His Hufflepuff ; Fred Weasley

Chapter 86

The next morning, I laid in bed with Fred. He had an arm wrapped around me, the hand on his other arm brushing through my hair repeatedly.

My head was on his bare chest and I was drawing circles on his side, using my index finger. Being close to him and waking up to him was exactly what I needed right now.

Fred’s body was extremely warm which was nice. It made the cuddling way more comforting.

We were both awake but we didn’t need to talk. The silence was comforting too and I think he knew that. He just wanted to be there for me in any way I wanted.

The way he held me tight when we went to bed, made me think that he was scared I’d go the same way as Nick. I had been close to that point before in my life and one of Fred’s worries were that I ever reached the point again.

I would never do it. Not now when I know how much it hurts to have a loved one leave you like this. It hurts so much and I feel so guilty for ever wanting to do the same.

I missed Nick.

All I could think about was the last time I talked to him. It all makes sense now.

Nick was crying, leaned back against the poster of his bed. When he saw me enter, he straightened up and wiped his cheeks while clearing his throat.

β€œHi, Jules.” He said, trying to sound okay, like he hadn’t just been crying. β€œCan I uhβ€” do you need anything?”

He was looking away, trying to hide his face and the evidence of tears in his cheeks.

β€œI came to talk.” I said softly. β€œYou’ve not been the same lately. What’s going on?”

β€œNothing.” He hurried to say. Wiped his cheeks again as he walked around to grab one of his books next to his bed before he sat down. β€œI’m just stressed about the upcoming exams.”

The exams were in four months.

β€œNick—”

β€œJulie!” He yelled, causing me to flinch. Nick never yelled and if he did, it wasn’t at anyone he loved. β€œI’m fucking fine, alright? It doesn’t matter anyway... it’ll all be over soon.”

He had planned it. That was our last conversation before he was picked up by his family. That was the last conversation we ever had. He went home, didn’t answer our letters and he committed suicide before we got to see him again.

He told me. He basically told me he was gonna end it and I didn’t see it. I should’ve seen it. Why didn’t I fucking see it?

β€œJules?” Fred asked when he heard the sob leave my mouth. He ran his hand down to my neck, caressing my skin. I inhaled sharply, lifting my head to look at him. When he saw my face, he slowly sat up straight, taking me with him. β€œHey, come here.”

He wrapped both of his arms around me while I snuck mine around him. He planted a kiss on my shoulder, his hand rubbing up and down on my back.

β€œI wish I could just hold him one more time.” I cried softly. β€œ... and tell him that everything is going to be alright.”

β€œI know, darling.” He whispered into my hair. ”I know.”

β€œAnd I wish I had done something.” I continued. β€œBecause he told me it was all going to be over soon, and I should’ve realised what he meant.”

Fred pulled back, looking at me with his hands resting on either side of my jaw. His thumbs caressed my skin and his eyes scanned my face.

β€œDo you remember when I came to visit you during Christmas of nineteen-ninety-four?” He asked. I sighed and nodded while I closed my eyes. I knew exactly where he was going with this. β€œYour father wasn’t home and I couldn’t find you. A few days before we left school for the Holidays, you told me how cool it would be to be able to control your own death. That that’s how it should be. I didn’t think much of it, just thought you were deep in thoughts again and then I found you in that tub in your father’s house.”

I opened my eyes to look at him, seeing the pain in his eyes from the memory. Fred was the only one who knew about that. I never told anyone and neither did he because he promised me.

β€œThe floor was full with empty pill bottles.” He said. β€œAnd youβ€” you were unconscious. I felt so guilty because I didn’t notice the signs, but you know what? That wasn’t my fault and this isn’t yours.”

This was the first time either of us mentioned that day. We never talked about it, not even to each other.

Fred had stuck two fingers down my throat to make me throw up the pills again. I don’t know how he knew what to do. Pills aren’t a thing in the wizarding world. The only reason my dad had some in the house, was because he left the wizarding world for good and decided to live like muggles.

If Fred hadn’t made me throw up the pills, I would probably have been dead.

β€œI know it will take a while for you to realise.” Fred said. β€œBut I know Nick wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”

β€œBut—”

β€œNo!” He said firmly. β€œNo... it’s not on you. Everyone can miss the signs. How were you supposed to know that that was what he meant? Stop beating yourself up. It will ruin you if you do, but you are fucking strong and you will get through this.”

I sobbed as I threw my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder.

β€œI promise you, my love... right now it doesn’t seem like it’ll get better, but it will and one day, you’ll be able to think about him without feeling like you’re gonna break.”

We stayed in bed for a while before we both got up and got dressed. George was in the kitchen, looking out of the window with his arms folded over his chest.

He turned when he noticed us leave the room, though he forced a smile. He was obviously shocked over the news I dropped on them yesterday.

He and Nick were friends. Not close friends but they had been friends since we all started Hogwarts.

β€œLooks like a couple of owls found you.” George commented, pointing to a few envelopes on the table. β€œOne’s from Dumbledore and one’s from Mrs Crane.”

β€œDanika?” I asked with a small frown as I walked towards the envelopes. The one from Dumbledore was the top one but I went for the one from Nick’s mother... Danika Crane. I sighed. β€œIt’s probably about the... funeral.”

I sat down, slowly opening the envelope. My hands were shaking just slightly.

I pulled out the piece of parchment and unfolded it before I read it. Afterwards, I felt like cryingβ€” but I didn’t. I kept it back.

β€œThe funeral is uhβ€” it’s on Friday.”

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