Mr and Mrs Specter - The Specter of Children
Mr. and Mrs. Specter
The Specter of Children
"Do you want children?"
Harvey Specter popped his head up from his favorite spot which was in his wife's arms with his lips caressing her supple neck.
"What?" He asked bewildered
"Do you want children?" Donna asked her brown eyes staring straight into Harvey's big brown eyes.
"Do I have to answer that right now?" Harvey asked still encased between Donna's thighs and desiring to finish what he had started. They had only been married four days ago, and Harvey could not believe that Donna was already asking about children. He knew that below that tough, sassy exterior lie a woman with a mother's soul. She already had been caring for Harvey's needs for quite some time. Not that he wanted a mother. However, Donna had always been his trusted advisor and friend and had always cared about how he felt or how he was behaving. Most important, she was never above telling it like it is and giving him tough love.
Harvey lowered his head and kissed Donna on the lips and said truthfully after his forty seconds of thought.
"Yes, I guess so."
Donna did not like that answer but kissed him in return and speculated aloud, "Well, maybe the question will be answered for us."
Harvey's befuddled mind had not digested her speculation for about thirty seconds. When he really started to analyze what Donna had said he rolled over on his side of the bed and sat up.
"Donna, what does that mean? 'Maybe the question will be answered for us?' Does that mean what I think it means?" Harvey said getting annoyed.
The worry lines wrinkled his forehead and his jaw clenched in that way when he started to get agitated. Harvey was trying to remain calm. He did not want to have a serious argument or discussion after the incredible few days they had spent together. They had only lightly discussed the work situation at Pearson Specter now that they were married. They had talked even less about the future and what that might hold.
If Donna's statement meant what he thought it meant Harvey knew he would feel betrayed. So, he decided to confront the situation like the hotshot lawyer he was and bring it out in the open and close it with an agreement.
"Donna," Harvey said quietly intense. "Did you go off the pill?"
His wife stared back at him. She had witnessed Harvey's temper more than once. It was normally not directed toward her-except once, so she knew he could be difficult if he felt he had been betrayed. I will not let him see that he has upset me. I brought this on and we will discuss it like the two caring people we are Donna thought. She wanted to confess that she had been off her birth control since he proposed six and a half months ago, but she knew he might purposefully misunderstand her reasons and take them as a betrayal and feel he was not considered in that decision. Donna wanted to this to become a thing between them so soon. She wanted to explain to him civilly without emotion that the reason she went off her birth control was not so much to become pregnant immediately, but because at her age getting pregnant could be difficult. Although in her family the women ran to older age having babies and her older sister by four years, Carol, had given birth to her third child recently at 45, Donna still felt she could not take that chance. She just wanted to be ready in the event that when they were ready to have a baby Donna's body could be free of the hormones preventing a pregnancy. Well, here goes….
Donna sat up in bed now with the sheet tucked under her armpits which in retrospect she thought was stupid since the only other person in the room has seen her naked plenty of times by now. She sniffed and raising her chin stared at her husband in the early evening sunshine as it peeked through the drawn vertical blinds of their hotel suite.
"Harvey, I'm going to tell you something and I am hoping you don't overreact."
"I'm not making any promises now that you put it like that," Harvey said with a smirk. He turned to the bedside table and lit the lamp beside him as the setting sun had darkened the room.
Donna waited until she could see him in the lamplight. Then she turned to look at him directly.
"In answer to your question, yes, I went off my birth control after you proposed," Donna uttered matter-of-factly.
"What?!" Harvey exclaimed feeling fury rising as he sat next to his wife. He did feel betrayed because having children was a decision that should have been discussed by the both of them. Indeed it was Donna's body that would do all the work but it was still a discussion that Harvey thought he should have had some input.
"Since I proposed?" Harvey said raising his eyebrows in the quizzically intense matter he usually maintained when questioning Mike or Rachel about how they fared on their assigned duties.
"I know that was 6 ½ months ago, but I didn't do it to make you feel betrayed or that I was trying to sneak something on you. You know me, by now, Harvey. We have always been honest with each other even if we waited almost 11 years to say how we really felt about each other. In everything else I have always spoke my mind. It's just that at my age getting pregnant could be a real chore, and I did not want us to spend months waiting for my body to adjust to no birth control and then agonize if it did not occur right way - if we wanted children." Donna swallowed and reached for Harvey's hand which still lay next to her. It was his left hand where his new platinum diamond encrusted wedding band shone in the dim lamplight. Harvey's hand responded to her touch and he rubbed his thumb over their clasped fingers.
Harvey had calmed a little and he sarcastically said, "What do you think we'd get tired of trying if we decided to make a baby?"
After a beat, Harvey said, "Didn't Carol, just gave birth not that long ago and she is your older sister, correct?"
"Yes. She is four years older than me, but Harvey that may not be the case with us. That was her third baby in 10 years not her first. It may not be the same with me."
"It may also be the same. I know we didn't make love after I proposed and I agreed with you that we should wait. Was this why? You were afraid you would be pregnant before the honeymoon?" Harvey asked still wondering, even with all her reasoning, why she still had not told him about her plans. Harvey hated anything kept from him whether it was work or personal. It made Harvey feel vulnerable and he hated feeling anything akin to vulnerability. That self-injected behavior issue was thanks to his mother whom he still felt could not have been any worse had she put him and Marcus up for adoption when they were born.
Surely he and Donna had time to consider children and the entire hullabaloo that went with them. He was 41 and Donna was the same age. Most children of couples at this stage in Donna and Harvey's lifetime were normally considering or finishing college and their parents were increasing their savings for retirement, and looking forward to grandchildren. Harvey shivered physically at that moment. Grandchildren, children, how did this happen? One minute in the throes of passion with the love of your life and the next you are discussing the prospect of children who may or may not have been conceived during this trip. All Harvey wanted when he proposed to Donna was Donna at the office and Donna at home. Selfishly, Harvey had not really given a thought as to what she might want out of their marriage.
Harvey released Donna's hand with a calm kiss to her knuckles. He rolled out of bed and donned his white bathrobe. He walked over to the French doors of their hotel suite and opened them to the balcony where their breakfast dishes still lie on the table. Harvey had not removed the "Do Not Disturb" sign from the doorknob because they were in no hurry to have a maid come to clean the room.
"Harvey?" Donna asked as she watched him open the doors into the early evening. There was still some daylight so the spectacular nighttime sky had not yet appeared. She watched him take a seat at the table and cross his well-formed masculine legs. Donna thought she knew every nuance of his behavior and always used that as a key to knowing what a day at the office would be like. That was what they called her "Donna-shit". She knew, of course, that he was disturbed by her confession. He was not mad, however, he seemed pensive.
Donna, for once in her life with Harvey, did not know what to do. She lay back down in bed and stared at the ceiling. She desperately wanted Harvey to say what he was thinking. Eventually he would, she knew and they would have a frank discussion about children or-a knockdown, drag-out fight. Either way she knew Harvey would not stand the silence for long nor could Donna. Neither would want the remaining days of their honeymoon spent with a wall between them.
Harvey remained on the balcony until the moon appeared. Donna had gotten out of bed, got dressed, and went for a walk outside in the Colorado summer night air.
Donna returned to their room when the Colorado sky was completely dark. She entered their room only to find that, too, their room was completely dark. After turning on a bedside lamp, Donna looked in the drawers and the closet to be sure that Harvey had not left. Just as Donna was dialing her phone, she heard the click of the lock in the door and in walked her husband dressed in jeans and a casual long sleeve button down shirt open at the neck.
"I was sitting at the bar downstairs waiting for you to come back," Harvey said as he walked toward the bed where Donna sat. He threw his keycard on the table near the bathroom as he approached. Harvey noticed tears standing in Donna's eyes has he walked toward her. She rose as he came near.
"Afraid I left?" Harvey asked taking his wife in his arms.
"No, I was afraid you were cruising for chicks…of course, I thought you left me," Donna said erupting in tears as Harvey took her into his arms. She held him tight and cried into his shoulder. Maybe their little battle was over now. Maybe they could get back to what was left of their honeymoon. They still had three days and two nights before flying back to New York and venturing into their new reality.
Harvey knew they had not handled that well. Well, he had not handled it well. He abhorred any type of lying whether it was by omission or bold faced. It was one of those little quirks left in him from a mother who never told his father truth until the day she left him. Considering that he had grown to become a lawyer and not above bending the truth was a contradiction. Harvey was a lawyer and he knew he was not perfect but the best thing about his relationship with Donna had always been honesty. Now that she was his wife he expected it. He was sure she had expected it also.
"Hey, are you hungry?"
"A little. I don't think we ate anything all day," Donna said releasing herself from Harvey's arms and wiping her tears away. Harvey tenderly kissed her and wiped another tear away as it escaped down a cheek.
"Let's go try the restaurant downstairs. I was looking at their menu and it seems a lot less primitive than that place we tried two days ago. It actually looks like the food may be edible."
Donna started to feel her sassy self which she had not in hours.
So she said in a sassy tone, "Don't worry about that. You'll be too busy keeping the men away from me that you won't even notice the food."
Harvey watched his wife sashay across the room as he thought: That's my girl.
"The food here is good. Much better than room service, I'd say."
"Funny, I didn't notice the food," Harvey joked taking Donna's hand across the table. The atmosphere in the restaurant in the lobby of the hotel was very intimate. The lights were low and each table had a candle in a hurricane shade.
"In answer to your question from earlier, Donna…look at me," Harvey said firmly as Donna had stopped eating and would not lift her head to look Harvey in the eye.
"Yes," Donna said finally raising her eyes to meet Harvey's dark ones. She expected to find his dark eyes hard and his jaw clenched. Instead he had taken her hand and his big brown eyes were soft and his jaw natural.
"I would love to have children with you. Why would I not? I got to pass on all this good stuff to somebody."
"Spoken like the Professor of the love myself Harvey Specter University. They will hopefully have some of me in them."
"Of course, but just a little bit- the uncooperative side."
"I was only joking," Harvey said as Donna motioned at throwing a knife in his direction. He would not have put it past her if she were really in the mood for his demise. She knew how to shoot a gun and throw a baseball, so stabbing fatally with a knife was probably within her capabilities. He briefly remembered the day she told him that she bitch slapped Daniel Hardman. "No, my children will have my sophistication and their mother's fiery red hair and sassy personality. Especially my daughter. Anyway, boys or girls they will be a force to reckon with that's for sure."
"Yes, absolutely," Donna agreed smiling at Harvey's almost winsome attitude. She could not believe how his view had changed. At one time the thought of fathering children would have sent this man packing and heading for seclusion for fear of becoming weak and vulnerable. Donna knew it was not that Harvey would not be a good father it was just that the problems between his mother and his father always left him stolid and hiding behind the emotional wall so he could feel nothing.
"The issue of children was not the problem…well…maybe a little. I'm still new at this husband stuff, so I can still return to my old walls when I think I have been misled. It's just…"
"No, I know, Harvey. It was the fact that I kept something from you. I know you hate that."
"I can't help it. It's part of me. Considering that sometimes I have kept things from you, it's a little presumptuous of me to command you to always tell me the truth."
"Well that was different. That was professional. Not personal. Say, sweetie, can we drop this now?" Donna said happy again. All she wanted now was to get her husband back upstairs and in bed finishing what they had started a few hours ago. Standing up in view of everyone else in the restaurant, in a tighter than tight black dress, stretched across the narrow table and placed a long kiss on her husband's mouth.
"Do you wanna make up?," Harvey hushed quickly laying out a bunch of cash on the table.
"I'd never thought you'd ask," Donna responded heatedly.
As they stood in the dimly lit lobby waiting for the elevator, Donna and Harvey stood arm in arm with Harvey's hand casually brushing Donna's ass gently pinching it.
"Harv…ey!" Donna responded gritting her teeth. An elderly couple passed by them as they stood waiting for the elevator. Donna and Harvey let them pass into the elevator.
"Going up, sonny?" the elder gentlemen asked politely.
"No, we're waiting for another couple," Harvey responded as the doors of the elevator swung shut.
"We're waiting for another couple? You just want to wait until we're alone in the elevator," Donna said pushing Harvey's mouth away from hers playfully.
"Well, Mrs. Specter, haven't you ever done it in an elevator between up and down," Harvey asked motioning up and down with his hands. He bent close to Donna's ear and whispered how much he always wanted to take her in the elevators at Pearson Specter.
"Hmmm, naughty boy…I like that," Donna purred back nipping at his ear.
Finally the elevator (there was only one) was empty and they were the only ones waiting. When the doors finally shut, Harvey looked for the emergency stop button and pushed it. The elevator came to a sudden halt but the newlyweds barely noticed the abrupt stop as Harvey quickly pushed Donna up against the back of the elevator and kept her hands from protesting by holding them both up with his hand.
"Here let me," Donna volunteered as she quickly made loose with Harvey's belt buckle and then the zipper of his jeans. Harvey leaned against Donna with just enough space between them to let his erection out between them.
"Ooo, you're ready, sunshine," Donna said as she quickly became slave to his master.
Harvey in the meantime had smoothed up her new black dress until it was above Donna's hips. It fit Donna like a glove and brought out all her best assets. Earlier he had watched Donna sashay to the ladies' room clothed in the slinky shiny dress, he had almost suffered an embarrassing moment trying to hide his desire. Luckily the restaurant lights were muted. He also had noticed many a man's eyes stray to his wife as she walked by.
As the passion flared between them, Harvey smoothed up Donna's dress.
"Mrs. Specter, naughty girl, did we forget our panties?"
