Chapter 3 – Not Mine to Lose
We haven’t spoke since you went away
Comfortable silence is so overrated
Why won’t you ever be the first one to break?
From the Dining Table, Harry Styles
Cassiah had every right to say yes to that date, and she needed to remind herself of that. Or, she needed someone else to remind her of that. Namely, she needed Hermione to remind her.
“I think it’s a good thing for you to move on,” Hermione was saying as they strolled down the stacks of old, huge books in the library. She grabbed one about herbology and added it to her pile.
“Yeah,” Cassiah replied, readjusting her own pile when it started to slip, “But I’m not doing it cause I’m moving on. I still only want him, but I just was so bloody mad at him that I said yes. I know that’s not fair to Ernie, but I couldn’t help it.”
Hermione stopped suddenly and leaned back against the stacks, her curly hair cushioning her head, “Can I be honest, Cass? I don’t get what set you off today. You have a million reasons to be mad, but I feel like him being afraid to stand up for you in class isn’t one of them.”
Cassiah considered for a second, pursing her lips before replying, “It’s not even that. It’s like, everything added up. I put up with so much shite from him, and he still just disappears and acts like it’s to take care of himself. As if I didn’t stick around and take care of him when things were bad.”
Confused, Hermione began walking again as she spoke, “Things were bad?”
“I mean they weren’t perfect. Never bad enough that I thought something like this would happen, but like I said, I put up with a lot and never complained. He’s going through his whole crisis about his future career, and he won’t talk about it, but I could tell it was bothering him. He was acting out over it, I suppose, and I met it with kindness and understanding. It was so frustrating to watch him self-destruct.”
“Do you think that’s what drove you apart?” Hermione asked carefully as she took her seat at a library table. She didn’t want to pry, but Cassiah was the type of person who liked to talk things through very thoroughly and would appreciate the questions, and Hermione knew that.
Cassiah bit her lip, willing back tears just at the idea of her and Ron being ‘apart’ at all. She sighed to cover up the weakness in her voice, “Maybe? We spent less time together the last few weeks or so, but it was just because were so busy, I thought, getting ready for our final year. I had prefect meetings and he was helping Fred and George out at the shop. When we were together though, I could feel his love just as much as ever.”
Hermione lowered her voice, “So you weren’t seeing each other as much? Maybe that had something to do with it. You know how guys are, especially that horn-dog Ron.”
Cassiah couldn’t help but laugh at that, bittersweet, “Oh, sex was never our problem. Trust me.”
“Oh, bloody hell,” Ron murmured, his blue-green eyes rolling shut with lust where he sat on the couch. He tried to restrain himself, but it was impossible around Cassiah.
The Gryffindor common room was empty at midnight when he and Cassiah had been lounging around, but he didn’t expect her to try anything when someone could so easily walk in. He should have though. That was part of the thrill of it, and what made it so irresistible for his raging hormones.
Cassiah kept toying casually with the waistband of his boxers, which was sticking up just above his pants. She quickly slipped her hand down to cup him over his pants and squeezed, but her touch was gone just as soon as it came. If she kept this up, he’d be fully hard in no time.
“What’s wrong, Weasley?” she asked, feigning innocence as her fingertip slipped underneath his waistband to allow her to ghost her nails over his sensitive, pale skin.
“Ohh, Cassie, baby...” he moaned, “Don’t tease me like that. You know exactly what’s up,” he said, thrusting his hips upwards for emphasis, and she laughed softly at his wordplay. When he managed to make contact with her hand, he looked her dead in the eyes and groaned lowly. She let out a whimper in return. So that’s how he was gonna play it? He was aware how much she loved how vocal he was in bed. It drove her absolutely wild – there was no bigger turn-on than listening to his many noises.
She slipped her hand under his pants to cup him through his boxers, finding that there was already a growing wet spot there. “Someone’s eager,” she whispered teasingly as she gave his thick length a squeeze through the fabric.
“Only for you, baby,” answered Ron, his voice breaking off into a whine as she gripped him, “Please. Be a good girl and touch Daddy where he needs you.”
