2 - relationship talk
I woke up the next morning with my head throbbing in pain. Headaches and migraines are pretty normal for me so this is nothing out of the ordinary. Although, i still haven't gotten used to the intense pain.
I got out of bed and did my normal routine. After i got ready, i waited outside of my house for Lev.
"GOOD MORNING" He slammed his gates open and slung his long arm around me.
"Hey"
"Next week, i have training camp. I want you to come" Lev looked at me with a light that made his green eyes glow. I could tell he really wanted me to go.
I frowned, realizing how hard it would be for me to tell him no. "Why"
"I can show you my totally awesome new skills thats why"
"What new skills? I watch you practice every day, nothing seems new to me"
Lev frowned for a seconds before smiling widely again. "Dont be that way! You could see my progress during the camp. A lot of other schools will be there like Karasuno and Fukurodani. Even Aoba Johsai and Shiratorizawa is coming. It'll be fun"
"Wouldnt you rather progress during the camp and come home to show me all your brand new moves? Because that seems like a good plan" I shrugged.
He tapped on his chin for a few seconds. "NOPE. I want you to come. Will you at least think about it?"
Again, with him looking at me the way that he does, its hard for me to say no. "Sure, i'll think about it. But im not promising anything. Plus, wouldnt i have to help out? I dont like talking to people, you know this. All the boys there will be so huge"
"Im taller than most of them" He frowned.
"But you arent intimidating. You look like you cant even hurt an ant, which you cant because you'd run off crying. Im sure that most of the guys there are super scary"
"No, theres a few shorties. Remember Hinata and Nishinoya from last years nationals?"
"Yeah. The jumpy boys"
"They'll be there and they arent scary"
"The boys being short doesnt mean that they wont be scary. Look at Yaku. He scared you, didnt he?"
Lev rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Pft, no"
We had approached the front of our school and soon had to go our separate ways.
"See you at lunch, green giant" I waved goodbye before heading to my class.
As i've said before, i have a lot of thoughts to sort through so i brought out my journal to write while my teacher was blabbing on about ... whatever shes talking about. I dont care enough to pay attention.
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Tuesday October 23, 2020
Hello again,
Currently in class but that doesnt even matter. Im writing right now because something that kenma told me the other day popped into mind. Kenma- Nekomas setter- he and i are very alike, which makes us get along so well. Thats besides the point.
While he rested beside me at practice, Kenma said Tsukishima once told him that if he wasnt careful, Kuroo would find someone that matched his energy and could possibly get bored of Kenma. Kenma knew this wasnt the case because Kuroo has met many people like himself but always chose Kenma in the end. However, he felt the need to warn me the same way that Tsukishima warned him.
He said that i should at least attempt to be more upbeat, optimistic and happy before Lev finds someone like that and chooses them instead of me. It sounds so stupid because even though many attractive girls approach Lev, he turns them down because of me. He chooses me time and time again. But even with that being the case, i cant help but be worried. What if he does meet someone like himself and he ends up getting bored of me. What'll i do then?
I know i shouldn't stress over something so stupid. Lev and i have each other, i have full faith in it but i also cant help but question it. Should i attempt to change myself? Im completely torn. Ive thought about this a lot. So heres what ive deduced: No, i shouldnt change myself because he loves me for who i already am, he always has so there really is no reason to switch things up... right?
I really have no idea what to do. ALSOOOOOO, before i forget, lev asked me to go to training camp with him and his team. As ive said before, i dont like crowds and the boys there will be huge so i REALLY want to tell him no. But then, i also want to cheer him on and be a supportive best friend.
I HAVE MANY DILEMMAS AND ITS QUITE FRUSTRATING, I must admit. Maybe ill wing the whole thing, you know? Decide last minute.
See ya later,
y/n
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I closed my journal and put it in my school bag before getting up from my seat and leaving for lunch.
I approached Lev sitting on a bench, scarfing down his sandwich like it was the last one on earth.
"You'll choke, dont eat so quickly, your sandwich isnt going anywhere" I said as i sat next to him.
Lev looked up at me with guilty eyes. "Sorry" He mumbled
"Gross. Dont talk with your mouth open, dummy" I nudged him with my elbow.
He took a big gulp, swallowing everything in his mouth. "Sorry. Its tuesday, do you want to stay over this week until the weekend? I leave for camp next monday. OH and we could play minecraft, watch steven universe, play just dance"
"Um.. sure. Do i need to bring anything?"
He smirked at me and i already knew what that meant. "Oh no, please" I frowned.
"YES! Bring the onesie y/n."
"But why?"
"I'll be gone for a week, what'll you do?"
"I'll survive, duh"
"No you wont so thats why i want us to spend as much time together as we can. That means BRINGING THE ONESIE"
"Okay, fine. I'll bring it BUT we're watching a scary movie" I smirked as his face spread with worry.
"Oh no, no way" Lev waved his hands as he shook his head.
"Hey, im compromising, you need to too! How are you so giant but act like such a sissy" I lightly punched his arm, and of course, he over exaggerated it.
