Dave Davies awoke, it was Thursday morning, and the sun was shining through the bedroom window of his small London flat. He was not happy. Mick Avory had been in his dreams yet again. Mick Avory, the young man he had met just three days ago, but Dave could not remove him from his thoughts. He sighed. What could he do? The situation was hopeless. Dave glanced at the clock and saw it was after nine.
He decided to stay in bed a little longer to think things over. Dave sighed again, and pulled the covers over his head. Part of him hated himself for the attraction he was feeling for another man.
These feelings were robbing him of his masculinity. Another part of him did not want to let these feelings go, as he was sure he had never felt this way before about anyone in his life.
To Dave, Mick was positively the most beautiful thing that had ever existed. How could he ever stop thinking about him?
Dave often wondered what it would be like to fall in love for the first time. Only Dave never thought the person he would feel something special for would be another man. How could this be? He had always had girlfriends right through school, he always assumed that one day he would get married and have children. Why did he feel this way now? How could a person he had only seen once and didn't even know bewitch him so suddenly, and completely?
His brother Ray had introduced him to Mick, who had been chosen to play the drums for their band, The Ravens -which brought about another problem. They were not entirely happy with the name of the band, but it seemed to Dave that it was too late trying to come up with a better one, as it proved to be tricky.
Another thing that irritated Dave was the fact that Ray and Pete had selected a drummer without involving him.
Once again, because he was just sixteen, and the rest of the band members were older than him, he had been pushed out, and they had made the decision without asking him.
His many problems, the band, his brother, his life in general and they were really getting him down. Dave knew he would see Mick again today for band practice, and what were the chances of Mick returning his feelings? A man with Mick’s beauty was bound to have women all over him, Mick was also three years older than Dave, Mick was nineteen, a grown man, whereas Dave was still a boy. As Dave lay in his bed, he recalled what had happened that Monday afternoon three days ago when Ray had called him on the phone to let him know they had selected a new drummer.
Dave was not happy at all that he had not been consulted first, but, of course, he had to meet the new guy.
It did not help that Dave had just broken up with another girlfriend, because for weeks they had done nothing but argue, and Dave had grown tired of it, but he didn't care about that; there were plenty more fish in the sea, and Dave made up his mind that he was going to find himself a new bird before the week was out.
Dave was very sure of himself too, as he had always had the talent for pulling, and knew it would not be a problem for him. Dave got dressed in his best clothes then made his way to the cafe in Muswell Hill, which was where he and Ray had grown up and where Ray was still living at this point. The cafe was where they had arranged to meet with the drummer. Dave also decided to give Ray a piece of his mind for not consulting him about hiring new band members.
When Dave arrived at the cafe, he wasted no time telling Ray exactly how he felt about the whole idea of being excluded from major band decisions. Dave became more annoyed by the quiet and relaxed attitude of his older brother, who simply said, "Dave, calm down, he was the only one who showed up, and he's magnificent, that's why we hired him straight away."
Pete, who had showed and was sitting quietly, finally spoke up, "Yeah and he's really nice, you'll like him."
Dave, however, did not care how nice the drummer was, but he did care about making sure he would always be included in band business matters. Being the best looking member of the group, Dave wanted to ensure it stayed that way. "Well as long as he's not better looking than me!" He whispered aggressively.
Ray and Pete looked at each other in disbelief at how childish Dave could sometimes be, and told him to come inside, as their new drummer was waiting to meet him. Dave followed behind them still sulking about not being consulted about the drummer, and not really caring about meeting him at all, or even talking to him. Dave then looked around at the people in the cafe, and was just getting ready to go over and talk to a girl he saw, and liked the way she looked when Ray patted him on the shoulder, and pointed out the young man to him.
Not really wanting to know, Dave grudgingly looked up and…..suddenly Dave's whole world, and his entire life changed in a heartbeat, never to be the same again!
The young man before his eyes was so beautiful, about his own height, and had such a lovely face that Dave could not believe what he was seeing!
Dark brown hair, beautiful lips, enchanting green eyes!
Dave stood there unable to move; he was almost hypnotised on the spot, as if what he was seeing was not really there, this beautiful creature could not possibly be human, could he be an angel? It almost seemed to Dave as if this gorgeous young man was wasted as a drummer.
Ray got Dave out of this trance he was in, by pushing him along and telling him to stop daydreaming!Dave would generally have kicked off and when he felt Ray was talking down to him, but this time he was far too distracted. Dave felt weak at the knees as he approached this beautiful young man. Ray said to Dave, "Dave, this is Mick, he's going to be our drummer, Mick this is my brother Dave."
