Chapter 3
"surviving is the worst kind of pain"
___
"I can do this" Lena whispers to herself.
She cries as she looks up at the night sky. Her mind telling her to stop the pain. "You don't have to" the voice in her head tells her.
She tries to ignore it like she always does but she can't. Not this time. No more. Lena doesn't want to continue going to classes, having to live without her parents, having to live with the image of that night, with her hands pinned down. Trapped. She can still feel him on her.
She can't do this.
She doesn't want to.
She doesn't want to witness the war, she doesn't want to see her friends dead even after what they did to her. She doesn't want to see thousands of innocent lifeless bodies on the floor. She can't.
"But what about my dreams? What about seeing the world" she thinks to herself.
"It's easier this way. The pain will finally stop" the voice tells her.
Lena jumps down from the wall. She looks to see if anyone is near. Then she walks. She walks to the astronomy tower. With each step she takes, she can feel the pain going.
"You're almost there," the voice says "you'll be free"
She continues walking. She notices students walking towards her. Dinner must be over. They are laughing. Talking. She hopes, deep down that someone will stop her. She hopes they ask her if she's okay. She is crying. Surely they'll notice? Surely they'll care. But they don't even see her. No one notices. The crowd has passed, and Lena continues her way to the tower.
"Can't you see? You're already dead. No one will even notice" the voice echoes in her head.
She's arrived at the steps. She stops for a moment before continuing. She looks up. A tear falls from her watery eyes as a smile appears on her face, knowing the pain will be gone soon.
She takes her first step. And her second. Her fourth. Her tenth. Until she's at the top.
It's windy. It's raining. Cold. But she thinks it's beautiful, the stairs can still be seen and grey clouds passing over. The moon reflecting onto the black lake and the stars still shining bright.
She walks over to the railing. It's slightly wet. Lena takes a deep breath and climbs over. She stands on the outside of the Astronomy tower. Her hair blowing to the side from the wind. Her hands gripping tightly onto the bars. So much her hands her turning red. Going numb. She keeps her balance steady on the small ledge. But barley, the wind making it very difficult to do so.
She can already feel the pain going. She already feels free. No more suffering. No more nightmares. Nothing.
She wants to vanish, so completely that even she would not remember her. No feeling. No memories, just the freedom of oblivion.
She wonders what death will be like. She imagines it to be peaceful. She wonders if there are a heaven and hell. Where will she go if there is so?
As long as she doesn't feel this way anymore, she doesn't care. "I'm done surviving" she murmurs aloud.
Her hands slowly start to loosen. She closes her eyes. Breathes a deep breath in-
"Your not gonna jump are you?" she almost slips, her eyes open wide and she grips tightly onto the bar again. She lifts her foot back onto the ledge. Her heart is racing.
Lena slowly turns her head, and she sees Draco Malfoy stood behind her, leaning against the wall. No emotion in his face.
"What the fuck" she finds her self saying.
"I think you should be the other side of that railing," Draco says as he takes a step forward.
"I don't," Lena says as her eyes begin to water again.
"Whys that?" he asks.
"Because I-" she stops herself. She doesn't know what to say.
"Because?" Draco asks.
"Because I'm done feeling this way. I don't want to live every day if it's like this. I'm done surviving, surviving is the worst type of pain" Lena says as tears fall from her eyes, she's looking away from Draco.
Draco finds himself feeling for her. There's a small pain in his heart as he relates to her words. He also wants to jump from the tower. But he doesn't want to see someone else take their life. Even if he knows the pain that they are feeling. Even if it's a random girl, he doesn't know it cares for.
"Talk to me about it," he says, surprising himself but he knows sometimes all someone needs is a person to talk to, to listen. "Climb over that railing and talk to me"
"No I don't want to," Lena says as she cries more, struggling to catch onto her breath. "I need it to stop"
Draco walks closer to Lena. He can see her struggling to hold on to the slippery railing. The second he gets to her, she slips. But he was there just in time. He quickly grabs hold of her waist holding her tightly. He didn't have time to think, he just did it.
She holds onto his shoulder tightly. Maybe she didn't want to die after all. She's scared. Breathing heavily as he looks her deeply in her eyes and she looks in his. This is the closest they have been to another human in weeks. But they don't know that, about one another.
He puts his other arm around her and lifts her over the railing. He stays holding on to her and she on him. They don't want to let go of each other because they know once they do they won't be this close to anyone again. At least not for a while.
But then they let go of each other. Both taking a step back.
Out of anyone who could have saved her it had to be the self-centred bully, Draco Malfoy. She's confused maybe even annoyed that her one shot at peace is gone.
"What are you doing here" Lena finally speaks.
"Saving your life, apparently," Draco says.
"Right" Lena looks away embarrassed. "I'm sorry"
"Don't apologise" he says.
"I should go," Lena says as she hastily turns on her foot and runs out. What just happened? She asks her self.
Draco watches as the girl he didn't know run out, disappearing down the dark stairwell. He then walks over to the ledge, questioning his own life.
------------------------------------------------------------
Worldwide Suicide helpline:
116 123
If you are struggling you can msg me
You are not alone!