"OW Y/N THAT HURT" He whined while rubbing his arm and glaring at me.
"Sure it did, ya huge baby. Did you bring me anything today?" Normally, Lev brings me a small snack, since i dont eat every much.
"THATS RIGHT. You better eat up, lunch will end soon" he said as he rummaged through his bag and brought out a small onigiri. "its your favorite"
"So, ive been thinking about your offer and... i think i'll go to the camp with you" Heat spread across my body as i looked away, attempting to hide my flustered face. i could tell that my face was glowing like a lantern in a dark room.
Lev moved his bento out of his lap and wrapped his long arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. "It'll be awesome and if you get scared, tell me and i'll crush whoevers scaring you"
"You would probably run away but sure, i'll tell you."
"Youre allergic to peanuts" Lev shrugged and looked away.
I bursted into laughter and lightly slapped his arm. "Hey what does that got to do with anything!"
"You point out my flaws, i point out yours"
Fine, two can play at that game.
"Youre scared of tiny dogs like chihuahuas"
Lev gasped and shoved me a little with his shoulder. "You suck at just dance"
"Wow, hitting me where it hurts huh? You still like to play mermaids in the pool and you get upset when i say no"
Lev laid his head on my lap and looked up at me, just staring to the point where i started to become insecure of my looks.
"You look pretty, dont worry about it" He smiled.
Its scary how easily he can read me. "Um... thanks" I tried my best to smile back but thats not really my thing.
"Alright. Are you staying with me all week?" Lev said as he stretched his huge hands up in the air.
"If you want me to, i will"
"Okay then" He got up from my lap and i immediately missed the warmth, making me frown. "You can borrow some of my clothes and you already have a toothbrush at my house right?"
"Yes, i think so"
"GREAT" He grabbed my hand the whole way to class, it was enough to make anyone smile and blush like a moron.
"You two finally dating?" Misa said while jogging up to the both of us. Somehow, my face turned 1,000 shades more darker and i wanted to hide due to the embarrassment.
"No" Lev smiled and shrugged.
I narrowed my eyes at him in annoyance. How dense can you be? Just ask me to be your girlfriend already!
"Well, better get to it. Y/n is very pretty and you never know what'll happen beanstalk" She hit his shoulder lightly before walking away to her other friends.
Lev looked at me in confusion "What does she mean?"
He doesnt understand how bad i want this, does he? Its a shame really. "Dont worry about it, she was just teasing you. I'll see you after school" I waved at him before leaving to my class.
*At Levs pratice; writing in journal*
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Im back again, its after school now and im at Levs practice. Lets fill you in.
1) I asked Levs coach if i could tag along with them to the training camp. Fortunately, he said i could come. SO YAY. the bad thing is that i have to help out and i am not excited for that.
2) Lev and i ran into Misa earlier and she asked if we were dating, Lev said no. His answer didnt hurt me because we're used to getting asked that question. Not only that but Lev and i were also holding hands, so i can see how we would look like a couple. The frustrating part was that i really want to be his girlfriend but he hasnt asked me yet, i wonder why. I want to know that hes thinking in that pea brain. We confessed to each other in early middle school, yet he hasnt asked me. What if he doesnt want a relationship? Its a possibility. I probably shouldnt stress myself out over something so stupid right?
I suppose that it doesnt matter. Whats meant to happen will happen.
BUTTTTTT, today during lunch, Lev put his huge bowling ball head on my lap and he just stared at me. It was really sweet honestly. The best part was that when i was starting to get insecure about the angle in which he was looking at me, he said i was pretty. Sounds like no big deal but it sort of made me melt like ice cream. I should be used to his random compliments by now but they still catch me off guard every time and they always leave me a flustered mess. I sort of hate him for that.
Thats a wrap for today. Talk to you tomorrow.
-y/n
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I closed my notebook and shoved it into my bag. All i needed to do now was wait for Lev to come out of the locker room.
"You didnt see me today" He frowned at me as he walked out of the locker room, right on cue.
"Sorry"
I want to try and ask him what he thinks about relationships.
As we walked home together, Lev babbled on about how fun camp would be and how it excited him that i was able to be along side him, being his own "cheerleader". By his words, not mine.
"So" I interrupted him.
"Oh dont tell me that youre going to back out now" He frowned again and slung his arm around me.
"You are sweaty." I shoved his arm off of my shoulders. "Theres just a question that i have, nothing specific, purely hypothetical"
Lev nodded as if he understood what the world 'hypothetical' meant
"What do you think of relationships... like... would you ever want to be in one." Luckily, it was dark out so he couldnt see my intense blushing.
"Hmm" Lev stayed quiet for a while, thinking im assuming. "I think theyre cool! A lot of people look really happy when theyre in relationships and they do a lot of cool things together."
"W-would you ever be in one?"
"No. I feel good with the way that things are... like uh.. whats the word y/n?"
"Stable?"