Mick smiled shyly at Dave, who noticed what a kind face he had. Mick offered Dave his hand saying, "Hello Dave, nice to meet you."
Dave was unable to speak, he was so mesmerised by Mick, that he wondered there and then if he had ever truly known what real beauty was. All Dave could do was take Mick's hand to shake it and feel it's warmth- he had never had a feeling quite like this.
Attempting to get into a conversation with Mick as they sat at the table with their drinks, Dave finally brought himself to speak to Mick, and asked, "So er… picking... a question totally at random, have you got a girlfriend?"
The words did not come out very well, because of his heart beating faster than it normally did, and the feeling of butterflies in his tummy as he eyed this beautiful, shy looking young man with awe and fascination. Mick looked away shyly and said, "Er… no… no I haven't, not any more."
It was very hard for Dave to say very much else to Mick after that, because Ray and Pete came over to join them and took over the conversation. This was fine by Dave, as he felt so strange, unable to work out exactly why he was feeling for a complete stranger the way he did.
Dave spent the rest of their meeting in silence, listening to the other two getting to know Mick, and vice versa.He also spent his time looking at Mick when he had the chance, he could not help it.
As Dave lay in bed, he was lost in thought about the life changing events those three days ago.
It was no good just lying in bed all day, and he decided that he ought to get up.
Dave slowly climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom, he needed a shower.
The warm water ran down him, over his dark, wavy and fairly long hair that he had stubbornly told his mother he was growing - if long hair was what was in fashion these days, so be it.
When his hair and his whole body was wet with the warm water, Dave reached for a bar of soap which he loved the smell of; a scent that made him think of clean linen and fresh flowers. He wet the soap and began smoothing the soap all over himself, until he was covered and the fragrance even better, it was a fragrance that reminded him very much of Mick's beautiful scent, he had noticed this as they had sat together on that day.
Oh, how Dave longed to see him again!
He thought of beautiful Mick as the water gushed over his hair, his face and his body.
It was then that Dave did something he had never done before, he leaned against the wall, his right hand made its way to his semi-hard penis. He thought of Mick and began to pleasure himself. Dave closed his eyes, he imagined beautiful Mick was there in the shower with him. Mick’s alluring, jade-green eyes looking into his own pale blue ones. Dave could almost feel that Mick was there, touching him, kissing him all over.
He thought of Mick getting down to his knees, his beautiful mouth opening, his tongue touching the tip of Dave's hard cock, and then he imagined his cock going further into Mick's mouth. Mick moving his hands over Dave's hips, Dave holding Mick's head. He could almost feel Mick's beautiful tongue exploring his cock, and he could almost feel his cock right at the back of Mick's mouth, almost going down his throat.
The pleasure became more and more intense, and Dave could hardly fathom that unbelievable, indescribable, euphoric sensation that was going through his body, clouding his thinking.
Dave could think of nothing other than how good these thoughts and feelings were, he really should jerk off more often! It was causing his hand to ache, but he could hardly think about this small detail, as what he was doing to himself, and what he was thinking felt so incredible!
Dave kept his eyes closed, and he could still envisage that image of Mick, he conceptualized his cock still being in Mick's mouth, and Mick's delicate, gentle hands feeling around his buttocks, caressing his legs and hips!
"Oh....oh Mick," he found himself saying!
The pleasure of this activity distracted Dave from these crazy thoughts that were going through his mind. These crazy feelings he had only begun to experience three days ago when he had met Mick, but these feelings were disturbing and confusing him, so what he was doing in the shower gave him a good feeling, if only physically. Dave's eyes never opened, as he still held onto that beautiful image of Mick in his mind, he thought of all that he longed to do to Mick and all the things he longed for Mick to do to him as he ejaculated!
Dave had never believed any of the boys at school when they had told him how good it felt, but then he had never actually known anyone worth doing it over, never saw the appeal of pleasuring himself, until now.
Dave slumped into a heap with the water still flowing over him, he caught his breath again and murmured, "Oh Mick...Mick, what have you done to me?"
Dave almost honestly believed that Mick Avory had put a spell on him to make him feel this way about him, he really had no idea whether or not to be angry about it, so many mixed feelings went round and round in his mind and had done since Dave met him.
Dave pulled himself up, climbed out of the shower and dried himself off with a towel. He wrapped another towel around his waist, then applied some deodorant.