Donna hooked her legs around Harvey's waist.
"The faster for you to get to me, Mr. Specter."
Donna had donned only a garter belt which held up her stockings. She knew Harvey found garter belts to be a turn-on. Now with wild abandon they rode the wave of their passion in a flurry of fast, hot, love in the small elevator. Time stood still for them. They were the only two people who mattered in the world. After a mutual sigh of orgasm, they finally came to their senses. They suddenly realized someone had been knocking.
"Are you two ok?"
"Yes…we're just fine. I don't know what happened," Harvey panted. He kissed his wife passionately and quietly.
"Well, we'll have you out there in a jiffy," the helpful disembodied voice said.
After helping smooth her dress back over her hips, Harvey went over to the switch and said,"Oh I must have hit the emergency help switch. I'm ok. I can just hit that again and the elevator will begin again, right?"
Donna was about to bust a gut trying not to laugh out loud. Harvey was not in much better shape. He had to contain himself because he realized he was sounding like a helpless old man. Harvey, helpless? Yes he was a helpless old man with his jeans still unbuttoned and sweaty from making fast and furious love with his hot wife in the small elevator.
"Sure. You hit that button again, sir, and you be will up to your floor in a minute. Sorry about that malfunction. We'll get it checked in the morning. Wouldn't want that to happen to anyone else. Good night sir."
"Thank you," Harvey said as he pushed the emergency button and the elevator immediately ascended up the cables once again.
"We're gonna burn in hell for this, you know that, don't you?" Donna ventured.
"Nah, me, you…we're the Specters. We're the good guys," Harvey said patting himself on the chest.
Donna just smiled. She always knew down in her heart that if she had ever been lucky enough to marry this man she would be entertained 24/7. So far, he had not disappointed her.
By the time, Harvey and Donna returned to their room their thirst for each other needed to be slaked again. They were like two people who had spent too many years walking in the desert and finally finding their oasis in each other they could not drink enough.
"Well, if we didn't just make a baby we're not making one," Harvey said a little insensitively.
Donna was not put off. "Hey, hotshot, you know it doesn't work that way. If babies were created by hot sex, there wouldn't be so much infertility in the world."
"That's because the world isn't trying to make a baby with me," Harvey said patting himself verbally on the back for his sexual prowess. He sat up, fluffing the pillows and pulled Donna into his arms. He loved this. Normally for him with most women he did not want to cuddle or hold the woman in his arms. He tried with Scottie-sometimes especially on the last go around. However the automatic reaching for the woman and pulling her into his arms because he wanted it was the total transformation for him and, of course, it was because he had married and made love with Donna. She had always been his one and only true love. He never wanted to let her go. If he woke in the night his hand automatically searched for her. Each morning now since that first morning after their marriage they woke touching in some way. He could not rest now unless he knew Donna was beside him. He hoped that that would never change. He loved her so much.
Donna kissed Harvey's chest as she lay within the circle of his arms. She felt so secure and invincible when Harvey held her. She never had felt this secure and invincible with anyone else. Donna had had plenty of lovers and Stephen Huntley had been the latest and greatest. Yet, no matter how great the sex was with Stephen, it could not beat making love with Harvey. It was truly a blessed event much more than sex. It was truly making love with her best friend albeit gorgeous and sexy best friend for whom she had worked devotedly the last ten years. Her best friend and most caring lover were entirely wrapped into one superb specimen of a man. Harvey had his faults and she was well aware of them. However, it did not matter as long he continued to love her and hold her in his arms. She felt so safe with him, and she finally felt able to exhale at last.
"Hey, have you thought about what we're going to do at work next week?" Donna asked holding Harvey's hand in hers as it lay on Harvey's chest.
"What do you mean?" Harvey responded back absently while kissing the top of his wife's head.
"I know Jessica was not too crazy for us to continue to work together. What did you tell her?"
"I told her: "I can't be me without you…now more than ever."
"I knew you were into me first," Donna said hinting at their old game.
The last few days and nights of Harvey and Donna's honeymoon were as idyllic as the first few. As they rode home in the same private jet on which they rode to Colorado, Donna looked at her phone to see if there were any messages for her from Rachel or her family. She also checked out Harvey's schedule knowing that tomorrow they were both due in the office bright and early. Harvey was a name partner now, but that really did not exempt Donna although she now shared that name.
"You have a 10:00 am tomorrow with Judge Gorgenson about that new pharmaceutical case. Then you do not have another appointment tomorrow but apparently Jessica wants to meet with us in the early afternoon."
"Well, there it is." Harvey said raising his eyes from his own phone. There had been a couple of frantic calls from clients and one large telephone message from Mike. It seemed the kid did all right without him. Harvey did realize though that Rachel was also his associate now. She was very good and unlike Mike he hadn't needed to go over every circumstance with her. She had spent so many years a paralegal that to actually practice law came naturally. Mike and Rachel were like Harvey's kids. He was their mentoring father, and they were his eager students.
"Well, there what is?"
"Reality. It really does exist." Harvey said sadly turning to look into his wife's dark eyes.
"Hey, we still have another 12-15 hours before we have to go to the office. I think we just ought to go home and crash. How about some dinner and a little dessert afterwards?" Donna asked anxious all at once realizing, maybe for the first time, that home was with Harvey in his condo and not her little apartment in Brooklyn.
"Sounds good." Harvey said kissing Donna on the lips. "Just my luck I get to take my hot secretary home with me."
"How about that? What a coincidence? I get to take my gorgeous boss home with me."
Weeks have passed since Harvey and Donna returned to their real lives in New York and at Pearson Specter. They had decided that at least for a few months they would maintain their joint residence at Harvey's condo. They had agreed before they married that they would both like to get a more family friendly home maybe just outside the city. They had plenty of time they told themselves before it would become a necessity so they fell into a wonderful routine of waking, working, eating, and sleeping together.
Their first meeting with Jessica after their marriage had become a combination of a lecture from mom about the evils of working with your spouse and being together 24/7 and a repeat of how happy she was that they were finally together. She had told them that everyone in the firm had been betting for years when Harvey would finally get some balls and ask Donna to marry him. Everyone knew from the people in the mailroom to the oldest senior partner living that there was no one for Harvey and Donna but each other, but everyone consistently thought the event of the century would have happened a long time ago.
"Obvious, huh?" Donna broached as she and Harvey walked out of Jessica's office.
"You know, we did nothing wrong. Why do I feel I just got reprimanded from mom?" Harvey asked a little testily never enjoying a lecture from Jessica let alone one now about his marriage to Donna.
"Well, I guess we never did do a good job of hiding our feelings after all." Donna said as she stopped at her cubicle in front of Harvey's office.
All of a sudden Harvey grabbed Donna by the waist and bending her back in his arms kissed her deeply. Donna, not really knowing why Harvey was doing this but relishing it just the same, went along with Harvey. His kiss was soft and probing and she could feel his desire for her as his erection could be felt right through his Tom Ford suit. Good Lord this man was insatiable! Lucky me! Her husband was carefully lifting her designer dress with his free hand. Donna slapped his hand down to prevent him from giving everyone a glimpse of his wife's thigh.
When they came up for air, Harvey, with a proud smile plastered on his face, walked into his office and sat down at his desk as if nothing had happened. Donna, surprised and a bit flustered, followed him and stood before his desk.
Looking down at him sitting in his chair behind his glass desk, Donna reared on him and asked, "Harvey, what the hell was that?"
"What? Can't I passionately kiss MY WIFE in MY FIRM in front of MY EMPLOYEES?" Harvey asked as he stared up at his tall red haired wife. The word "conscious" had not entered into Harvey's mind.
"Do you want everyone to call your wife the secretary/slut he married?"
"I was just giving everyone what they finally wanted. Who cares? I am sure everyone knows we're married."
"That's not the point, Specter. That is the typical behavior that Jessica frowns on. We're professionals and should act like it. I know the rumor mill finally got their comeuppance when we got married, but we still have to maintain some type of propriety. Don't you think?"
"Donna, do we really have time to argue this? I tell you what. You take my credit card and buy yourself the biggest nameplate with gold letters stating: DONNA PAULSEN SPECTER. Would that help you? By the way, it's 9:00 am and do I not have a meeting in a few minutes?"
"Don't change the subject and, yes, you have a meeting with Mr. Hyde of Hyde Chemicals in…" Donna stated looking at her watch. "Five minutes. I have to meet him at the elevator because he is has not been here before. So let's say we take this up at home, ok?" Donna retorted and left her husband's office without letting him respond.
Harvey said under his breath, "Geez, I marry the woman and she's still has issues with me!"
Donna arrived home before Harvey. She knew he had a full schedule tonight, so Harvey called Ray for him to take Mrs. Specter home. The ride back home in the car alone with Harvey's driver was very odd. Ever since Ray had picked them up at the airport a few weeks' ago, he formally called her Mrs. Specter instead of his friendly "Donna". As much as she loved being called "Mrs. Specter" she still wanted those close to her to know that just because her name changed did not mean that she had changed.
"Good evening, Mrs. Specter, Mr. Specter keeping a full schedule again?" Ray asked as he handed Donna into the back of the limousine.
"Yes, he is. Just take me home then. He'll probably call about nine for you."
"Very good," Ray stated and got back onto the driver's side of the limousine.
As they started to pull away from the curb and the short ride began, Donna decided that she wanted no more barriers between her husband's (her) chauffeur.
"Ray, can I ask you something?" Donna asked sitting in the closest seat facing the back of Ray's head.
"Sure, Mrs. Specter, you can ask me anything." Ray said with a smile.
"Why do you call me Mrs. Specter now instead of just Donna like you did before I was married?"
Ray frowned a little that Donna could see in the rearview mirror. Since it was still summer, the sky did not dim until 9:00 pm. It was just 7:00 pm and it was still bright as can be so Donna could see Ray's disturbed expression in the mirror.
When he still did not answer right away, Donna smirked," Harvey put you up to it, didn't he?"
"Well, yes, he said to address you that way and if you didn't like it you would tell me so."
"Yes, well, I am telling you so, now. It's Donna or Miss Donna if you prefer, but not Mrs. Specter. It makes me feel really old. After all you call Harvey "Harvey" and not "Mr. Specter" why should it be any different for me?"
"Well, I think to tell you the truth. The boss likes it when I call you that."
Donna smiled and thought to herself how much more amusing and comforting it was being married to Harvey than it was being just his Girl Friday.
"Ok. Compromise. You can call me "Mrs. Specter" only when I am riding with hubby, ok? Otherwise it's Donna. Deal?" Donna smiled as she eyed the big smile spreading across Ray's face.
"Now, home, Ray. I have to get these shoes off."
The subject of children had not been discussed again until one morning in early August when Donna woke up nauseous and ran to the bathroom and hung her head over the toilet retching. Harvey was just getting out of bed to take his shower when he heard Donna's retching in the bathroom.
He called from the bed making his way to the spacious bathroom, "I told you not to eat the lobster last night. I knew it smelled funny."
When he arrived in the bathroom, he held Donna's hair as he watched her dry heave into the toilet. Between breaths and retches, Donna tried to talk.
"I don't think this was the lobster I ate. I think it may be something else." Donna drew a breath and turning looked straight in Harvey's eye.
Harvey's eyes widened. "Are you late?"
"Perhaps, I have to look at my calendar before I answer that. It's on my phone. Could you get it? I'm afraid to leave here…in case…I have to…" Donna's head went back into the toilet.
Harvey scared and maybe thrilled all at once scurried into the kitchen where Donna had left her phone the night before. He tried to find the calendar on her phone, but his fingers were shaking so he just decided to let Donna do the finding.
"Here you go, honey," Harvey said as he stared with dark eyed concern.
"Oh you called me "honey" how sweet," Donna said as she was finally able to close the toilet lid and sit on the top while she plied her fingers in the task of looking for her calendar.
"Let's see. Oh, shit. I knew it. I was due July 27th and today is… August 9th. Yes, Harvey, I'm definitely late." Donna could not help smiling. She hoped it was what she thought it was but she did not want to get her hopes up until she had taken a pregnancy test.
"So we'll get a pregnancy test and you can take it at lunch," Harvey said feeling excitement that he may be on his way to becoming a father. He still was not entirely sold on the idea of becoming a father and about Donna being pregnant. However, he was so in love with her that when he saw the excitement in her eyes making the light dance in them, he could not help but be drawn into her excitement.
"Ok, we can stop at the drugstore on the way to work?"
"Oh, Harvey," Donna said as Harvey was walking across the large room to turn on the shower.
"Don't say anything to anybody yet. Until we're sure…"
Harvey came back over to Donna and took her into his arms and held her tight.
"Of course, it is whatever you say. I love you." Harvey held her so tight.
"I love you, too. Just think we might be parents."
Harvey leaned back and looked deeply into Donna's eyes and all he could utter was
Donna waited impatiently in the Ladies' Room at Pearson Specter. She had stepped into one of the larger stalls so she would have room to put down the test and let it do its magic.
"Harvey, this is the ladies' room, is it not?" It was not the first time he had walked into the Ladies Room but she at least thought he would wait until they were alone before finding out the results.
"I know that. I don't care. Am I going to be daddy or what? Where are you?" Harvey started to look in all the stalls until he finally found his wife's expensive Italian Leather stilettos sticking out of the bottom of the largest stall furthest from the door. Harvey turned quickly as he spotted two unsuspecting women come into the Ladies Room.
"Try the one on the 48th floor, please. Private conversation," Harvey said with his voice reverberating on the tile walls of the room.
