Men of Honor Leave Broken Hearts
She was never part of the plan.
You were really just enjoying a brief respite from the demands of your work. And suddenly there she was. It started out as a simple conversation, and then it was sex, wonderful, electric sex, and then quite suddenly it was something so much more. You couldn't understand how or when it happened, but it did and you were completely powerless to fight it. You fell in love.
She was everything you had ever dreamed of finding in a woman. She was vibrant and independent and strong. And God was she beautiful, absolutely stunning in her own special way that was entirely her. She was full of life, and just bursting with all of these dreams and fantasies and ideas that were completely alien to you.
So she shared them. She told you about her life, and her hopes, and all of her grand ideas. She told you everything. And, despite all of your best efforts, you let down your walls. You told her about your life and your dreams. Plans you had for the future, things you wanted to do and places you wanted to see. Everything. Almost everything.
Everything except your job.
It's what tore you apart. As much as you'd wanted to believe that you existed in a place that was untouchable by the outside world, your work caught up with you. It always does. The time had come, and you had to make your decision: her or the job.
Never in your life had you been more tempted to turn your back and walk away. After years of training and working to get yourself to this point, and all of the effort to build this life for yourself, you honestly considered giving it all up. Leaving it all behind. For her.
You held her in your arms to remember the way her body felt tangled in yours, listened to her laugh, watched the way her eyes wrinkled as she smiled, reveled in the delicate shudders that traveled through her at your touch. You memorized her, capturing every single molecule of her into your memory so you would never, ever forget just how perfect this moment, your brief little eternity, was.
And then you left.
Without answer or explanation, you broke her heart into a million pieces and walked away. You couldn't even tell her the truth. How could you explain that you had to leave to protect her? That even if you had quit the job, tried to escape with her, it would always find you? You would never be safe. She would never be safe.
So you left, trying to convince yourself with each new step that you were doing the right thing. You abandoned her and left her pick up all of the pieces on her own. And you filled your mind with other concerns in an attempt to drown her out, immersed yourself more fully into your work, and kept going. Days passed, and weeks, and months, and finally years. Life moved on.
But not a day has passed where you haven't thought about her, and wondered what if you had been brave enough to stay?