Still in just a towel, Dave made his way to the kitchen and filled the kettle with water. He placed it on the stove to boil. He was going to make himself a coffee as he did every morning. As the kettle was boiling, he leaned on the kitchen cupboard, sighed and covered his face with his hands.
Wanking in the shower was all well and good, but that pleasurable, personal activity that lasted a mere few minutes would not change anything!
Feeling like this about another man had grave consequences if it got out. He could go to prison or be forced to have treatment, and he did not fancy either of those cruel punishments. Dave began to cry, he was in despair and thoroughly ashamed of himself.
He cried as he thought of family disowning him. What would happen if Mick didn't feel the same way? What would Mick do? What would he say? Even though Mick had seemed such a pleasant and mild-mannered young man, and Dave could not imagine that he would have a nasty bone in his body, unlike himself who could be spoilt, bad-tempered and constantly inclined to clash with Ray.
Why he and his brother were in a band together, he did not know - it always seemed that their sibling rivalry had brought them together, that and their mother's insistence that Ray allowed Dave to be in the band.
Dave's sobbing was interrupted by a loud whistling sound, it was the sound of the kettle as the water had finished boiling.
Dave wiped the remaining tears from his face, and turned off the cooker. As he made his cup of coffee and sat drinking it on the living room sofa, he began to think to himself;
Come on Dave, pull yourself together, you're a man! These feelings are just temporary, and you're just going through a funny phase that's all. It's because none of your girlfriends have ever worked out, you just need to find the right one, that is all.
Dave thought all of this, but he thought it with a lot of doubts. Mick had never gone from his mind once since he met him, and it was driving him crazy! Sure he had been with more girls than he could remember, and he had certainly enjoyed their company in more ways than one. However, Dave was fairly sure he had never felt this way about any of them. What he was feeling for Mick was something very different.
Dave finished his coffee, and realised he was hungry. He needed some breakfast, playing in a band took a surprising amount of energy.
Dave knew he would need to keep up his strength, though he did not know how he was going to play his guitar with Mick there, he knew Mick was going to be a distraction, but starving himself would not help matters at all.
Dave made his way back to the kitchen, placed his empty mug in the sink and put two slices of white bread under the grill, he fancied some toast rather than cornflakes that morning. Now, what would he have on his toast? Butter of course. He found the butter and looked in his kitchen cupboard and got out some marmalade, as well as noticing that his cabinet needed replenishing.
Dave decided he had to go to the shop for more food, as well as taking his clothes to the launderette.
His stomach rumbled quite loudly, and he was going to enjoy his breakfast, though he was sure if Mick had been there, that he would not have been able to eat anything.
After Dave had eaten, he went to his bedroom to get dressed.
He had no idea what he was going to wear that day, but as he was going to see Mick, he wanted to look nice, even though there was a damn good chance that Mick would not give a flying fuck what he wore. Who was he kidding? Why should he waste his time dressing up nicely for someone he was quite sure would not return these crazy, unwanted feelings? Besides, band practise was not until one o'clock that day, and he had errands to run before then.
Dave just chose a blue jumper and jeans to wear...maybe he would change later for band practice...wear one of his best shirts? Just to make Mick see that he dressed well?<br />
Dave looked at himself in the mirror, shook his head sadly and said to himself, "What's wrong with you?"
He then went to his laundry basket to empty it of all the linen that needed washing. He could be lazy, but never allowed his laundry to pile up as he liked to be sure he had plenty of clean clothes to wear. Dave just managed to fill the bag and tie it up ready for taking out with him.
It was a pleasant, autumn morning, and Dave was normally cheerful if the weather was fine but not today, he was too busy worrying himself to death.
All he could do was wonder what it was that made him feel this way for a total stranger. Could he be losing it? Was there a particular reason? Was it destiny? He knew that only time would tell but for now all he could do was carry on as normal if that was at all possible.
However, Mick was all Dave could think of as he sat waiting for his laundry to be done and all he could think of as he bought more groceries from the shop. He felt he was going out of his mind.
Dave got home later and left his shopping in the kitchen. He went into the bedroom and threw his clean laundry on the bed, deciding put it all away later. He felt he needed to sit down for a little while. He lay on the sofa unsure of what to do with himself next. He still had a little while to go before he had to meet up with the boys.
Sometimes Dave felt lonely living on his own and missed living with his parents. The flat he was living in used to belong to Ray, who had told him a few months back that Dave could have it, Ray was returning to their hometown, Muswell Hill after finishing at Hornsey College of Arts. Dave wanted to be nearer the college he was attending, and he was also doing a part time job in the same town, so he left home so he could learn to look after himself, even though his mother was not happy, as he was not yet seventeen but his father, Frederick Davies had thought it a good idea for Dave to learn to be independent.