"Sorry, Mr. Specter," a young blonde woman had said as she scurried her friend and herself out the door.
"Harvey, you had to intimidate them, didn't you? I know you don't care but a lot of people around here still think you're a dick."
"Is that anyway to speak to your husband?"
"Well, almost ten hours a day, you're still my boss," Donna retorted while she sat on the toilet lid waiting for her phone's app to signal "time's up".
"Is that anyway to speak to your boss?" Harvey said a little lighter. He was really getting anxious. What the hell was she waiting for?
"I thought this test was quick?"
"…four…three..two..one!" Donna counted down.
Just before Harvey was going to burst through the stall door, Donna opened the door with a smile on her face and the pregnancy test indicating "pregnant" in the little LCD display screen on the stick.
"Harvey, we're gonna have a baby." Donna said haltingly as tears began to fall.
"Yes….I knew I was good," Harvey said kissing Donna on the lips and staring at the result she held in her hand.
"Good Lord, Harvey, is it always about you?"
"No, as a matter of fact, this," Harvey said holding up the pregnancy test clasping Donna's hand. "Is about us, Mrs. Specter."
Donna just stood there looking up into Harvey's eyes which were liquid with happiness.
The game plan for the next few weeks was not to tell anybody about the budding Specter baby until after they were indeed positive with a doctor's test and the relatively safe period had begun. Out of respect for his wife and fear for his professional life, Harvey maintained complete secrecy. The only one they told after the doctor's test was positive was Jessica.
The morning after the tests, Donna and Harvey entered Jessica's office hand in hand.
"Well, if it isn't the Specters." Jessica said knowing at once that this little visit together was probably personal and not professional.
"Jessica," Donna managed between waves of nausea. She was hoping she would not have to make a play for Jessica's waste basket or sprint to the Ladies Room. Donna desired neither prospect because trying to run in 4 inch stilettos a half mile round the office would prove exceedingly challenging in her condition.
"We have some news, Mom," Harvey said sarcastically as he held Donna's hand even tighter seeing the greenish look around her jawline. Harvey not knowing much about pregnant women was rather concerned. Since Donna had become pregnant, she was barely able to eat let alone munch on the crackers and ginger ale (recommended by her mother); they kept on her side of the bed. Harvey moved a small refrigerator in their vast condo bedroom because not only did he like a midnight snack it was good for Donna to have something cold to combat the nausea she was experiencing.
"Am I mom?" Jessica said smiling wide contemplating and practically already knowing what her partner and his wife were going to let loose on her.
"Well, not exactly, but…." Harvey started.
"We're going to have a baby, Jessica," Donna blurted out throwing a shoulder against her husband for him to please cut out the sarcasm for once in his life. Normally Donna loved it but lately with the constant nausea and vomiting and knowing who caused it Harvey was fast becoming one of her least liked people.
"You always were a good closer, Harvey."
"Yes, I have to admit I'm good," Harvey smilingly responded to Jessica's sarcasm.
Donna rolled her eyes and thought since she was the one carrying the settlement around that she had been entirely forgotten in the situation.
"You know, it takes two to close," Donna said rolling her eyes at Harvey. Jessica smiled at that. She was glad for them both. It had taken years for them both to admit to what the whole firm had already known the minute Donna started working with Harvey.
Putting her head down temporarily, Donna looked back up at Jessica.
"Are you all right, Donna? You looked a little piqued," Jessica was afraid for her beige carpet in her office.
"I'm fine," Donna said swallowing hard and focusing on Jessica's concerned face. "I'm just suffering some horrid morning sickness. I should be ok in a few weeks."
"You can take some time off if you'd rather until it passes," Jessica offered sincerely. She just could not figure how Harvey would operate in her absence. He relied on her so much. She can only imagine what he must be like at home.
"No, Jessica. I appreciate it, but I'm fine. This, too, will pass. However, we came in here not only to tell you but to ask you not to let anyone else know. I, we, just want to keep it secret as possible until we're sure nothing will go wrong." Donna squeezed Harvey's hand. He looked at her and his dark eyes became hooded, and Jessica could not only see his concern but feel it.
"I agree. I have no problem keeping your secret. However, I do not know how it will stay a secret long if your head is in the wastebasket most of the morning."
"Jessica..." Harvey glanced over at his partner with a warning look. He knew when Jessica and he were alone for a meeting she was going to let loose on him about them being married and now having a baby while working together.
"Harvey, please take your wife to the Ladies' room. I expect to see you back here at 3:00 pm for the Kaufman deposition.
"Yes, Jessica, I know."
"Please Donna know that I am very happy for you and Harvey. Please feel better. This guy still has not learned that he can't do without his number one girl."
"Harvey, help me!"
Harvey could hear his wife's voice over the intercom seemingly in distress. He did not look up immediately as there was a client in his office.
"Did you hear that, Harvey?" Mr. Switzer, CEO Switzer Plastics, said to him.
"Yes, but I'm sure she's fine."
"Is she not your wife also and you're expecting a baby, correct?" Mr. Switzer said coercing Harvey to take a look at the red haired woman clutching her middle as she slowly was making her way to the floor.
"Help me, Harvey. I think something is wrong with the baby…." Donna pleaded once more to her husband who seemed to be ignoring her.
"Donna, come on. You're ok. You just want a little extra attention because you're pregnant. You're fine." Harvey coldly said.
Mr. Switzer could not take the coldness anymore and ran out of the glass office to aid Harvey's pregnant wife. As soon as he arrived at her desk, he noticed she was standing in a puddle of blood. Although her dress was dark blue, dark stains covered it as well as her legs and shoes.
"Let me call the hospital for you, Mrs. Specter," Mr. Switzer said as he hit the number on his cell phone with one hand and held Donna up with the other.
"Harvey!" Donna pleaded one more time.
"How do I even know the baby is mine?" Harvey called back into the intercom determined not to set one foot out of his office to help her.
"Harvey!" Donna kept pleading as the EMT's took her out on a stretcher and Mike came over to hold her hand….
"Harvey! Wake up!"
"Donna!" Harvey sat up in bed and enclosed Donna in a bear hug.
"Harvey, you're sweating terribly. Are you ok?" Donna said as his arms enclosed her and she lay beneath him. She could still smell the scent of his after shave and cologne although he had applied it many many hours ago. Donna knew now that Harvey was a fastidious man for sure. He did not even have body odor when he broke a sweat. She returned Harvey's embrace soothing him by slowly stroking his back with long strokes. A shiver ran down his spine and Donna could not help but shiver along with him.
"Of course, I'm ok if you don't count the twelve weeks of morning sickness that seem to be dissipating. Yes, honey, I'm ok."
Harvey raised on his elbows just enough to look into Donna's big eyes and know that she was not suffering a miscarriage and he realized that he could never be that heartless a bastard no matter what had happened.
Donna looked up at him, stroked his cheek. Kissed him deeply and said, "What happened?"
Harvey happened to look at the digital display on the clock as it blinked 2:00 AM in the dark of their bedroom. They had gone to bed around 11:00 pm after watching one of Donna's favorite MGM Musicals "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers." It definitely was not Harvey's cup of tea, but he liked humoring Donna and sometimes Harvey realized how much he actually liked some of the things Donna liked. They had always been compatible. He really had not enjoyed the musical at all but he did enjoy watching it with his head in Donna's lap. He loved being near the baby. He had noticed earlier that day that the "bump" was starting to protrude. At one point as he lay there he turned and kissed her tummy. Donna smiled but to his face she said:
"Look, Specter, if you are not going to let me watch this movie in peace, you can just get your gelled head off my stomach."
"What, I'm not allowed to kiss your belly where you're carrying my child?"
"Our child, hotshot. Our child. You seem to forget she is a part of me, too."
Harvey could never forget. He just liked to tease her…as always.
"You're sure it's going to be a girl."
"Hey, I'm Donna in and out of the office. When am I not sure about anything?" She said as she pinched his nose which he was burying in her abdomen again.
"Harvey, turn around and watch the movie. You ought to like this part. Adam and his brothers are going into town to kidnap the girls that the boys want to marry."
"Is that what that sappy song was all about? Sabin women, Sabin women," Harvey started to sing lightly. "Catchy tune. I'll say that. Why would I like this part in particular?"
"Because they are being manly men and taking what they want. That's your motto isn't it?"
"If that had been the case I would have ignored your rule all these years and taken you over my shoulder and carried you to the judge." Harvey said looking up at Donna and giving her belly another peck before turning his head away from her belly and resume watching the large television covering the wall over the fireplace.
Donna was speechless for one of the few times in her give and take with Harvey. She thought maybe she should have taken him up on his other offer many years ago. Then, she shook her head to herself and thought: No things work out the way they are supposed to work out. If we had done that so many years would I have him now here with me? I will never know but I am certainly glad I didn't say NO again.
After the movie they had taken a nice shower together where Harvey tenderly washed the baby bump which left his only desire wanting to hold Donna before they went to sleep.
Presently, Harvey's silence continued. He had released Donna but held her hand and sat up on his side of the bed. He squeezed Donna's hand so hard that she thought it would break.
"Harvey, talk to me," Donna said as she released her hand and began to massage it. Harvey took it back at that point and massaged it for her.
"Donna, am I good man?"
Donna balked at the question and said, "Yes, Harvey, essentially you are fine and decent man. If you weren't would I have finally said yes when you proposed?"
Harvey held Donna's hand in both of his and screwed his mouth before replying. "So you think I am a good man?"
"Yes, honey, I know you are a good man. You have always been a good man. Not to say that sometimes you can't be a dick. But to those whom you really care about you are a very good man. It's not like you to be regretful or insecure, so what gives? Did you have a nightmare that you were being a dick to me?"
"Essentially, yes. I even accused you being pregnant with another man's baby as EMT's carried you out of the office on a stretcher. A client was more sympathetic to you than I was! Am I that fucked up from my mother's behavior that I now suspect my own wife, whom I know has been faithful to me since we married, of carrying another man's baby! How does that happen?" Harvey exclaimed as his jaw clenched and he clutched Donna and kissed her hard.
Donna smiled and had to hold back a laugh. She had only once in a while seen the insecure emotionally unstable Harvey Specter. She had seen the insecure Harvey only under moral dilemma magnitude issues like whether it would hurt a client or help a client going outside the box. She, of course, had seen more of that side of Harvey when he hired Mike. Donna was touched that Harvey had grown so much in the last few years. However, she would not be a good wife unless she reassured him of her love and his worth and show him.
"Harvey, stop!" Donna said as she held up her hand.
Harvey stopped talking.
"Now, I am no psychologist but I think you're feeling a little insecure about becoming a father. I know that you feel bad that you were not there for your father at the end, but you made him proud in so many ways. I know he's looking on us right now glad that you finally made the best decision of your life by marrying me and that he will finally have a grandchild from you."
Donna tried to be staunch but darn those hormones she was becoming weepy as she brushed her tears away and a couple of Harvey's.
"Damn it, Specter! I promised myself I was not going to cry anymore. However since you knocked me up that seems to be all I do!"
"No you don't, Paulsen-Specter," Harvey responded happily because he could use his name back to her as it now belonged to her, too. "You never cry. You look like it sometimes, but you never cry unless there is really something to cry about."
"Ok, so you got me," Donna responded kissing Harvey. "We've only a few hours before we have to be in the office and I am in no condition to look Donna fabulously pregnant if I do not get some more sleep. So lay down, Specter, and let's go back to sleep."
Harvey wiped a hand over his face and did as he was told. It only took a minute, but Donna crawled over into Harvey's arms where he enclosed her and placing his cheek against her sweet smelling hair murmured, "I really love you, Donna".
Donna murmured back into Harvey's neck where he could feel her breath, "Yes, I know you do."
Despite their analyzing Harvey's bad dream, the feelings still haunted him into the morning. They went to the office in the usual way and walked to their respective places encouraging many looks as the genetically blessed couple walked by. The little proof of their love showing in Donna's $500 couture maternity dress which hung professionally and gave off every advantage of Donna's other pregnancy assets. Her breasts were fuller, her skin glowed, and her hair was absolute shiny and thick. She was more gorgeous now than she had been before she had started to love Harvey out loud. Harvey on the other hand was still one handsome man. Tall, spikey hairdo and big serious brown eyes with a tailored suit which covered an athletic built body. Their child was going to be one fantastic specimen.
"Why is everyone staring at us?" Harvey wondered when they finally got to their work stations her cubicle and his office.
"No one was staring at us. Well, of course, they were staring at us. We are the best looking parents-to-be in creation." Donna joked poking a finger into Harvey's chest.
"No, Harvey, that has to be it. Oh, by the way, your 8:30 is here. I see him coming down the hall."
"Oh no, It's Switzer," Harvey lowered his head and shook it. "I don't f-believe it."
"What's wrong, Harvey?" Donna asked seeing the distress in her husband's face. "Oh, no, he's the client that was in your dream last night."
"Stop your worrying. Get in there Specter and prove yourself wrong," Donna said. Then turning into the loving wife that she was she placed a sweet kiss on Harvey's cheek.
"You have always treated me wonderfully even when all you wanted to do was get me in your bed," Donna stated.
Harvey smiled, "Well, it finally worked. The proof is right here." Harvey gave Donna's burgeoning belly a little pat.
"As I was saying, you've never been mean to me before, so you know there's no reason to start now. Go get him tiger." Donna smiled a seductive smile to which Harvey could do nothing but smile back.
Harvey's meeting with Mr. Switzer incurred no problems with Donna or otherwise. On the way out, congratulated them both on the little one expected in a few months. Donna shook his hand as well. She now realized for sure that she was showing because they had told no one.