Cassiah exhaled heavily, feeling heat pool between her legs at his choice of words. Before they dated, she never would have thought that Ron would as kinky as she was, but he very quickly got comfortable telling her about all his desires. She slipped her hand out of his pants to undo the button, and he hissed at the release of pressure. Cassiah made quick work of pulling down his boxers and gripping his cock at the base. She looked at him with a devilish glint in her eyes before slipping out her tongue to kitten-lick at his tip.
“Merlin- fuck-” Ron stuttered, completely surprised by her teasing tongue, “More, please, Cassiah, make me feel so good.”
She trailed her fingertip from the tip to the base, following a vein as she went that made him squirm. Then without warning, she ran her tongue flat from the base up, and swirled it around the tip before taking him fully in her mouth.
“Fuck!” Ron growled at the top of his lungs, never anticipating just how good it was gonna be, “Mmm, Cassie, ah- I can’t be quiet.”
She released him for just a moment to look him dead in the eye and say, “Then be loud,” before continuing. And he was.
“Oh baby,” he chanted, “Stop, stop, stop, or I’m not gonna last. Wanna fuck you in the middle of the common room. My sexy Slytherin girl letting me destroy her in the Gryffindor common room.” He tugged roughly at her hair, pulling her off of him to meet his lips for a desperate, messy kiss. Their teeth clashed, but neither of them could be bothered to care.
Cassiah smiled wickedly at him before climbing back onto the couch and laying back, “So are you gonna show me how it’s done in Gryffindor?”
“Fuck yes,” Ron answered immediately, his eyes raking over her and unable to believe how lucky he was even when she was fully dressed. He leaned down and ran a hand through her shock of dark hair, over her cheek, her lips, until it finally found its place gently around her throat, “If you’re a good girl.” He squeezed lightly before releasing her and running his hands down her sides to push up the hem of her sweater. He left a train of kisses down her chest to her bellybutton, nipping lightly as he pulled down the waistband of her skirt.
Cassiah whimpered quietly, trying her best to be quiet in the open room.
Ron kept working, placing kisses on the insides of both of her thighs before swiping a finger between her legs to find her panties damp. “Already wet for me?” he asked. She nodded urgently in reply, and Ron laughed quietly to himself, pleased. He hooked a finger under the elastic of her panties, pulling it back before allowing it to snap back against her skin. This earned him a loud, high-pitched gasp.
“Let’s get you ready for me, baby,” he said wickedly before slipping her panties all the way off. Without warning, to get back at her for earlier, he licked a thick stripe through her folds, and she cried out a broken moan, “Ron!”
“Tell Daddy how good he makes you feel, how good only he can make you feel,” urged Ron as he kept working her clitoris over with his tongue, swirling and sucking over her most sensitive bundle of nerves. She couldn’t find any words besides just, “Yes, daddy” over and over again.
“Are you ready for me now?” Ron asked after several more minutes of torturous pleasure.
Cassiah nodded quickly. “I need you,” she whispered, and that was all he needed to hear before he hooked both of her ankles over her shoulders and pulled her forwards up to her knees. She crossed her ankles behind his head, and blinked up at him through her lashes, “Please, Ron.”
He pushed into her slowly, letting her feel every glorious inch as the tip hit her in just the right spot the first time.
“Ron, ungh- more, please, more-”
He didn’t need to be told twice, and he began a wicked, sharp pace. His breathing was heavy as he listened to the cries and whines she could never keep quiet. He wrapped one hair up in her hair, tugging ever-so gently to get the reaction he wanted out of her, and let his other hand ghost over her kiss-swollen lips. She sucked one of his fingertips into her mouth and worked it over with her tongue, and Ron let out a roar. “Cassie, I’m close.”
“Me too, Ron, so close. So close,” she said, his name on her lips like a prayer. When he felt her walls flutter around him, he followed her in crashing over the edge before collapsing on top of her on the couch.
After they caught their breaths, he began to laugh quietly, and she looked up at him curiously, “What’s so funny, Weasley?”
He grinned down at her, his eyes sparkling, “I just broke my Slytherin girlfriend’s back in the middle of the Gryffindor common room.”
