Before Mogo Doesn't Socialize
Author's Note: This store originally appeared at the DC2 Universe fanfiction site, although the only reference to that universe's continuity is a tiny reference to Dumb Bunny.
Deep within the planet Oa, in the Hall of Great Service, Arisia smiled as yet another of Tomar-Re's stories came to an end. "Wow, you sure know some terrific tales of the Green Lantern Corps. Have you any more?"
Tomar-Re scratched the scalloped fin on his head, wondering whether he could tell his most unbelievable story yet. Still, he'd heard it from another Green Lantern, and it was unthinkable that they would lie. Finally, unable to think of any other tale, he threw caution to the wind. "Remember that time I told you about Mogo, and how he didn't socialize because of his gravitational pull?"
Arisia nodded. That had been a great story.
"Well, that might not be the whole truth," Tomar-Re said. "Here's a tale that Guy Gardner once told me:"
Urban Legends of the Green Lantern Corps: Mogo Does Socialize
It was seven days to go before G'nort would say the worst sentence ever said, although whatever he'd just whispered to Katma Tui must have come fairly close - it was the first time that Tomar-Re had seen her visibly blush. Just as G'nort was about to move on and challenge Kilowog to a fight, Tomar-Re decided it best to step in, tactfully pulling G'nort aside.
"Hey, Tomar, how's this for a tail of the Green Lantern Corps," G'nort shouted, pointing to his butt.
"I take it this is the first time you've tried alcohol?" Tomar-Re said sternly.
"Yep, been sluicing loose juice all night. Mogo introduced me to it."
"Ah, Mogo, I might have guessed."
"He saw I was a bit overawed by all the other Green Lanterns so turned up as a hologram to chat with me. Told me all about his life, about why he became a party planet."
"He's definitely that," said Tomar-Re, as he looked around at the latest Green Lantern getaway that Mogo had organized. Practically a sea of green, apart from the blues of the swimming pool and the Guardians of the Universe, all gathered around the pool in their red speedos. "No wonder everyone prefers this place to Oa. "
"Actually, Mogo told me Oa's a bit of a goer," confided G'nort. "He and Oa have history. They've shared orbits, worlds have collided and earths have moved, if you catch my drift." His furry paw pulled Tomar-Re closer, as his other paw gestured towards the Guardians of the Universe. He whispered conspiratorially, "Don't tell the blue man group over there, but while they think they moved to Oa of their own accord, Oa actually lured them there to satisfy her Smurf fetish."
Tomar-Re shook his head. "Preposterous."
"It must be true, Guy Gardner told me," reasoned G'nort.
"Why can't Mogo be like other planets, just keep himself to himself and wander round in circles?"
"Well, he says the gravitational pull of another planet can be a strong attraction," said G'nort, suddenly lucid and full of exposition. "Of course, because of the masses involved, such relationships can end up messily, so most planets tend to settle down into their own orbit after a while, maybe raise their own lifeforms. Mogo, on the other hand, still liked the company of others, so he settled into a nice orbit, with the nicest weather, and became a pleasure planet."
"Yep, Mogo does like to socialize," said Tomar-Re. "Don't think there's another planet, even including Oa, where I've seen so many Green Lanterns. Everyone's here, from the greatest Green Lanterns like Guy Gardner all the way down to -" He stopped his sentence short as he realized where it was heading.
"That's okay," said G'nort, as he sat down, suddenly maudlin. "G'nort by name, and G'nort by nature. I know my place. Wish I could be more like Mogo A-Go-Go."
"I was going to say 'all the way down to me'," said Tomar-Re. "Amongst all these Green Lanterns, and next to Mogo, who can't help but feel small." Tomar-Re looked down to the ground as he remembered feeling small and helpless a long time ago, but that was a different planet altogether, a planet he'd never forget. "Speaking of small, I heard from the Guardians that Leezle Pon, the intelligent smallpox virus, managed to spread himself all the way here, and then there's Dkrtzy Rrr, the abstract mathematical progression -"
"Rrr?" interrupted G'nort, growling the name. "How many Rs in that?"