"Where's Mike? I haven't seen him all morning. Do you know where he is?" Harvey asked.
"You put him on the Lowry case. He was in the conference room with Alan Lowry for his deposition. If I remember correctly, your words to Mike were. 'What the hell do I pay you for if I can't count on you to depose one of the biggest clients we have without me holding your hand?'
"I said that?"
"You know you did. Why don't you check on little brother while I get you ready for court. I got the can opener." Donna said pulling slightly on the drawer that contained their favorite ritual item.
"Ok, but hide that thing and the other until I get back ok?" Harvey whispered getting close to his wife, so close he could feel her breath on his skin and could smell the clean scent of her skin. Stepping backwards towards the conference room, Harvey's breath was taken away by his wife's prenatal beauty. Before crashing into one of the legal secretaries returning to the pool, Harvey quickly turned around and faced forward.
Donna smiled. Harvey was just so cute when he allowed his feelings to show. He looked a little less haggard than he did before Mr. Switzer had arrived. She wondered if this nightmare would linger. She hoped not. She wanted to reassure Harvey that she knew he was a good man. He may not be the warmest hand in the bunch, but he was warm enough for her and their close friends. She smiled and rubbing the precious seed in her belly she sat down and typed up the draft that Harvey had left on her desk before he departed to find Mike.
When Harvey arrived at the conference room, Mike was just putting away the camera and piling up the briefs.
"Mike, how did the deposition go?" Harvey wondered.
"It went well. How was the client meeting? Did Switzer go for the idea?" Mike asked.
"Yes, it went very well. So well that I need you to get down there and start evaluating how we can convince the rival that the merger would be a success."
"Sure thing. I have to drop off something to Rachel before I leave. By the way, how's mama-to-be?"
"If you are referring to my pregnant wife, she's doing much better. How did you find out? Is she showing that much already? "Harvey wondered taking a look backward as if Donna were behind him.
"Have you looked at your wife lately? She's positively glowing and the little bump is starting to show. Rachel suspected Donna was pregnant a few weeks ago when she caught her in the bathroom with a cold compress on her neck."
"Well, that seems to be passing. Anyway, thank you, for asking. By the way, I haven't seen Rachel around much is she getting ready for graduation?"
"Yep about a month to go and then she can be a full-fledged associate."
"Speaking of health, how is hers?" Harvey found himself asking. Once he would not have acknowledged Rachel let alone be concerned about her health.
"She's doing better. At least she hasn't fainted like she did last year with the heavy workload and school stuff. Thanks for taking it easy on her while she finishes Harvey." Mike said hoping that Harvey would take acknowledgment.
"Nonsense, she earned it. You know me. I don't give breaks." Harvey said trying to act as cold as he once purported to be.
Mike just smiled. "Yeah, I am going to tell that to your kid when he can't get a Porsche for his 16th birthday."
"Well, you and Rachel aren't my children."
"No, you just take care of us like we are. Come on, Harvey, pretend like you don't care," Mike jibed.
"Hey, think what you want. My favors are reserved for my wife and kid," Harvey said. "Get back to work, junior. That's an order." With a wink of his eye and smile, Harvey turned and walked back to his office.
Mike just smiled and thought that in reality despite Harvey's screwed up childhood he would make a half decent father.
Truth be told, Harvey was scared to death of becoming a father let alone a good husband to Donna. It was easy being a boss even though he had hidden his love for secretary, Donna, for years. Being arrogant and carrying an overblown image of himself made it easy for him to boss people. The only person he never really had to boss was Donna. She was as confident in her work as he always was in his. She spoke her mind to him on things that she may not have been seen as an expert, and he accepted it not always gladly. She never thought twice and most of the times Harvey had to be put in his place on those occasions when he stepped on everybody's toes.
So far in the last five months, he seemed to be doing a good job. Having a baby came up a little sooner than he expected but it was no joke that he and Donna were not exactly in their 20's. So far, with her he had not done anything bad to her or the baby. However, that dream still haunted Harvey and he just wanted to know why he was having reservations. Harvey had a great father with faults but always those faults were to the loving well-being of his sons. Harvey kept thinking all he had to do was emulate his dad and he would be in good shape.
A month passed, Donna was still glowing at 18 weeks forward. Her baby bump grew every day and soon she was excited to see the first ultra sound since the first one confirming her pregnancy. Harvey had been present at that first one because he still was in some denial although he had never mentioned it to Donna.
"That little dot is what is making you so sick?" Harvey asked pointing to the embryo encased in his wife's womb in the picture made from the ultrasound.
"That little dot, or so you call it, is our baby cooking. Yes, so it's allowed to make me puke," Donna assured Harvey.
As much as Harvey showed disdain for the little dot in the picture, she had surreptitiously seen him place it folded in his wallet to remember the moment when he first saw "little dot." So, Donna was sure he would want to be present at the second ultrasound coming up soon. As she was a first time mother over 35 years of age, her doctor warranted keeping a close eye on the pregnancy. Once the horrible morning sickness had dissipated, Donna felt great and back to her old sassy self.
Today being Saturday, she decided to do a little reorganizing of Harvey's desk in their home office. They had arrived back at the condo from their honeymoon, returned to work which demanded a lot of both their times, and fitted in between were dinners with Mike and Rachel and a trip upstate to see her mother and sisters. Harvey's brother was scheduled for a trip, but he kept putting off claiming he was too busy with his wife and children. Then she found out she was pregnant and suffered the morning sickness, she barely had enough strength to lift her head from the toilet and go to work let alone organize Harvey's work station in his wood and chrome study.
"We really need to make this place more family friendly before the baby comes or we just get a new house," Donna said to no one in particular. Harvey was taking a rare Saturday and helping the young underprivileged kids at the local recreation center with Mike organizing and coaching basketball. All the case files remained at the office for this weekend. The "real" weekend practice had been a rare occurrence for Harvey in his single days except those nights when he was entertaining. However, since he and Donna married and were now bringing a baby into the world, Harvey wanted to get in touch with who he had been before becoming "the best closer in New York City."
As Donna sat at the table, she pulled drawer after drawer of old files, tax records, old credit card receipts, and last but not least paycheck receipts from Harvey's personal savings, retirement, investments, and checking accounts. Before they were married, Harvey and she had decided that they would just keep their personal accounts the way they were unless they really needed to pool resources. Donna had her own retirement funds, checking account, savings account, and 401K etc. Harvey made plenty of money so she had not needed really worry about how much money was in her own savings account. Harvey had never really disclosed to her how much money he really made so she was surprised to find a paycheck receipt for money deposited into his personal account only a week ago.
As she noticed his paycheck amount, Donna's eyebrows raised a couple of inches up her forehead. No wonder he never cared what I spent on his credit card, she thought. We're loaded! However upon looking at his deductions and noticed the usual ones, she did notice a strangely worded deduction – CLERICAL ADMINSTRATIVE COSTS. Also strangely, the amount deducted from Harvey's paycheck exactly matched the amount of her own gross paycheck before taxes. Donna thought maybe it was just a coincidence but what the heck was a "clerical administrative cost"?
"I have seen and know a lot of deductions, but a clerical administrative cost?" Donna said aloud and went to her own box of receipts and bills. The plan was to keep their accounts separate but all items organized in one big important papers' file mimicking the files she kept at work in her desk. Donna was very organized or she would never have been a successful anything. Before going to her little box, she pulled the file containing all of last year's payroll receipts. She had a hunch and she was not sure how she felt if her hunch would be right.
Meanwhile down at the rec center….
Mike blew the whistle and all play stopped.
"Harvey that's traveling and you know it," Mike said acting the referee in the friendly little game they were having with some of the neighborhood children. Mike started volunteering here when Rachel was at Columbia studying or a shopping date with Donna or her mother. Mike still was wondering what he ever did to coerce Harvey to lower his standards and pretend he was a kid again for a few hours. Mike figured it was Donna who made him realize that if he didn't relax once in a while she would be a widow before she could be a wife.
"You got me. What can I say?" Harvey handed the ball to Mike who handed the ball out of bounds to a tall black teenager on the opposition.
"Ok, goose, let's go for it," Harvey said.
Goose, whose real name was Harlan and hated it smiled wide. He was just fifteen years old but he was already six feet tall and weighed over 200 lbs. Harvey liked the kid because he was intelligent and knew that someday he wanted to be a lawyer. Harlan had become an orphan a couple of years ago when his parents were both killed by a drunk driver. Harvey had found Harlan only a few months ago trying to break into one of the cars parked along the street in front of the Pearson Specter building. Harvey had stopped him and had called the police. However, before the police had arrived Harlan had broken into tears and told him he was hungry and did not know where to go to find shelter. The old Harvey would have decided to let the kid rot in jail, but the new more compassionate (becoming a father soon) Harvey took the kid down the block to a little diner and fed him. He then contacted Mike because he knew Mike was working with the orphans in the orphanage that Pearson Specter newly represented as one of its Pro Bono clients. The orphanage was once a state facility but now it was a private foster home to over 30 children. Its main function was the care and welfare of children of all ages.
"He lays one up and he scores!" Mike narrated.
"That's it, guys, the old man needs a break," Harvey said aloud to the mix group of boys and girls who were playing on both teams.
"Hey, Harvey, I thought you were showing your age out there. I was going to call a stop anyway," Mike said.
"I was referring to you, old man. I'm good," Harvey winked and panted as he picked up his towel from his bench and wiped himself down.
"Aw, come on, Harvey," moaned a couple of the younger preteen children. "You can't stop now. We almost beat the other team!"
"You guys don't need me. You're good all by yourselves. Give this old man a break, please! I'll be back on in a minute." Harvey lamented back and showed the younger boys how to substitute. "Watch it, Melly, you're ok." He continued to instruct to the youngest girl in the center as he walked off the court still wiping the sweat from his face and neck.
Mike laughed. He was very happy to have his best friend and mentor finally agree to spend some time down at this place where Mike had finally found a little peace. Sometimes even after her being dead for a year, Mike felt guilty for not being there when his grandmother died. So he thought she would have liked it if he spent his free time not only with Rachel but with kids who had been left parentless as himself.
Mike and Harvey both walked to the bench and sat down. Mike looked at Harvey and appreciated the change in him since he had finally decided to marry Donna. Harvey was a man who had been in love with a woman but had wasted a lot of time trying to believe it was not so. He had been a womanizer and had used women to his own advantage even women he professedly cared for like Scottie. Harvey never used to smile too much unless he was wisecracking or winning a case or just bragging. Now, however, Harvey's smile never left his face. He was still a great lawyer and still sharp as a tack which was one thing that always impressed Mike, but Mike now was impressed that how much he and Harvey were alike. They were both men in love with the only women for whom they were created. It took Harvey a long time to realize that. Lucky, though, it had not taken Mike quite as long.
"By the way, how was Donna when you left?" Mike asked. He had not seen her yesterday because he had been with Harvey in court.
"She's terrific. She's feeling much better now that her head doesn't have to be in the toilet 24/7."
"When's the baby due?" Mike wondered. Rachel had told him but he had forgotten, of course. Men normally do not pay attention to that much detail.
"May 23rd, the doctor says. He also tells us that the first one's date is never reliable."
"How happy are you that you're going to be a dad, finally?" Mike asked and Harvey hung his head for a short time.
"Happy? I am happy, but I am really scared. I don't have much exposure to little babies that cry all the time. I am almost afraid I can't handle this."
"You, not handle it? Didn't you tell me that you eat corporations for breakfast? How could you be afraid of a little baby?"
"Well, if you whine anymore, I may feel I have had some practice."
Mike laughed and said, "Do you want to practice changing my diaper, daddy?"
"No that's Rachel's job. I think I weaned you enough."
"How do you think Donna feels? "
"She's happier than an NBA player signing a million dollar bonus on top of his ten million dollar contract."
"Are you sure? Don't you think she may be a little frightened, too? Especially since it's Donna doing all the heavy labor. I think if I knew I was going to be in a lot of pain right before a great event, I would not be looking too forward to it."
"Tell me. If Rachel were in Donna's shoes, how would you feel?"
"Probably just like you."
"Well, then you see my point," Harvey said taking a swig of water. He went on to tell Mike about his nightmare from last month and luckily none of it had repeated itself. He still did not sleep too peacefully but on those nights he simply turned over to look at his beautiful sleeping wife and remember how much he loved her and how touched he was deep inside that she wanted to give him a child -even if he did not think he could handle it. She knew he would be good. She never doubted him and that was one reason why he loved her so much.
Mike looked at his watch and told Harvey to go on home. He also told him not to sweat too much about becoming a father. Mike pointed out that Harvey had had a good role model and to think of his father and how he had handled him and Marcus while they were growing up.
"At least you had your dad when you grew up. I never got to talk with my dad about anything adult. I picked a fight with him the night he and my mother were killed."
Harvey looked at him straight.
"You know you've done all right."
"If it weren't for you, Harvey, I would have had none of this. Don't think I'm not going to tell that kid of yours someday what you did for me."
Harvey smirked a self-deprecating way and said," That wouldn't be too smart because if he's my kid he may feel he needs to put Uncle Mike in jail for being a fraud."
Mike just laughed and patted Harvey on the back and said, "Yep, you are probably right."
When Harvey arrived home, it was early evening. He looked at the clock over the kitchen sink and it said 5:30 pm. The condo was dark and the TV was off, so Harvey picked up his gym bag and carried it down the hall to their bedroom where he could see Donna asleep on their bed with a pile of papers lying next to her. The only light in the room came from the desk where the lamp was lit. Feeling all the love he had for in his heart and not wanting to disturb her, Harvey, kissed Donna gently on her forehead and then walked around to his side of the bed and picked up a couple piles of the papers.
