s f w
once again, the paper was scattered with useless and chaotic drawings. the frustration growing in my head as i tore another piece of paper up.
it was simple really, art is supposed to make you feel relaxed and at one with what you’re making. well this wasn’t the case.
i haven’t had a good crumb of inspiration for the past two weeks. as an artist, that can put a lot of pressure on you when you draw almost every day.
there were so many ideas swarming in my head but i couldn’t put it on paper. it would come out as chaotic and messy. not the look i was going for.
i took a deep breath, setting up a new sheet. trying to differentiate from each image of an idea.
my hands marking on the page, erasing frequently. i could feel my anxiety getting the better of me as i really wanted to draw.
tiny shakes here and there, they always started out small. i could feel the tears pricking my eyes as it wasn’t going the way i wanted it to.
i couldn’t see a good clear image to use.
the emotions bubbling up inside me like wild fire. my hands were so bad to the point i couldn’t even draw.
letting out a shaky breath, i took the paper and crumbled it up. wanting to throw a fit and scream, this wasn’t working out like it’s supposed to.
i banged my head on the canvas stand, practically asking for inspiration.
letting go of the salty tears that raced down my cheeks, i released a quiet sob.
sliding down but still holding on, i sobbed on the floor. was it too much to ask to simply draw good?
a soft knock sounded throughout my room, following with the door open.
i guessed it was my mom since she’s been the one to see me like this for almost two weeks now.
until that person leaned down to my eye level.
“woah, woah. are you alright, (y/n)?” i heard no other than my supportive boyfriend, koushi sugawara.
i looked up at him, teary eyed. shaking my head, no, knowing that if i told him, it’d be a lot of high pitched whining noises.
“come on, let’s get you off the floor, sugar.” he helped me to my bed, rubbing soothing circles on my back.
i could tell he was examining the absolute mess the state of my room was in.
“how did this happen..?” he sounded hesitant to ask, as if i could start breaking down even worse.
deep breaths, (y/n). deep breaths.
“i-i tried to draw. none of th-them came out even remotely good. i’m a f-failer.” i hiccupped as the warm tears continued to trickle down my pink tinted cheeks.
my anxiety ridden hands carelessly played with the loose strings on my shirt.
“hey, look at me,” i felt him softly use this thumb and pointed finger to direct my gaze to him. “under no circumstance will i let my girlfriend call herself a failer. you just need a break, sugar.”
wiping away my tears with his thumb pads, he kissed the red marks under my eyes.
“break time, yeah?” he hugged me close to him, humming a small lullaby to help calm me down.
he held me like that for a while. and when he did that, i felt at peace. my head started getting clearer but no image to specify.
listening to the rhythmic music from his heart beat and my untamed sniffling were the only sounds in the room.
“are you feeling better?” the small circles on my arms didn’t cease.
i nodded giving him a small smile, gee that sure wasn’t embarrassing.
“great! now let’s get this placed cleaned up sugar.” he kissed my cheek and helped me up.
i cringed looking at the mess i had made. shuffling all the torn up pieces of paper to the bin.
suga had fixed my easels, lining them up like i would want them.
i felt the need to apologize come over me and the question of why he had come over anyway.
“suga? i’m s-sorry if you had to do something and got stuck here because of me.” my dejected voice sounded in the room.
i looked up and was met with a sugamama smile.
“i didn’t have any plans, don’t worry. and i’d always love to take care of you anytime.” he sent me an air blown kiss.
i chuckled a bit and caught it, placing it in my pocket for later.
when we were finally done with the cleaning, i persuaded Suga to stay for dinner as an apology.
“it’s always good to see you sugawara.” i heard my mom say as i helped clean the dishes.
“you too mrs. (l/n).” he responded respectively.
“it’s going to get a bit dark soon. you might want to head home, but you’re always welcome to stay the night.”
“ah! thank you! i didn’t even think of that.”
i grabbed my boyfriend’s hand gently and lead him back to my bedroom.
“are you confident to create a wonderful piece of artwork now?” i heard suga inquire from behind me.
“i’m lacking in the inspiration department but other than that, yes, i think.” i smiled at him while gathering his things.
“you might want to go home before it gets dark outside, hon.” i passed him his things as he looked like he just got an amazing idea.
“how about i give you some inspiration?”
he set his things down on my bed and walked to opposite side of my easel.
suga laid on my floor with one hand on his hip and the other holding his head up.
“draw me like one of your french girls.” he smirked as i bursted out in laughter.
“koushi! dear god, pray for me.” i rolled my eyes at his form.
“well at lea-”
“wait! don’t move! you actually just gave me something i can work with.” i almost shouted at him.
paying attention to the canvas and looking up at him every once in a while.
i had drew a picture of my dear koushi but he was on a serf board, riding a wave.
when i had got done, i physically and mentally felt better. noticing that suga had almost fell asleep on the floor.
“koushi, do you want to stay over tonight?” i questioned already walking over to my dresser getting the clothes he worn last time.
“thank you. i don’t think i could walk home in this state.” he gave me a small tired smile.
“no, i should be thanking you. i’m so glad i got that piece of art done. i feel so much better.”
“i’d do anything for you, sugar.” he kissed my forehead and headed towards the bathroom.
i used that time to change into my pajamas too.
when he was done i had put everything away and set my night light on.
i was afraid of the dark.
“you ready?” i mumbled getting into the comfortable king sized bed i had got.
“of course. goodnight sugar, i love you.”
a smile graced my lips, “i love you too, so much.” i cuddled against him, swarmed in blankets.