All That She Is- F. Weasley

Summary

"Tell me you don't love me," Fred whispered sadly, "look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me- no, tell me you're no longer IN love with me." Tears sprung to her eyes as she held his head in her hands, "Fred- please, don't make me do this." With broken and empty eyes, she shook her head, "I- I can't do that," she gently placed her forehead against his, "I can't do that because no matter what I do, you're all my mind thinks about... You're all my heart yearns for even at its last breath." *All characters and major plot points belong to J.K. Rowling.*

Genre:
Romance / Adventure
Author:
allexwriting
Status:
Ongoing
Chapters:
10
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
16+

-0- Dancing On My Own

“I love you,” Aviana whispered.

The weight of her stunning red gown made it difficult to turn away swiftly, but she did it, hoping that her words would get lost in the cold air of winter and somehow won’t reach Fred’s ears, but by the subtle tense of his body, she knew he heard.

“I know what you’re doing, Freddie. We’ve been best friends for years-” she gulped down the sob that threatened to rip from her chest, “I... I just thought I’d have enough time to change your mind.”

Aviana looked straight ahead at the frozen lake, she admired how the stars shined in the clear night sky, and how even with the lake completely frozen over, it still reflected the moon so vividly.

On this Christmas night, the castle behind her was filled with life and joy. The students of Hogwarts, Durmstrang, and Beauxbatons filled the school, going on about their night, dancing. But, unbeknownst to this world, the last grains of sand belonging to this love story had finally seeped through the hourglass.

No matter what she did, she couldn’t possibly look at Fred, not when she knew that the moment she met his brown eyes, they’d instantly tell her everything she had been running away from all these months.

He didn’t feel the same.

She wanted him to end it, as selfish as that may seem. If she had the final verdict, she’d keep him by her side forever.

“I’m sorry,” Fred muttered in shame. The agonizing truth in his voice burned like fire, it seeped beneath Aviana’s skin and into her heart. The muscle painfully clenched, making it hard for her to breathe.

He was truly genuine, that fact alone made it worse.

Clothed in his brother’s hand-me-down dress robes, Fred watched from Aviana’s side as the teardrops silently fell from her cheeks, her bare shoulders shaking uncontrollably as she cried.

He stood to his feet and kneeled down on his knee. “Kasper...” he started, sliding his thumb underneath her chin, driving her to meet his eyes. With his other hand, he gently tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear.

“Not yet,” she pleaded, “don’t say anything yet.”

Undoubtedly, Fred knew what he was doing up to this point. He was going to put an end to this relationship because her touch, her kisses, and her mere presence alone no longer affected him as they did before.

But a single quiver of her lips had him wanting to take it all back.

He began to question if he had made the right choice, wondered if all this heartache was worth it, wondered how easy it would be to say those three words in return, wondered how nice it would be to let their relationship live another day.

Like she knew what was going on inside his mind, Aviana shook her head, “Don’t do that,” she wept in a small voice, “I don’t want us to be a lie.”

With trembling hands, Fred cupped her face, “Know that I want you, and I care about you... so bloody much,” his eyebrows furrowed as his voice started to die out, “- but, I’m so confused.”

“Then why can’t we try? Try to work this out?” she asked. The way her stomach lurched, Aviana knew she was playing a dangerous game asking her next question, “Is it her? Angelina, I mean.”

The silence that came after gave her all the answers she needed.

“I don’t know h-how, o-or when,” Fred admitted regretfully, “I’m so sorry.”

Aviana forced out a dry laugh, moving her gaze away from the sky and onto her hands that rested on her lap, “Why should we be sorry? We can’t help who we fall for.”

The words she intended for Fred bounced off her own ears like banging drums, and the river of tears she had been suppressing this entire evening flowed at last. Sob after sob racked her body. Her breathing became uneven, and she was heaving for hollow breaths like she was drowning in deep waters.

She wanted to be angry at the boy that sat next to her, she wanted to yell at him, make him feel the hurt she was experiencing; but the sad reality was there was no one to blame. Fred hadn’t meant to catch feelings for someone else.

