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Numb

By Dreamweaver74

Drama / Scifi

Numb

Numb

                           By Dreamweaver74


Everything hurts.

It hurts so bad that it doesn't feel like much of anything anymore. I'm too hurt to cry and too tired to care, and all I really want to do is sleep. Which is what I would do if I could. I feel cold, constantly cold, and tears want to come, but they're locked up somewhere deep and everything feels tight, impossibly tight, and...oh my god Wash, why did this have to happen?

There's a hole in my heart as wide as the universe, and nothing will ever fill it again. I'm numb. I used to think I knew what that meant. I mean, after all Mal and I went through during the War, seeing friends die all around us, the relentless death and destruction, I felt sure I knew all about numb.

But that was before, before Serenity crashed, and for a split moment, trembling and afraid to turn around, I thought we were all dead. I just knew if I turned, called to him, his body would be broken and bloody. So I waited. And then, I heard his voice, clear and with a touch of that mock bravado I loved teasing him about.

"I am a leaf on the wind...watch h-" A crash, and that was all. It was so fast. One moment, my husband is babbling about leaves and wind, and I'm just relieved he's alive. The next, silence. Just gorram nothing. Almost as if the hand of some cruel deity reached out and grabbed his soul.

My baby.

Slumped in his chair as if sleeping. My brain knew, but my heart wouldn't hear of it. I couldn't breathe.

I rushed to him, begging him to move, because we had to move, we had to get off of this ship, get inside and away from the god damn Reavers. I shook him, because I knew he was just passed out, just needed to rest, but he couldn't rest, not here, not like this. Stay here and he would surely die.

I willed him to move, to get up, god dammit, to breathe, please ohgodpleaselethimbreathe...

I felt Mal behind me, pulling me away, away from Wash. There was no time, we didn't even get a good bye.

And after that, nothing much mattered. Not a god damn thing...

Three weeks later, and we're all having dinner. I'm trying to be sociable, trying to be happy for them. Kaylee's got Simon, Mal's got Inara (if he'd wise up long enough to admit it), and even River seems more at ease. The crew, they're my family, and I love them all, even Jayne.

I look over at the empty seat next to mine, and imagine him there, making some idiotic joke, smiling that schoolboy grin. And suddenly, it's all too much.

"I think I'm just going to rest a bit," I announce, moving away from the table. Mal stares, long and hard. He's worried, wants to ask if I'm all right. I give him a look in return, and though no words have been spoken, he understands.

You think she'll hold together?

She's torn plenty, but she'll fly true.

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Steve Lang: I thought this story was imaginative, and well thought out. I also think it was an original piece, and not a rehash of previous scifi stories I've read in the past.Thank you for the effort put into this tale, and I look forward to reading more of your work!

ernbelle: When I first started this story I was a little unsettled by all of the information that appears in the prologue, and wasn't sure if I would continue. However, I am very glad I did. The plot was very well thought out and really interesting. There were not any page breaks or markers to acknowledge ...

Sandra Estrada: I loved every minute of it and I thank my lucky stars that brought me to the story, it's been a whirlwind of emotions, plot twist after plot twist but I never got tired of them. Abby and Kade's story is a hard one to understand but once you're submerged in their story and love, you can't help but...

Leah Brown: This was an amazing read! I was hooked from the very first chapter, holding my breadth to see what would happen next. The characters are rich and vibrant, and the world Danielle has created is fascinating. If you love YA, you MUST read this book. Such a smart, brilliant debut novel. I loved it!

_JosephJacobson_: I don't understand why this has such low ratings. I really enjoyed it!I think that the whole idea behind the plot had something very special and that was something that I really enjoyed. It was new, unique. I think that some of the writing was a little strange in places but overall it made sense ...

Guywithgunz: Vanessa's saga has been an ongoing labor of love for the author and her core gp of fans.The saga as a whole is a must read for fans of Adventure / SciFi stories. The uploads here are in need of a final look by an editor for the spelling and grammatical errors that have crept in somehow into the f...

ianwatson: The comedy is original and genuinely funny, I have laughed out loud many times reading this book. But the story and the plot are also really engaging. The opening two or three chapters seem quite character-dense but they all soon come to life and there is no padding, filling or wasted time readin...

Lea Sutherland-Doane: I love this story and it hurts me that it is on a cliff hanger. Please write the next story fast so I can enjoy more of your wonderful writing skills. Your writing skills are amazing and I cannot wait to read the sequel, I promise that this is the best book I have ever read and I love it will al...

Meri Amber: The plot is creative, fun and addictive! The writing is superb and the characters are really well put together. Definitely highly recommeded!

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shawnas26: I knocked it out in one sitting and enjoyed it thoroughly. Thanks for sharing! :) I'll be looking forward to reading the next in the series.

Roger A. Fauble: Excellent read, the only thing not to like is that I could only read it at home on my computer. I'm a character reader, I get into the characters, their story, who/what they are. In this story characters are introduced and developed allowing you to really get into them. Next the story is develop...

rajastreet: I enjoyed this piece! I loved the treatment of time and the premise! Some of the wording seemed a little out of place, but easily overlooked for a good a plot.

John Smith: This is what Sci Fi is all about. Reads like early Heinlein. In the style of Space Cadets. No esoteric problems..but good ol blaster and space action with a host of relatable characters

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