Disney Ghostbusters: The Return

Chapter Six: Is It Scary?

Mal, Jay, Evie, and Carlos were having too much fun in bodies of Mickey, Leidy, Donald, and Goofy, ruining the reputation of the Ghostbusters by spreading mass destruction across New York City.

“Where to next?” Evie/Donald asked, following a successful riot in Fifth Avenue.

“Well, I’m feelin’ hungry,” Mal/Mickey said. “Anyone hungry for pizza?”

Jay, Evie, and Carlos unanimously approved, catching Mal’s drift as they ravaged on their way to the Pizza Planet in Times Square. It was another location made famous by the exploits of the Ghostbusters.

They terrorized the family-friendly establishment, drawing several parents and children away screaming.

The scene was perceived by several people outside, including Bill Cipher.

Still inhabiting the body of Christina Melnitz, he confidently waltzed into the restaurant, briskly passing the fleeing crowd of terrified patrons. He found Mal, Evie, Jay, and Carlos sitting at a booth, scarfing down deserted pizza.

“You know the best part?” Carlos/Goofy said. “We don’t have to worry about calories. We can eat whatever we want, and these dorks will be only ones getting fat.”

Mal, Evie, and Carlos gluttonously concurred with his outlook.

“Gotta remember that myself the next time I visit an all-you-can-eat buffet.”

Cipher’s commentary, as well as his unannounced presence in the otherwise abandoned restaurant, caught the four body-snatching descendants off guard. They all jolted in reaction to Cipher, aiming their proton guns in his general direction.

“Geez, kids, relax,” Cipher uttered with arms raised. “Jittery bunch, aren’t ya?”

“It’s their lowly secretary,” Evie/Donald identified their target.

“What do we do about her?” Jay/Leidy inquired.

“Let’s see how fast she fries,” Mal/Mickey sinisterly suggested.

Cipher saw how the tips of their proton guns began to glow, primed to unleash a volley of protonic energy that would’ve singed the flesh of his human host. And, as delightful of an experience that would be for the dream demon, he had to protest.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he cried. “I’m not the secretary! I’m Bill Cipher!”

To prove himself, he vacated from Christina’s body (left collapsing to the floor, unconscious), revealing his true form to Mal, Evie, Carlos, and Jay.

The four descendants looked on him in awe.

“Whoa,” Carlos/Goofy uttered. “What are you, dude?”

“A dream demon from the Nightmare Realm,” Cipher said. “Hey, here’s an idea: let’s meet face-to-face with our real faces.”

After some slight hesitation, the descendants accepted Cipher’s invitation.

In hazes of purple, blue, red, and black-and-white, they exited the bodies of Mickey, Donald, Leidy, and Goofy (also left unconscious on the floor) and materialized in front of Cipher.

“Look at you four,” he enthused. “Like an evil High School Musical cast.”

“So, what brings you here to us, Mr. Cipher?” Mal questioned.

“Oh, you know, the usual villain origin story: there was this tear in the fabric of space and time four years ago, and blah, blah, blah,” Cipher derisively babbled. “But never mind about lil’ ol’ me – ’scuse the Gideon trademark there – I’m way more interested in the story of you four kids…the sons of daughters of the chilliest, villainous bad guys this side of the Seventh Circle – or what’s left of it.”

Evie apprehensively frowned at the demon. “How do you know about us?”

“Hey, I’m hip,” Cipher replied. “I watch the Disney Channel. I wanna be part of your revenge plot. I got just the skills you kids need to wipe the Ghostbusters out permanently.”

His offering left much to be desired in the eyes of Mal, Evie, Carlos, and Jay.

Neither did the four descendants have the time to decide, with the unsettling sound of police sirens blaring right outside the establishment, accompanied by that of an officer screaming through a bullhorn, “This is the police! Come out with your hands up!”

“Five-Oh? Really?!” Carlos bellowed.

Cipher’s single eye narrowed, overjoyed at the sudden opportunity.

Reentering the body of Christina, he stepped out of the restaurant to the waiting searchlight and dozens of trained guns brandished by the New York Police Department.

