Disney Ghostbusters: The Return

Chapter Three: Snap Judgment

The Gracie Manor on Washington Heights was indubitably haunted just looking at it; nonetheless, the new Disney Ghostbusters had a job to do. Putting fear aside, Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and Leidy went in, Proton Packs primed and ready.

“Now, remember, fellas – and Leidy,” Mickey said. “Stay fit, keep sharp, and make good deci—”

SMACK!

The mouse stopped as soon as he felt something hard and wooden smack against his posterior. Not long after did Goofy and Leidy get splashed by a bucket of water that materialize from nowhere, and Donald having the bucket itself shoved right over his head.

“Somethin’ wrong here,” Goofy said. “All this sure does feel familiar.”

“You’re right, Goofy,” Mickey acknowledged. “Feels just like our first ghostly investigation, seventy years ago.”

Donald’s cursing echoed beneath the metal bucket. “Somebody’s prankin’ us!”

“Who would do such a thing?” Leidy pondered.

“I dunno,” Mickey said. “But let’s get outta here before…”

The four Ghostbusters were just on their way out through the door before it suddenly slammed shut.

You’re not going anywhere!

Four figures appeared around them, stepping out of the shadows.

Two boys and two girls – all dressed roguishly.

“W-Who are you kids?!” Mickey stammered at their intimidating presence.

“We’re the ones who called you,” one of the girls (who seemed to have a thing for the color purple) answered.

“Now you kids should know better than that,” Goofy scolded. “Prank calls are a federal crime, ya know.”

“No, Gramps,” the girl told him. “The real crime here is the one you people committed – destroying the lives of people that Jay and I love!” She gestured to one of her male cohorts, a handsome, punkish boy with long black hair and a red hat.

Leidy eyed both the girl and boy curiously. “Do you mean your parents?”

“Their names were Jafar and Maleficent,” the boy said in fury.

“We’re their descendants – Jay and Mal,” the girl adjoined.

Mickey, Donald, and Goofy were astonished at this revelation.

“Gosh,” the mouse muttered. “Jafar and Maleficent really did have a thing.”

Jay cringed. “Ew!”

“Oh, god, no!” Mal disgustedly established. “We are not brother and sister! We’re two orphans who’re gonna get our revenge!” She then smirked and added, “And I know of only one way we’ll get it.”

Mal, Jay, and the other two members of their pack – Evie and Carlos – stepped towards the four Ghostbusters. As they moved in close proximity, their bodies converted into pure light that mimicked their respective colors (purple for Mal, red for Jay, blue for Evie, and black-and-white for Carlos).

They seeped right into the bodies of Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and Leidy.

“Didn’t think that’d work?” Mal spoke through Mickey’s body, looking at the large white-gloved hands she inherited with it. “Seriously, what’s with these ancient cartoon characters and wearing mittens?!”

“This is so tight,” said Jay, out of Leidy’s body.

From the body of Goofy, Carlos grinned at Jay’s sentiment. “I know, right?”

“No, dude, I mean this body feels literally tight in this suit,” Jay clarified. “I think I’m gonna split the butt-end if I so much as fart!” He then turned to Evie, who inhibited the body of Donald. “Wanna trade?”

“Suck it up, Jay!” Mal ordered, although Jay wasn’t sure if she meant that figuratively or not. “We got some reputations to destroy and very little time to gripe about body image.”

“Yeah, let’s get to it,” an overjoyed Evie sneered, only to be taken aback by the new quack-ish voice she spoke with. “Is that me?! Oh, man! I feel like I’m talking through a kazoo!”


It was the first-ever meeting between the retired Disney Ghostbusters and Gravity Falls’ own Ghostbusters, and Dipper, Mabel, and Soos had the distinct pleasure of seeing it happen up close.

The retirees also met Patty Tolan, the streetwise fourth member of the Gravity Falls Ghostbusters and Dipper’s personal favorite.

“We are very sorry for any implied infringement,” Erin said. “When we first heard about your reputation in Manhattan – your Manhattan, of course – we only just got settled here in Gravity Falls. The truth is we’re from New York ourselves…b-but from another universe.”

