Disney Ghostbusters: The Return

Chapter Five: Paint It Black

Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and Leidy had been working with each other for one day, and they already made the news.

But not in the good way.

According to reports, rather than busting ghosts, they terrorized the streets of New York City with their proton gear and expressions of wicked glee on their faces.

Christina saw it all from her desktop computer.

Something was definitely not right.

She had to call the original DGBs out of retirement; this was too big of a problem for one person to handle.

On her smartphone, she dialed J.G.’s number from her contacts.

It took close to a dozen rings before she finally got a voice on the other line…

…except it wasn’t J.G.’s voice.

“I’m sorry. The number you’ve dialed has been disconnected because I’m not letting you call your buddies. Please hold, while I possess you. Your body is very important to me…Bill Cipher!”

Christina questionably cringed, wondering if it was some sort of prank voicemail message Natalie might’ve put on J.G.’s phone. The voice didn’t sound like his or either Natalie’s, Jacqueline’s, Meagan’s, Lisa’s, and certainly not Sean’s. It was someone she never heard before, registering in a rather annoying, high-pitched tone.

Before she knew it, yellow mist seeped out of her smartphone and straight into her mouth. Her eyes shined with the same hue, no longer branding the usual aquamarine. They turned demonic, much like the being that possessed her.

“This gonna take some getting used to,” Cipher reflected on the new body he inhabited. “It’s nothing like Pine Tree’s or even Ol’ Six Fingers! I mean, what’re these?! Fleshy balloons?!” He cupped his hands against his sizable breasts. “And it’s way too wedgie-prone!” He stood up from the desk chair, tugging at the seat of his pants. “But it’ll have to do to keep the Ghostbusters’ slave from blathering for help.”

His interest turned from Christina’s body to the computer, which still displayed the televised chaos of Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and Leidy.

“What’s this? The new blood’s gone rogue, huh? Looks like I didn’t need to come here after all. Still, that kind of fun is just my kind to be part of. So, when in Rome – as they used to say before I made it fall…”

Leaping over Christina’s desk (and purposely falling in the process), Cipher equipped himself a spare Proton Pack and uniform.

On foot, he set off to find the rogues.


Agent Jay tried to remain optimistic for his partner.

He contacted M.I.B. headquarters for a transport to pick up Agent Kay in his petrified gold state.

There was no telling how critical his condition was, or even if he was still alive.

Of course, Jay would not rather focus on that latter scenario.

Instead, he centered on his other fellow M.I.B. agent, KaeLeigh, who was close by with the Ghostbusters (both of them) and their friends, explaining about her undercover work in Gravity Falls.

“I was stationed here for the past few years,” she disclosed. “The organization I work for is top secret. Not even the President of the United States knows about it – and, if he does, then it only means he’s one of us.”

“So…you people kill aliens?” Marco assumed.

“No, not kill…not unless we’re provoked,” KaeLeigh elaborated. “We monitor and police alien activity on Earth. Most of the extraterrestrial lifeforms we observe hide their existence from ordinary folk like you. They only want to live in peace, so we provide it for them in any way we can.”

“And then there are the ones like Bill Cipher,” Ford said.

KaeLeigh nodded. “Yes, the ones who want to destroy all life as we know it. The MIB had suspected Bill Cipher to emerge, following the worldwide ghostly invasion in 2014. Cipher wouldn’t have resisted taking advantage in that kind of event, but he did only because the other Ghostbusters – Erin Gilbert and her team – intervened. He didn’t count on another Ghostbuster team stomping on his chance at domination.”

“Well, sorry to disappoint the little weirdo,” Abby mocked. “But we don’t just stand by when innocent lives are being threatened.”

“Unfortunately, he’ll try to get another shot at it by taking the rift from Mister Pines,” KaeLeigh gestured to Ford. “That’s why Agent Jay and I must insist on taking him into protective custody and do whatever we can to stop Cipher.”

“We can help,” J.G. stepped up.

