My Saviour

memory 2

TW: sexual assault/rape

"Everyone has a chapter they don't
read out loud"

Lena's pov | February 1998

I got showered and changed into a simple black dress, usually, I would have tried more but I didn't care anymore. I didn't wear any makeup or make my hair look nice. I just brushed it. I wasn't going to this party for the fun I was going as a distraction. I wonder if that's what my life will be like now, constantly finding distractions.

I walked down the stairs and into the common room, the party already in full swing. Students dancing and partying. Loud blaring music and blue lights flashing. The whole room was lit up blue. I noticed there where other houses here. Mainly Slytherin's, they always where the party ones.

As I walked I bumped into someone, Draco Malfoy. He didn't notice me and he continued walking while downing some Vodka straight from the bottle.

I ignored him and continued walking. Finding my own bottle of Vodka. I started drinking it, already feeling better. Well feeling nothing, but the feeling of nothing is the best I've got. As I was drinking I noticed Michael, Cho and Lisa dancing together.

They seem happy.

After an hour I was completely drunk. I felt numb. I wandered the common room, swaying side to side as I did so. I was trying to find my way back to the stairs, I wanted to go to bed.

I accidentally walked into someone. "Sorry," I said and continued walking. But they grabbed my arm, pulling me back.

"Its alright, darling," he said "I'm Graham Montague, what's your name"

"Uh," I said as I felt my head poinding "its Lena"

"Pretty name for a pretty girl," Montague said.

"I- I should go," I said, I was too drunk to be making friends.

"Woah," he said as he caught me after I almost fell to the floor.

"Let me take you to your room," Montague said as he put my arm around his shoulder and walked towards the stairs.

"It's alright, I can-"

"No, I got you" he replied. I noticed he was smirking back at his friends as we walked. I knew this was wrong, I know I should try and fight him off or something but I can't.

Once we got up the stairs be asked "which is your room"

"The end one" I replied. I heard the music from the party getting quieter and quieter. He opened my door and walked in. I walked over to my bed and almost collapsed on it, my body was so weak.

I expected him to leave but he shut the door and locked it. I heard him to cast a charm. Which I would soon learn was a silencing spell.

"W-what are you doing," I asked.

As he walked over to me I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I was scared. The first feeling I've had in a long time.

"Don't worry," Montague said as he unbuckled his belt.

He pushed me back so I was in a lying position on my bed. I watched as he spread my legs crawling on top of me. He held my hands down above my head with his hands.

"Please- don't. I'm begging you. Don't do this" I cried.

"Come on. You'll like it" he said.

I struggled to get out his grip, he moved one hand from mine to remove my underwear.

"Please" I begged again as I shook my head.

He threw my underwear and placed his hand back on mine. Keeping them pinned down with a hard grip.

I then felt him push inside of me. He looked at me, eyes filled with darkness. It hurt so fucking bad. I tilted my head back in pain, trying to look anywhere but his face. I heard him growl and moan in my ear as he continued to push in and out of me.

He started going harder and I couldn't contain my screams. I let them out. Hoping that maybe someone will hear. The pain was too much. I felt his nails dig into my skin on my wrist and his grip got tighter.

"Stop" I yelled but he didn't. Instead, he covered my mouth with his hand, making it harder to breathe.

I wanted to give up, stop fighting. But I believed that I was strong.

I. Will. Not. Give. Up. I promised myself.

But eventually. I did. I realised I had nothing to be strong for or to hold onto. I had nothing.

I felt my body relax, no longer trying to escape, out of his grip. I just let it happen. I felt him remove his hand on my mouth, my head falling to the side, tears falling. I looked over at the photo frame on my desk. It was a photo of me and my parents.

I shut my eyes. I didn't want to see them. Now like this.

I wanted it to stop.

Finally, he did.

I didn't move as I felt him get off of me. I just laid there. I heard him put his trousers back on and do up his belt.

But suddenly the door opened. "Lena, why was the door locked-"

"Oh," Michael said as he walked in with Cho and Lisa.

I sat up. I felt relief. They will help me. Montague left without saying a word.

"Are you serious Lena?" asked Cho.

"What-" I asked in shock.

"This party was supposed to make you feel better, but of course you decide to be a whore and fuck someone in our dorm," said Lisa.

"No, you don't understand" I cried.

"Yes we do," said Michael "we just walked in on it"


"No buts! You've always been a slut. I'm surprised I didn't see it coming" said Cho as she walked out along with the others after giving me a disgusted look.

I fell to my knees and cried. I felt so disgusting. I was confused by their reactions, I felt more alone than ever. I had no one.


The next morning I woke up on the floor, I didn't remember falling asleep but I woke up in the same place. I still felt Montague's hands all over me. I showered but still. I couldn't get the feeling away.


Over the next few weeks, I felt the same. I became much worse. I wanted to give up but I kept telling myself to fight. I told myself I wasn't weak but as time went on I no longer believed myself. I avoided Montague at all cost but I couldn't escape him in my nightmares. I stopped sleeping, even more so than before. I would jump whenever someone would touch me. And I couldn't get his face out if my head. I saw him constantly. Everywhere.

My friends became strangers. I no longer spoke to them. Lisa stayed in Cho's room and eventually moved in. I was left alone in my dormitory. I spent every day alone. The loneliness began eating away at me like Piranhas.

April soon arrived and I went back to my aunts for easter, she wasn't pleased about it but she wouldn't break her promise to my mother. She ignored me most of the time and I did the same.
Then I got on the train back to Hogwarts, for my last term. I couldn't wait to leave.
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