As he brought the papers over to the light of the desk he noticed that they were his payroll receipts and that the other pile he had retrieved had been hers. The most recent dates were last week and the oldest receipts dated seven years ago. The official time that documents must be kept was seven years, so he was not surprised that Donna had actually kept hers. He, himself, had forgotten he ever kept his payroll receipts. He wondered why his wife was looking at his and her payroll receipts. Then he noticed as he sat at the table that she had circled her gross amounts with the deduction for her pay taken out of his paycheck which matched.
Harvey had never intended Donna to find out that her paycheck had come straight out of his. Once he had become a senior partner, he was going to go directly himself to HR/PAYROLL and have her paid outright from the company account. However, that year had been such a hassle with Hardman's return and planting of that supposedly buried document and firing Donna for doing it. It had simply slipped Harvey's mind. When he had convinced Donna to come back, Harvey had still forgotten and did not care as the pay raise that went with being a senior partner far outweighed the raise he paid his secretary. To Donna it had been a fortune but for him it was a drop in the bucket.
"When were you planning to tell me that my salary comes directly out of your pocket?" Donna had awakened and sneaked up behind him as Harvey sat at the desk and plucked her paycheck from his fingertips.
Turning around to face her, he said, "You were never to find out. It was the arrangement I made with Jessica when I left the D.A's office and came back to Pearson." He continued to sit staring up at her. She was dressed only in one of his white shirts, bereft of bra allowing half white mounds of breasts to show and her bikini panties where the baby bump deliciously peeked out. Her beautiful red tresses were mussed from lying on the pillow. Harvey's breath was taken away by the sight of her. Who knew a pregnant woman could be so sexy and sultry? Before he continued the discussion, he wanted to make sure that that she knew why he had done what he had done. "I knew you wouldn't come work for me if you had known that associates didn't have their own secretaries. So I protested and said I would not work without you. Jessica stated that if that was my stance then the difference came out of my pay and I gladly obliged." Harvey's brown eyes looked into Donna's.
"Well, it's a real good thing that I never broke my rule with you. I would have really felt like a whore." Donna sniffed.
"Donna, that's not what this was about!" Harvey exclaimed rising up from the desk and looking straight into his wife's eyes. "I was not paying you for sleeping with me or trying to pay for sexual services. I wanted your skills professionally. We worked so well together at the D.A's office. I knew I could trust you. I would have had the worse time trying to find another you. There is not another one out there for me professionally or, right now, personally but you!"
"So after you became senior partner, why didn't you change the arrangement? You could have just told HR and they would have changed it for you. Why? Were you going to use it someday on me as a coercion tactic just in case I had found the need to change and maybe leave you for good? The thought of leaving did cross my mind once or twice in all the years we worked together, you know. I told you, though, that I would follow you to the ends of the earth."
"Donna, that's all in the past,"
"Is it too late to change it or do you not want to pay me at all for my "professional" services since now I'm your wife?' Donna asked furious now that she started. Her dark eyes became two hard pieces of coal as she looked at her husband and thought of how she had been working under a lie these last many years.
"Look, Jessica wouldn't let me hire you in any other way but to take it out of my pay. Of course, I'm still paying you for being my loyal Gal Friday," Harvey said coming up to Donna and whispering in her ear.
"Everything else is a bonus."
"Oh, good Lord, now I see, you're my bonus. You know, Harvey, all those years I couldn't wait for you to pay me some special attention. I watched you blow it with Zoe and then Scottie thinking that maybe you would have a personal life. Then you wanted me after them both and I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. Now I find out that you, personally, were paying me like I was your puppet or slut in the bucket!"
"Donna, your hormones are overreacting." Harvey pursed his lips so cutely when he was trying to apologize and Donna always had a hard time staying her ground when she looked into those big puppy eyes.
"Maybe, but I still feel betrayed." Donna said sitting back down on the bed.
"I'll tell you what. What's my schedule for Monday?" Harvey asked knowing that Donna knew that stuff off the top of her head.
"You have to be in court in Judge Lory's office at 10:00 am. Then you and Mike have a merger meeting with the other faction and lastly at 3:00 pm you have to give a lecture at Columbia Law School as a favor to Rachel." Donna stated looking up at Harvey.
"Well, thank you, I'm pretty busy on Monday. Do you think I can take five minutes out and resolve an old issue with Human Resources/Payroll?"
"You'd better or your secretary is not sleeping with you again."
Although they had made up, Donna was still harboring some stubborn hard feelings toward her husband. It was not that she thought it an unkind gesture in a way because down deep Harvey was not a selfish person. He was a caring man and that was one reason why she loved him so much. However, it was the timing of the whole thing. They started working together again after their one and only time sleeping together and Donna would have to admit that back then Harvey had goals and would have done just about anything to attain them. She, apparently, had been thrown into the mix. Donna still felt like she had been paid for showing her "now" boss a good time. For Donna the whole incident was a bitter pill to swallow.
Swallow it she would because after those years she was now his wife and carrying his baby. As the next couple of weeks went by Harvey seemed more agitated by Donna's burgeoning belly, they had only made love once or twice and Harvey did a lot to try to avoid the "bump" (his name, not hers). At the last ultrasound at 20 weeks, little "dot" was fully formed.
"Do you want to know the sex?" Dr. Baker asked them.
Donna looked at Harvey who just squinted to see if he could make it out himself.
"It's up to mom, do you want to know?" Harvey asked holding Donna's hand.
Donna looked up at Harvey and then back at the doctor and said, "No, I think we want to be surprised. What do you say, Dad?"
"That's fine. A surprise it is." Harvey said as he kissed Donna's hand in which he held tight in his own.
Later that day they had ridden home in the back of the town car. When they arrived at their apartment building, Harvey handed his wife out of the car and they both waved to Ray and said they would see him in the morning.
"Harvey, you're not too crazy about being a daddy anymore, are you?" Donna asked as they rode the elevator to their condo.
"No, Donna, it's not that at all. I'm just a little intimidated by that little wonder in your belly. I'm not sure I can handle it especially if you're not around to help me." Harvey said as he unlocked the door.
"Where am I planning to be?" Donna said curiously frowning.
"Oh, you know, you're going to want a break sometime after giving birth. Don't all women?"
"Is this about your mother?"
Harvey walked and placed his keys on the kitchen counter and then pulled a water bottle out of the refrigerator. He offered her one, too, which she took gladly. As he began to walk to the bedroom to get out of his suit, Donna grabbed his arm and turned him around to look at him.
"Harvey. Is this about how your mother never had time for you? Do you honestly think I am like that? Don't you think I may be a little afraid, too? I've been used to handling a spoiled attorney all these years who could yell at me when I did something wrong or celebrate when we had a victory. I have never had a little baby on my own 24/7 although sometimes you did seem like it, I must admit."
Harvey smirked. "You never handled me the wrong way…well maybe once or twice." Harvey smiled and took Donna in his arms.
Harvey said into Donna's ear as he trailed kissed down her neck, "I didn't think you were ever scared of anything. You always have my back and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I think I'm a pretty daunting guy and you never once backed down. I'd say you can handle a little crying baby."
"Well, maybe, but Harvey," Donna said seriously leaning back in his embrace and looking into those depthless brown eyes. "You are going to be just terrific. Otherwise I never would want to have had your baby in the first place." Donna said and stroked his hair behind the ear. "I love you. Everything scary is worth that."
Harvey pulled her closer and held her as tight as the "bump" would allow.
After an intimate shower, Donna slipped naked into bed beside Harvey. Harvey had been turned away from her as he shut out the light. Donna was happy to feel Harvey had decided to sleep in the buff as well. He felt her hand run down his spine and grab one of his butt cheeks very firmly. He turned over and let Donna climb on top of him. The baby bump protruded, but did not quite block his view of his wife's face. It did make it interesting, though, in reaching Donna's fuller breasts. They lay on the top of her stomach enticingly fuller.
Harvey smiled as he touched them. Donna bent over him and kissed him deeply. Since becoming bigger with the pregnancy, her being on top was much easier for her. Not that Harvey couldn't be gentle it was just she liked it better this way right now. Her long red hair hung over them both like a curtain. Harvey kissed his wife deeply and moaned at her movements. He could feel the penetration and knew that as long as she controlled the movement he would not hurt her. This had been one of his first fears after she became pregnant that making love would cause her to lose the baby she carried. The doctor said it was perfectly fine and that they could work on new ways for it to be as wonderful as it had always been.
"Donna…" he cried out in completion. Donna drifted over to her side of the bed and just panted. She had no words left to describe what that felt like. They had barely made love in the beginning of her pregnancy because she had been so sick and Harvey scared she would immediately miscarry upon penetration, so now after so long it had been wonderful to reconnect with her husband in this way.
Harvey turned to face Donna's back and spooned with her in his arms from behind. His hand delightfully splayed across her tummy.
"Was that what I think it was?"
"Yup, she moved. I feel like I have quite a hockey player in there."
"As long as she plays for Harvard," Harvey said clasping Donna a little tighter and putting his face next to hers smiling. He was happy. He was very happy. At moments like this his insecurity buried itself in his joy at feeling a little part of him in Donna's womb. If only I could keep this mood, Harvey thought as he held Donna all night beside him.
A couple of nights later, Donna woke to trek to the bathroom and, instinctively, knew that Harvey was faking sleep. This was not the first time. Even after her reassurance, he still would wake up in the morning and still have dark rings under his eyes from the night before. For a few weeks after, as Donna headed into her last trimester, Harvey would tell Donna to go to bed as she needed her rest and that he had some things to finish at the office. It was strange behavior from a man who had been so excited that he burst upon his wife in the ladies' room while they waited for the results of the test announcing his impending fatherhood.
One late afternoon in late March, the whole situation came to a nasty head for both Harvey and Donna. They had been working since 8:00 am that morning -a Wednesday morning-because Harvey had to be in court by 10:00 AM for the supposed illegal sale of shares from his large client Beruvian Incorporated. It was a case that the prosecution and the SEC were hot on Harvey's heels. So far, Mike, Rachel, and Harvey were able to keep the hounds at bay and go to trial to prove their client was not guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt of insider trading. It was 4:00 pm when Donna said to Harvey over the intercom.
"Harvey, do you need me? I'm really not feeling too well. Can I meet you at home?"
"Donna, can you take the notes home and work on them? I really need them for tomorrow morning."
Donna smirked at her husband through his glass office walls and said, "Sure, no problem. I'm calling Ray."
"Are you feeling all right? You look very tired," Harvey said in a low tone so only his wife could hear him. He had come out of the office to kiss her goodbye but stopped when he saw how tired she looked. To Harvey, she looked a little haggard like the burden she was bearing was becoming too much. Have I done that to her?Harvey thought. She's no less beautiful to me, but she does look awfully tired and uncomfortable.
"Tell you what, honey, give me this," Harvey said taking the brief from her hand. "I'll get one of the legals in the pool to type this for me. You go home, take a bath and go to sleep. I'll be home about nine. Ok?"
"No, Harvey, I'm your secretary from 8:00 – 5:00 pm sometimes 7:00 pm so no one else is going to type these notes. Besides they wouldn't be up to MY standards let alone yours," Donna said seductively.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Harvey, I am just a little tired. I'm going to go home, get a bite to eat and then work on these for you, See you when you get home," Donna kissed Harvey before turning and walking the half circle to the elevators.
As she stood at the elevators, Donna felt a horrible cramp in her abdomen. She did not think too much of it because she had been suffering from Braxton-Hicks contractions since about her fifth month. They eventually went away when she had a chance to relax.
"Uh…." Donna moaned as she bent in half to relax the pain in her back. She had finally decided to wear flats to the office since being seven months pregnant made navigating in four inch heels precarious to say the least. She was at the point now where she had to check the mirror to make sure her shoes matched.
"Donna, are you ok?" Louis asked as he took her arm as she stood at the elevator.
"Sure, Louis, just a little twinge. My boss sent me home," Donna smiled.
"Good thing. Why he is still having you work? You should be home getting ready for the little person," Louis added.
Donna turned to Louis with one of her stares and took a deep breath, "You know, Louis. Most women would appreciate that, but I would simply go crazy wondering who was doing Harvey's work and if they were up to my standards."
"You are a woman among women, Donna."
"Thanks, Louis…Ay!" Donna cried as she dropped her handbag and leaned against the wall. "Louis, go get Harvey! Something's not right. Ah!" Donna sank down to the floor.
"Go get Harvey!" Louis commanded as he held Donna in his arms.
Harvey came running up and took Donna from Louis.
"Donna, what's happening? Contractions?" Harvey asked panicking. "Someone call 911"
"Already done, Mr. Specter, the 50th floor receptionist said.
"Thank you. Donna, honey, breathe like the doctor told you."
"I'm trying, Harvey." Donna muttered. The pain was like a sharp knife in her abdomen and back.
"Am I bleeding?" Donna managed to say between the sharp shards of pain.
"I can't tell. Hang on sweetheart," Harvey said kissing the top of Donna's head and holding her tight.
"Harvey, bring her in here on my couch until the ambulance arrives," Jessica said as she saw the terror in Harvey's dark eyes.
"No, Jessica, I don't know what's happening. I don't want to ruin your…:
"Nonsense, Donna. Harvey lay her here. Everybody else get back to work," Jessica said in a no nonsense tone. To Felicity the receptionist she said, "Make sure you get the paramedics in here. Go down to the lobby and guide them in here, ok?"