From a very early age, all Dave had ever wanted to do was to play guitar, perform on stage. What if that never happened? What if his feelings for Mick got in the way? What if these feelings ruined his life?
Dave had that horrible sinking feeling as he knew that today was not going to be a very easy day for him. Playing in a band with his stupid brother and his brother's best mate Pete...Dave liked Pete, but sometimes he felt as though Pete was all for Ray and that they were pushing him out. He had always told himself he was not going to stand for that.
Then Dave thought to himself how Mick had seemed like a really nice guy, maybe he could talk to him today, maybe they could be great friends and then perhaps he would have someone to talk with. If he could get Mick on his side and confide in him about how he felt about this band, then perhaps things would not be quite so bad. Then maybe...then maybe he would fall more and more in love with Mick until he could not cope with being around him anymore...then he would tell Mick how he felt and lose his friendship, Mick would leave the group and if Dave was lucky he would be back where he started. If he were unlucky, Mick would tell Ray and Pete why he was leaving, and they would kick Dave out of the band, they would want nothing more to do with him, others could find out and then what would happen?
Not for the first time that day, Dave found himself crying again, he just could not see how he could ever get these feelings for Mick to go away. He could not help it, he did not ask for this.
Feelings of despair consumed him and all he could do for the rest of the morning was cry. Dave curled up in a ball on the sofa not knowing what to do with himself. Not for the first time that day did he think to himself that his situation was hopeless.
Until he could find a way to get rid of these unwanted feelings and like girls again the way he used to, he would never get back to being Dave.
It was not until half past midday that Dave woke up on the sofa and realised he had cried himself to sleep with worry and anxiety.
He sat up, looked at the clock! "Oh shit!"
Dave hardly had time to change his clothes and make himself more presentable, and he also had a bus to catch to meet Ray, Pete and Mick. Luckily it wasn't a long journey, and the buses were quite frequent.
Dave decided not to bother changing his clothes in the end. What was the point? He grabbed his wallet, some loose change and put on his coat. He then grabbed his keys hanging up in the kitchen and made his way out. He was glad he didn't have a guitar to take as he had left the one he wanted to use at the place they had all arranged to meet. It was the Angel pub in Muswell Hill where Dave, Ray and Pete regularly played their gigs. They had got quite friendly with the owner of the pub, who was very impressed with the Ravens. He had told them they could use the back room for their band practice any time they wanted, it was a large building, and that particular room was not in use and they found the place very suitable for whenever they wanted to practise all their songs. Now that they had a drummer, it would be even better, if only he were not so bewitching.
Dave made his way across the road to the bus stop. He looked at his watch, and it was now quarter to one, he was lucky to have woken up when he did.
It did not take long for the bus which said Muswell Hill on the front to turn up.
As Dave sat on the bus, he leaned his head on the window and sighed. He felt so dejected, and he wondered if maybe seeing Mick would cheer him up, or would it just make him feel worse that the love he had for him would never be fulfilled?
For love it was. He had once asked his eldest sister how he would know when he was in love, and she had answered him that he would 'just know'. He 'just knew' now that what he felt for Mick was something very deep and strong. Dave thought of his lovely sister who was cruelly taken from them some years back, it had hit the family very hard and their mother had never got over it, none of them had. This terrible loss had inspired Ray to write a song about her, but Ray was reluctant to present it to the boys, he had told them that he found it too painful.
Dave looked at the sky as the bus went along the roads, it had turned grey, a change from this morning, it matched the way he was feeling in his heart; despair, sadness, frustration, paranoia and confusion.
Ray Davies and Pete Quaife were standing outside the pub smoking in between talking and laughing.
They had met with their new drummer, Mick, as they had arranged the other day in the cafe, and they had come outside for a smoke as Mick was setting up his drum kit. They were also wondering why Dave was late as normally he was there before them and practising on his guitar.
Pete was the bass player and Ray played mainly acoustic and piano. Although Pete was almost a couple of years older than Ray, the two got on very well and had formed a close brotherly bond since meeting at art college. Pete was a talented artist as well as a guitar player who was also thinking of being a writer. He also had a job as a barber, Ray and Dave were his regular customers and they always made sure Pete was the one who did their hair.
