A monster's all I am...
I kill people, and I can't stop it from happening no matter how hard I try. Whenever I see or hear something that reminds me of that terrible time, the monster comes out. And when the monster comes out, all Hell breaks loose.
And that monster... is me.
Sheesh, talk about a war with myself... yeah, we've all had to battle with our own internal feelings or something like that, but for me, it's almost like a literal war with myself. Look, when it happens I DO try to fight it, but the monster always wins. To make things worse, I can't even tell the ones I hurt I'm sorry because they almost always end up getting killed.
Sometimes, I think it might have been best if I HADN'T survived that war, since if I died, I wouldn't have become this monster in the future. I have been on the brink of committing suicide before, but I just can never do it. I just want to stop being a threat to those around me.
The thing I turn into when I'm reminded of the war I guess is like my alter ego or something... but it's still me. I'm not sure if I think of me and that as separate entities or if we are one and the same. Maybe both. Either way, I need to find a way to stop the monster. No. Not stop it. Kill it. Get rid of it! If my condition truly is uncurable, the only way is to get rid of it is to get rid of me. Is THAT the way to stop all this? No! There HAS to be another way! Heck, right now I wouldn't mind if I got locked up in one of those rubber rooms with me in a straitjacket as long as it keeps the monster from getting out.
No one can tell me any different.
I'M A MONSTER.