O N E
Trigger Warning》(there maybe some triggering words or actions. Discretion is advised)
2 years ago
I hate this. Why does it have to be me? I never asked for this. All this mirror does is lie. It shows me what I am on the outside but not on the inside. I pull my hair and scream in frustration. I feel pearl like tears begin to travel down my honey skinned cheeks.
It's not fair! I never asked for this! I never asked to look like this. I never asked to cringe at my lustful curves. My soft thighs. My naked chest. Every day and every night. I can't help but to feel this aching pain in my chest and I can't help but to have the need to disappear because I don't belong.
My heart shatters at the name written across my wrist. The beautiful curves of the Gs look so ever magnificent.
I wonder what my soulmate looks like. I wonder if they have tanned or pale skin. If they have oceanic eyes or earthy irises. If they worry about their hair. If they love kids just as much as I do. If they would love me unconditionally just as I would love them.
Would they accept me? They probably wouldn't. After all, who would want a freak like me. A freak born in the wrong body with the wrong name. A disgusting, naive idiot.
I have to change. I HAVE to. I feel as if I no longer have any choice in the matter. Otherwise, I fear I won't be able to bear staying in this world any longer.
I need to find my inner happiness. I need to become who I truly am. So that maybe mirrors won't lie to me anymore. So maybe the aching in my chest will leave and the salty tears would stop.
I'm ready to do this. I must hope my parents accept me. I know Jinnie and Joonie hyung will.
But I can't help but to feel saddened and excited as well. I know this such a huge step to take in any 15 year old's life. I just wish that all goes well. After all, it isn't all about what you want.
'I think it's okay to be selfish for once.' I think as I drift off to a dreamless sleep, swaddled in my fuzzy pajamas and cuddling Tata.
