00 : Prologue
Bond pulled the Ferrari to the left and only just managed to avoid slamming into a tree. The chasing 4x4 wasn't so lucky. Bond allowed himself a tight smile. Two down, one to go.
Now, it was just him… and the Spider-man Turbo Jeep.
"Can I have my car back, now?" the boy asked. Bond faked a fatherly smile at the child without taking his eyes off the radio controlled car chase winding its way across Clapham Common.
"I've commandeered your vehicle for the sake of national security," he said from the side of his mouth, "Go and get an ice cream. By the time you get back, either I'll be done or we'll all be dead."
The boy huffed. Bond concentrated on getting the boy's Ferrari to the other side of the Common where his handlers were waiting for the USB stick he'd taped to the side of it. If they didn't get their hands on that thing in the next thirty seconds…
The Spider-man Turbo Jeep put on a burst of speed and slammed into the side of Bond's Ferrari. The boy's eyebrows raised high at the string of swear-words he was suddenly treated to.
Somewhere else on the Common, among the families and joggers and dog walkers, the Quantum agent - hiding from the MI6 snipers just as Bond was hiding from the Quantum ones - pushed the sticks on the remote control he'd commandeered.
Bond's car was rammed again - so hard, it went up on two wheels. Bond fought with the controls - if he went over now…
Spiderman made to charge one last time-
-only to be charged down by a monster truck, a dune buggy and Optimus Prime.
In fact, every single radio controlled car, truck and motor-trike – not to mention a few helicopters and aeroplanes - all suddenly converged on the chasing Spider-vehicle.
Bond didn't make a habit of looking gift horses in the mouth. His car was back on four wheels.
He floored it.
Moments later, it was all over. USB stick handed off. Quantum agents on the run. World saved again. He handed the controller back to the waiting boy.
"Your country thanks you."
The boy was not impressed. He stuck his tongue out at the secret agent before running off to retrieve his car from the far side of the park.
"And what about me?" came a voice behind Bond. "No-one ever thanks me. Well, once or twice, I s'pose, but something always happens to make them forget me again. Typical."
Bond turned, his hands in his jacket pockets.
His jacket pockets were not empty.
"It was you that helped me, I take it," he said. "With that thing?" He nodded at the object the stranger was holding - the tubular metal device with the green bulb on the end.
The stranger smiled, "Not just a pretty face, are you? Although, don't get me started on your faces. Okay, here it is, Commander James Bond, servant of Queen and Country and saviour of planet Earth. There's a danger coming and you need to stop it."
Bond stood still for a moment, assessing the stranger. Ridiculous jacket. Ridiculous bow tie. Ridiculous braces. Ridiculous hair. But somehow, familiar. Somehow, inexplicably…
…on his side.
"Great danger?" Bond asked.
"Risk of dying?"
The smile on the man's face didn't falter but something in his eyes did, "Always."
"Well, then." Bond took his hands out of his pockets. It was a testament to the stranger's apparent trustworthiness that Bond's hands were empty. "I suppose I'd better take you to my leader. I don't have a problem with dying - I just try to make sure I don't die first. You missed one, by the way."
The stranger looked up. Action Man's stealth plane hadn't returned to its owner's control along with all the other vehicles - it flew round in aimless circles above their heads.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with you, Jimmy," the stranger pointed his metal device directly up into the air. It made a whirring sound and the plane began to drop to the ground - a parachute opened up as it fell, filling the canopy with a huge Union Jack. "I much prefer to never die last."