The same broken ice
Saina pov
Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’β
In my despair, I became so lost and empty that I couldn't feel the ground shifting next to me. After around and hour of completely pathetic brokenness, I look over my should and see those raven locks.
My hands drew up to wipe my eyes, so I could get a better view of him. He had made his way to my lefts side, right around the corner from me. So we were seemingingly sperated, but in reality only inches apart. I saw that puddle beneath him, likely carved by his tears. It hurt me a little less to know that somebody else was in pain too. I suppose that is wrong, or selfish, but it made me feel a little less pathetic. Knowing that this hurt the ravenette boy too. That it would hurt anyone. Not just pathetic little Saina Udai.
The boy had his knees to his chest, but his head was leaning back againts the brick wall. As for me, my head was between my knees, only letting my eyes peek up at the sky. The sky was a bit darker now, more cloudy too. I suppose we have been here a while. I wonder how the boy is feeling, he must've liked Hitoka, well, maybe he liked hinata too, but I doubt it. The way he held his stoic face as the sunshine boy spoke to him, it felt more like he had been betrayed, and like he was angry.
Now I'm growing jealous of this stranger, I want to feel betrayed and angry. I was betrayed. She knew all along, since the beginning, she heard every dumb cheesy thing I said about him lighting up the world around him. She didn't even have the guts to tell me to my face.
I dont blame her, my face is awful. My face is probably mean, scary, ugly, horrid. She probably wanted to run as far away from my horrid face as she could. Hinata did too, I bet. The ravenette gets to be mad because its just hinata, im sure they have fought before. I dont get to be mad. If I say a word out of line to that stupid blonde she will break down crying, and then everyone will hate me more. Can they hate me any more than they do already?
"Me too."
I dont know why I said that, but I did. The stranger boy turned slightly to look at me, but I was just as confused by my words as he was. We made eye contact staring from our sides of the cornered wall. I met with his blue eyes that seemed void of anything but pain. They were so sad, but his eyes in that moment looked beautiful. He was quite beautiful himself too. Why couldn't Hitoka just go with this boy. He seems fine enough.
"What?!" His face turned to a scowl, but I saw no anger, still only pain.
"It hurts me, too," I shifted so my side was against the wall and my face directly looking at him.
"Im not hurt, Im pissed" he shouted, wich took me by suprise, but I live around tsuki, so I didn't move an inch.
I think the expected me to flinch, because maybe most people do. Oh. He expected me to flinch because yachi wouldve. He looked almost surprised that I didn't but his thoughts would be interrupted by me.
"No you are not."
"Yes I am, who are you to say anything?"
"Im saina, and you are not angry"
"Im tobio and I AM angry" as he spoke that, I saw tears gloss over his eyes, speaking to me the things he refused to. I dont think this boy understands that betrayal doesn't make you angry. Betrayal makes you only one thing: immensely sad.
"Well, hi tobio. You like Hitoka dont you?"
He scoffed
"What? do you like her too!?" This felt like a joke, but the way he said it was serious.
"No. Hinata." Was the best I could put in a serious tone so the boy understood clearly.
"Pft, of course. Everybody likes stupid hinata. The fucking orange."
"I call him ed sheeran when Im mad, it makes me feel a little better, I guess."
The boys blue eyes look back to his side and spot me, head swung back, staring at the sky, almost like I forgot why I'm here. I can see him through my peripheral though, and I know exactly why I am here.
"Did it feel like you got stepped on?"
Was this boy trying to make an analogy, well he was right, it did.
"Yeah." I stayed looking at the sky.
"Fucking ED SHEERAN!!!" he screamed so loud, there was so much pain in the sound, but towards the end, a hint of laughter. He laughed, well, thats nice for him. As for me, I wad still staring at the sky. Re-living the brutal beating I had gone through earlier. It was much more than just being stepped on.
"It was more actually," eyes still glued to a single cloud that was slowly making its way to the other side of the sky.
"Hm?"
