“Here.” Fred handed me a piece of gum, causing me to glance at him with a frown.
“Does my breath stink?” I asked. I lifted a hand and blew into it before trying to smell. “I don’t smell anything.”
Fred laughed, nudging me with his elbow while still holding the gum in front of me.
“Your breath doesn’t stink, don’t worry.” He smiled. “You don’t want a gum?”
“No, I’ll take the gum.” I said took it from his hand, throwing it into my mouth.
Fred lifted his arm and wrapped it around my shoulders as we walked down the streets of Diagon Alley. We had some hours to spend together before I had to meet my friends at the Leaking Cauldron. I had missed him so much, so walking here with him was nice.
My own arm went around his waist as we walked close up against each other. I could feel his body heat and it always made me feel so comfortable and safe.
“Freddie?” I questioned, my voice soft and quiet. He looked down at me, humming in response. I looked up at him and smiled when our eyes met. “I trust you to be honest with me, yeah?”
“Course.” He nodded. “What about?”
I nodded towards a small alleyway between two buildings and we walked in there together. I grabbed onto his collar, pulling him with as I backed up against the brick wall. Fred rested his hand next to my head, staring down at me with a faint and soft smile.
“Would I—” I let out a breath, straightening out his collar that I had messed up when I grabbed him by it. I then ran my hands down his chest before letting them drop by my sides. “I really want to talk to you and open up but I don’t know how to. I need you to not get mad at me, alright?”
I tilted my head back to meet his eyes and he was now frowning, looking at me with a questioning look.
“You didn’t hurt yourself again, did you?” He asked, his eyes moving down to my arms. He gently grabbed my left arm and pushed up the sleeve of my coat to look at my wrists but I shook my head and he let out a breath of relief when he didn’t see any new scars over the old ones. “Then what is it? Are you doing alright?”
He placed a hand against the side of my neck, his thumb stroking over the skin of my jaw.
“When my dad— the first day I was home, he had gone through my pockets and found the ring you made for me.” I said, moving the ring around in my fingers and we both looked down at it before looking at each other again. “He was being very— I don’t even know. He was telling me he didn’t want me seeing you and he was scared that your family had told me anything about the whole thing with my mother.”
Fred nodded slowly, showing me that he was listening and telling me to go on.
“It wasn’t even like he did much to provoke me but he threw the ring on the floor and basically said that I owe him because he gave me my life. Everything just came crashing back. All the things he’s said to me through the years and all the feelings he’s made me feel, the insecurities he made sure I had.”
“Babe, you’re sounding like you did something.” He said. “Did you hurt yourself somewhere else? Your thighs perhaps?”
“No.” I said, shaking my head. “... no but I smashed a picture of my dad and I, ripped it off and when I looked at the glass— I had the urge to do it again and I haven’t felt like that for so long. It’s always when I got back home. The smallest thing and I’d break. It’s pathetic.”
“Hey.” He spoke, his voice coming out both soft but also stern as he ducked his head to meet my gaze. “You are not pathetic. You do not control the feelings you get and you are strong as fuck for fighting the urges instead of giving in.”
I tried to smile up at him but I felt extremely emotionally weak. I always got like this when I opened up to him. It was like when you were a kid and you got hurt and everything was fine until your parents would ask ‘are you okay?’ And then you’d start crying.
It wasn’t like that with my father but it was with Callie’s mother. She’s always taken care of me when we stayed at the mansion and like I’ve mentioned before, she’s like a mother to me.
“I don’t feel very strong.” I muttered, looking at his chest instead of his face. “I got scared. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time. Not since I first found out about you and Angelina. I thought being with you again meant it was done and over with so that overwhelming feeling really got to me.”
Fred moved closer to me, his hand still resting against my jaw as he pressed a kiss to my forehead.
“And I broke down.” I continued. “And I missed you so much even though I had just see you the same day. Pathetic.”
“Stop saying that.” He told me, now cupping my face with both hands before pressing a hard kiss to my lips. “Don’t call yourself pathetic. You are nothing but.”
“How is that not pathetic? You tell me I’m strong but I broke down on the floor of my bedroom over nothing.”
“It is not nothing if it made you feel like shit.” He told me. He ran his hands down the sides of my neck and over my shoulders, then continued down my arms until his hands found mine, lacing our fingers together. “It doesn’t make you weak. You’re not weak. For weeks now you’ve known that your father lied, known that you have brothers. You’ve lived with that and you didn’t break because of it. That shows that you are not weak.”
I let out a breath I had been holding, relaxed my body against the wall while staring at his hazel eyes.
“Did you hear me, babe?” He asked. “You’re not weak.”
“I’m not weak.” I muttered. Fred smiled, nodding at me as he gave my hands a squeeze.
“That’s right.” He grinned. “I want you to tell that to yourself every night before you go to bed, yeah? You’ll start believing it after a while.”
He brought both of our hands up, holding mine against the brick wall as he stepped closer to me, his hips touching mine.
“Do you believe me?”
“Good.” He smiled softly. One of his hands came down to lift my chin up before he pressed his lips to mine, then dropped his other hand to my hips.
His lips against mine hurt a little because of my swollen lip but I didn’t care. I wanted him to be this close and I wanted to be kissing him.
I wrapped an arm around his neck, deepening the kiss by letting my tongue travel into his mouth. He let out a him against me while my other arm went around his waist to pull him even closer if that was even possible.
I had my gum hidden in the back of my mouth so that it didn’t get in the way but the kiss tasted like mint. I didn’t know if it came from him or if it was me. Had he been chewing gum as well? I didn’t know.
My fingers threaded into his hair as I closed my fist around it, earning a deep groan from his throat that vibrated onto my tongue and into my own mouth.
Then it broke. Fred pulled back and looked down at me with a soft grin. He brushed his knuckles over my cheekbone on the healthy side of my face, then let out a sigh.
“Do you want my help?” He asked. Not knowing what he meant, I cocked an eyebrow. “Uh— with your mum, I mean. When I get back home I can try and see if I can track her down or something. I can ask Hermione to help. I think she’d have potential to track people down.”
He’d do that for me?
“How would you—”
I shook my head, frowning up at him before pulling him down for another kiss, though this was shorter.
“It’s not dangerous, is it?”
“No, of course not.” He assured me. “I can ask Hermione if there’re any books we can take a look at and when we get back to school I can tell you what we figured out.”
A smile spread on my face which automatically made him smile too.
“’S that a yes?”
“It’s a yes thank you.” I nodded and this time he was the one pressing a kiss to my lips. “Thank you so much.”
“You already know I’d do anything for you, darling.”
Maybe he’d manage to find my mother. Maybe I could meet her and have a life with her, get to know her. I never wanted to know her but that was before. Now I knew why she left, I knew she didn’t feel like she had a choice so now I needed more answers but I also just needed my mum.