The slightly rocky train ride failed to cease the thoughts swirling through her head. Few passengers didn't notice her existence and paid no heed to her; as if she were a ghost. She sat alone on the row of seats in front of a window. Peering at it, she saw numerous different hues and pigments glinting, passing by her vision along with familiar scenery and towns she has seen plentiful times.
Her mind wandered off to nostalgic memories as she gazed at her reflection through the clear glass panes. The reflection on the window looked identical to her, with the same [e/c] eyes and [h/c] hair, but she could not shake off the impression of unfamiliarity.
Her torso swayed along with the train, dreading a new day was about to come again.
As time passed by, she felt empty. It was like she had forgotten another fragment of memory every tick of the clock and had no clue about it. She would recall memories and forget them the next day. It drained her, she felt incomplete.
She didn't want to forget anything, no matter how small and insignificant it was. She feared she would eventually forget him.
Miya Atsumu, her childhood best friend and the boy she was infatuated with. Due to growing up, they drifted apart naturally. Once a person matures, a lot of changes occur. Puberty happens; your height, weight, emotions, behaviors, they all change. Somewhere in her heart, she wished that even though everything had changed— something between them would stay eternally.
'How is he doing?' she asked herself frequently, traces of him still remaining in her mind.
The train comes to a stop. People of varied ages bustle around the entrance to make their leave. She followed soon after, she didn't plan where she was going. She let the gust trickle her by, showing her where to go as she absentmindedly followed the wind, as if her own legs were possessed.
They brought her to a familiar place where she would constantly go with her childhood friend, Atsumu. Her legs halted on their own, she gawked at the sight that brought her another piece of memory she had forgotten.
"[N/N]!!" A young boy no older than the age of 8 yelled out as he came from the bushes to enter their secret hideout. [Y/N] looked over her back to see her friend all dirty with his hair filled with leaves and face full of mud.
"Huh? 'Tsum tsum, what are you doing?!" The girl stood up and chastised him while brushing off the leaves that were stuck in his hair, "geez... you're so filthy now!"
"That- that doesn't matter right now!" Atsumu pouted, flicking off her hand that was on top of his head. The girl lifted an eyebrow as she saw his other hand hiding behind his back. She brought her gaze up to meet his brown eyes and crossed her arms to her chest,
"What's that behind you?" At this, Atsumu grinned widely, like he wasn't acting all whiny a second ago, and brought out the object in front of her face too closely.
"Look, look! It's a four-leaf clover! I found it earlier while I was searching for my shoes, hehe." He had a look of triumph plastered on his face once he saw the girl's reaction.
"Woah!" She stared at the delicate leaf held in between his index finger and thumb in awe, "'Tsum tsum, did you know that the four-leaf clover meant luck?"
"Huh? really?!" She nods vigorously.
"Well then, as long as we have this—
no matter what happens to us, everything will be fine..." she whispered the last part as she eyed the same preserved leaf stuck on a bookmark she had always held in her pocket that until now, she did not know what it was for.
Pleased that she unlocked a fresh memory, she smiled and resumed her stroll. As she roamed by the sidewalks on the restless roads, she yearns she would come across him again. It was a silly wish, but part of her expected for him to still be there, the same as he was before.
Her heart ached and quivered, innocent and naive giggles and bittersweet memories weighed her down. A harsh wind blew through her, making her waver until it stopped and suddenly, she was in front of a rusty bench.
It was the exact bench where they had encountered each other years ago.
She reminisced about the time where she met him hunching there and sniffling quietly with his legs up to his chest. He was masked with bruises and scrapes so she approached the young boy to ask him what's wrong. After that, their friendship had flourished, and there they started their endless days of fun and foolish journey.
Ah, how she badly craved to go back to the past and appreciated her days with him more. But, there was no use crying over spilled milk. A sigh escaped her lips and she walked away.
And then, as she looked up she saw Miya Atsumu, in the flesh, at the distance. Nothing really changed much over the past few years; he still had that obnoxious and charming grin, brown eyes, and hair swept to the side but dyed yellow.
Her heart was thumping ecstatically with either excitement or anxiety— she didn't know which one it was. She wanted to do nothing more than to run over him and hug him, but she was terrified. She panicked once they got closer and closer so she ran away from there as fast as her non-athletic body could in hopes that he haven't seen her yet.