Ray and Pete both shared a love of music and eventually decided to perform as a duo. Ray was less than happy when his younger brother decided to stick his nose into their friendship and show off his own skills on the guitar to Pete, who was very impressed, but Ray was just jealous and determined that Dave stayed out! There was a lot of trouble about this especially as Ray and Dave's mother also stuck her nose in and insisted that 'the baby' be allowed to join in too as they would make a great trio. 'The baby' was what Ann Davies had always insisted on calling her youngest son, and it got on Ray's nerves - it was fine when Dave was very little but as he got older she still called him by that name, and it became ridiculous!
Dave was sixteen going on seventeen, so it was about time mum let Dave grow up!
When Dave officially became part of their line-up at Ann's insistence, there became a lot of friction and resentment as Ray felt he had no control over who was in the band that he had begun himself.
Ray and Dave had always got on each other's nerves growing up but through their teenage years, their relationship had got worse when Dave did something Ray could not forgive. It still hurt when Ray thought about it and sometimes just the sight of Dave's attractive face made Ray want to punch him. Pete, however, was like the brother Ray never had, the brother he should have had.
Pete always found a way to cheer Ray up. They were talking together now as they always did in between practice sessions or waiting for someone as they were waiting for Dave. They were talking about how, since their last meeting, Dave seemed to have changed, "Oh I don't know Pete, ever since we were in that cafe the other day he's been so weird, don't know what's come over him at all."
Pete smiled at his friend, "Well didn't he say he was going to find himself a new girlfriend before the week was out Ray? Maybe he has, the week isn't out yet, it's only Thursday."
"He doesn't normally act like this, though, not wanting to come out with us or do anything with us, not that I'm bothered about that cos he drives me crazy and I'm glad not to have him hanging around us all the time, but it's just so unlike him. All he's wanted to do since Monday is stay in his flat, like...I dunno...like he's depressed or something."
"Are you sure he hasn't just got himself a new bird?" suggested Pete, "he could be busy with her...you know," Pete said this with a wink.
Ray looked doubtful, "I think he would've told us I'm quite sure of it, he usually announces who he's going with."
"Well wait and see," Pete said with a disbelieving look, "Don't know why you're so worried though as it's only been a couple of days since we saw him and he could well have something to tell us when he gets here."
"You reckon?" Ray asked looking doubtful.
"Oh come on Ray, every time Dave's come in to have his hair done he's always told me about his latest girlfriend. He always seemed to have a different one every time I saw him, bet you any money he's got a new one, he may even bring her with him, he has done before."
"Yeah maybe, we'll see," Ray said with a shrug.
Just a few minutes later, Dave turned up, on his own, so Pete was wrong, there was no girl with him.
"Where've you been?" Ray asked him.
"I'm sorry, but I fell asleep on the sofa," Dave answered, "When I woke up it was half twelve, just one of them days that's all."
Dave did not stop to talk to them, the last thing he felt like was talking to Ray, who he felt should mind his own business, there was no reason at all why he should have to explain himself to his brother.
Dave simply barged between them both and went inside. Pete noticed that Dave did not look happy and was worried, he wondered if something bad had happened, "Hope your brother's alright," he said to Ray looking concerned. Even Ray looked concerned which he never did about Dave.
Dave walked into the pub, through the corridor, past the bar, looking up briefly to smile and nod at the barman who had just said hello to him. Dave didn't feel like stopping to talk to anyone that day as he regularly did, normally he was looking around for pretty girls to chat up but now he was beginning to suspect that habit would be a thing of the past unless these feelings for Mick would stop.
Dave made his way through the lounge bar, where four people were sitting there quietly with drinks, not very busy today, Dave decided he just wanted to get to his guitar and practise on a few songs they were going to be playing tomorrow and Saturday night. He decided he might as well carry on with what he always did as there did not seem to be anything else he could do at present.
As Dave made his way into the back room where he always practised with Ray and Pete, he saw the two amplifiers that had been left there last time and Pete's bass that had been left on its stand. Ray had left his acoustic precariously on a chair for anyone to knock off as they walked past it, stupid twat, Dave thought.
Dave found his own guitar that was packed away safely in its case and began to open it when a gentle voice behind him said, "Hi there Dave."
Dave stopped what he was doing and turned around, beautiful Mick was there smiling, Dave tried to say hello back but when he opened his mouth nothing came out, Mick looked even more beautiful than the last time they had met!
Dave must have seemed strange reacting the way he did because Mick's beautiful smile turned into a look of concern for Dave,
"Are you okay?" Mick asked him.
