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Don't Be An Ass

By Genevieve Darcy Granger

Humor / Romance

Just Do This Small Favor For Me

Xavier’s Institute for Gifted Children was a school for mutants. These children who attended and lived at the X-Mansion ranged from young ages such as pre-schoolers, adopted from orphanages where their parents left them for being ‘freaks’, to college kids still struggling to fit into society. Of course, naturally, since not all of the students had parents to teach them the facts of life and since some mutant’s anatomy were different from others; this meant that there had to a Health Class. Professor Genevieve Darcy Granger was the Sexual Education teacher who taught the class.

She was a good teacher, upfront and honest with her children. Being a telepath, she could easily and instinctively know the questions the children were too afraid to ask and answer them without prompting to save the children from embarrassment. It made the learning process much easier. Along being a telepath, Professor Darcy’s mutation was also being a feral mutant. Her affinity animal was a tiger. This meant that she knew all the too well what it was like to be a mutant with different bodily functions as annually she went into a heat cycle. Her menstrual cycle was not every month but every year as she ages terribly slowly. On the outside she looked like she was barely 20, but actually she was just over 200 years old. To some, she was also very beautiful, so unfortunately this interfered with her job.

It was in the spring, the week before the students were released for spring break to be taken to the beach or returned home for their small holiday from school, and Darcy thought it would be prudent to give a small demonstration on how to have safe sex. After all, after spring break came the Institute’s prom, and who knows what trouble the students were likely to get into. She had already taught them about pregnancy before, so spending a week on sex myths, STDs, and protection seemed to be breezy.

Initially it was. The first day she dispelled any silly notions they might have had about how to not get pregnant, such as having sex while standing up or having sex in water. In a few ridiculous instances, she had to tell them that douching with soda was unhealthy, as well as the fact that one student was convinced that having sex during menstruation would prevent pregnancy as well. After that start, the next two days were spent on STDs that basically scared the hell out of them. The pictures were horrifying enough to convince them to be abstinent, but Darcy was no fool. So when Thursday came, she pulled out the bananas and the condoms.

Perhaps she didn’t fully think this through. With her first class, she started showing them how to roll the condom on the banana, explaining that no matter how big he thought he was it would fit him fine and also that these were not to be stored in areas that get too hot. Maybe she wasn’t paying enough attention to realize that the sight of her sitting on her desk in her short skirt, tights, and tall heels with her hands pulling a condom on a banana could be both humorous for some of her students and also, weirdly enough, provocative for others. When the sound of giggles met her ears, she tuned her mind into their thoughts and was astounded that they were picturing her hands doing this to other things besides a banana. Not embarrassed but furious, she immediately stopped and looked up with a scowl. The students’ thoughts continued to run rampant as she watched them try to mimic her actions with their own bananas and condoms. “Class, if you would please excuse me.” Hopping off her desk, she started for the open door of her classroom, calling over her shoulder, “Don’t even bother misbehaving because I will know.”

Practically stomping across the hall, she knocked on the History Classroom’s door and let herself in without preamble. “Excuse me, Professor Logan, can I borrow you for a moment?” In front of the students she was polite, but when she stared into her lover’s eyes, both her icy tone and the dark look on her face brooked no argument.

At his desk, Logan only had to look at the figurative storm cloud over Darcy’s head to know she was pissed off at something. He could only hope it was nothing he did to upset her so much. As he stood to his feet and came out from behind his desk, he considered if it was a disciplinary matter since he was considered the toughest teacher at the school but found it unlikely. She has had no problems handing out detentions before. Following after her, he barked at his class, “Keep reading the textbook! We’re having a quiz when I get back.” The door to his classroom slammed closed behind him, and at that finality he asked his lover, “What is it, darling?”

Abruptly she turned around in the middle of the hallway; and, when she looked up at him with those pleading amber-orange eyes behind her golden framed glasses and her red lips puckered in a puppy dog pout, he knew she wanted something he wasn’t going to like giving but would give into anyway in the end. “No.” He said before she could ask. Even if he was going to give her what she wanted, it wasn’t often he got to see her beg. Normally he was the one whining for something from her anyway.

“Carcajou,” she purred her pet-name for him and batted her eyelashes innocently. “You don’t even know what I want yet.” Stepping into his personal space until she was pressed against his chest with head tilted far back to look up at him, he knew she wasn’t only pressing herself but her luck. “I could be asking for something you want.”

Despite himself, he licked his lips. “Like what?” When he asked that his voice was husky and he could have cursed himself for showing that weakness. He loved her and would give her anything, and more often than not it was something he’d never expect from her but was always well worth it in the end. For that he never complained, but he always put up a fight.

Shyly glancing over her shoulder at the open door to her classroom, she turned back to him on tiptoe and whispered in his ear in a much lower, no less sexier tone of voice, “I need you to put a condom on something for me.” Her clever little hands were clinging to his shoulder blades, and the claws on the ends of her fingers lightly dug into his shirt.

A shiver went down his spine at her words. His eyes were glued to her opened classroom door as he feverish prayed for no interruptions. This isn’t the first time that she’s come to him like this, although this normally happened when she went through her heat cycle. That was in December though, and it was March now. Still, he wasn’t going to argue with a chance for a quickie. After clearing his throat, he growled in her ear, “What am I putting a condom on, cum-cake?” That was his nickname for her, given after he misspoke trying to call her cupcake for her fantastic cooking but was stuck on how wonderful she was during sex instead. Darcy loved the nickname, though, so it stuck.