"An infinite number - the R stands for recurring," explained Tomar-Re. "Anyway, he converged here too. Sadly only the Guardians detect him, so his aesthetic beauty and mathematical symmetry is lost on the likes of us. They also say that following tonight's celebrations, he's threatening to wipe all our memories so we wake up in the morning thinking we've done something really terrible the night before."
And that was the last thing G'Nort remembered of that night.
It was six days to go until G'nort said the worst sentence ever said.
The party was over, the dog had had his day, and while the other Green Lanterns woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and flew off back to their various sectors, G'nort's eyes were far from bright and his tail was far from bushy. His brain was full of cobwebs; he couldn't remember much from the night before, and realized that Dkrtzy Rrr must have carried out his threat. What a prankster? Still, G'nort wasn't going to fall for his trick. All he knew for sure was that, whatever had happened last night, he didn't feel at all well. He really hoped he hadn't contracted Leezle Pon. He concentrated really hard, until his head hurt even more, and his ring spluttered into life, first diagnosing him as suffering from a first-degree hangover, and then gleefully playing back the lowlights of the night before.G'nort looked on in horror as he clung to a Green Lantern's leg, singing "Tomar-Re, Tomar-Re, I love ya, Tomar-Re!" at the top of his lungs. It certainly cleared away the cobwebs, but not the sorrow.
G'nort finally emerged from his luxury multistorey kennel to face the day. Normally, he would have been eager to protect his sector, but after what his ring had shown him of last night, he figured that his sector probably needed protecting from himself most of all.
Anybody else would have been eager to get rid of G'nort, a Green Lantern who tended to outstay his welcome upon arrival, but Mogo, whose heart was as big as a planet's, and who felt somewhat responsible for G'nort's fragile state, made the mistake of telling G'nort he could stay as long as he wanted.
And so began the best week of G'nort's life... and the worst of Mogo's.
The first day started off well, as Mogo provided G'nort with the finest food to eat, the lushest greenery to romp through, a bright sun to keep G'nort warm and a gentle breeze to keep him cool. On top of that were the holographic servant constructs that Mogo conjured up to attend to G'nort's every whim.
However, days don't last forever, no matter how slowly Mogo turned, and so it was that the brightest of days turned into the blackest of nights. It began with darkness falling across the land, and Mogo's gentlest land tremors sending G'nort to sleep. As intense peace and quiet descended, the only sound that could be heard was G'nort's snoring.
And that snoring got louder and louder and louder, and then it got louder still. But that in itself wasn't a problem, Mogo had numerous inhabitants, of varying volumes, so this was nothing new and soon Mogo was sound asleep.
And then G'nort was yelling at the top of his lungs, "Mogo!"
Mogo awoke, ready for action, and projected a hologram into G'nort's room, "What is it? Is the sector under attack?"
"Hate to be a pain, but do you have to spin so fast?"
"Sure, no problem," said Mogo, slowing down. "Goodnight, G'nort."
And with that, his hologram faded and sleep was restored for another full ten minutes, before G'nort was waking him once again, asking Mogo if he could do something about the gravity, but after that it was all sleep with no interruptions, apart from the occasional "Mogo! Did you hear something?" and "Mogo! Can you read me a story," and the perennial "Mogo! Did you turn into cheese or was I just dreaming?"
It was five days to go until G'nort said the worst sentence ever said, and Mogo woke up feeling cold. Looking up, he saw a large green barrier blocking off the sun.
Keeping his cool, both literally and figuratively, Mogo patiently explained to G'nort that it might have been easier if he'd worn sunglasses to avoid the sun's glare, rather than plunge part of Mogo into an ice age. In return, G'nort patiently explained that he wouldn't have needed to if Mogo had been at a sensible angle.