Dave still could not say a word, and he looked at Mick's dark, treacle-brown hair, it had a small fringe which Dave thought really suited him. Mick's eyes were emerald green that Dave found very bewitching, his lips, full, just the right shade of pink, Dave wanted to kiss him right there and then and it took all of his willpower not to do so. Dave's heart was beating like a drum, he could feel it, he could hear it, his stomach was so fluttery just as it was the other day only this time, it seemed so much more intense, Dave also felt himself going weak at the knees once again.
He again tried to speak, all he managed was a low, "Yeah I'm alright.”
Mick smiled at him again, "We er...did not get to talk much did we on Monday, you know with your brother and Pete doing all the talking, I would have liked it if you and I could have got to know each other a little...well there's still time of course."
Dave still could not speak as he did not know what to say to Mick, all he could manage was a nod, and he tried to shut his feelings out and concentrate instead on tuning his guitar. Mick, however, seemed to have other ideas.
"I don't bite you know, take it easy."
How could Dave take it easy feeling the way he did about Mick and having to be around him? However, he knew he would not be able to tell anyone about his feelings as he did not trust anyone.
He had yet to see Mick's skill on the drums. Perhaps he would enjoy working with him.
Dave finally brought himself to talk to Mick when he pulled himself together and thought to himself that Mick really did seem very nice, "So er...I haven't even seen you play the drums yet, why don't you show me what you can do?" His voice sounded very shaky when he spoke, and he was quite sure Mick must have noticed it. However, Mick said nothing about it and said, "Yes of course if you really want me to demonstrate to you."
Dave nodded, "Y...yes...umm...let's see you do a drum solo."
Mick smiled and nodded, "Sure."
Dave watched as Mick sat down at his drum kit, picked up his drumsticks and proceeded to show Dave what he could do.
Dave was impressed by Mick’s talent but was thinking much more of how sexy he looked behind the drums. When Mick had finished demonstrating Dave smiled and said,"Well done."
Mick replied, "Thank you," with a beautiful smile which made Dave love him even more.
Perhaps it would not be quite so bad working with him once he got to know him, and perhaps they could be friends if only Dave could stop wanting something more.
Dave relaxed just a little and asked if they could jam together, Mick agreed.
They chose a famous song that they both knew, rather than one written by Ray, whose songs Mick had not yet heard.
For about twenty minutes, they played this song together, which would have been so nice if Dave did not keep making mistakes, but Mick was such a distraction.
It was not long before Ray and Pete came in to join them.
It was the first time Mick had done anything with them, and Dave noticed that he seemed quite nervous. However, he was glad to see that Ray and Pete were being really supportive of Mick and telling him how well he was doing.
The only thing that got Dave through band practice was not looking round at Mick, keeping his back to him and pretending they had a different drummer entirely, one who was ordinary in looks, and not so beautiful and bewitching.
Dave did his utmost to concentrate on playing his guitar. Trouble was it had been hard enough to stop thinking about Mick when he was not there, so Mick actually being right behind him made it even more of a challenge not to think about him, and sadly it meant that Dave made more mistakes during that session. Ray lost patience when Dave made one too many errors, and he turned to him saying, "What's wrong with you today Dave are you unwell? Do you don't want to go home and rest?"
"NO, RAY I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" Dave snapped, "I'm going to get this thing right if it takes me all day now let's just...carry on from where we were, I'll get it right eventually it's just...I dunno...a bad day for me I think!"
"Is it because you've broken up with..."
"No, it's FUCKING NOT...I couldn't care less about her!"
"Yeah, right cos you said there's plenty more fish in the sea and that you're gonna find yourself a new girlfriend before the week's out! Well, guess what Dave, it's Thursday now, so you're running out of time."
Ray had not really meant to wind Dave up by stating these words, but Dave blew his top at his older brother, "JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS ALRIGHT!"
It was then that Pete decided to play peacemaker, as he always did when the two brothers started arguing, "Hey come on Dave, calm down yeah!"
"Well, he's pissing me off!"
"Alright Dave, I'm sorry," Ray apologised, "I shouldn't have said that okay, but I'm worried about you, you just don't see yourself. I know you're bad tempered at times, but you're never normally as bad as this, and you never make this many mistakes."
"And also," Pete added, "when you do make a mistake you laugh it off and start again but today..."
Pete never got to finish what he was going to say because that was when Dave made an angry noise and removed his guitar from around his neck, put it down on the floor and stormed out of the room. They had been there practising non-stop for about three hours, and Dave had had enough, he needed a break. Another thing Dave realised was, it had been hours since he had a smoke, and that was not helping his mood.
