To bring awareness to what is going on in America, there has been an extremely high uprise in Asian hate ever since the beginning of Covid-19. Many lives have been lost and many have been severely injured due to racism. I, as a black African-American stand alongside my Asian brothers and sisters. I stand to make a change in any way I can and I want you to know that you are not alone. If you are not Asian and want to let our Asian brothers and sisters know that we stand alongside them during these tough times, please leave a '🦋' in the comment section. Thank you, have a blessed day.💙
🦋Positive people have negative thoughts, they just don't let those thoughts grow and destroy them. Stop doubting yourself. Work hard and make it happen🦋
"Hey, I wanted to talk to you," you mumbled.
"Go ahead and ask."
"Hmm..." you heard him say softly making your skin shiver slightly. He most likely had a long day for him to sound this tired.
"How are you?" You asked calmly. But little did he know you were stiffed sitting on your bed grinning him of your t-shirt, bit the inside of your cheek, and scrunching up your toes. To put it shortly, you were beyond nervous.
Why did it felt more intimidating when you were on the phone?
Was it because you and he can only hear each other's voices which left you to imagine how the both of you look at the moment. Only to guess how the both of you would react to certain things? That your voice will crack and it will leave you in embarrassment because your voice didn't know what direction and pitch it would like to stay at?!
Your wondering and scrambling thoughts were cut short when you heard him cleared his throat.
"I'm alright... How about yourself?" He asked.
"I'm doing fine, I guess..."
"You don't sound sure. Is it because of the promotion I gave you?"
You shifted slightly, raising your body high enough for you to move your covers and covering yourself back up with the comfort of your covers.
"No... that's not it. Honestly, I don't know how to feel about that yet. It's a big role if I think about it. I have to ensure that meetings are effectively organized and minuted. Maintain effective records and administration and blah blah blah," you mumbled raking your hands through your hair.
"To be honest, I think that's why Conny was our late partying getting drunk, she had to release some stress especially when it comes to you..." You stopped mid-sentence when you realized what you said. Your mouth and eyes were wide enough that you could form three black holes on earth ruling it apart and sucking it in into a deep dark void.
"Oh my gosh, I didn't mean it in a bad way. It's just, sometimes I get carried away. I need to think before I speak sometimes. But sometimes it just can't be helped... it slips out on its own sometimes," you mumbled bashfully.
"I'm sorry..." you said softly.
You heard silence on the other line before you heard a breathy chuckle.
The tension in your body eased and you smiled with a blush going across your face. You followed after him and giggled softly.
"You talk a lot."
"It isn't necessarily bad... You just like to speak your mind and let it out. It's better than keeping it in," he hummed. "But it is good to know when and when not to do that."
"Yeah I know," you sigh softly.
You still wanted to talk to him about everything but you figured it would be best to ease your way to that topic. Just thinking about it makes your hand extremely clammy and sweaty.
Was that the best thing to do?
The both of you don't even have titles for one another. Hell, you don't even know if he considers you anything more past a coworker who works for him. Well, you're his secretary now anyways.
"How did everything go at work when I left?"
You heard him make a long sigh before speaking into the phone. "Well, your little friend Emma begged Norman to tell me to hire you back, telling me that you were doing your work, you just wanted to ask her a few questions. Had some difficulties with Connie and found out that she has some problems going on in her personal life, which is why she parties all the time. Poor excuse," he added which made you laugh lightly.
"I talked to Norman and Emma privately and told them what was going on with you and you becoming my new secretary. Emma begged for me not to move your things from your office, saying that she wanted you near her."
He paused for a moment, most likely gathering his thoughts before speaking again. "And also, are you close with Krone, or something?" He asked curiously.
You raised your eyebrows before lowering them back down.
"Yeah...? I guess you can say that, yeah."
"Well, she's also gotten attached to you and wants you to stay where you are also. Well, your office is going to stay in the same place. But she said that she wants to continue to feed you breakfast in the morning time because you don't know how to cook."
You blushed in embarrassment and grabbed your forehead before dragging it down your face slowly while letting out an amused chuckle.
"I don't know how to take that information. I'm touched that she wants me to still be there but slightly hurt that she says that I can't cook... even though it's kind of true."
"Mmm," he hummed.
"What else?" You asked laying your body on the bed in a more comfortable position which was you laying on your side. You moved the phone away from your face and put him on speaker but put the volume low enough to make it sound like he was beside you while talking.
"Even though your office will stay down there you will be spending more time with me helping me with my work and everything," he said in a calm tone.