"I didnt just get stepped on. I kinda got punched in the gut, and the kicked repeatedly until I fell over. Then while I was on the groud, already struggling to breath through the pain, they spit on me. Then they stepped on me."
"Well, thats a lot" the boy said now taking his eyes off of me and back to the sky above to process how real my words were.
"Yep"
Then there was silence. For a while in the silence I forgot he was even there. Overwhelmed with my disgusting tornado of thoughts. Some of how much I hated myself, and why. Some of memories, confused why I let myself believe those little things mattered. Well, they mattered to me, but not him.
The boy somehow made his way to my right side. So now we were both sitting broken against the same wall. Two broken peices of ice, melting together. Pathetic.
Then he started to talk, he told me about how when he was coming to find her earlier he wanted to confess, or at least try. He told me how he wanted to be the one showering her small pink face in kisses. That even though most of the time he is angry, and just wants to fucking step on people, he wants to be soft for her. He wants to cuddle and smile and hold hands with the timid girl.
The boy went on and on about the things he thinks he know, wich I know to be false. Things about her cute innocence and the way she lights up sometimes. Things like her favorite foods, or colors and games. They werent right. At least they didn't seem right, but in the end who knows. She probably lied to both of us.
Then he asked me how stupid it must feel like to have a crush on hinata. It did feel stupid. Not in the way, what was it? Tobio..not in the way tobio thought. It was stupid to think two people so different could be together. Then he sat there next to me, while I tried my best not to be so blunt and vague, explaining how dumb it would be if he liked somebody like me.
"What does that mean?"
"It means, he is like the sun, and I am the moon"
"Huh?"
"It means I am the type of person who is on the verge of falling apart, and yet I'm still scary to yachi hitoka. I am the girl who says overtly sexual things over text AND in real life. AND im blunt in a mean way, and too harsh when it comes too sports. I stand up for myself and am too rowdy and aggressive, and it would never work. Not for someone who's type is....yachi"
"Oh, well same thing here. Im not exactly like you, but I am the opposite of hinata so. Not her type."
"You ever feel really shitty for wishing you could be more like one of them?"
"No gross. I would never wanna be like that idiot."
"Not even if it meant you got to have her?"
"I-"
"Well, I would. Anyday and anytime."
"I think...me too"
We both turned to eachother and made eye contact for a very long time. We were swimming through eachothers reddened eyes, looking for silent words. My thoughts kinda grew to be more and more lewd as I completely forgot about the boy in front of me and replayed the kissing scene. Only this time, I walked right up to them and grabbed that orange by his shirt collar. Then I brought my head close to his ear, as he was only a bit taller than me, and I whispered that I was supposed to be one he kissed.
I would pull him against me and down to my level by his collar and kiss him passionately, hoping to make him forget about my blonde friend, and toxicly do it in front of her to assert dominance. I'd let him touch me, because I KNEW my body was better sculpted than her, letting jealousy consume the kiss. Growing restless and angry and sad. Id start to let him strip me, knowing he wouldn't be able to resist my body, even though he was usually confused by my lewd comments, I knew he wasn't innocent in the least. More so, he was dumb, not innocent.
He didn't need words to understand actions. Then he would ravish me, kissing down my bare chest, pressing me against the cold brick , worshiping me. As I continued to see this image my mind clouded, it began reminding me of how I didnt deserve him, how I was slutty, and stupid, and desperate. This ruined my fantasy because now, more than ever, I wanted to be degraded, and my little sunshine boy, wasn't the type to. My fantasy then broke and I was re-met with blue eyes of the ice boy.
I knew that I could sexually please hinata more than Yachi, but that meant nothing. I knew him well enough to know he didn't want that, he wouldn't want that. Yet that was all I was good for. The blue eyed boy probably thinks similarly, how he should've acted differently earlier, probably not as disgustingly as me though. I bet even je has enough restraint to tame his thoughts.
"Hey?"
"Hm?"
"Uhm...SHWOOOSH, BAMM WAPPACOWW!?!"
"what?
Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’ββββ’Β°β’β
In my despair, I became so lost and empty that I couldn't feel the ground shifting next to me. After around and hour of completely pathetic brokenness, I look over my should and see those raven locks.
My hands drew up to wipe my eyes, so I could get a better view of him. He had made his way to my lefts side, right around the corner from me. So we were seemingingly sperated, but in reality only inches apart. I saw that puddle beneath him, likely carved by his tears. It hurt me a little less to know that somebody else was in pain too. I suppose that is wrong, or selfish, but it made me feel a little less pathetic. Knowing that this hurt the ravenette boy too. That it would hurt anyone. Not just pathetic little Saina Udai.
The boy had his knees to his chest, but his head was leaning back againts the brick wall. As for me, my head was between my knees, only letting my eyes peek up at the sky. The sky was a bit darker now, more cloudy too. I suppose we have been here a while. I wonder how the boy is feeling, he must've liked Hitoka, well, maybe he liked hinata too, but I doubt it. The way he held his stoic face as the sunshine boy spoke to him, it felt more like he had been betrayed, and like he was angry.
Now I'm growing jealous of this stranger, I want to feel betrayed and angry. I was betrayed. She knew all along, since the beginning, she heard every dumb cheesy thing I said about him lighting up the world around him. She didn't even have the guts to tell me to my face.
I dont blame her, my face is awful. My face is probably mean, scary, ugly, horrid. She probably wanted to run as far away from my horrid face as she could. Hinata did too, I bet. The ravenette gets to be mad because its just hinata, im sure they have fought before. I dont get to be mad. If I say a word out of line to that stupid blonde she will break down crying, and then everyone will hate me more. Can they hate me any more than they do already?
"Me too."
I dont know why I said that, but I did. The stranger boy turned slightly to look at me, but I was just as confused by my words as he was. We made eye contact staring from our sides of the cornered wall. I met with his blue eyes that seemed void of anything but pain. They were so sad, but his eyes in that moment looked beautiful. He was quite beautiful himself too. Why couldn't Hitoka just go with this boy. He seems fine enough.
"What?!" His face turned to a scowl, but I saw no anger, still only pain.
"It hurts me, too," I shifted so my side was against the wall and my face directly looking at him.
"Im not hurt, Im pissed" he shouted, wich took me by suprise, but I live around tsuki, so I didn't move an inch.
I think the expected me to flinch, because maybe most people do. Oh. He expected me to flinch because yachi wouldve. He looked almost surprised that I didn't but his thoughts would be interrupted by me.
"No you are not."
"Yes I am, who are you to say anything?"
"Im saina, and you are not angry"
"Im tobio and I AM angry" as he spoke that, I saw tears gloss over his eyes, speaking to me the things he refused to. I dont think this boy understands that betrayal doesn't make you angry. Betrayal makes you only one thing: immensely sad.
"Well, hi tobio. You like Hitoka dont you?"
He scoffed
"What? do you like her too!?" This felt like a joke, but the way he said it was serious.
"No. Hinata." Was the best I could put in a serious tone so the boy understood clearly.
"Pft, of course. Everybody likes stupid hinata. The fucking orange."
"I call him ed sheeran when Im mad, it makes me feel a little better, I guess."
The boys blue eyes look back to his side and spot me, head swung back, staring at the sky, almost like I forgot why I'm here. I can see him through my peripheral though, and I know exactly why I am here.
"Did it feel like you got stepped on?"
Was this boy trying to make an analogy, well he was right, it did.
"Yeah." I stayed looking at the sky.
"Fucking ED SHEERAN!!!" he screamed so loud, there was so much pain in the sound, but towards the end, a hint of laughter. He laughed, well, thats nice for him. As for me, I wad still staring at the sky. Re-living the brutal beating I had gone through earlier. It was much more than just being stepped on.
"It was more actually," eyes still glued to a single cloud that was slowly making its way to the other side of the sky.
"Hm?"