Yes, he had started smoking the previous year, and now he needed at least ten a day!
It was a relief for Dave to get out into the fresh air, it was just what he needed.
Dave sighed, leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette, took a deep drag and exhaled, it seemed to calm him down a lot, he should have had a smoke with Ray and Pete before they started their music, which might have helped a little.
So much had changed in almost a week, and every plan Dave had made seemed to have been changed, and all because he had set eyes on Mick Avory.
As Dave was smoking, he decided he had some major decisions to make; was he going to stay in this band? If he did stay, should he insist that Mick left? Find an excuse to kick him out? Perhaps he could do something really horrible, maybe tell a lie about him.
Whatever the future for the Ravens, things could not go on like this. Dave looked out into the street, and he noticed the sky was changing colour, turning red, the sun was soon to set. It was October, so of course it would be getting dark earlier. He saw autumn leaves blowing in the gentle breeze, and he heard the sound of a car horn some yards away, he heard all the usual sounds that were typical in Muswell Hill, his hometown.
Dave felt a little calmer now, perhaps if he could try again maybe he could learn to work with Mick.
He had many mixed feelings, anger because he did not want to feel this way about another man, sadness because Mick would probably not return his love. He also felt resentment, and he resented Mick for coming into his life and bewitching him. Then he began to feel as if he could not live without Mick so if he were to leave it would break his heart.
His train of thought was interrupted, "Are you okay?"
Dave looked up, it was Mick, he felt so touched that beautiful Mick had come out to see if he was alright, Dave sighed and shook his head, "No...not really, my head's all over the place."
"Yes, so I thought," Mick said with a gentle smile, "What's wrong?"
Dave did not really wish to answer that question honestly. He shrugged, "Don't know," he replied, "Just...everything...my brother, this group, my whole life, I just don't know what I want any more."
Mick put his hand on Dave's arm, "Sometimes we all feel like that, like we don't know what we want out of life."
Dave looked at Mick, his beautiful eyes, his beautiful lips that he longed to kiss, he wanted to taste his mouth, he longed to touch him, to hold him.
Dave then said, "I was always sure of things before, always knew what I wanted, at least I thought I did until..." Dave trailed off, and he knew it would not be a good idea to say the rest.
Mick then said to him, "Look, Dave, you and I don't know each other at all, but thing is we are going to be seeing each other quite a bit, working together too. I want us to get on, get to know each other. It's almost as if...it just feels as if you don't like me...like you would rather I wasn't here and...I don't like it...I was in this other band and...one of them just wasn't very kind to me at all and...I don't think I could face that again feeling unwanted I mean."
Dave wanted to tell Mick exactly how he felt but how could he? Of course he did not want Mick to feel unwelcome as he knew what that was like, he often felt that Ray did not really want him there. There was no way out of this, but he had to say something to make Mick feel a little better, "Oh Mick, I'm sorry I would never want you to feel like that because I know how that feels. The problem isn't really with you..." Dave stopped talking then as he knew that what he had just said was a lie. He did not know how to finish what he was going to say, he noticed that Mick now looked somber.
Mick answered him, "It was just the way you were when we met the other day...you...you seemed very off...like...like you didn't want to be there at all, as if...when you spoke to me you sounded...I don't know...as if you didn't like me for some reason, but you were trying your best to be polite."
Of course this was not true at all, looking at Mick and having listened to what he had just said made Dave feel morose, of course, he liked Mick, he just liked him more than he should. Dave tried to think of the best way to answer him. But, then Mick continued to speak, "Dave before you came here today, your brother said that you were in a sulk about not being there when he and Pete hired me as the drummer...you don't hate me because of that do you?"
"No!" Was all Dave could say.
"Then will you please just tell me," Mick begged him, "I thought we were going to get on together after all...you know I really enjoyed that jamming session earlier when it was just you and me, I really had fun."
"Me too Mick."
"Then what's the problem?"
"You don't understand!"
"No. of course. I don't," Mick replied, "I can't help you if you don't talk to me Dave, I want you and me to get on and be friends, but we need to get to know each other first."
"You don't understand," Dave said again, "Look...I'm tired, and I'm not well, I think maybe...I need to go home."
"Okay, I understand Dave but...why don't we meet up sometimes just you and me? We could...jam together again like earlier, I enjoyed that...I know you're not happy because I was given the position without your approval, but I assure you I honestly don't bite, I'd like to think I'm quite a nice guy really in spite of..."