"Oh... that's fine."
It was silent for a moment. The both of you laid on your beds in the middle of the dark like some high school kids, listening to the both of you breathing softly.
You felt so vulnerable like you were talking to your high school crush who you were madly in love with. Just thinking about him made your heart flutter and make your blush. You wanted to be something.
You wanted to be with him.
But the both of you have to confess to each other.
Were you willing to do that? Was now the best time?
"Honestly..." you started softly, "I miss being around you.. umm," a red hue decorated your cheeks as you smiled to yourself while hiding parts of your face in your covers and pillow. "Being around you alone I mean."
Your heart was drumming when you heard silence on the other line.
You felt like you shouldn't have said that. Maybe it was too soon for you to say something like that but you just couldn't help it. Just like he said, you can't help but speak your mind sometimes. And your emotions always spill out of your body like water seeping through cracks of a breaking dam, eating for it to break down and let all of the water rushing out.
But the handsome raven-haired male had a blush on his cheeks as he listens to you, processing the words in his head.
"Ray, can I tell you something without being judged.. even by you?" You asked softly.
It took a moment for him to respond but he spoke gently.
"Go ahead, I won't judge you." You heard small shuffling noises on the other end before it settled back down.
"Umm... I.. I have feelings for you. I know that you already know that, but I just can't help but fall for you," you started. You've already started and you had that feeling that- since you've already started you can't stop now. You feel like you have to keep going for him to understand how you were feeling towards him.
You sat up from your lying position and sat in a cross-crossed position. You grabbed your phone off of your pillow and laid it on your thigh with your back pressed against the headboard.
"At first I didn't like you in this way. I thought you were a big real man who liked to pick on me whenever you got the chance but it seems like that's just apart of your character," you laughed softly. "But over time I've grown feelings for you. The time when we went out to eat I thought you were so handsome that night but you were with... someone else and it was just inappropriate of me to think of you in any way. So, I tried pushing those thoughts aside.
And then you were being nice to me even though you were pushing that aside by basically saying that you were just being a decent human being but those small actions made me attracted to you. And then that day, we... slept together. I know it was not the right thing to do but it made me more attracted to you even more," your felt shy all of a sudden just rethinking about him being on top of you.
"You probably think I'm easy and I feel bad for even agreeing to it but is it really bad that I said yes?" You asked while biting your lower lip.
Ray's lips were parted slightly and his eyes were slightly wide as he listened to you. His fave slowly went back to its calm state and he brushed his hair away from his face slightly with his fingers.
"I have a feeling that you're not easy, I guess you just were caught in the moment. Well, we both were. And as for if it's a bad thing, well, that's only for you to decide, Y/n. Depending on how you feel about what happened is for you to make it," he mumbled.
You hummed and ran your nails across your scalp lightly.
"Yeah but... I don't think I regret it. I guess I was just concern by how you viewed me."
"Why does it matter to what about what I think?"
"Because I... I have feelings for you."
He hummed softly.
"What... do you think about me?" You had hope in your eyes but were a little discouraged. You weren't sure about his answer and you didn't know if you wanted to hear his answer. After all, you were afraid of rejection which held you back when it came to a lot of things.
"I don't know what my feelings are for you... I don't know yet."
A sad look decorated your features. You were a little disappointed. That wasn't the response you were looking for.
"Well isn't this embarrassing," you mumbled with a sad smile on your face.
"Forget I said anything," you said.
He heard how hurt and how disappointed you were to get your heart crushed on the spot. You just admitted your feelings for him and he just threw it aside like it was nothing. That's how you saw it.
You felt like you will never find love and no matter how much you would put your all into someone or something, it never goes well and always ends up horribly.
Just like your last relationship.
"Sorry for putting that all on you. I know it was a load. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a goodnight," you mumbled sadly.
"Y/n wait," you heard him said a little louder than he was earlier.
"Yeah?" You asked holding the phone to you.
He hesitates. "...Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"
You couldn't bring that up. After all of this? No.
"No. That was all. Get some rest okay?"
"You too. Sleep well, Y/n."
You hunted up the phone with a press of a button on your phone screen and plugged your phone upon its nightstand. Making sure to set your alarm early for you to make it to work on time.
You had to see him tomorrow.
The thought about him not returning his feelings made you tear up and your bottom lip quivered. Tears streamed down your eyes as you tucked yourself into your bed crying yourself softly asleep.
"Why won't he love me?" You sobbed softly, holding yourself alone in the cold night.
But then again, he can't be obligated to love you like how you love him.