-PSA- This story is modern in some aspects, there will be NO GEN Z HUMOR. With the exception of Paris.

“YOU’RE BACK!” Alyssa sat on her bed reading a book jumping to her feet once she saw me.

“I missed you,” she squealed.

I smothered her in kisses, tackling her on the bed. “Where the hell were you, I was worried sick.”

“You gave me no warning where you went, then you wanted money? Are you okay? Where is Blaise?”

“Kyra you’re not my mother. I had a business trip.”

“Business trip my ass, you’re set for life you don’t need a job, like ever. And you got Blaise, he’s fucking loaded.”

“Well, it’s none of your business.”


“I’m just kidding I’ll tell you later.”

“Where is your egg?”

“Oh, it died.”


Alyssa picked up a hair from my bed. “Whos is this? Is this Cormac’s?”

“What? I never told you about Cormac, how do you know his hair?”

“I had a hoe phase, Kyra, I remember most Gryffindors.”

“You never told me about Cormac.”

“Wasnt important,” she shrugged.

“Half the boys at this school have dirty blonde hair, you have dirty blonde hair. You’ve been with blaise for almost two years.”

“You talk too much.”

“Welcome students,” Dumbledore said, his voice booming through the great hall. “Winter break is tomorrow, you all have the choice to stay or to go. The celestial ball will be held a week after break, thank you all, and have a wonderful break.” He disapparated after his little speech.

’Well, we could leave tonight, go to Hogsmeade or one of those muggle superstores. Walmart I think it’s called. Rent out a trailer,” Terence said taking another bite of his dinner.

“Yeah ill pack tonight, bring Cyprus and willow too.”

“No, we aren’t bringing Cyprus Kyra,” Draco spat.

“I thought you liked her.”

“She burned half my closet yesterday.”

“That seems like a personal problem, Cyprus is going whether you like it or not.”

“Well we should start packing now,” Blaise said cleaning up his plate.

Everybody agreed and I headed back to my dorm. I grabbed the bag of galleons and the new collection of knives I got.


’Dear uncle Luca, with the new sights of Fernir’s companions I would appreciate it if I could loan some of your wolf hunting knives. As you know Terence is a target for Fernir, name a price and I shall give. Write me back if you can and I would appreciate it if you wouldnt tell my father about it. Tell lily I said happy birthday as well, I’ll visit you soon.

Sincerely Kyra-Your favorite niece.′

He replied almost instantly, sending me many sharp daggers and a note.

’No need dear, take these for free and tell the Higgs boy I said hi. Your father is worried but I haven’t told him about anything. Be careful, you-know-who is rumored to be back, your father is acting suspicious as well, retired death eaters are making appearances.

Sincerely Luca.′

I put the satchel in my backpack, making sure to add an extension charm to the bag. I packed clothes, snacks, bathing suits, and some toys for Cyprus. I also packed her bed. I stuffed some muggle money in my purse and some sweets. I headed to the common room bags in hand and Cyprus next to me. I checked the clock that hung in the common room and it was a quarter past 12, miles joined me in the common room, draping his arm over my shoulder.

“Are you excited?” he asked me.

“Yes, are you?”

“I would be if I had somebody to shag on the way,” he huffed. “Wanna volunteer?”

“You’re gross,” I said, taking his arm off my shoulder. “Just shag pucey.”

“Now that you said that, I’m not too opposed,” his face turned into a smug smile. “Hey, Pucey.”

Adrian’s head popped out from one of the dorms. “What?”

Miles jogged over there and started talking to him. Terence joined my side a second later.

“Cyrpus and willow cant go, they’re a danger to muggles.”

“Oh no, well can they go to the cabin with us?”

“I think so, one of the house-elves could watch them. Where should we go first?”

" let’s go to Hogsmeade first, then we can go to the muggle cities.”

“Good idea liner.”

“I got some daggers from my uncle, he said hi.”

Terence was saying something but was immediately interrupted once Miles was tackled to the floor by Adrian. “IM NOT SHAGGING YOU.”

“Kyra said you would,” Miles said, raising his hands in surrender.

“I did not say that.”

“You can shag me, Miles,” Pansy said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. I snort came from Terence and you could tell it was taking all of his courage to not say a snarky remark. Miles looked over at Adrian before shrugging his shoulders.

“Alright, you can come.”

“What? No Pansy you don’t get to go,” I said, shooting a deathly glare to miles.

“Well Miles said I could, so I’m going. I already have my bags packed.”