Now her mouth was pressing kisses to his neck, just underneath his ear, nipping at his Adam’s apple. After one suck on his pulse-point that had him particularly weak in the knees, he felt her hot, damp breath on his ear as her answer finally came to him. “A banana.”

Immediately, his hands that had had a nice grip on her large derriere shifted to hold her upper arms instead so he could push her away and hold her at arm’s length. With an unamused look on his face, he frowned down at her and sternly informed her, “No.” This was something he would refuse to do no matter what.

Her arms crossed over her stomach, inadvertently (or maybe calculatedly) pushing up her breasts for a better view. “Carcajou, you already agreed to do it.”

“Since when?” He was bewildered. Had she asked him to do this before and he had forgotten? Logan wouldn’t put it past her to ask him to do something like this while he was half asleep or very, very busy in battle or even very distracted with her in a carnal sense.

“When you asked me what you were putting the condom on.” Her smirk showed her confidence that she had him effectively trapped.

Shaking his head, he disagreed, “No, no, that wasn’t me agreeing that was me asking for specifics of the task you had in mind.”

She shifted her weight until one of her hips were popped out and she tilted her head to one side heavily, with her hair spilling out of her low bun to cascade down her shoulder in a black waterfall of hair. “Please, Carcajou.” Darcy raised an eyebrow at his silence before she asked in dangerous growl, “If you do this for me today, I’ll do something for you.”

Shocked that she was compromising with him, Logan’s brow furrowed as he thought this over. The repercussions were that he might lose some respect with the students and look completely ridiculous, but the reward would be very high and also (hopefully) very satisfying as well. “Anything?” He wasn’t quite agreeing yet, but he was coming very close to doing that.

“Anything,” she breathed. He could see by the mischievous sparkle in her eye that she meant it and wouldn’t try to trick him or get out of what she owed him. That was one of the many reasons why he loved her.

So he had no choice but to sigh, “Fine.”

As soon as the word left his lips his arms were suddenly full of Darcy’s attractive figure as she tackled him with a hug and a kiss. Before he could react, she was out of his arms and leading him to her classroom. “Now class,” he could hear her start to lecture, “I’m going to ask my boys to go outside for a special demonstration. Girls, please stay in here.” From outside the classroom he heard their excited whispers, and waited.

When the male students started filing out of the classroom with Darcy in the lead, he could visibly see their disappointment. A few of them even looked scared. Good. Then his hands were full of a banana and a bunch of condoms. “Professor Logan,” Darcy spoke to the students who had followed her into the hallway, “has amiably agreed to give you a demonstration of how to do this. It was callous of me to realize that you would be embarrassed with a female showing you how to do this.” With her back turned the boys, Darcy winked at Logan, then she left him there with the boys as she returned inside the classroom. He heard her announce to the girls, “Now I will continue the demonstration with you since I know it would be awkward for you to a have your male counterparts in her with you.”

Turning his attention back to the male students, Logan’s expression was thunderous. Unintentionally mimicking what Darcy had done with them earlier, he tore the package the condom was held in with their teeth and watched as their expressions went green with the realization that their Sex Ed professor they had earlier been ogling was definitely screwing their history professor.

When both of the professors finished their demonstrations, Darcy’s class was rejoined and she joined him in the hallway again. “Thank you, Logan. Now for the next class if you could pop in at the beginning to collect the boys, I would appreciate it.”

“What? I did what you asked, but you didn’t tell me I would have to do this all day for all of your classes.”

“Did you honestly think I would let you do this once and be done with it?” Darcy was trying to sound incredulous, but the gleeful expression on her face showed her true knowledge on the matter of his ignorance.

“Darcy…” Logan growled through his teeth. Now he was the one to cross his arms over his chest. “I know you have a bit of a humiliation kink but I don’t, so if you could just stop–”

“Don’t be an ass.” She interrupted him with a hiss. “Or would you rather every boy I teach have the mental image of me putting a condom on his penis to fantasize to every night?”

Dumbfounded, Logan was at first confused at what she meant. Then as he remembered the green expression on the boy’s faces from earlier, he started working out what she meant for himself. “Why didn’t you tell me that before? I’ll give those boys something to picture when I give them their defense lessons this afternoon.”

“Don’t be an ass.” She repeated her earlier phrase. “Please just help me with my class so that the students don’t get the wrong idea.”

“Of course I will, darling,” Logan’s tone was soothing now that he was complacent with the deal. “I can’t have those little shits thinking of you so disrespectfully.”

“Especially since your penis is the only one I’m slipping condoms onto?” Darcy half-joked, surmising his true change of heart quickly enough.

“Yes.” Logan’s laconic reply was terse but honest. “I’ll see you next period, darling.”

He started back to his classroom and Darcy watched him go, more specifically she watched his rear as he left. At the door to his classroom, he suddenly stopped and halfway turned back around to face her. “Don’t forget what you promise me, darling.” His grin was rakish, something that would have scared lesser women, but Darcy has had more than a lifetime of experience.

No shying violet, she grinned back just as evilly, “Oh, I intend to pay you back in full.” She started walking back to her own classroom, looking over her shoulder at him, “And maybe if you can convince me, I’ll pay you extra as well.” Since no one else was watching them, she shook her rear, and then disappeared inside her classroom. It paid to be the lover of the Wolverine.

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