Ron came with a shudder all over his big, freckled hand. Instantly, he felt guilty. He shouldn’t have been wanking to the thought of Cassiah after he’d broken up with her, but the memory of them in the common room had entered his mind with a persistence, and simply would not go away. He couldn’t ignore it and had found himself painfully hard and alone in the dormitories.
Now he was just depressed, and somehow had tears in his eyes?
“Merlin, even thinking about sex with her is making me cry,” he cursed to himself, exasperated. He really could not catch a break. Ron needed to shut his racing mind off.
He reached under his bed for his bag and produced his piece. As he packed it, he wished absently that there was someone else around to talk and smoke with, but Seamus and Neville were out, it was too late to go visit Hagrid, and Harry, who was in the common room, had a thing against weed after he got hugely paranoid the first time he’d smoked with Ron and the twins. Whatever. Ron wasn’t big on sharing, anyways. Unless it was with Cassie.
He was perched on the windowsill next to the opened window and was almost finished when Harry came into the room, looking very anxious.
“Ron, hey,” he said quickly.
Ron gave him a little salute before raising the bowl out as an offering, and Harry declined politely. “M’all set, mate. I have to talk to you.”
“Suit yourself. I’m gonna kill this before you say whatever you’re gonna say then.”
Harry nodded shortly. “You know, that’s definitely not a bad idea, considering what I’m about to tell you,” he was saying as Ron exhaled, aiming the smoke out the open window.
He looked over at Harry, furrowing his brow, “Whaddaya mean by that?”
The shorter boy shifted on his feet uncomfortably before taking a seat on Ron’s bed. He fidgeted uncomfortably with his glasses before looking at Ron, concerned, “Remember what everyone says about don’t shoot the messenger-”
“Just say it,” Ron drawled.
Harry pursed his lips and nodded, almost like he was convincing himself to speak, “Okay. Yeah. Here goes. So I was just with Ginny-” Ron groaned at the mention of his sister’s name, but Harry kept talking, “Seriously, Ron, listen to me. I was with Ginny, and she told me that when she and Cassie were out on the green earlier, Ernie Macmillian came up to Cassie and asked her out.”
Ron blinked. Surely he hadn’t heard that right. He must be higher than he thought.
“Ernie Macmillian, you know, the prefect from Hufflepuff?” Harry explained.
Ron cut him off in annoyance, “I know who he is, Harry.” He sat there for a moment, letting his mind fully process the idea of Cassiah and another guy. There was no way, though. It hadn’t even been two weeks. So, he dared to ask, “And what’d she say?”
When he saw the way Harry gulped, Ron’s heart sank. Harry’s response was timid: “She said yes.”
And Ron’s world came shattering down.
As Ron was receiving the news about Cassiah’s date from Harry, Cassiah herself was delivering it to her friends back in the Slytherin common room, having finished her studying for the night.
“Ooh, he’s hot in like a blonde, surfer kind of way,” Pansy exclaimed, her eyes shining with excitement. If there was one thing she loved, it was talking about guys.
Draco pouted slightly, his blue eyes annoyed, “He’s just alright. But from a sacred 28 family, and definitely better than Weasley, so congrats Cass. You’re moving on up.”
Everyone laughed at that, and Cassiah forced herself to do so as well, even though she didn’t find the joke to be humorous – as badly as Ron hurt her, she still felt pathetically protective over him. Her friends didn’t need to know that she’d take Ron Weasley over prefect Ernie Macmillian any day because it didn’t matter. Ron wasn’t an option, and Ernie was a very good one. Pansy and Draco were right; Ernie made good grades, came from a prestigious family, and he was pretty easy on the eyes. And he was a Hufflepuff, so he was probably going to be a perfect, sweet gentleman. What more could she really ask for? Besides freckled shoulders and the warm smell of cinnamon clinging to shiny red locks of hair, of course.
“Where do you think you’ll go on your date?” Draco asked. Cassiah was taken aback by his curiosity. Draco was a good friend to joke around and party with, or to have serious talks, but he rarely displayed interest in things as frivolous as gossiping about guys.
Cassiah hadn’t even considered that question. Perhaps that was a sign that she wasn’t actually properly excited or invested in this date, but it didn’t matter. This would be a good step for her. Everyone told her so. “I’m not sure. It’s Friday night, so maybe we’ll go somewhere for dinner?”
