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Love's Labors Lost

By Honey Apostos

Humor

Chapter 1

Wray Nerely continues reading from a stack of paperwork that sits on the table in front of him.  “No.”   He says and sets another sheet face down on the far side of the table.   There are three stacks of paperwork spread out on Jack Moore's dining table labeled “Yes”,  “No” and “Please Don't.”  Faith, Jack's personal assistant, brings another stack of paperwork and sets it down on top of the work to be sorted through.  “No.”  Wray says looking at Faith.  “No more.  Please?”

Faith sits down next to Wray and smiles, “It's okay Wray I'm here with you.   It's not that bad, is it?”

“I don't know.  You tell me.”  Wray says picking up a fresh sheet and reads, “Spectrum flies into an field of wild space pot and everyone gets super high.  Tiffany takes all of her clothes off.” Wray turns the sheet over and places it on the “No” pile.  “What was Jack thinking?”

“Jack was probably thinking that good ideas come from anywhere and everywhere and that since fans were so generous with helping us fund this movie their ideas might help get the creative process going.  Without a script there is no movie.  At the moment there is no script.”  Faith answers.   “Think of this as a labor of love.”

“This was your idea wasn't it?” Wray asks.

Faith picks up a sheet, reads it and adds it to the “No” pile.  “It was a joint venture.  Personal assistants do more than screen calls and pick up dry cleaning Wray especially when they get the right boss.”

“I wouldn't know.  I've never had one.”

“You've had them on set haven't you?”  Faith asks.

“Yes.”

“Didn't they help you in unexpected ways?”

Wray thinks for a moment, “I was so nervous about having one I don't remember.”

“I like working for Jack.  He's a nice guy.  The work is easy for me. As long as he's busy I get to keep working for him.  So let's plant the seed of an idea that will help create a script.”  Faith picks up another sheet. “Jell-o fight between Tiffany, Dawn, and Brenda in exchange for the crew's survival from an alien life form.  Definitely a 'No'.”

“Still a labor of love?” Wray asks.

Faith smiles.

“Bree is dead.  Any ideas with Bree in them is an automatic 'No'.” He says.

Faith smiles more.

“What?” Wray asks.

“Bree is only dead if the story takes place after the last episode.”

“Why wouldn't we pick up where the last episode left off?”

“It's a movie.  We can do anything Wray.  Why limit ourselves?” Faith asks as her phone rings.  “It's Jack.”  She says and puts the phone on speaker.

“Hi guys.  How's it going?”

“Fine.”  Faith says.

“Terrible.”  Wray says.

“Have you been online this morning?”  Jack asks.

“No.”  They answer.

“Dawn has been tweeting about some great story that is going to make this movie an instant hit.  Everyone is talking about it.   I have been getting texts for the last hour from people who want to be in it.  In our movie.”

Faith rises from her seat to return with a laptop.   She is online and has Dawn's tweets pulled up.

Wray leans over Faith's shoulder to read some of the tweets.

“Wow.”  He says.

“It's great isn't it?”   Jack asks.  “Would you take a quick look at the story idea?”

Wray stands up and starts shuffling through the pages.

“It's 5200.  That should be somewhere at the top of the stack.”  Faith whispers.  “5200” she repeats.

Wray finds it and starts reading, quickly.  Faith reads over Wray's shoulder this time.   “You don't want this one Jack.  It's a plug for some woman's blog.”

Faith pulls up the blog post.  They both read.   “She changed her story.”   Faith whispers.

“She changed her story.”  Wray looks from the screen to the printed page.  “She changed her story, bringing Bree back to life and making her queen of some...ah...ninja zombies?”   Wray points to the page, Faith reads it and confirms what he has read with a silent nod.

“Everyone is talking about it.  Peter Dinklage can't wait to sign on.”  Jack continues.

“Peter Dinklage?”  Wray repeats.

“He wants to play Dobby.  I'm not sure a character named Dobby is the best idea.  We need to make sure that it isn't going to be copyright issue.”   Jack says.

“Dobby's a cat.  Tell Peter Dinklage that he'd be playing a pussy...cat.”  Wray says.

“Just a sec.” Jack picks up another phone and starts tapping away. Wray and Faith can hear the ping signaling Peter's response in the background. “He says he knows Dobby's a cat but it looks like fun.”

Wray shakes his head as he reads, “I am reading this but there's just not enough Spectrum, Jack.  There's not enough Spectrum.”

“That's just setting.  We'll move the whole thing into space.”

“There are ninja zombies.  What the hell are ninja zombies and how did they get into space?”  Wray asks.  “How are you going to explain that?”

Another ping is heard.   “Just a sec.”  Jack says.  “That was Bill Murray he says that he would like to play Bob.”

Wray and Faith continue reading.  Faith points to the bottom of the screen.

“Bob's dead.  We don't see the character or find out anything about Bob until his death scene.”  Wray says.

“We don't really need an actor for Bob then do we?”  Jack asks.

“Not so much.”

“It sounds like we need to take a closer look at that one before committing to anything.”  Jack says.  "I'll tweet that the idea is a 'maybe' but that we are going to explore all possible avenues before making a final decision.”

“Good idea Jack.”  Wray says.

“Now for the other reason I'm calling, PJ Haars wants to meet with me.  In person.  He says that he has some ideas.”

“You're in the middle of filming you can't leave the country.”  Wray says.

“No I can't, that's why we're sneaking him in.  There's a convention in...this weekend.  We'll meet PJ there.”

Wray looks at Faith.

“Daytona Beach.”  Faith says.

“Yeah.  We're going to meet him in Florida.   Faith do me a favor...Activate the Prism.  We're going to need some help pulling this off.”

“You've got it.”  Faith says.

“Prism?”  Wray asks.

“The Agents of Spectrum.   A secret group of fans that came together to protect all that is Spectrum.”  Jack says.

“How long have they been around?”

“A few years.”  Faith says.  “Only Jack knows who they are.  The Prism begins and ends with Jack.”

“Sorry I didn't tell you Wray.  Faith is right nobody knows anything about it except me.”

“And Faith.” Wray points out.

“Yeah me and Faith.”

“Put Safety First on getting PJ from the airport to the convention without being seen.” Jack says.

“Safety is always with you.  She's not going to like it.”  Faith warns.

“Tell her I know she's not happy with me but I really need her to do this and I promise I'll make it up to her.”

“She loves it when you say that.”  Faith says.

“Yeah.  It's kind of our thing.”   Jack admits.

“They have a thing?”  Wray asks Faith.  “You have a thing with some super actor protector that I don't even know about?”

“I wouldn't say that I'm a Super Actor.   I am good.”

“No Safety First, she's a super actor protector.”   Wray says.

“That's nice Wray but you said that you didn't know her.”   Jack says.

“I don't.”

“That's quite a complement for a woman that you haven't even met.  Should I be jealous?”

Wray mutters to himself and looks at Faith.

She mouths the words, “Labor of Love.”

“N...No.”  Wray answers.

“Good because I'm not giving up my best agent.  She's my girl.”

Faith taps away on the keys of the laptop.  “I have you boys all set up for Florida.”

“Okay great.   Wray?”

“Yes?”

“We're making a Spectrum movie!” Jack exclaims.

“Yes Jack we are.”

“I'll see you in Florida man!”

“I'll see you there.”

Faith hangs up the phone.

Wray looks at the piles of paperwork.  “So I guess we're done here?”

“Only if you're excited about going to war with Dawn and her ninja zombies.”

“It wouldn't hurt to find a few more ideas.”  Wray says.

Start writing here ...
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