Tea Leaves and White Pearls

University, Nervous, and Habit

Match Twenty-Five: University, Nervous, and Habit:

-Ju-

I made it; I got to graduate on time. Just this morning, I learned that I got into my first choice university when I went down to check the mail. In the fall, I will go to Tongiji University. Why did I choose that one for my first choice? Well, I wanted to see where my mother went to college before she married my father. He talked about how much fun she had there.

"That was the first time I ever saw her glow," Father told me when I was nine years old. I didn't really want to go to college in Beijing, but I can't really go too far because of the clan. My father was right; it would become my cage until I die. Don't get me wrong, I love this clan and my "family." It's just, I know I will get restless and want an escape from time to time. In a way, I envy my siblings for getting the freedom to escape when they want to.

I froze in my thoughts as my body went stiff in my bed with sudden fear. Somehow, being able to leave the clan is the least of my worries.

I placed my pillow over my head. My drawing during the exam didn't leave my head. I had no idea who that was. I've never seen that girl in my life. Yet, I see her every time I close my eyes when I am alone. I want to ask about her and that mysterious file that I found, but I get the feeling I won't get a straight answer. Fei, Hen-to, and Yao refuse to tell me anything. They keep trying to dodge my questions. However, that stupid drawing isn't the only thing.

Every time I sleep at night, I hear this voice whispering in the darkness. I tried to identify the person speaking, but I can never see their face. I called out to them.

"Hello?" I asked, "Who's there? What do you want?" I never got a response. Instead, the only thing I hear is that one phrase that refuses to leave my head even after I awake.

Don't let the devil get me.

I don't know what that means. I tried to ask Fei what that meant, but he went into a panic.

"I don't know what you are talking about! Don't ask such a thing ever again!" he shouted. I remember that his reaction really freaked me out. So much so, that I didn't even bother to ask Hen-to or Yao about it.

I cringed as that other worry popped up in my head. Yao… I still haven't figured out what to do with him. To tell you the truth, I find myself getting more and more confused with him as the days wear on. I have to keep seeing him every week because he is my business partner. However, that just adds onto the problem at hand. I huddled up into a ball in my bed. I don't exactly know where to begin with him.

On the one hand, I must confess that the sex between us is hot. It gets better each time we do it. I keep promising that I'll stop, but I don't seem to know how. I can't seem to quit. Strangely, Yao has become my worry stone. The dreams and that girl don't appear. I think I need him again. I closed my fist to my chest. I really don't want to do this. Surely, I can survive one night in my bed alone. I don't need a man to help me sleep. I'm a big girl; I can take care of myself, right? Right?

I reached over and picked up my phone. I pleaded in my mind as the other line rang.

"Hello?" Yao asked on the other line. I rolled over in bed with my phone to my ear.

"Hey, I'm so sorry to call you so late," I whispered, "Could you come over tonight?"

"Right now?" he asked. I pulled my knees to my chest.

"Why? What's the matter?" he asked sounding rather worried.

"Please just come over," I pleaded.

"Okay, I'll be over," Yao said in a calming voice. I closed my eyes and began to smile.

"Thank you," I whispered. I hung up and held the phone in my chest. I can't seem to quit him.

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