"Most certainly, Ms. Pearson," The young woman immediately took the express elevator to the lobby below.
"Well, it looks like you're too dilated to stop this baby from being born, plus your blood pressure is way too high," Dr. Baker said after examining Donna in the emergency room.
"It's way too soon, isn't it?" Donna asked in a panic. The contractions had been slowing down as a result of the medicine the doctor had administered.
Dr. Baker looked at the monitor metering Donna's contractions and they indeed seemed to slow.
"Well, I gave you magnesium sulfate which has worked to slow the contractions down. I am hoping that eventually they will cease."
When the ambulance had come, they decided that there was no privacy in order to do a thorough examination so they waited until they were at the hospital. Harvey had called Dr. Baker and he had met them at the same time the ambulance had arrived at the emergency room.
"Well, I'm going to admit you. If your contractions stop completely within the next 24 hours, I will let you go home. However, you will be on strict bed rest. You're water hasn't broken yet which is good; however, I think because of your rising blood pressure and the dilation I am going to test the baby's lungs to see how mature they are.
Harvey had been standing by the window the whole time the doctor had been examining Donna. It seemed the worse pain was dissipating so he hoped she did not mind him getting a little breathing room. He looked out the window as the doctor talked about the test he was going to perform. The doctor shook Donna's hand and then seeing Harvey preoccupied by the darkness outside the window decided to just leave.
Harvey walked back over to where Donna lay. He sat on a chair next to the bed and stroked her forehead. He got up to kiss her very gently almost afraid of touching her knowing how much pain she had been in earlier.
"How we doing?" Harvey asked gently. "I guess that kid of ours wants to be born yesterday. Looks like daddy's running out of time to run away."
"Don't even joke about that," Donna said a little more like herself now that the pains had almost completely stopped. If it were not for the fact that she was dilated five centimeters she may have been able to go home. There was still a chance that she could go home, but the doctor warned she would have to be on complete bed rest. She could not go back into work and risk premature labor again. Besides, her blood pressure had become a concern.
"You look so tired, honey," Donna said as she pulled Harvey down beside her. She craved his contact and did not really want to be without him while they learned the fate of their little baby.
"Thanks a lot, Red. You don't look so good yourself," Harvey joked back and put his arms around her and lay in the narrow bed beside her.
"Well, I have an excuse. What's yours?" Donna joked back.
Then more seriously, Harvey asked "Are you still in pain?"
"No, just a little bit every few minutes. The medicine they gave me slowed everything down. Why don't you try to sleep while we wait for the doctor to come back before I have the test," Donna asked laying her head on his chest.
"Only if you try to rest as well…" Harvey murmured softly. "Oh and Donna, don't forget "I love you."
"I love you, too, and Donna's voice faded out as she calmed enough to sleep a little.
"Mike, Rachel? Who's holding down the fort while I'm gone?" Harvey asked nervously as he opened his apartment door. It was midafternoon two days since Donna had come home from the hospital. The tests proved that the baby's lungs were not yet mature enough to breathe on their own should the little person be born. Since the drugs had worked to alleviate the contractions totally, Donna was able to go home. However, the minute she arrived home, Harvey had to stop her from doing little things and put her straight to bed. As he had figured it had been a struggle, however, he used the only leverage that he knew would put her straight to bed. He looked her in the eye and said, "Either you go to bed or our little baby will be born prematurely and if that little person doesn't survive, then…." Harvey could not go on after that as tears stood in his eyes.
Donna responded seeing his emotion. "Ok, I'll do what you say…" Donna was very quiet and kissed him quietly as she climbed into their bed.
"Good to see you, too, Harvey, "Rachel said giving him a quick hug. She stepped back and thought that looking like his world was caving in was good for his looks. It made him look vulnerable and endearing. Any woman within two feet of those big eyes would just melt to help him.
"Everything is fine. I just wanted to bring you up to date on the depositions and the judge's ruling on the Beruvian case," volunteered Mike.
"Did we get him off?"
"Yes, I did get him off. The other side couldn't prove their point as we knew they would not be able to."
"Great job, guys." Harvey said shaking Mike's hand and then giving Rachel a kiss on the cheek.
Rachel said, "Well since I think we earned the day off from the office how about you and Mike go grab a drink or something. I can take care of Donna."
Harvey shook his head. "What if she wakes up in pain, she'll wonder where I'm at. No she's my wife. I should stay here."
Mike looked at Harvey with an undisputed stare. "Look, Donna's sleeping and we both have cells if Rachel can't handle it. She can also dial 911, ok?"
Harvey pursed his lips and then said that he could use a few minutes out of the apartment.
"He's gone out for a minute with Mike. I'm here, though, Don. Are you ok?"
"Rachel?" Donna asked squinting in the mid-afternoon sunshine. She slept very deeply with no dreams which had been a great relief to Donna because she had not slept well since she had arrived home.
"Yes, hon," Rachel said coming over to where Donna slept in bed and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Do you need something?"
"Oh, no," Donna said. "I'm glad you're here. Harvey was suffocating me."
"He loves you."
"I know. You know what I meant. He's been a sweetheart about this whole business."
"You're carrying his child. He'd better be good to you."
"Well, that's just it. He's scared to death of when this baby's born. He doesn't tell me in so many words. Well, then he never had to say too much. I can read him like a classic novel."
Donna remained quiet for a few minutes looking around the now familiar spacious bedroom. The view was spectacular and Donna was happy that Harvey had moved the bed nearer the window.
"Oh, Rache, what did I do?" Donna asked almost rhetorically.
"You didn't do anything except love him."
"Yes, I love him. I put him in a situation that he never really wanted to be in. I forced this baby on him..."
"Donna, stop it!" Rachel shouted and prevented Donna from climbing out of bed.
"I have to pee, Rachel. I am allowed out of bed for that….Oh"…"
"Get back in that bed..Donna." Rachel said as she put her back in the bed and covered her up. Donna gripped Rachel's hand until she felt comfortable enough to let go.
"Donna, I want to ask you a question," Rachel said after she had convinced Donna to tell her when she had to pee and then she would calmly and slowly help her to the bathroom.
"Was Harvey happy about the baby when you found out you were pregnant?"
"He was," Donna said smiling. "You know he was so excited or scared I don't really know that he followed me into Pearson Specter's ladies' room because he couldn't wait for me to come out and tell him the result on the stick." Donna remembered chuckling at the memory not too long ago. "Then when it was positive, he immediately ran out and found a baby t-shirt that had Harvard plastered all over it." Donna smiled and Rachel giggled.
Rachel coming to look a little more serious asked, "So what's changed?"
Donna wiped away a tear and then looked around the room randomly until her gaze fell on her protruding belly. She caressed her belly softly and got a friendly kick in return. Donna was wearing an oversized Harvard T-Shirt and maternity pajama pants. When Harvey joined her in bed, Donna had to take the pajama pants off since her own body temperature was really high the bigger she got and Harvey's body temperature just increased that. However, since she had come home, Harvey started, reluctantly, sleeping in the study where he kept a second bed in case his brother or another person had ever decided to stay the night.
"He did it out of consideration for me, so he said," Donna told Rachel.
"Well, aren't you just a little frightened of labor and motherhood?"
"I'm Donna. Nothing ever frightens me." Donna said trying to be serious and then laughed. It felt good to laugh. Since the premature labor started a few days ago, Harvey was so worried that he didn't even smile or fight back when Donna was pulling her "Donnashit" with him.
"What was it you said to me about a year ago before any of this was even a reality? That "Everything works out the way it is supposed to?"
"Yes, but that was different."
"No, it's not. You two are going to have a baby made of your love. That baby is going to be fine. So stop worrying," Rachel said as she gave Donna's baby bump a pat.
"Ok, I will try to be better and not worry about Harvey. One thing, Rache?"
"Can I pee now?"
Meanwhile, Harvey and Mike were sitting at the bar down the street. It was a place that Harvey and his friends had frequented since beginning to live in the city many years ago.
Mike took a sip of his beer and asked, "So, how are you holding up? You look like you haven't slept in a hundred years." Mike knuckle hit him on his upper arm.
Harvey stared at Mike like he had five heads.
"There's the Harvey I know and love."
Mike seemed to back down like he did only a few years ago.
Harvey put down his scotch on the bar and looked up at the preseason Yankees' game on the tube above the bar.
"Baseball. I totally forgot it's almost baseball season. That reminds me. I have some Yankee tickets for opening day. I thought maybe you and Rachel would like to go."
"Sure. We'd love to go," Mike said placing his beer next to Harvey's scotch on the bar.
"Now, tell me, Harvey. How are you doing?"
"Well, besides the fact that Donna isn't allowed out of bed, my child is not yet ready to be born and I am losing my edge everyday I'm just great," Harvey stated.
"Harvey, you've lost nothing. Besides we're here to help. Don't worry about Donna. She and the baby will be fine."
"Well, I'm still scared of being a father. I want to do it right."
Mike sat up and stared his friend in the eye.
"All you can do is try."
A few days later, Donna went undeniably into premature labor. Again the doctor had decided to test the baby's lungs and either way a new generation of Specter would be born. Since her contractions were very active, it was not long before Donna started pushing.
Harvey stood at Donna's head where he would be in the least trouble. He swallowed hard a couple of times when he realized that he was going to see his child born into the world. He did not want to think about it. His main focus was Donna. He held her hand tightly as she took a quick breath between pushes.
"Whew, Harvey….I have just one thing…to say…" Donna said between breaths and pushing.
"Ok, push again,..1, 2…3,' everybody counted to ten.
"Quick breath….1…2...3," everybody counted again.
"Ok take a minute. Baby's head is almost out," Dr. Baker said.
Harvey kissed Donna's hand and asked, "What are going to tell me?"
"That, I don't think…lord…I don't think I'll be having any more kids."
"Everyone says that," all the nurses said in the room including her older sister, Carol, who was a professional midwife with three children of her own whom Donna had particularly wanted there when she gave birth.
"Ok, Donna, one more big push and the little person should be here," Dr. Baker said behind his mask.
Donna took a breath and then holding her breath concentrated on her bottom almost visualizing the tiny baby exiting her body.
"Happy birthday, little girl!" Dr. Baker said.
"It's a girl. We have a daughter, Donna," Harvey said seemingly excited.
They immediately took her over to the warming table where they quickly cleaned her off and tried to get her to cry. They continued to suction her mouth and nose. Then there was the unmistakable wail of a tiny, tiny baby.
"Harvey go see her," Donna said almost in tears because the cry they heard was very small. A tiny baby obviously. Born before she was finished cooking as her mother liked to say.
Carol had walked over to where Donna lay while the doctor finished up with the afterbirth and cleaning Donna.
"She's beautiful, Donna. She's a little tiny, but they will put her in an incubator until she can keep her temperature and breathing steady.
"It's too soon, sis. Why could I not carry her to term?"
"Don't beat yourself up. The next pregnancy may be perfectly fine. I had three distinctly different pregnancies. All my kids are fine," Carol said patting Donna's arm.
Harvey came over smiling widely carrying his daughter; speaking in low tones Donna could hear him say to her, "Let's go introduce you to mommy." Harvey's smile was so wide that it reached his eyes.
Donna eagerly took the baby from Harvey," She's beautiful," Donna said through her tears and kissed the baby's forehead gently. Harvey managed to get a picture and sent it off to the firm so everyone could see their little girl.
"What's her name?' Carol asked eagerly.
"Amanda Elizabeth Specter," Donna and Harvey had said together. Only they knew how long it had taken to agree on the name.
"You always wanted to name a baby Amanda, Donna, Ever since you were a little girl,"
Donna stared at her daughter whose eyes were big and a very dark blue. She suspected that eventually they would be a deep brown like her husband's. Her head was covered with a lot of dark red tinted hair.
"Another redhead, just like mommy," Donna murmured almost to herself.
The nurse came over with the incubator and said, "I'm sorry Mrs. Specter, but we need to take her to the NICU. You can come see her in about an hour for a feeding."
"She seems fine. Couldn't we visit with her a few more minutes?" Donna asked.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Specter. Pediatrician's orders,' the small oriental nurse said coming over to where Donna lay ready to take the handoff.
"I'll see you later, little girl. Mommy loves you," Donna murmured and kissed her on her tiny forehead.
Donna handed the baby to Harvey, "See you later, baby girl. Daddy loves you so much," He kissed his daughter on her tiny hand which had escaped from the blanket.
As the nurse put their tiny 3 lbs. 5 oz. daughter into the incubator, Donna broke into full tears and Harvey came over to his wife and kissed her and told her everything would be all right. Carol had left with the nurse and joined her in the walk down to the NICU.
Back in the room, Donna sobbed quietly as she clung to Harvey.
"Hey, she's going to be great. She's got good color. The doctor gave her APGAR a 9. That's great for a preemie. She's a Specter…"Harvey gulped and sniffed back tears himself. He had to be strong for Donna. She needed him to be strong.
"Oh, Harvey, I am so sorry," Donna said looking into Harvey's eyes. Her own eyes were red rimmed and tearful. Harvey's eyes were a little watery themselves.
"Hey, honey, why don't you try to get some sleep? You must be awfully tired. Besides, I am going to call my brother and tell him the news. I guess Carol is calling your mom and sister."
When she started to protest, Harvey wrestled her back into the bed gently and covered her up.
"Can you please stay with me until I fall asleep?"
"Sure. You did good today, Red. Love you," Harvey said as he watched Donna finally fall asleep.