"I didnt just get stepped on. I kinda got punched in the gut, and the kicked repeatedly until I fell over. Then while I was on the groud, already struggling to breath through the pain, they spit on me. Then they stepped on me."
"Well, thats a lot" the boy said now taking his eyes off of me and back to the sky above to process how real my words were.
"Yep"
Then there was silence. For a while in the silence I forgot he was even there. Overwhelmed with my disgusting tornado of thoughts. Some of how much I hated myself, and why. Some of memories, confused why I let myself believe those little things mattered. Well, they mattered to me, but not him.
The boy somehow made his way to my right side. So now we were both sitting broken against the same wall. Two broken peices of ice, melting together. Pathetic.
Then he started to talk, he told me about how when he was coming to find her earlier he wanted to confess, or at least try. He told me how he wanted to be the one showering her small pink face in kisses. That even though most of the time he is angry, and just wants to fucking step on people, he wants to be soft for her. He wants to cuddle and smile and hold hands with the timid girl.
The boy went on and on about the things he thinks he know, wich I know to be false. Things about her cute innocence and the way she lights up sometimes. Things like her favorite foods, or colors and games. They werent right. At least they didn't seem right, but in the end who knows. She probably lied to both of us.
Then he asked me how stupid it must feel like to have a crush on hinata. It did feel stupid. Not in the way, what was it? Tobio..not in the way tobio thought. It was stupid to think two people so different could be together. Then he sat there next to me, while I tried my best not to be so blunt and vague, explaining how dumb it would be if he liked somebody like me.
"What does that mean?"
"It means, he is like the sun, and I am the moon"
"Huh?"
"It means I am the type of person who is on the verge of falling apart, and yet I'm still scary to yachi hitoka. I am the girl who says overtly sexual things over text AND in real life. AND im blunt in a mean way, and too harsh when it comes too sports. I stand up for myself and am too rowdy and aggressive, and it would never work. Not for someone who's type is....yachi"
"Oh, well same thing here. Im not exactly like you, but I am the opposite of hinata so. Not her type."
"You ever feel really shitty for wishing you could be more like one of them?"
"No gross. I would never wanna be like that idiot."
"Not even if it meant you got to have her?"
"I-"
"Well, I would. Anyday and anytime."
"I think...me too"
We both turned to eachother and made eye contact for a very long time. We were swimming through eachothers reddened eyes, looking for silent words. My thoughts kinda grew to be more and more lewd as I completely forgot about the boy in front of me and replayed the kissing scene. Only this time, I walked right up to them and grabbed that orange by his shirt collar. Then I brought my head close to his ear, as he was only a bit taller than me, and I whispered that I was supposed to be one he kissed.
I would pull him against me and down to my level by his collar and kiss him passionately, hoping to make him forget about my blonde friend, and toxicly do it in front of her to assert dominance. I'd let him touch me, because I KNEW my body was better sculpted than her, letting jealousy consume the kiss. Growing restless and angry and sad. Id start to let him strip me, knowing he wouldn't be able to resist my body, even though he was usually confused by my lewd comments, I knew he wasn't innocent in the least. More so, he was dumb, not innocent.
He didn't need words to understand actions. Then he would ravish me, kissing down my bare chest, pressing me against the cold brick , worshiping me. As I continued to see this image my mind clouded, it began reminding me of how I didnt deserve him, how I was slutty, and stupid, and desperate. This ruined my fantasy because now, more than ever, I wanted to be degraded, and my little sunshine boy, wasn't the type to. My fantasy then broke and I was re-met with blue eyes of the ice boy.
I knew that I could sexually please hinata more than Yachi, but that meant nothing. I knew him well enough to know he didn't want that, he wouldn't want that. Yet that was all I was good for. The blue eyed boy probably thinks similarly, how he should've acted differently earlier, probably not as disgustingly as me though. I bet even je has enough restraint to tame his thoughts.
"Hey?"
"Hm?"
"Uhm...SHWOOOSH, BAMM WAPPACOWW!?!"
"what?