___
"I can do this" Lena whispers to herself.
She cries as she looks up at the night sky. Her mind telling her to stop the pain. "You don't have to" the voice in her head tells her.
She tries to ignore it like she always does but she can't. Not this time. No more. Lena doesn't want to continue going to classes, having to live without her parents, having to live with the image of that night, with her hands pinned down. Trapped. She can still feel him on her.
She can't do this.
She doesn't want to.
She doesn't want to witness the war, she doesn't want to see her friends dead even after what they did to her. She doesn't want to see thousands of innocent lifeless bodies on the floor. She can't.
"But what about my dreams? What about seeing the world" she thinks to herself.
"It's easier this way. The pain will finally stop" the voice tells her.
Lena jumps down from the wall. She looks to see if anyone is near. Then she walks. She walks to the astronomy tower. With each step she takes, she can feel the pain going.
"You're almost there," the voice says "you'll be free"
She continues walking. She notices students walking towards her. Dinner must be over. They are laughing. Talking. She hopes, deep down that someone will stop her. She hopes they ask her if she's okay. She is crying. Surely they'll notice? Surely they'll care. But they don't even see her. No one notices. The crowd has passed, and Lena continues her way to the tower.
"Can't you see? You're already dead. No one will even notice" the voice echoes in her head.
She's arrived at the steps. She stops for a moment before continuing. She looks up. A tear falls from her watery eyes as a smile appears on her face, knowing the pain will be gone soon.
She takes her first step. And her second. Her fourth. Her tenth. Until she's at the top.
It's windy. It's raining. Cold. But she thinks it's beautiful, the stairs can still be seen and grey clouds passing over. The moon reflecting onto the black lake and the stars still shining bright.
She walks over to the railing. It's slightly wet. Lena takes a deep breath and climbs over. She stands on the outside of the Astronomy tower. Her hair blowing to the side from the wind. Her hands gripping tightly onto the bars. So much her hands her turning red. Going numb. She keeps her balance steady on the small ledge. But barley, the wind making it very difficult to do so.
She can already feel the pain going. She already feels free. No more suffering. No more nightmares. Nothing.
She wants to vanish, so completely that even she would not remember her. No feeling. No memories, just the freedom of oblivion.
She wonders what death will be like. She imagines it to be peaceful. She wonders if there are a heaven and hell. Where will she go if there is so?
As long as she doesn't feel this way anymore, she doesn't care. "I'm done surviving" she murmurs aloud.
Her hands slowly start to loosen. She closes her eyes. Breathes a deep breath in-
"Your not gonna jump are you?" she almost slips, her eyes open wide and she grips tightly onto the bar again. She lifts her foot back onto the ledge. Her heart is racing.
Lena slowly turns her head, and she sees Draco Malfoy stood behind her, leaning against the wall. No emotion in his face.
"What the fuck" she finds her self saying.
"I think you should be the other side of that railing," Draco says as he takes a step forward.
"I don't," Lena says as her eyes begin to water again.
"Whys that?" he asks.
"Because I-" she stops herself. She doesn't know what to say.
"Because?" Draco asks.
"Because I'm done feeling this way. I don't want to live every day if it's like this. I'm done surviving, surviving is the worst type of pain" Lena says as tears fall from her eyes, she's looking away from Draco.
Draco finds himself feeling for her. There's a small pain in his heart as he relates to her words. He also wants to jump from the tower. But he doesn't want to see someone else take their life. Even if he knows the pain that they are feeling. Even if it's a random girl, he doesn't know it cares for.
"Talk to me about it," he says, surprising himself but he knows sometimes all someone needs is a person to talk to, to listen. "Climb over that railing and talk to me"
"No I don't want to," Lena says as she cries more, struggling to catch onto her breath. "I need it to stop"
Draco walks closer to Lena. He can see her struggling to hold on to the slippery railing. The second he gets to her, she slips. But he was there just in time. He quickly grabs hold of her waist holding her tightly. He didn't have time to think, he just did it.
She holds onto his shoulder tightly. Maybe she didn't want to die after all. She's scared. Breathing heavily as he looks her deeply in her eyes and she looks in his. This is the closest they have been to another human in weeks. But they don't know that, about one another.
He puts his other arm around her and lifts her over the railing. He stays holding on to her and she on him. They don't want to let go of each other because they know once they do they won't be this close to anyone again. At least not for a while.
But then they let go of each other. Both taking a step back.
Out of anyone who could have saved her it had to be the self-centred bully, Draco Malfoy. She's confused maybe even annoyed that her one shot at peace is gone.
"What are you doing here" Lena finally speaks.
"Saving your life, apparently," Draco says.
"Right" Lena looks away embarrassed. "I'm sorry"
"Don't apologise" he says.
"I should go," Lena says as she hastily turns on her foot and runs out. What just happened? She asks her self.
Draco watches as the girl he didn't know run out, disappearing down the dark stairwell. He then walks over to the ledge, questioning his own life.
------------------------------------------------------------
Worldwide Suicide helpline:
116 123
If you are struggling you can msg me
You are not alone!