Aviana reached for his hands that held her face, wrapping her fingers around his wrist, and gathered the remaining pieces of her courage, locking her gaze on Fred, “Is there anything to make you stay? I- I’ll change. Whatever you want, I can-”

Having the tears completely blurring her vision, Aviana couldn’t see the pained look on Fred’s face at her words.

With each passing second she had with him, her resolve was breaking, and it was becoming clear she didn’t want to lose him. All the hurt laced in her words jabbed at his heart, and they replayed like a broken record in his head. Finally, and all at once, the full weight of the situation dawned on him.

“I can’t keep hurting you,” Fred confessed, “believe me, I wish things were different. I wish it wasn’t us. Merlin knows I wanted it to be you, but I need to do this. For me, for us.”

All the feelings she tried to desperately keep at bay spilled like an overfilled cup; all the anger, all the sadness, all the confusion, all the tiredness bared themselves out onto the ground under their feet.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Aviana sobbed into her hands, “I don’t want to ever lose you, Freddie.”

“You won’t.”

With dull eyes, Aviana’s cold hands softly caressed his cheek, silently saying the words she was too afraid to voice out.

We both know that’s not true.

She pulled her hands away from him, like touching him was pricking herself on a thorn. Instead, she placed them back on her lap, her thumbs scratching at the skin around her nails, it has become a nervous habit she’s formed around him.

Aviana wanted nothing more than to believe him, but after tonight, she was certain nothing was going to be the same.

“You should go,” she croaked, “I just need a little time for myself. A-and you. I- I think if you go now, you can make it back on time,” she couldn’t stand that look of pity that continued to sketch itself on his face. Her stare suddenly turned cold, like she switched off a button inside her, “Perhaps ask Angelina for a dance? It is the Yule Ball.”

“Aviana-”

“Fred, please.”

Her solemn eyes watched Fred’s retreating form. She had the urge to run after him, take his hands, and beg him not to leave her. She wanted to put herself first, to stand on the tips of her toes so she could lean in and feel his warm lips against hers for the last time. To have them linger for a second too long and give her a chance to memorize everything about him.

But the sad reality was she’s a coward that didn’t want to risk falling in love more than she already was. Since there sat a sad truth that she would willingly have her heart broken by him a thousand more times if it meant spending another day with him at her side.

Walking aimlessly around the castle hours after Fred left, Aviana found herself wandering around the endless passageways of the castle, and somehow in the midst of her stroll, she ended up in front of something so very peculiar, something she’s never seen before.

It was a mirror, and it ran taller than her height, the borders decorated with intricate details of gold and silver.

Her own orbs boring into her reflection, Aviana dropped to her knees at the sight of the unrecognizable girl that stood before the smudged glass. It wasn’t her; it wasn’t the sixth-year who lived an easy-going life, and it definitely wasn’t the girl who believed up to this night that she was in a happy relationship with her best friend.

Her eyes were as red as roses, her lips smeared a pale color, and dark streaks ran down her cheeks like the roots of the oak trees that expanded miles along the forest.

Through her eyes, you can see herself breaking, her many pieces falling down to the floor. Her eyes skimmed her body, the scarlet dress hugging her form like the comfort she’d been missing these past few months.

But she still felt cold, so very cold.

And then slowly, the glass began to fog up. The mirror version of herself still wore the red gown, but this time she was dancing.

Dancing with Fred.

Her shaking hands touched the glass, at first, Aviana was so tempted to break it, to grab a stone and shatter it into a million pieces. Yet her love and longing overpowered her, and she sat on the floor, crying.

She couldn’t want him, not anymore. Not when she let him slip right through her fingertips.

—-•—-•—-•—-•—-•

Allex’s Notes

This was once under allexreading and titled Sinbound, it’s the same plot but spicier(?) and more action-based. @allexreading and @allexwriting are the same person, me. Hi, it’s Allex. :)

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