After Donna had fallen asleep, he kissed her forehead and covered her up and decided he needed to break away from the hospital. He ran a hand through his hair. He walked by a mirror and taking a look at himself decided he could use a cup of coffee. He promised Donna he would take a walk by the NICU and check on Amanda. At the nurses' assurance that little Amanda was still doing well, Harvey walked out of the hospital. He declined their offers of visual satisfaction and told them that he did not see his daughter without her mother. He took out his phone and had intended to dial the office to get their reaction to the baby. On his way out he had passed the little room on his right hand side which resembled a chapel. Upon reflection as he left the hospital, he decided to walk back in and take a seat in the dimly lit blue colored chapel.
It was a little chapel. It was dimly lit with a small stained glass window which allowed in a little of the late afternoon sunshine. He and Donna's daughter was born today March 11. She turned out to be a winter baby and not the spring baby that everyone had expected. Harvey stood in the doorway debating whether to venture into a place where he definitely felt a stranger. At the front of the room stood a wooden table without a tablecloth and a little gold cross with two candles on either side of it. There was no one else in the church. Harvey walked to the front of the sanctuary and sat in the front pew staring at the cross.
Harvey's childhood had not contained much in the way of religious beliefs. He did remember accompanying his father into the studio when he was really little to hear him record an album of sacred songs and hymns from his childhood. Grandmother Specter was a dyed – in – the –wool believer and had prayed that her son, Gordon, would have just as strong a faith. It seemed she was terribly concerned before Gordon had made the mistake in marrying Harvey's mother. Out of all this turmoil, Harvey's father believed in music and his mother in other men. Christian doctrine was left up to the hearts and minds of him and his brother. The blind leading the blind was Harvey's point of view. However, he did come to believe that there was a divine power that had influence over human matters. He witnessed it in his own life. He had a wife he adored and was a name partner in the one of the largest firms in the city where he was wont to practice his most favorite occupation in the world. Harvey had no illusions about himself. He did have this talent, though, and in his finer moments, Harvey did acknowledge the handiwork of the higher being. Whether it was attributed to luck or how the stars had been aligned that day. Harvey could count his blessings. Harvey had attained all the trappings that success had brought with it: lots of money, possessions, and a huge condo where he could provide a good home to his wife and daughter.
Harvey knelt and folded his hands and with tears falling from his eyes looked up at the cross and said:
"I am not a religious man, Lord, nor am I necessarily a believing man. If you are as good as others say you must know that as well. However, I know one thing. I love that little baby that Donna and I made. Please, if you can hear me, don't let anything happen to that little person nor take Donna from me. I promise I will try my best to be the very best father and husband that I can be."
Harvey wiped his tears away and then just sat staring at the little gold cross for a few more minutes.
Harvey turned around at his name. There stood one of the nurses who had been present at Amanda's birth.
"Yes. Is there something wrong?"
"Your wife is with the baby and she is asking for you."
Harvey quickly rose from his seat and looked at his watch. How long was I in there? Apparently he had been sitting in the chapel and meditating for a good hour. Not what he had intended when he ventured in there.
Again he asked, "How did you know where to find me?"
The shorter nurse looked up at the taller man and said, "Your wife said you would be in there."
Harvey shook his head at how well Donna knew him. Losing the small grin, he asked the nurse again, "Is there something wrong?"
"You will have to wait until you speak with the doctor. Unfortunately, Mr. Specter I have no information I was told to find you that was all." They had made it to the NICU floor where Donna sat in a wheelchair and the doctor stood just outside the room.
Harvey came up behind Donna and took her hand. She looked up at him with all the love in her heart for him and squeezed his hand. Together they looked back at pediatrician they had engaged for their daughter's care, Dr. Phillipson. He began to tell them about Amanda's condition.
"Amanda is suffering from apnea. It is a common condition in preemies. We are going to put her on a CPAP mask which will continually keep her lungs open. You can see her and touch her. Beware, though, she is hooked to a lot of monitors.
"Can I hold her?" Donna asked tearfully.
"Sure. Daddy can, too, if he wants. The best contact for her would be skin to skin. She seems to be having a little trouble keeping her body temperature which is another common problem for preemies."
"When can we see her?" Harvey asked anxious to hold his little daughter again.
"You can see her now, but I do not want to take her out of the incubator until her breathing is a little more stable."
"Well, we can touch her through the Plexiglas holes, right?" Donna sniffed tears threatening in her voice and she squeezed Harvey's hand tighter.
"Of course," Dr. Phillipson stated.
They were buzzed into the NICU where Harvey and Donna had to wash their hands for a good 3 minutes with antibacterial soap. A nurse wheeled Donna into the section where Amanda was. Her name was above her little own private station. Some of the other babies who were more critically ill than Amanda had covers over their incubators and Donna felt for a moment she was walking into a place like grave with headstones placed over the plots.
"This place feels like a graveyard," Harvey said under his breath, he thought.
"Oh, no, Mr. Specter," the nurse said. "This place is really a very good place. As long as all the monitors are beeping and the lights are dimmed quietly, we know that we give special care to these little people who need it the most. It is a place of hope, Mr. and Mrs. Specter. Here we are. Say hello again to your daughter."
Little 3lb Amanda had a small mask over her face so you could not see too much of it. What you could see a lot of was light reddish blonde hair. She lay with only a diaper on and a little monitor taped to her tiny chest which rose and lowered heavily.
Donna put her hand in one hole and with one finger ran it up and down her daughter's tiny arm which shivered at the touch.
Harvey approached the tiny incubator with trepidation. Swallowing hard and looking at Donna, he put his hand into the other side hand hole. With his finger he touched Amanda's leg and her arm and at the touch of Harvey's finger, Amanda wrapped her little hand around Harvey's fingertips. She was so small she could practically fit in his one arm.
"Hey little girl, Daddy's here. I love you."
Donna looked at Harvey and smiled. He called himself "Daddy". Donna's tears ran freely down her cheeks and she put her head against Harvey's other arm.
Donna said softly, "Look at what we did."
Harvey said, "Yep. She's beautiful." Turning to Donna and looking into watery brown eyes, he said, "You are, too. Thank you." Donna laid her head on Harvey's arm again and he kissed the top of her head.
About two weeks later, Donna was home and preparing for the daily visit to the hospital to feed little Amanda who was thriving on a combination of breast milk and formula. Amanda did not suffer from lactose intolerance or acid reflux. This was amazing considering that Amanda's little body still needed maturing. Since the baby was not wholly dependent on her mother's milk, the nurses and doctors thought it would be beneficial if Donna expressed some bottles and keep them in the refrigerator at the hospital in the event that Donna could not make it to the hospital. Donna started to express extra bottles so she could maybe skip a day, but Donna felt such mother's guilt over leaving her baby in the hospital without a least a visit from her that Donna decided that she would just express the milk and make sure she was there to feed her. Sometimes Harvey accompanied her and fed Amanda as well. The first time he insisted that Donna take a picture. So she did.
She quickly looked at the picture attached to the refrigerator door by an angel magnet and smiled. Here was the great and stolid Harvey Specter with his shirt open looking adoringly at the baby he held in the crook of his arm with her little ginger haired head resting on his chest as she took nourishment from the bottle Harvey held in his other hand. Donna had caught the picture at the right time as Harvey kissed his daughter's little head and she closed her eyes with the smallest upturn of lip forming what looked like a smile.
Time passed and it was now early May and about a month and a half since little Amanda's premature arrival. The little baby gained one pound and three ounces since her birth and she was no longer hooked to a CPAP nor did she need to be in the incubator as she could keep her temperature. With these hopeful signs, Donna and Harvey expected to bring their baby home any day.
As Harvey was at the office and Donna still basically on maternity leave, Donna was free to get to the hospital as Amanda's schedule dictated. Sometimes Harvey had had Ray drive him down around 1:00 pm or after a court day either before Harvey was to go to court or shortly thereafter. On one side the pre court visits kept Harvey grounded into knowing what was really important to him and on the other side the post court visits would enable him to share his victories with his wife and daughter.
Donna called Ray and when he came to the street Donna gathered her bags, got into the car, and drove off with Ray to see her daughter.
"I hear the little one is doing well, now," Ray said glimpsing back at Donna as she settled into the plush seat of the limousine.
"She's feisty. The doctors say she should be coming home any day now. She just needs to gain a little more weight. How was it with your kids, Ray, I never asked." Donna said sitting up and paying a little more attention to the faithful driver that Harvey had employed now for more than 10 years. Donna was dressed in a dark button-down blue long sleeve shirt and a pair of jeans that Donna thought would never fit again after her pregnancy and designer flats. This was her "Mom" outfit as she called it. Button down so she could breastfeed the baby easily and jeans because they accentuated her almost flat tummy and lengthened her already tall figure. Donna was getting used to flat shoes, but she couldn't imagine traipsing around the hospital in four inch heels again. At least she couldn't do it-yet.
"Well, of the five, my youngest is the most daunting. She's a lot like my wife. Fiercely feminine which is how I would describe you," Ray said.
He went on about how all five children were like when they were babies. How different each was and alike each was. Finally, Ray stopped the car and said, "We're here."
"That took no time at all," Donna said aloud. A parking attendant came out to help her out of the car and carry her bags to the door.
"What time should I meet you, Mrs. Donna?"
"I guess about 11:30. I'm meeting Harvey for lunch at the office to give him an update. Bye, Ray. Thank you." Donna said as the driver quickly shut his window and sped off into the early morning rush hour traffic.
"Hi Mrs. Specter," the night nurse greeted as she saw her come off the elevator.
"Leaving for the day, Ellie?" Donna asked.
"Yes, I have to get my little guy off to school. If I don't get home on time both hubby and kid will be late. By the way, she had no incidences during the night. She took her feedings and went right back to sleep," Ellie volunteered before Donna could ask. Ellie Aspierto was a young nurse who had been specifically appointed as part of Amanda Specter's "team". Ellie had seen her born and started taking care of little Amanda from that moment on. She was the night nurse and soon a "team" day nurse would take over.
"Good night, Ellie," Donna said as she made her way to the NICU.
Meanwhile as Donna was feeding their little girl, Harvey had a visitor.
"Well, the great ladies' man, Harvey Specter, enters fatherhood," a voice said.
"Scottie," Harvey said as he looked up Dana Scott the petite dark haired woman standing in front of his desk. Dana Scott (former love of Harvey Specter) placed a prettily wrapped package on his desk in front of his face. Harvey rose and picked up the package which was wrapped in pink rose covered paper and ornamented with a small pink teddy bear that had 'AMANDA' stitched on its little pink chest.
"Thank you, Scottie," Harvey said coming around laying a gentle kiss on Scottie's cheek.
"How's she doing? I hear she arrived a couple of months early," Scottie said as she took the seat on the plush couch where Harvey had invited her.
"She's doing fantastic. We think we'll be able to bring her home soon. Until then, poor Donna has been over to the hospital every day to feed her. I sometime go meet her there and feed the baby as well. She's absolutely beautiful. Do you want to see?"
"Sure," Scottie swallowed hard. At one time she thought that Harvey and she would wind up together and have babies, but there had always been a wall between her and Harvey. When they were at Harvard together, Harvey was nowhere near mature for a real relationship plus they were both focused on their careers. She a little more focused than he. She had worked her ass off for every grade she got where Harvey seemed to pass with flying colors no matter how much of a goof off womanizer he had been.
Then there was the great redhead, Donna. Once Harvey and Donna had started working together, first at the DA's office and then at Pearson Hardman (as it was then known) Scottie always felt like an outsider. Sure, Harvey, never said anything about Donna or the place she held in his heart. To tell the truth, Scottie didn't even think Harvey realized it himself. He did change, but Scottie was only fooling herself, though, and could have warned Harvey long ago, but she had thought that Donna and he had been an item a long time ago and had just remained good friends. It had certainly been very clear when Scottie came back in and out of Harvey's life. First few times as an opponent with fringe benefits and the second more permanent time as a Senior Partner in the firm that now carried his name Pearson Specter. Donna and Harvey shared many secrets that did not include Scottie and "that was that" so they say. Scottie still owed Harvey the $500,000 buy in that he had negotiated her out of when she decided to leave two years ago. Harvey never mentioned it. She knew he did not need the money and Jessica would never say anything directly to her as long as Harvey remained Jessica's partner.
Scottie had mercifully missed their wedding but she was kept informed by Harvey's brother, Marcus, with whom she had always looked on as her little brother as well. Harvey knew that she and Marcus had remained friends all these years. It seemed to Harvey that it did not matter. Marcus loved Donna as well so he could also sympathize with big brother's predicament only 18 months ago.
Harvey pulled out his cell phone and swiped to the picture of the baby taken only a few days ago. Amanda was awake and had her mouth opened trying to get her little pink fist into it.
"Oh, she is adorable. You and Donna must be ecstatic. Congratulations," Scottie said handing the phone back to Harvey. She took a brief look around Harvey's office. She knew he had been changing because his office which once had been stuffed with souvenirs from his clients and his massive album collection held no photographs. Now his office not only pushed some of his clients' souvenirs from their revered spaces but between the spaces there were framed pictures of Donna, their wedding, and now their baby daughter. Just to make it perfect there were pictures of Harvey, their wedding and now their baby on Donna's desk as well Scottie had observed as she had passed by into Harvey's office. She was surprised there was not a new pitbull preventing entrance into the named partner's office but she supposed no one would take Donna's place and there her desk would remain empty until she did return.
"How about lunch?" Harvey had invited.