Mick's words trailed off. Dave noticed as Mick stopped talking that he did not seem to want to say any more. The look on Mick's face made Dave think that perhaps something had happened to him at some point in his life. Dave saw in Mick's eyes that there was a certain kind of sadness, and he wondered what could have caused it.
He decided to be brave and asked Mick, "In spite of...what?"
Mick sighed, "Oh...nothing...well not nothing exactly, but I don't know if I want to talk about it at the moment."
Dave gave a nod to show that he understood.
"My mum and dad live in this area," Dave said, he thought it a good idea to change the subject, "I might go over and see them soon, sometimes I get lonely you know, living in my flat, but it has its good points too."
"Would you like to meet up with me?" Mick asked him again.
Dave thought about this, part of him wanted to say yes as he thought it would be nice to have Mick as a friend, he felt very touched that Mick had come outside to speak to him on his own instead of staying inside and getting all friendly with Ray and Pete. He also felt that Mick was becoming more and more beautiful each time he saw him, and that had only been once on Monday. The second time that day when he had met up with the band and the third time when he had stormed out of band practise, and Mick came after him. On each one of those occasions, Mick's beauty overwhelmed him more and more. Dave felt if he kept seeing Mick that he would grow more fond of him, attached to him, or even in love with him. Dave knew there was a big chance that Mick would not return his feelings. He was unsure of whether to take Mick up on his offer. He would be seeing him tomorrow and Saturday night. After thinking all this Dave simply answered, "I dunno...maybe."
Mick looked a little hurt at this lack of enthusiasm and Dave felt bad, but what was the point of being friendly with someone you were in love with, and they probably would not feel the same way?
Just then Ray and Pete joined them outside, and Dave sighed, once again these two had to interrupt them...then Dave thought how silly that was, there was nothing to interrupt, if only there were.
"You calmed down now Davey boy?" Ray asked him in a way that Dave had always found annoying to say the least. Dave was not in the mood for speaking to Ray at all, so he just scowled at his older brother and went on smoking his cigarette.
"We're gonna have to get all this right before we play the live gigs tomorrow, and Saturday night, that's when we don't want any mistakes," Ray continued. "So Dave you are really gonna have to get your act together and practise. We can't have anything going wrong when we are live, and you throwing your dummy out of the pram really doesn't help."
"That's right Dave," Pete added, "Come on, whatever issues you have try and sort them out.”
If only it were that simple, Dave thought. If only I could switch off what I'm feeling for Mick, then everything would be okay.
It was no good getting into another argument so Dave simply said, "I'm sorry guys, I really will try, I don't want to let you down. I'm just tired and really stressed. I'm going to go and see mum and dad now."
"We also need to work on making Mick feel more welcomed in the group, " Pete pointed out, "It must be hard for him as he's only just joined us. And Mick, you must be quite nervous knowing you have to play live very soon. You've been thrown in at the deep end a bit."
"Just a little," replied Mick, "but I'm prepared to put the effort in and it's not as if I've never played live before, but you guys seem much nicer than the last band I played with so that helps."
"You'll be okay Mick," Ray reassured him, "You're a great drummer and you seem to pick up songs you don't know really quick, I hope you know we're glad to have you."
Mick smiled, "Thanks, Ray, means a lot," he said, "and Dave think about meeting up with me sometimes, we have to get to know each other better."
Dave looked at Mick sadly, and he was beginning to have stronger feelings for this beautiful young man, and it hurt him that Mick seemed to feel that Dave did not want to know him. Dave did not want to have his heart broken so he felt that he ought to try and keep Mick at a distance if possible. Dave certainly felt that it was not a good idea to get friendly with Mick outside of band business. Maybe sounding colder than he meant to and not really looking at Mick, he answered, "Yeah I know we should, let's just get these next couple of days out the way first then we'll see."
Not long after, Dave decided to call time on that day's practice session and go to visit his parents.
He felt that he had hurt Mick a little, but he could not help that, it hurt him to feel this way for Mick and to be afraid that Mick would not want to know him if he told him how he really felt so what was the point in them being friends?
Pete and Ray were not happy with Dave either as they thought he was rude, they told Mick not to worry about Dave as he was still just a boy who had a lot of growing up to do. They all went home not very happy that day, none more so than poor Dave, who was still in a state of total confusion over his feelings.
He visited his parents and sister who was the only one of the eight Davies children still living at home though not the youngest.
Dave spent a couple of hours there then caught the bus home to his lonely flat.
He wished and wished he was 'normal' like he used to be. He cried himself to sleep once again and not surprisingly, Dave dreamt of Mick...again.