me cry, twice? Maybe three times.

What do you say to someone that's never coming back? I'm sorry doesn't help the pain, I'll always be in your debt. I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life now, and I can't help it. My mind is such a mush of jumbled thoughts right now.

Can you believe I'm going to be graded on this? It's stupid, how can you express your feelings to someone in a letter someone other than the person is going to read and pick apart. I wouldn't be surprised if she comments on my uses off rhetorical devices.

I hate it here. It's nothing like McPherson, New York City without you, like what the hell am I supposed to do without you? This was our dream, and I have to live it alone. God, I'm rambling again aren't I?

The nightmares have been bad again, Prim can barely stand to be in the same room as me at night. Of course mom is the same, she barely acknowledges us. I'm running out of money again, I don't what to do this time. I'm going to end up starving to death before I graduate.

Gale has been helping me, he drives me to school, I don't think he likes me walking the streets. We don't exactly live in the nicest part of town, the outskirts mostly. Life doesn't make much sense to me anymore.

To tell you the truth, living is hard again. I know I promised you that it would never get that bad again, but things are falling, fast, and I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm a mess Peeta, just like the writing in this letter is. I'm going to be failing the class before I even start. Maybe I should just turn in a blank piece of paper and tell her I haven't lost anyone. I'm turning into a rebel again.

Class is going to end soon, and I now this hasn't been much of a letter. I miss you, and I am sorry for making you see that movie and if I could take it back I would one thousand times. Sometimes, when things get hard, I think about you, in heaven, and I picture our house up there. I know you're building it and waiting for me.

I love you more than life,


The bell rings as I finish writing my name. I contemplate sneaking out, not letting her see the letter, but I walk straight up to the front of the room. My hands tremble as I hand her the letter, she looks up and tells me to have a good day but everything around me is muted.

It's like I'm in a dream, I walk out of the classroom slowly, barely able to keep my footing as I stumble towards the stairs. Gale said my philosophy class was right up the stairs on the left.

As I turn into the stairway, I run straight into a boy coming down the other way. I'm knocked to the floor, the books in my arms spilling around me, and papers flying. I snap out of it in time to be pulled up off the ground, the same boy that knocked me down is supporting me while someone else picks up my books.

I shake off the hands, standing on my own.

"Sorry." I mutter, looking at the ground.

When I look up at the boys his eyes have softened and he hands me a pile of books.

"No, that was my fault, I'm Marvel." His voice is raspy and rough, and the collar of his shirt covers what I assume is a tattoo, judging from the top that peaks out, it covers his shoulder.

"Katniss." I manage to choke out, looking back at the ground cursing myself for getting caught staring.

"You must be new here, what class are you going to?" he grabs my elbow, leading me out of the river of students shoving past us to get to class.

"Philosophy, Mr. White I think." His face breaks out into a small half grin.

"You my friend are going the wrong direction, I have that class too. I'll take you." He gently pushes me in front of him by my shoulders, leading me through the streams of people headed for the stairs.

. . .

What could be so wrong? Couldn't she just forget about her past, let everything stay behind? Life said no, but she fought it like hell. This was her life, no one would take it from her. So what if the new boy smoked on the weekends and hung out with the wrong crowd, so what if he had pent up anger. She was rebelling again, and the new boy coming into her life for a fling wasn't going to solve a thing.

It was just like her love to come at the right time, her knight in shining armor saved her life, and then she started to realize just all she had right in front of her. It took time, but time they had. She learned to trust, but trust can be ripped away even by the tiniest of people.

I don't like this chapter, but maybe you do. Thank you once again for your support, I wouldn't be where I am today without all of you.

I would really appreciate it if you could review, just take the time, I know it's a hassle, but do it as a holiday present? I love hearing from you!

Also, if anyone can tell me who the people in the first paragraph are (italics) each one, I will be very surprised! I may even throw in a prize!

Love to All,


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