Blaise, who had been quietly listening to the conversation from his perch on the opposite couch, snorted, “Not really many fine dining options around here. My money is on somewhere intimate in the castle.” He winked, and Cassiah flushed in response.
Draco shook his head, “Well he better not hold his breath. Cass doesn’t strike me as the type to give it up on the first date. No offense.”
That’s when Pansy interjected, “Oh, I beg to differ. Woman to woman, you have got to get down and dirty with someone else if you want to get over Ron. Don’t be a prude. Full offense," she smirked.
And Pansy was right. Sex had never been a big deal to Cassiah before. It was fun and she liked the chase, and there was nothing wrong with that. But now, after Ron, things felt different. She didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t care about her, who didn’t know her heart and soul. She didn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t Ron, because she knew it would only break her heart. Cassiah couldn’t even imagine sleeping with Ernie on this date, and she really hoped that wasn’t his intention, because quite frankly, it had not even crossed her mind as a possibility. Being with someone besides Ron was this distant, abstract idea for her to deal with in the future, and for now, she wanted to keep it that way.
But again, no one else needed to know that. Everyone could think that she was happy and fine and living her best life, enjoying attention from guys now that she was single. No one needed to know the truth.
Friday in the hall outside Potions, Cassiah was chatting with Ginny before class. The topic of the day was Neville’s potential fling with Hannah Abbott. Cassiah loved the idea of Neville finding his person, so she was delighted. She was leaned against the wall just next to the doorway, her books clutched to her chest, when a tall, broad, hurried figure slammed into her and books flew everywhere.
“Merlin’s sake, I’m so sorry. I’m such a mess this morning,” a low voice grumbled as the both of them sprang into action to pick up their books.
Cassiah recognized that voice like the back of her hand. And that hair.
“Oh, fuck,” she heard Ginny murmur behind her.
Her heart stopped beating in her chest, and she just stood there, mouth gaping, and staring at him. This was their first interaction since that day two weeks ago.
Ron was staring back at her with a coldness in his eyes that she had never seen before. His jaw was set tight and his chest rising rapidly with his breath.
“Cass, I am so sorry for what’s about to happen,” Ginny started to whisper, but Cassiah couldn’t even process the girl’s words before Ron was speaking.
“Next time I’ll leave them for Ernie to pick up, seeing as he’s your new boyfriend now,” Ron spat, venom dripping from his voice. She’d never heard him sound this hateful before.
“He’s not my boyfriend! What in Merlin’s name are you talking abou-”
Wait a minute. How did Ron know about her date with Ernie? He and the Hufflepuff boy didn’t run in the same circles, he and Hermione weren’t talking, and the only other person who he talked to that knew about it was...
Cassiah whirled around, white hot rage feeling her body, “Ginny, I will deal with you in a moment. Do not move from that spot.” Her voice was scarily calm.
When she turned back to Ron, he had shrunk back, much calmer now. “Have fun on your date,” he said in a small, low voice, before pulling his books closer to his chest and shoving into the classroom. If Cassiah didn’t know any better, she’d think she saw pain in his big green eyes.
She turned back around, suddenly remembering how angry she was. “You’re a dead woman, Ginerva.”
“Don’t call me that! I only mentioned it to Harry because I was excited for you-”
“You really expect me to believe that? Don’t waste your breath, Ginny, I know where your loyalty lies. Why do you think I never tell you anything? Because I know you’ll go blabbing back to Ron the second I walk away.”
“I have never done that, and you know it!” Ginny was yelling now, her face almost as red as her hair.
Cassiah felt the tears forming in her eyes for the hundredth time this week, and she shrieked, “Well, Ron hates me now thanks to you, so I hope you feel really good about yourself!”
“I do!” Ginny was firing back, but Cassiah didn’t bother to stay and listen. She grabbed an innocent Draco Malfoy by the sleeve of his robes, who had stopped to witness the cat fight, and dragged him away as she informed him that she needed someone to vent to.
“I’m not going to Potions today,” she said through gritted teeth as she marched down the hallway.
“Trust me, I wasn’t going to try to make you,” Draco bantered back in response. “Now let it all out. This is a no-judgement zone. Show no mercy.”