Tea Leaves and White Pearls

Afterglow, Gang of Four, and Doubt

Match Twenty-One: Afterglow, Gang of Four, and Doubt:


I lifted my head from Yao's chest looked at his sleeping face. It's happened again tonight and I still don't know how to stop it. I looked over at my bedroom clock. I have to go back to my school in a few hours. I played back what happened hours earlier.

Yao and I met to talk about expanding the business. He sat rather close as he discussed the ways that we could rent out the building to other associates we worked with. My mind kept running in different directions, trying to stay focused. The next few moments sped by in head before Yao looked up.

"Is there anything you would like to add?" he asked. It pains me to admit, but I lost control and forcefully kissed him on the lips. What made it worse was he didn't stop me. I kept waiting for him to push me away and chastise me, but that never came. Instead, he pulled me in closer to that damn kiss. To make a long story short, I took him back to my room and yes, we had sex. There is no graceful way to put it. That is just what happened. It embarrassed me that I enjoyed the whole ride.

I couldn't get this goofy grin off my face. Judging by the smile on his face, I could tell that Yao enjoyed himself too. I frowned to myself. I can't keep doing this! Yet, my body refused to let me. It embarrassed me to admit it, but Yao was turning into a drug for me. I resolved that I would let it turn out that way, but it already started to mean nothing to me. I rested my head back down on Yao's chest. I could feel his heart beating against my cheek. I closed my eyes as if to take him in. My mind drifted off to Gang of Four. I feel like that song, "Damaged Goods."

"Damaged goods," I sang to myself, "Send them back. I can't work, I can't achieve. Send me back, open the till, give me the change you said would do me good…" I happened to glance down to see Yao peeking down at me. My cheeks pinkened with shocked embarrassed.

"Oh," I muttered, "Sorry, did I wake you?" Yao shook his head.

"Nah," he replied, "What were you singing just now?" I looked down at myself still with pink cheeks.

"'Damaged Goods' by Gang of Four," I said in a quiet voice.

"Gang of Four?" he asked.

"They are a punk band from the seventies," I explained. Yao gave me an odd expression on his face.

"You listen to punk music?" he asked.

"They are Tina's favorite band, actually," I explained as I shifted in piece for a bit, "They kind of rubbed off on me."

"I see," he replied. To tell you the truth, I don't really know why I said this next; it just came out, really.

"You want to hear something?" I asked.

"What?" he asked.

"What exactly am I to you?" I asked in whisper without even thinking.

"You're my partner," Yao said as he patted me on the head. I shook my head.

"Partner in what way?" I asked, "Be honest." The look on his face told me that I lost him.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. I frowned and shook my head.

"Forget it," I mumbled at him.

"Ju?" he asked.

"Forget it," I repeated, "Can we please drop it?" I felt him shrug underneath me.

"Fine," he replied. I sighed as my eyes focused back on my clock in the corner.

"Thank you," I muttered. Why did I even bother to ask that?, I wondered. I still don't have an answer to that question.

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