Luckily, Mogo had a sense of humor, and so the world kept turning.
It was four days to go until G'nort said the worst sentence ever said, and he decided to make up for his faux pas of the day before, by giving Mogo a moon as a present. "Moon, Mogo. Mogo, moon," he'd said, introducing them, just before the new moon along with the thawing of yesterday's ice age, caused giant tsunamis.
Still, luckily G'nort was there to save the day, surfing in on his green surfboard and rescuing the vacationers on the beaches, while Mogo just lay there. And then Mogo had the nerve to complain about his gift, no doubt jealous because G'nort was the hero of the beach. Mogo didn't even seem to cheer up when G'nort revealed he'd pulled some strings and got Mogo on the waiting list for an interview with Dumb Bunny. There was no pleasing some planets.
It was three days to go until G'nort said the worst sentence ever said, and while hologram servants were looking after G'nort, Mogo had now needed to add doctors and nurses to deal with his hypochondria and a psychoanalyst to deal with his neuroses.
Meanwhile, following the recent ice age and tsunamis, Mogo's tourist trade was drying up. If it wasn't the disasters driving them away, it was G'nort's trying to be friends with them. Some Green Lanterns clearly weren't meant to socialize. Still, Mogo tried to remain optimistic, despite the bad reviews on Planet Advisor.
It was two days to go until G'nort said the worst sentence ever said, and the hologram psychoanalyst had now grown to a whole team, and while they were making G'nort feel better, it was having the opposite effect on Mogo, forced to listen to the furry Green Lantern's problems all day.
As if that wasn't bad enough, he had a Guardian turning up the next day to give him his annual Green Lantern appraisal. He just hoped they wouldn't ask where he wanted to be a year from now. He'd be in exactly the same position, of course. Didn't they understand the concept of orbits?
It was one day to go until G'nort said the worst sentence ever said, and the little blue man wasn't happy with Mogo.
Normally, all the bad guys in his sector would be too busy enjoying themselves on Mogo, having their every pleasure taken care of, to do any wrongdoing, but now that G'nort's actions had driven them away, the crime rate had rocketed.
"It was G'nort," Mogo explained, but the blue man, just frowned, and pointed out that G'nort was exemplary, their Green Lantern of the week, his sector's disasters having plummeted in the last few days.
And then, to make matters even worse, the blue man asked Mogo where he saw himself this time next year.
It was the day that G'nort said the worst sentence ever said, the insult that would make a monk out of Mogo, but neither of them knew it yet.
Mogo woke up happier than he had in a long time. He'd been spinning frantically to get through the past few days, and now it was finally time for G'nort to leave.
"It's been fun," said G'nort. "Can't wait till next time." And then, as if that wasn't bad enough, he went on to say the worst sentence that's ever been said, before flying off into space.
It was just too much for Mogo. He now knew where he wanted to be a year from now: alone. The universe wasn't big enough for him and G'nort. Until that day, he'd thought that he had no fear, but now he knew he was wrong. As his ground trembled and his skies darkened and the long rain that would drive the remaining tourists away began, he knew what needed to be done. He needed to be alone, at least for now, and so it was that he got the Guardians to get Dkrtzy Rrr to remove all memory of him from everyone's minds, especially G'nort's, so that they'd never remember him and how much fun he was to be around.
And as for the sentence that G'nort said, well, now he doesn't remember it. The only person who remembers it is Mogo, and he isn't telling because, as everyone knows, Mogo doesn't socialize.
"Talk about a shaggy dog story. Should have quit while you were ahead," Arisia said.
"Wait," pleaded Tomar Re, "I've just remembered another one."
"You've got to be kidding. After that wad of skubitzny?" And with that, she walked off into another adventure.
"Arisia?" he shouted after her, his voice echoing through the Hall of Great Service. "Arisia?"
But his shouts were in vain, Arisia never returned, and that was how the Green Lantern known as Tomar-Re learned that some stories just don't need prequels.