“You were invited less than ten seconds ago, Miles if you were that horny you could’ve just bought a fucking pocket pussy, or just use your hands.”

“Why are we talking about masturbating.” Draco appeared beside me slinging his arm around my shoulder causing Terence to do the same.

“Hi Draco,” Pansy said. Her presence scared Draco and he jumped a little.

“Hi,” he gulped. “Is she going?” he whispered in my ear.

“Yeah, Miles needed a shag buddy for the break.”

“Oh, Well, I don’t have one, you wanna be mine?”

“Sorry mate, I already got some,” I held up two fingers tauntingly.

“Why use those when you could have all this?”

“And this,” Terence said, flexing his arms.

“Are you boys offering me a trip to Paris?” both their faces were filled with grins. “I’ll have to pass, but thank you for the offer, I think my fingers are good for now.”

“For now,” the boys said in unison.


“Well, what are we waiting for?” Blaise’s voice echoed through the common room.

“Terence is your cabin ready?” Alyssa asked from behind blaise.



“We should buy these,” Miles said, holding up a pair of magical gloves.

“It’s your money,” Pucey said, examining some blankets.

I picked up a few thermal blankets and put them in my basket before asking my group, “Whos staying with each other in a tent?”

“I and blaise are together,” Alyssa said placing a few pairs of magic gloves in my basket.

“Me and miles.” Pansy shot a wink to Miles.

“Adrian, who are you with?” Draco asked.

“Daphne, she said shell meet us there.”

“So I guess it’s me and you,” Draco said while rubbing my shoulder.

“We aren’t leaving Terence,” I put a few magical matches in my basket. “Terence, do you wanna stay in our tent?”

“Nah, I got a date with Tracey.”

“The Davis girl?”

“Yup, she knows how to treat a man,” he said, wiggling his brows.

“Is she staying at the cabin too?”

“Yeah, I asked one of the house-elves to bring some Firewhiskey. We already have some alcohol there though.”

“Muggle city next, shall we go to Walmart?” Blaise asked.

“Indeed we shall, last to apparate is a rotten egg,” Terence said before disappearing.

I grabbed Draco’s hand and apparated us to a random Walmart. Miles joined us hand in hand with Pansy throwing up in the parking lot. When Alyssa and Blaise apparated they apparated right in Miles’ puke.

“Ugh, gross miles. These shoes are new.” Alyssa stepped out of miles bile and cast a cleaning charm on her shoes.

Adrian appeared later with his wallet in hand.

“Does everybody have muggle currency?” Terence asked. “I’m gonna go get the trailer, 'll meet you in an hour.”

Everybody paired up and started shopping. I went with Draco to the food aisle.

“Should we get these,” I held up a bag of marshmallows.


“Smores?” I put a plethora of snacks in the shopping cart.

There was a pack of condoms in the food aisle and Draco picked it up.

“What is this?” he asked, flinging the packaging.

“Condoms, to prevent babies.”

“Ribbed for pleasure? What’s the point.”

“Not everybody wants kids Draco, it’s the muggle equivalent to the contraception charm.”

“Why don’t they just not have sex?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask them.”

“Where do you think we can find more of these?”


“I wanna see what else muggles use in the bedroom, it’s fascinating. Maybe I could use some on you.”

“What’s this?” he held up a bottle of lube.

“It’s like artificial spit, could be used for handjobs.” I took the bottle from his hand and put it in the cart. His jaw tensed and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Let’s go look at the camping aisle shall we.”

I walked off but he grabbed my wrist, spinning me around so I was in his arms. “All this sex talk is doing something to me,” he whispered in my ear. He kissed up and down my neck in a satisfying pattern.

“You’re not taking me in a Walmart.”

“Well then, I guess I’m gonna take you in a tent.” He grabbed a mouth gag and dropped it into the cart. “Shall we?”

I nodded my head and we headed to the camping aisle, hiding the ‘toys’ under the snacks.

“What type of tent should we get?” I asked Draco.

“A regular one.”

“Wow, so smart. Who would’ve thought.” I grabbed a two-person person tent and an air mattress. I also grabbed some ponchos and camping chairs.

“We need actual food, not just snacks Kyra.”

“No need to be rude about it.” I grabbed his hand and headed to the drinks aisle. I got a bunch of food and checked out, using a fake ID for the beer.

When we walked out of the store and were immediately honked at.

“HEY BITCHES!” Terence screamed, sticking his head out from the trailer.

IK there isn’t a Walmart in Britain but I was too lazy to find its equivalent.

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