“Hate to break it to you, boys,” Cipher said. “But this ain’t the first time tonight I’ve had guns pointed at me.”

“Ma’am, are you okay?” asked the officer in charge.

“Am I okay?” Cipher remarked. “I’ve never felt better!”

With the snap of his (Christina’s) fingers, the tune of KC and the Sunshine Band’s “I’m Your Boogie Man” boomed from nowhere but seemingly everywhere, much to the NYPD’s confusion.

Cipher danced to the music, flailing his arms and hands around.

To horror of the police, his antics grossly deformed them – contorting bodies, rearranging body parts, and turning them inside out.

From inside the restaurant, Mal, Evie, Carlos, and Jay observed the horrifying spectacle; they were beyond impressed. “This triangle dude is literally sick,” Jay gleefully commented.

Re-possessing Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and Leidy, they stepped out shortly after Cipher rendered the entire New York Police Department into a freak show.

“Mister Cipher, you’re in,” Mal told him.

“Fantastic,” Cipher elatedly cheered. “Now, what is it you kids got planned?”

“Oh, we’ll let you know,” Mal assured, “once we’re on the Tipton Hotel rooftop.”


Ford, Holtzmann, and Spengler were permitted access into the M.I.B. headquarters’ armory and laboratory to construct weapons effective against Cipher. The three super geniuses created a combination of equipment between Ghostbuster and MIB schematics.

The collaboration, though fruitful, was not without its flaws, which was due in part to the flirtatious advances of Holtzmann towards Spengler. She went as far as zap-pitching his buttocks with a device reminiscent to a cattle prod, much to the aggravation of Ford.

“Holtzmann,” he griped. “We don’t have time for your tomfoolery! Would you please focus?! Heaven only knows how much time we have ’til Bill makes his next move!”

“It seems we have very little, Mr. Pines,” addressed Agent Oh, who entered the lab with the others, having heard Ford’s exclamation. In her hands was an iPad, which had displayed live news footage of Bill’s grotesque terror in front of the Pizza Planet on Times Square.

“Yeesh,” Holtzmann said of the unsettling subject material. “Doubt anyone’ll ever eat there again.”

“No mistaking that’s Cipher,” J.G. noted. “The worst part is that he’s got control of Christina’s body now.”

Soon other faces familiar to the Ghostbusters popped up in the broadcast.

“Is that Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and Leidy?” An alarmed Jacqueline asked.

“Sure enough, it is,” Natalie verified. “You guys don’t suppose Billy-Boy brainwashed them into his little cause, do you?”

No one wanted to answer, feeling just as skeptical as she was.

Erin sidetracked, refocusing on the science project Ford, Holtzmann, and Spengler were in the middle of: “How long ’til everything’s finished?”

Spengler let out a disgruntled sigh. “We’re nowhere close to finished.”

“This kind of work will take hours,” Ford added.

“I can help speed up the process,” Star volunteered, waving around her unusual wand, which some of the others still weren’t certain was a toy or a type of family heirloom.

Marco was quick to object. “Uh, Star? Just a friendly reminder, but we need this equipment to stop the crazy triangle man-thing.”

“Don’t worry, Marco,” Star said. “I’ve got this.”

With this assurance, she commenced in reciting an incantation that casted a spell over the partially constructed equipment. In seconds, the scattered pieces assembled together on the worktable, creating weaponry that perfectly matched with the schematics Ford, Spengler, and Holtzmann were working from.

“I don’t believe it,” an amazed Ford reacted. “It looks exactly like the way it does in the blueprints. She…She did it!”

None of the others could believe it either – not even Marco, who was already aware of Star’s magical traits.

“Are you some kind of teenage witch? Like the girl in that old 90s sitcom?” Mabel queried in her astonishment.

Somewhat modestly, Star told her, “Oh, I’m just a girl who’s got style and skills.”

“Well, they definitely made for some awesome new tech,” Dipper admired over the array of Ghostbuster/M.I.B. fused equipment.

Agent Jay boldly snatched up one of the guns. “If they can stop Bill Cipher, then I’m ready to go Tony Montana on his demon @$$.”

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