“Yeah, we were fighting this guy Rowan,” Abby explained, “and Erin and I got trapped for a while in this ghost portal we sent him through. We made it out alive, obviously, even though our hairs were whiter than Betty White, but then the portal reopened a few days later.”

“We tried closing it again, but it only just sucked all four of us in,” Erin concluded. “And that’s how we ended up trapped here for four years.”

Spengler considered their story. “The portal that brought you here wasn’t the same as the one you sent Rowan through. It was one opened by an entity we fought at the time named Chernabog.”

Abby’s eyes flared beneath her glasses. “So it’s you guys that are the reason we’re here! You created that portal!”

“Hey, now just wait a second, Michelin Woman!” Natalie retorted.

The two ladies shouted over each other, getting threateningly close to each other’s faces. Had it not been for the intervention of Erin and J.G., words would have certainly escalated into punches.

The spat only ended once a figure emerged from the cabin’s cellar.

There stood a gray-haired man with long sideburns and a cleft chin eclipsed by a five o’clock shadow. He apparently suffered from polydactyly, possessing six fingers on each hand.

“Great Uncle Ford?” Dipper identified him by recognition. “I thought you were back in the Mystery Shack with Grunkle Stan. What’re you doing here in the Ghostbusters’ cabin?”

“He’s been helping us prepare for an event that he believes will endanger the lives of everyone in the Falls, as well as the rest of the world,” Erin told Dipper.

Jacqueline exhaustedly sighed. “Another end-of-the-world deal? Really? I thought we were done with all that after the crap we went through with the Seventh Circle and the Underworld.”

“Neither of those dimensions have anything on the Nightmare Realm,” Ford stated. “The realm where Bill Cipher hails from.”

Meagan frowned. “Who’s Bill Cipher?”

“Only the worse thing that’s ever come to our reality,” Dipper replied. “Bill once told me of a mysterious darkness that would change everything we care about. He also said he’d be watching us.”

“Bill is after this,” Ford said, reaching into his long tan coat and retrieving a snow globe-like container with caution tape at its base. Inside the orb was some form of swirling energy that appeared like space and glowed faint blue with various stars of differing brightness, size, and shades of blue and black. The orb containing the rift was secured with pipe-like supports, colored in very dark grey.

Spengler adjusted his glasses, gazing on the contained energy. “Is that…?”

“An interdimensional rift? Yes, it is,” Ford confirmed. “A byproduct of the rift you and your team opened in your conflict with Chernabog.”

“Like I said, your faults,” Abby pointed a judgmental finger at the retirees.

“Until now, I’ve only entrusted the rift and its secrets to Dr. Gilbert and her team of Ghostbusters,” Ford continued. “As long as Bill doesn’t know we have it, there’s still hope.”

THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK, OL’ SIX FINGERS!!!

The cabin’s entire foundation shook all of the sudden, causing everyone and everything to tumble around inside. It had then taken on a life of its own, sprouting arms and legs that stood twenty feet tall.

Had its occupants been outside in the occurrence, they would have seen the assembled form to bear an alarming resemblance to Bill Cipher.

The entity completed it with a large tree trunk that served as a top hat.

“You and your new friends aren’t gonna stand in my way,” his reverberated voice declared to Ford. “One way or another, I’m getting that rift!”

Cipher proceeded to shake the cabin that was his head, rattling the occupants inside around.

“Gee, I can’t seem to get this weird buzzing out of my head,” Bill joked, until he realized that he did actually hear the noise in his so-called “head.” “Hey, what the heck are you guys doing in—?”

BOOM!

The entire front of the cabin – Bill’s “face” – exploded outward in a haze of fiery splinters. It was a feat accomplished by none other than Jillian Holtzmann; the buzzing Cipher detected was the activation of her Proton Pack.

“Just made a hole out of this a-hole,” Holtzmann punned. “I suggest we get out through it.”

“Is she crazy?!” Stevens unsettlingly asked.

“We ask the same question every day and just roll with it,” Patty said.

Together, they leaped out of the possessed cabin, just as Cipher’s “hands” covered up the hole.

They splashed down into a nearby lake, swimming away.

As Cipher’s cabin face reformed, he boldly declared, “You can run, but ya can’t hide from Bill Cipher!”

From a distance, Mabel rebelliously shouted back, “We’re not running, we’re swimming!”

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