"EXACTLY! I feel stable and secure with how we're going. Theres no need to mess anything up right?"
But i dont want that. I dont want to be his stupid friend.
"Right"
"Cheer up y/n! We have the rest of our lives" Although it was dark outside, i could see his bright smile and it made me feel a little bit better. At least hes aware that it bothers me that we arent dating, i just wish he'd do something about it.
"the rest of our lives huh? Thats a little naive, dont you think? Time waits for no one and anything could happen, Haiba"
"That is true but why not make the most out of the way things are now. You know, WING IT"
Wing it? How are you so carefree. I'll never understand that. I realized that there was nothing i could ever say that would make him see my point of view, so i decided to stay quiet and let him win this one.
Lev stared at me for a few seconds before rambling on about the camp again and honestly, it was nice to hear him talk about things that hes really passionate about.
"alright what do you want to do first? We could play games, watch movies, EAT"
"We have school tomorrow Lev"
"AND? we need to spend as much time together as we can!"
"Im coming to camp with you remember? We dont need to cram a weeks worth of time together anymore. I mean, since im going to camp, i dont need to stay at your place right?"
Lev stopped walking and looked at his shoes, his grip around his bag got ten times tighter. "Can we please stay up? I want to spend as much time with you as i can"
Lev is always one to say weird shit just to make me panic so i really didnt think much of what he was saying right then but that was my mistake.
"Um... sure. We could play games. I bet that i'll beat you at mario" I smirked.
Levs head popped up and he had a small smile on his face. "Sure"
"Hello mrs Haiba" I waved at Levs mom as i took of my shoes.
"Hello, are you staying the night?"
"The week and the weekend" Lev beamed.
For a second, Levs mom glared at him but it left just as quickly as it had came. "Sure" With that, she walked off into the kitchen.
"Lev, i know you wanted to stay up late tonight but can we just go to sleep? im really tired. Long day. You know how these things go" Being completely honest, i was starting to become tired. Its not like i did anything particularly different than i usually do but somehow, i feel more tired.
He stared at me for a while, waiting for a 'JUST KIDDING' but eventually he realized that i was being 100% serious about being tired. Obviously, it bummed him out for a few seconds before he realized that i would be sleeping with him and all traces of sadness left his face. It was really amusing to see him run through 10 emotions within a matter of seconds.
"Sure" He smiled and led me to his room, although i already knew where it was. "Here, go shower" He handed me a pile of his clothes.
*After my shower*
I might as well write something while he showers, otherwise i would end up falling asleep before he even comes back.
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HELLO, i lied. Im not done for today. Right now im at Levs and hes in the shower. I chose to write while he showers because if i dont, i know that i will for sure fall asleep and i'd rather wait till he gets here. You understand? Im sure as an alien species, you probably dont get complex human emotion. Or maybe im relying too much on syfi movies. Either way, i'll wait for him. I hope i didnt offend you by assuming that you had no feelings alien <3. I'll be more considerate in the future.
Okay so, while Lev and i were walking back to his house. He said many strange things. First off, he said something that sounded like he was going to die soon. It worried me for a second before i realized that he often says things like that just to get me worried. Lev had said something like "Please i want to spend as much time with you as i can" Many times throughout the day he said that. Should i be worried? No right? Hes always playing those tricks on me.
BUT, i had the courage to ask him about relationships today. He basically kindly rejected me. Lev said that we had the rest of our lives and that he liked the way things are now. But i dont. I CANT MAKE IT ANY MORE OBVIOUS. i dont want to be his stupid friend (yes i do). I want to be more than that. I want to be able to flaunt him off and say "HELL YEAH BITCHES HES MINE. BACK OFF OR ILL BITE YOU"
I cant say things like that because we arent dating and girls are still allowed to go up to him and flirt with him. I think that bothers me more than id like it to. However, I dont think he likes them because if he did, he wouldve dated them. Or maybe he doesnt want a relationship in general. EITHER WAY IT SUCKS. theres a clear difference between dating and not dating. It sounds so stupid but... the label matters to me. Its like i want to go at the highest point on the earth and shout loud enough so that everyone on earth hears "LEV HAIBA IS MINE". Selfish of me. I know. But i cant help how i feel
SUCKS. But.. i think i'll survive off of whatever crumbs i have now. I should be fine. ALSO WHAT KENMA TOLD ME HAS ME STRESSED. i dont want to change who i am but i also dont want to lose Lev to some other floozy.
Help alien... what should i do? I think i might-
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I seemed to lose the fight against my sleep as my eyes kept fluttering open and closed, my head bobbing up and down. Theres only so much that you can fight before you lose.
My pen dropped as my body fell backwards, completely asleep and unaware of my surroundings. I was so tired that i didnt even hear Lev walk in.
With my journal wide open, my written inner thoughts became exposed. Any normal person would close the book and put it away, despite their curiosity. But this is Lev we're talking about. His curiosity took over and while i snored beside him, dead asleep, he read the few pages i had written in my journal.
What a dick right?
