Pete Ross slowly regained consciousness, and as he did so he heard a voice.
"Wake up and smell the coffee!"
It was Lana's voice, but this time it was tinged with evil. Slowly he opened his eyes and saw an upside-down Lana looking back at him, but there was something different about her, something that threatened the very foundation of Pete's belief system. This Lana wasn't wearing any pink, but was instead dressed solely in black.
The next thing Pete noticed was that it was he, rather than Lana, who was upside-down. This evil Dark Lana had suspended him, from the ceiling, over a large green glowing vat of molten coffee.
"So, Pete, awake at last. I'm only keeping you alive out of a sense of gratitude. After all, it's thanks to you that I found out Clark was Superman."
Lana paused for dramatic effect, enjoying the defeated look that appeared on Pete's face as he realized that he'd inadvertently given away Clark's secret.
"You're probably wondering what I've got planned next, but you'll never guess. Not in a million years."
Pete, trying to appear nonchalant, said the first most absurd idea that came into his head:
"Remember that scientist guy who cloned one of your childhood friends. I bet he also secretly stole some cells from you at the same time and for all these years there's been a set of Lana clones growing up in some hidden location. I bet you've found them and have been exposing them to green rocks, raising your own, for want of a better term, Legion Of Super-Lanas."
"Damn, you're good, Ross. Long-winded and exposition-heavy admittedly, but good nonetheless."
"But what about me?" asked Pete, wondering if all his wild ideas could turn into reality. "Surely you're not going to use all of your considerable womanly wiles on me to try and get me to turn my talents towards evil."
"Right again, Pete. That's exactly what I'm not going to do. You're just the, for want of a better term, damsel in distress."
"Damsel in distress?"
"Hey, it's no big deal. I've done it hundreds of time. Clark always saved me. Providing we don't kill him, you should be fine. Now, you just hang around here, and I'll be back in no time."
Meanwhile, somewhere in a hidden cave, twenty five teenage Lanas, bathed in a green light, suddenly awoke for the first time. All of their sleep had been peaceful, except for one Lana. She'd just had a dream. A dream in which Clark Kent, in a tattered and torn Superman costume, was covered from head to toe in blood. Unlike most other dreams dreamt that day, this was a dream that would come true.