My Time | 전정국


10 years ago, I was madly in love with a boy. He was in a band and I spent all of my time supporting and loving them unconditionally. I gave them something that was truly important for me. I gave them my youth. 10 years ago, my parents made me do something that entirely changed my whole life. They made me choose between my heart and my mind. It was so hard for me. I was only 21 years old. The age of 21 is a very complicated stage. It is when you have to think like an adult, but still need older people’s governance. I wasn’t getting any younger. I needed to choose. I didn’t know how I did it, but I gave up my heart. I gave them all up. For 10 years, I spent all of my time building my future and letting my mind lead the way. For 10 years, my heart was caged and kept inside the deepest part of system. A decade has already passed. I became successful, but am I living this right? Why do I feel alone?

Romance / Drama
Age Rating:

the beginning

There’s something about traveling alone that truly satisfies my soul.

I tightened my coat around me as a cold autumn breeze wraps around me.

My mouth curved into a smile as I watch people move my things into my new apartment in Busan. Slowly, my heart is starting to come out of its cage.

After studying and working non-stop for 10 years, I was able to secure a future for me and my family. And after fulfilling my promise to them, I told my family I had to go. I had to find myself; the one that I’ve kept for so long before it completely disappears.

My parents cried the night before my flight to Busan. They apologized for what they’ve done; for taking away my happiness. But I told them that I understand that it’s for my own sake.

Now, my heart softly thumps as I walk along the streets of his hometown. It’s my first time in here, but strangely a wave of memories flooded my mind. Now that I’m free, I started to remember everything.

His smile was my favorite. I remembered I had an album on my gallery entitled “JK” which had pictures of him smiling. I stared at them all day all night as if it’s my source of strength.

It was, until I had to erase him from my phone and from my mind.

The sea was calm tonight. The sound of wave softly crashing to the shore and the soft chirping of birds flying above the sky filled my ears as I sat on a stone by the shore.

Tears started to fall as I slowly let my feelings out.

I miss them.

I know that I’m free now and I have the rest of my life to spend it with them. But how could I do that if they’re gone?

He’s gone.

It’s been five years since they’ve disbanded but why does it still hurt so bad?

I was too busy building my future that I didn’t notice the problems they faced during those times. I was too busy strengthening my life when their lives were crashing down.

I’m sorry I left you.

I’m so sorry.

The next day was my first day as a pre-school teacher here in a small school in Busan. I was happy to see the children smile as they see me enter their room. They greeted me, bowing as low as possible.

Prior to my big move here in Busan, I’ve studied the Korean language for 6 months. I took courses after courses, until I could speak and understand every word fluently.

My family and friends laughed at me every time I accidentally talk to them in Korean. I looked away from the children as I hid my smile.

A young boy appeared in front of me, softly pulling my arms to get my attention. “Hello teacher! My name’s Kim Seung Pyo.” I smiled at his adorableness.

“Hello Seung Pyo! My name’s Y/N but you can call me Ms. L/N.” I held his little hands while I introduced myself. My voice was loud enough to make the other children run towards my chair and one-by-one introduces them to me.

I laughed as I listened to all of the children’s voices, trying my best to remember their names.

It was very much stressful to handle ten children at a time. Thank heavens the school provided an assistant teacher to help me with the kids.

Her name was Chaeyoung and she was 7 years younger than me. While I was responsible with the lesson proper, she was mostly in-charge of the physical activities.

“I’m getting old.” I said to Chaeyoung as we rest after a very tiring first-day of school. The children, as expected, were extremely energetic.

“But you don’t look old Ms. L/N.” She giggled, before attending to Yena, the youngest child of the class, after accidentally spilling her banana milk on her dress.

It was 3 in the afternoon when their parents started to come to pick up the children. When every child started running towards their parents, I looked around the classroom and was surprised to see one child left.

He was sitting on his chair, hands put together as he stared out of the door.

“Oh, Minggukie. Why?” I crouched down to his level and was shocked to see him crying. “Why? Why are you crying?” I put my arms around him and pulled him in for a hug.

“Appa didn’t come.” He managed to say in between his cries. He wrapped his small arms around my neck as he buried his face in my hair.

“He’ll be here. He’s just a little bit late. Don’t cry, Minggukie.” I lifted him, placing him on my lap as I cradled him in my arms.

His little arms wrapped around my neck as he softly sobbed. My heart throbbed at the little boy’s state, softly patting his back while I hummed a random song.

Moments later, Chaeyoung came back into the room but she’s not alone.

Behind her was a beautiful man. I noticed his entire body cladded in black clothing as he stepped in front of me. His scent engulfed my senses as he slowly bent towards me.

“Minggukie, I’m here. I’m sorry I’m late.” My mind went blank at the sound of his voice, triggering some of my most treasured memories.

“Appa!” The little boy in my arms jumped to his, mildly tugging me along as he wrapped his arms around the man’s neck.

Half of his face was covered with a black face mask, but his eyes..

Those eyes.

“Thank you for taking care of him. I promise to be early next time.” The man quickly bowed as he apologized before scurrying out of the room.

While Chaeyoung proceeded to clean up, my feet softly padded towards the window just in time to see the man disappear into the car.

“Everything okay, Ms. L/N?” I was suddenly brought back from my trance when Chaeyoung’s hand softly grabbed my arm.

“Oh yes. Yes of course. Everything’s alright.” I assured her, clearing my throat as I began closing the curtains.

It took us a couple of minutes to clean up and finally lock up the classroom. Chaeyoung had a car since she lives quite far from here, and I didn’t need to buy one because I apparently didn’t need one.

Having an apartment one block away from work definitely saved me a lot of money. So instead of investing on a car, I bought a pretty decent apartment all the while saving up for a property and a house in the future.

I was too tired to have a proper meal for dinner. That’s why I ended up having a tuna gimbap and a cup of coffee instead.

Today was very much eventful. I smiled and laughed a lot. I enjoyed teaching the children and taking care of them.

This is what I’ve always wanted- peace, freedom, pure happiness…

I fell asleep as soon as I closed my eyes and the last thing that I remembered was those beautiful eyes.

Jeon Jungkook’s eyes.

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