"No, thank you, Harvey," Scottie said looking at her watch which read 10:30 am. "I'm meeting with a client at 11:00 and it may take a couple of hours."
"Oh," Harvey responded. He looked at his onetime love. She was still pretty, petite, and knew that underneath she was as a determined and smart a lawyer has he was himself. That was one thing that had attracted him. Her legal mind clicked with his automatically. He just could never feel for her what he had finally realized he would only feel for Donna.
"Well how about a brunch? I read about your case in New York Lawyer. The Bendix Corporation and the giant merger with Crossex? How did you pull that off? Thomas Bendix had come to us first to avoid a merger and we showed him the advantages and disadvantages and he said no. So how did you get him to say yes?" Harvey inquired enthusiastically.
"Ok, we'll have brunch right now and I will tell you. However, there is one thing about this brunch, Harvey," Scottie said smiling at how happy she was to be talking to her friend once again.
"What's that?" Harvey asked with raised eyebrows.
"Of course, I am," Harvey agreed as he accompanied Dana out of his office and followed behind.
"So, how's the womanizing Harvey Specter like marriage and fatherhood?" Scottie asked amused by the fact that he really seemed happy. They had been talking of legal matters and different cases. In the interim the secretary at Scottie's client's office had called and had to postpone their 11:00 am meeting which left Scottie the whole morning before checking out of her hotel to venture back to California.
Harvey did not say anything for a moment. He thought hard for a second. It was not that he was NOT happy, but marriage, pregnancy, and premature fatherhood had come in less than a year. He and Donna's wedding anniversary was next month and, God willing, Amanda would be three months old.
"To tell you the truth, it's good. I recommend it wholeheartedly," Harvey said smiling seriously into Scottie's blue gaze.
"Well, I suppose it is good when you marry the right person," Scottie had said looking for Harvey's resolute acknowledgment in his eyes that he was happy.
"There it is. That twinkle in your eye and your smile. You really are happy" Scottie said. "Then I am happy for you."
Harvey started to laugh. "Why? Did you come back here just to see if I really was happy? What did Marcus tell you? I know he and you still talk. He doesn't tell me, but I know. Isn't his wife jealous of you?"
"Don't change the subject and, no, Dottie is just fine with my relationship with her husband. Harvey. I care about you. We meant something to each other at one time."
"Scottie," Harvey said taking her hand as she started to rise. "I still care about you, but I must have always been in love with Donna and I'm sorry that I hurt you on the road to realizing it. I assure you. There is someone out there for you."
"That's ok, Harvey. I didn't come here to hear platitudes thrown at me. I just came to be sure that you are happy. You do deserve to be, you know."
"Well, I don't know about that. I don't regret many things, but I do wish I could have handled us differently."
Scottie grabbed his hand and said, "Really it is ok. I understand. If I had not been so blinded by my love for you, I would have noticed how much you and Donna belong together."
"I hear that all the time. I guess we were the last to know."
"Guess so," said Scottie.
After a meditative moment, Scottie rose and said she really needed to get a cab back to her hotel as her flight was leaving later that evening and she had not checked out yet.
"Say, I'll call, Ray. He can take you back,…."
"No, he can't," said a recognizable female voice.
"Donna!" Harvey said with surprise in his voice.
"Donna." Scottie said and then she tried to diffuse the moment with sincere congratulations on their marriage and baby but Donna's furious look brooked no statement - pleasant or otherwise.
Scottie signaled her leave and then left leaving Harvey and Donna to their own ends.
Harvey took his wife's hand and said, "What are you doing here?"
"Did you forget you were to have lunch with me and then go see the baby?" Donna said sitting down. "Of course, you forgot. Dana Scott had you captivated. I should've known only she would keep you from your wife and baby."
"Donna, honey, her showing up at my office was just as much a surprise for me as it was for you. She came in my office and dropped a present for the baby on my desk in front of me. I was going to kill the person who interrupted me until I looked up and it was..."
"Scottie. Yeah, I figured," Donna said testily. "You need a gatekeeper while I'm not there, Specter. Next time it might be someone with a grudge just walking in your office." Then calming down a little because she had not caught her husband and his former flame in an illicit embrace, she ventured, "So what's happening with Dana Scott these days?"
Harvey smiled and taking Donna's hand and kissing it and then holding it in his own.
"You're jealous," Harvey said.
"I'm Donna. I'm never jealous. I don't need to be," she said with not as much conviction as she once would have. Being Harvey's secretary was one thing which she excelled. However, being his wife left her sometimes with insecurities.
"That's right," Harvey said rising and walking over to her side of the table. He bent and kissed her deeply. "You never need to be."
Riding home in the limousine later that evening, Harvey was actually dreading to see Donna. He knew she was going to kill him. First of all, he knew she did not believe that his brunch with Scottie was all that innocent and then court kept him past four and then he had to finish some notes for tomorrow's meetings. He definitely missed Donna the secretary, but he did love having Donna the wife. She was usually just as efficient at home as she always had been in the office. One thing he never had to stand as Donna's boss but one thing that disturbed him as Donna's husband - jealousy. Harvey knew he had only placated her feelings for a little while; though, they parted back at the office friendly enough. She kissed him goodbye and was saddened that she would have to feed Amanda alone. Harvey looked at his watch 11:15 pm. He was a dead man. That he knew.
The lights were off in the condo when he arrived home as he had expected. He laid his keys down on the kitchen table and standing by itself was a bottle of champagne wrapped in a pink wrapper in the ice bucket. Harvey pulled at the note attached to the bucket. It was written in Donna's hand and it simply said," Come to the bedroom for a surprise." Harvey smirked and grabbing the bottle took it with him and progressed down the hallway toward their bedroom.
He arrived at the bedroom to find Donna, dressed in her pink knit bathrobe standing next to the crib which they had moved into their bedroom from the nursery feeling that Amanda was safer if they did not have to trek the couple extra feet into the nursery. As Harvey approached his wife, he was not sure what to expect. However when he looked down into the crib, he put his arm around Donna and she, in turn, pulled him close to her.
"I gather this is my surprise," Harvey whispered into Donna's ear absorbing her scent mingled with Amanda's newborn baby smell.
"Yes, I had wanted to tell you earlier that she was good to come home. I am ashamed, though, that I was feeling a little hostile and thought you really didn't care. Then I realized you had court and I knew you would stay very late, and I couldn't reach you while I was in the hospital so I thought I could do it myself with a little help from Ray. You know, you need to give that man a raise, Harvey. He has gone above and beyond the call of a limousine driver."
"I'll take it under consideration," Harvey murmured as he fully embraced Donna and kissed her slowly and deeply.
Stopping in his ministrations temporarily, he looked at Donna and said, "I thought you were going to kill me after how we left things this afternoon."
"Well, I was honestly going to make you pay for that little thing this afternoon, but I thought I would just guilt you over it when you weren't expecting it," Donna said stepping back in his embrace smirking at him which elicited a smile from her husband.
Abruptly stopping their affection, Donna said, "I have another surprise for you."
"What's that?" Harvey continued to punctuate his speech with little kisses which he trailed down Donna's neck and shoulder. Seeing the baby they had made together had fired all of Harvey's passions. Also the knowledge that Donna was not mad at him and had even brought the baby home herself made him feel incredibly thankful, grateful, and completely in love with his wife.
"I'll be right back. Keep an eye on her," Donna said winking an eye at him.
After he watched her figure sashay to the other side of the bedroom, he resumed gazing at his daughter. She had grown in only the few days he had not seen her. He hoped that the days when he wouldn't see his daughter upon returning home were gone. Although he felt complete with Donna, he felt that little part of them which had remained in the hospital left them both a little disconcerted not completely at peace. Donna felt the same way she acknowledged aloud to him. They tried to lose themselves in each other but that little insecurity would rear its ugly head and sometimes lead to unsettled feelings between them. They had not made love for at least a month which even in his single days was a long time for Harvey. It was not that they did not want each other it was just that Donna was always tired from running back and forth daily from the hospital and expressing milk, and Harvey was just tired from not having a secretary and having to lean a lot more on himself and Mike and Rachel.
As he stared at the tiny red haired baby, he placed his seemingly large hand on her little chest and watched it as it gently rose and fell. He bent down and he really wanted to pick her up but decided that she might fuss and waken and then Donna would probably really kill him.
"If you wake her up, you're putting her back to sleep. Then you will miss this. Harvey turn around," Donna commanded softly from behind him.
He turned around and Harvey was captivated once again by the beauty of his wife. She was dressed in the negligee that she never got to wear on their honeymoon (her sister forgot to pack it) and then becoming pregnant shortly after she had not had the shape for it. Harvey thought his wife would have looked great in a paper sack let alone a negligee.
Without a word, Harvey stepped toward Donna drinking in her voluptuous appearance. The black short slip was made entirely of lace and barely cupped her large breasts. Her legs were bare but she wore a pair of black rhinestone encrusted high heeled mules. Covering her like a cloud was a transparent black silk robe with satin lining the front which had been left open and the cuffs of the long sleeves.
Harvey kissed Donna and opened her mouth with his. She was still holding the bottle of champagne and blindly setting it down enclosed her husband's neck with both arms. Quietly Harvey backed her up until her knees hit the back of the bed where he let her drop. Harvey removed his suit jacket quickly and then undid his tie slowly never taking his eyes off Donna as she lay there watching his every move. It's been so long he thought. He teasingly slid his tie from his neck and then quickly dispensed with his shirt and trousers.
Donna smiled as she watched her husband undress. This afternoon, she departed mildly miffed with Harvey after catching him with Scottie, but she knew that Harvey had always been hers and she reassured herself that she caught them in a restaurant not in a hotel room. Donna rose from the satin covered bed and was in the midst of removing the black cloud from around her when Harvey whispered, "Let me do that." As he bared a shoulder he kissed the shoulder. Donna inhaled him deeply. His signature cologne was not lost on her. She touched him almost reverently and then looking deeply into his brown depths she pulled him to the bed. Harvey quickly removed Donna's slip and with two fingers felt how ready she was for him. He slipped into her with a deep sigh and they moved together both finally succumbing to quiet heights as they did not want to wake the baby from across the room.
They woke a couple of hours later in each other's arms to the sound of Amanda's cries. Each had been so lost in their slumber and their renewing of each other that they had forgotten they now had a baby.
"Do you have a bottle ready?" Harvey quietly asked Donna who still lay in his arms in a fog. She tried to rise but Harvey prevented her and said, "If you have a bottle made, I'll feed her. I missed all of yesterday. You go back to sleep."
With Harvey's gaze still upon her, Donna responded, "Yes there are bottles already made. I left one on top of the little refrigerator. It should be warm enough to give her. You'll have to warm it if not, though."
"Oh," Harvey said feeling that maybe Donna should just do this feeding after all.
"Come on, Specter. I know I earned a little more sleep, don't you think….daddy?" Donna said winking at him.
Harvey rolled his eyes and thought how little he could resist Donna's anything. "You got me."
"Love you, Specter," Donna said as she held the covers open for Harvey get out of bed to comfort Amanda.
He managed to put on his pajama pants and in nothing else go pick up the baby. Looking down at that little life in his hands, Harvey's heart could not help but swell as he gazed down upon her. This is my daughter he acknowledged to himself and not for the first time.
"If you ever grow up and tease the boys as nonchalantly as your mother, I am going to have my hands full. If I ever catch you doing what your grandmother did to your grandfather, you are going to be punished heavily…." Harvey kept saying to Amanda as she had quieted and kept blinking her eyes at the man who held her. He knew she didn't understand a word he said but he knew she knew his voice.
"Yes, it's daddy. The best closer in NY, so that makes you the best baby in NY. I love you little baby. You're daddy's girl, aren't you?," Harvey kept talking to her as he heated her bottle and then carried her into the nursery and sat in the rocking chair which had barely been used since they had refurbished his study into a nursery.
Donna could not help but laugh quietly at how the great Harvey Specter turned into a pile of mush when he was talking to his daughter. So far, Specter, you're doing fine as a dad Donna thought as she lay there just listening. She knew Harvey could handle being a father. He had been a good husband and he was definitely turning out to be a good dad.
Harvey confidently fed and burped little Amanda. Every time he looked at her or looked at her mother, he realized the responsibility he had fully accepted. Once he would have balked at losing his "different woman every night" and highly carefree and expensive lifestyle; however, now he realized that there could be no better high than to make love consistently to the same woman who knew you and loved you for who you were. He could count on that woman warming his bed and loving him with all his faults. He then looked back down at the child they had created with their love. Right now, Harvey felt like a million bucks much more now than if he had just outsmarted the opposition in a difficult court case. He acknowledged those joyous feelings, but he realized they were temporary and were not quite as fulfilling as when they could be shared with someone who cared about him and, he, in return, could love and protect.
Harvey realized that he could handle being a father. He could approach it like he approached everything else in his life. Intrepidly and without fear because raising children could have it ups and downs but as long as the child knows that you will always be there for them and love them for who they are then a father can be guided in his footsteps. He acknowledged that Donna's help would be invaluable as well because she was learning to be a mother as she had learned to be his wife although she had had a leg up on that since they had been together that first time.
Eventually Harvey rocked Amanda back to sleep. Donna had slipped out of bed and put on his Harvard hoodie. She walked the few steps into the nursery and took the baby from a sleeping Harvey. She put the baby back into bed and then creeping back over to Harvey smiled and placed a kiss on his forehead. Harvey woke and Donna placed a finger on his lips to quiet him as he woke alarmed. He smiled and rising from the rocking chair put his arm around his wife and accompanied her back to their bed to sleep peacefully the rest of the night.