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After finding her heart broken in too many ways, Aster struggles to pull herself together. She returns to Hogwarts in the midst of a war and finds herself being pulled from good to bad. Does she love Draco Malfoy enough to pull apart her moral compass?

Fantasy / Erotica
Age Rating:


noun, plural
compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one’s power;

an act of kindness, compassion, or favour

Aster’s POV

“Aster, please you need to eat.”

Blaise’s voice did nothing but float around my ears, it did not register and it hadn’t for days.

My head was still agonizingly thumping. Spots in my eyes kept flurrying past, making it all too much harder to glare at him.

“You haven’t eaten properly in days.” he pleaded.

I closed my eyes, hoping the darkness helped with the pulsating behind them. I heard Blaise walk around to the armchair I was currently curled up in. His footsteps sounded cautious and slow.

“Aster, please talk to me”

“Leave me alone” I snapped back. The energy it took to merely say three words was taxing, my limbs felt heavy still. My thoughts were either coming in boundless waves, not leaving me a chance to filter them or they weren’t coming at all. Those moments were the most relaxing, it felt like my body was floating on invisible clouds.

“Aster, please if I explain everything you’ll understand”

I slowly opened my eyes, letting my fuzzy sight land on the dusty fireplace in front of me. The flames flickered obnoxiously, the heat was the only comfort I had found in this odd room.

“I did this to protect you, you know that right?”

Every time I thought about what happened, I felt my heart rip apart in more ways than one. How does one feel so betrayed, so heartbroken and so lost at the same time?

I was exhausted.

“Aster, please this isn’t like you. I’ve never seen you so....”

“Betrayed?” I finished for him.

I looked over to see how my word impacted him. But instead, I was faced with a face so familiar to me and yet so unfamiliar.

“Who are you?” I spitefully asked him.

He winced.

I kept my hands wrapped around my knees, pulling my body inwards. I let myself watch Blaise as he walked around the armchair and paced in front of the fireplace. He buried his hands in his grey hoodie as he paused in front of my chair.

His eyes wandered over to the journal I had found in some boxes in the wardrobe. It was almost like my mind was seeking somewhere to empty my thoughts into. My body just woke up one day and wandered around the room, like it was being magnetized to something. Next minute, I found myself opening up an old wooden wardrobe and my hands were shuffling through various objects covered in dusk. The journal was of brown leather, old and tattered yet nothing was inside. The pages were a blank beige, waiting to be written on.

Sometimes my head felt so full I had to write. I had been writing for days. Just words, sentences, even drawings. Most of the time, the words made no sense, sometimes it made too much sense.

“I’m still me. I’m probably more me than I’ve ever been Ast. I never wanted to keep this from you but you were so close to Malfoy and him being a Death Eater...I just couldn’t risk it”

“So you really are on Potter’s side?”

He looked me in the eyes, they still seemed rather dull.

“It’s not Potter’s side. We’re protecting the wizarding world from Voldemort. You know what he did in the first war...its going to be worse this time around”

“And you thought that just because I was with Malfoy, that I was helping him, I was on his side, the Dark Lords side?”

I watched as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“You said the Dark Lord..” he whispered.

I narrowed my eyes at him, confused.

“Only his followers call him that,” he explained.

This time it was my time to wince.

“Aster, you were too close to him” he murmured.

“I never believed in that bullshit though, you know that! Just because my father was helping them, it doesn’t mean I want to be one...of them”

The pounding behind my eyes was growing louder.

Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming tsunami of guilt and worry.

“Where is my father?” I demanded, leaping up from my armchair and stepping towards Blaise. My legs were wobbly but I kept myself tense, tense enough to stand steadily.

I searched his face for an answer but his eyes looked empty.

“Blaise, where’s my mum and dad? Are they here? Are they ok?” I demanded. My body suddenly felt like it was filled to the brim with caffeine.

“Ok, well that’s what we wanted you to come downstairs for. I don’t know all the details.” he explained, his hands were now fiddling with the tassels on his hoodie.

“Tell me now.”

“Your mum is fine. She’s with my family somewhere safe, I don’t know where. It’s a secret...to keep them safe”

“But what about my dad? Why does mum need to hide?”

There was a few moments on intense silence, a silence that seemed to feel the air with a thick scent of wariness.

“He’s been taken Ast. We believe he’s been kept at Malfoy Manor”

Suddenly, my knees buckled and I was on the floor. My headache was now splitting the insides of my brain, my eyes were wet with tears and my body was shaking uncontrollably.

I felt arms wrap around me, warmth radiated against my body. As I shook and cried, Blaise held me tight.

“I’m on the taskforce to get him back Ast. We’ve got someone on the inside that has been keeping tabs on him. Only a limited number of people know this, so you can’t tell anyone. But we will get him back”

His words sounded empty to me. I knew what was happening to my father. I wasn’t dumb.

Slowly, my shakes turn into jolts and my cries were getting swallowed by my deep breaths.

“Where am I?” I was able to ask him, popping my head up and out of his chest.

He looked taken aback by my question.

“This is the Order’s safe house, it’s protected.”

I nodded, it was all too much for me to process. The movement made my head feel like it was splitting from my ears inwards. A muffled sob turned into a cry of pain.

At the cry, Blaise’s learnt backwards and looked at me straight on.

“Are you ok?”

I immediately shut my eyes, hoping the darkness would ease the shooting pains.

“My head. It’s been hurting ever since” I mumbled.

I felt Blaise’s hands grip my shoulders.

“I can get you something for the pain. But I think you really should come downstairs, there’s a lot to explain”

I couldn’t nod, and I didn’t feel like speaking anymore. Instead, I let Blaise help me off the floor, his arms bracing my weight. I opened my eyes slightly as Blaise ushered me towards the bed. Lying me down, I once again closed my eyes and sighed deeply.

“I’m going to get you a potion and then later this afternoon you really need to come downstairs” Blaise said sternly.

I didn’t reply, instead I just listened to the steps as they grew distant and the door closed.

As I buried my head in the pillow beneath me, I tried to focus on something else. Maybe I was too overwhelmed?

As my mind slowed down, it seemed to crawl towards one person.

One Death Eater.

With silver eyes and white hair.

One, that’s home was currently keeping my father prisoner.

He was the enemy now.

The boy I love.

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