But he did.
When he averted his gaze from his twin, he saw a glimpse of [h/c] hair and a back he recognized. It vanished as quick as it came. It was her, he knew it. He couldn't believe his eyes. He must've been tired from volleyball practice and started to imagine things... yeah, that was it, that must be it.
"...rong? hello?? you there?" He snapped out of his thoughts by the voice of his twin brother. Osamu stared at him with a hint of concern that was overlooked by Atsumu as he had stopped walking all of a sudden and stared off to space.
"Ah..! did ya see that 'Samu?!" Atsumu looked frantically at his brother while pointing to the direction where [Y/N] was previously. Both Suna and Osamu looked at where he was pointing at to see nothing but a desolate road.
"Ha? what in the hell are ya talkin' about?" Osamu clicked his tongue while Suna laughed and taunted him, "If that was one of your stupid ways of scaring us, it's not working."
"But I did see someone!" Atsumu yelled out, irritated that he was mocked.
"Yeah, okay, whatever you say," Osamu sarcastically replied, but seeing the older twin so apprehensive made him sigh and pat his back harshly, "yer probably just tired, 'Tsumu. Go rest up."
Atsumu eased his worries and agreed to Osamu's words with a nod before walking off.
[Y/N] stared at their retreating forms behind a tree then sighing in relief. Her body relaxed and she slumped down on the grass defeatedly. To say she was disappointed was an understatement, she cursed herself for being nervous while yanking her hair from her scalp.
She sighed once again, now bringing her legs up and sauntering to the swingset from a rundown park. As she sat down and swinged herself slightly, the swing screeched quietly but it sounded louder due to the hushed setting.
She stared up at the sky. Tomorrow was about to come, and she wasn't looking forward to it. The orange and red hues deliberately faded from the skies and it was replaced by the bright moon and stars that shone down on her form.
The girl hoped once again; she hoped that he was somewhere out there, wherever he was, that he was gazing at the same sky she gazed on. Tears were welling in her eyes and her chest ached. She wondered if it was still probable for her to wander on the same path in the past and meet him again on the very bench they met on, whimpering with bruises and cuts.
She attempted to visualize it but suddenly, his face was getting blurry and her mind was muddled. Her eyebrows creased, 'what’s happening?!'
She couldn't recall anything. No matter how badly she pushed, she could only discern a faint silhouette of him with a hazy face.
"At...sumu.. was that his name?" she confided to herself before clumsily finding a ballpen around her pocket somewhere.
But she can't remember.
And suddenly, a yell of some sort of nickname caught her attention, "[N/N]!" Atsumu ran in the distance. He brought a sense of intimacy to her and it caught her off-guard.
Atsumu faltered and stopped near her, struggling to catch his breath. His eyes glossed and he cried soundly. She was flabbergasted as to why this boy began to cry in front of her.
"A-are you okay? What's wrong—" she was cut off as he wrapped his arms around her body tightly.
"Huh...?" She gave him a side-glance.
"I'm sorry- fuck, I'm so, so sorry..." he choked back his sobs.
"What are you-" Atsumu hesitantly let go of her. He placed both his hands on her cheeks, [Y/N] placed her own [s/c] hands on top of his.
Her hands were cold.
"It's all my fault.. if I hadn't- if I could go back to the past," Atsumu steadied his breathing, trying his best to form sentences, "I would've stayed with you."
"You should've told me..." he couldn't hold it in anymore, he sobbed once again, "if I had fuckin' knew you were going to— leave me like that... Why did you have to leave me and die?" His voice was nothing but a whisper at the last part.
[Y/N] was silent while the night was filled with Atsumu's sobs. She did not have a single clue who this man was, she felt like she needed to know him, but she could not remember anything.
She did not know him, and yet a tear escaped from her eye, making Atsumu look up from his sobbing session to her bewildered face.
'Why am I crying?' She dabbed her face. Another tear had fallen-- and another, and another, until she couldn't keep up with her tears anymore.
She abruptly looked up at him, peeling off his hands from her cheeks and holding them to her own cold hands.
His hands were warm, and she felt warm for the first time.
She smiled at him, "thank you," and then, she disappeared.
All that was left was a bookmark with a piece of four-leaf clover stuck on it.
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