“J.G., dude, didn’t you hear the woman?” Jacqueline argued. “This isn’t a ghost we’re dealing with. It’s an alien. That’s way out of our jurisdiction.”

“But our equipment can still put the hurt on him,” Patty told her. “Holtzmann blew his face off back in the cabin.”

“Yeah, and I’m itchin’ to do it again,” Holtzmann disconcertingly sneered.

“So we can help you, KaeLeigh,” J.G. persisted.

She was touched by his bravery, one of his greatest traits as a Ghostbuster.

“Look, man,” Agent Jay harshly addressed J.G. “This might seem like an open attempt at an easy booty call, but ya ain’t gettin’ any tonight.”

KaeLeigh was taken aback by the brashness of the seasoned agent.

Jay! You can be such a prick sometimes, you know that!” After barking at her fellow M.I.B. agent (who she outranked, by the way), she concentrated back on J.G. “It’s sweet of you to want to help, but you and your friends will just be a liability.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Agent Jay briskly said.

“Shut up,” KaeLeigh hissed at him.

“KaeLeigh, we were involved the moment Cipher came and attacked us,” Erin disputed. “We’re already a liability to whatever government-funded project you people come from.”

The agents knew Erin made a valid point.

They were left with no other choice but to bring the two Ghostbuster teams, the Pines family, and even Star and Marco back to their headquarters in New York City via helicopter. Meanwhile, the people of Gravity Falls were left to be neuralized by the M.I.B. agents at the scene.


“Whoa,” Patty whistled. “This place is dope!”

The M.I.B. headquarters was indeed a sight to behold, if not for the futuristic architecture (by 1960s standards), then certainly for the alien life there.

KaeLeigh and Jay’s guests couldn’t pry their eyes off any of them.

“This place is like a gold mine for all of life’s mysteries,” an overwhelmed Dipper exclaimed. “How long has this all been here?”

“We were first established in the sixties,” said KaeLeigh, who was dressed up in her M.I.B. uniform, which was a striking change-up from her diner outfit, from J.G.’s perspective. “Neither Jay or I existed by that time. Kay, on the other hand, was here since the organization’s insurrection. One of the founding members, you’d even say.”

Jacqueline had to rub her eyes to check whether or not she had just seen a group of alien pirates situated at one of the terminals. “How many types of aliens do you got here?” she asked Agents KaeLeigh and Jay.

“We used to have more than what you see hangin’ around here before what happened in 2014,” Jay replied. “Because of that stunt ya’ll pulled, half of the galaxy’s scared to come here, thinkin’ ghosts are gonna creep up on them.”

“It’s Bill Cipher the galaxy’s scared of,” KaeLeigh contradicted.

“So what exactly is Bill Cipher?” Patty asked.

“Yeah,” Meagan supported. “Is he an alien or a ghost?”

“He’s both.”

The assertive voice of an Englishwoman spoke outside their congregation.

They faced her as she approached.

“Agent Oh,” KaeLeigh identified her. “Guys, this is the head of M.I.B.”

“Agent Jay briefed me on your encounter with Bill Cipher and how you intend on helping us stop him,” Oh told the guests. “We hope you understand your memories of this temporary alliance will be thoroughly wiped, as soon as this crisis is averted.”

That last bit from the M.I.B. chief might’ve gone over a few heads.

“Wait. What?” Stan muttered.

“Is Kay gonna be alright?” Jay asked Oh.

“The state Cipher put him in is troubling,” Oh informed. “But he’s stabilized.”

“Is there maybe anything we can do to help him?” Mabel inquired.

“The only way we can help him is by destroying Bill Cipher once and for all,” Oh responded. “That will in turn destroy the spell he put on him.” Addressing the Ghostbusters, specifically Natalie and her team, Oh confessed, “I won’t lie to you. I was quite disconcerted when I heard of your involvement in this matter. Your presence here is not welcomed but necessary. Right now, as hard as it is to fathom, the only hope this world has is you…again.”

Natalie understandingly nodded. “Then let’s get to work.”

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