Chapter 1
s f w
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once again, the paper was scattered with useless and chaotic drawings. the frustration growing in my head as i tore another piece of paper up.
it was simple really, art is supposed to make you feel relaxed and at one with what youโre making. well this wasnโt the case.
i havenโt had a good crumb of inspiration for the past two weeks. as an artist, that can put a lot of pressure on you when you draw almost every day.
there were so many ideas swarming in my head but i couldnโt put it on paper. it would come out as chaotic and messy. not the look i was going for.
i took a deep breath, setting up a new sheet. trying to differentiate from each image of an idea.
my hands marking on the page, erasing frequently. i could feel my anxiety getting the better of me as i really wanted to draw.
tiny shakes here and there, they always started out small. i could feel the tears pricking my eyes as it wasnโt going the way i wanted it to.
i couldnโt see a good clear image to use.
the emotions bubbling up inside me like wild fire. my hands were so bad to the point i couldnโt even draw.
letting out a shaky breath, i took the paper and crumbled it up. wanting to throw a fit and scream, this wasnโt working out like itโs supposed to.
i banged my head on the canvas stand, practically asking for inspiration.
letting go of the salty tears that raced down my cheeks, i released a quiet sob.
sliding down but still holding on, i sobbed on the floor. was it too much to ask to simply draw good?
a soft knock sounded throughout my room, following with the door open.
i guessed it was my mom since sheโs been the one to see me like this for almost two weeks now.
until that person leaned down to my eye level.
โwoah, woah. are you alright, (y/n)?โ i heard no other than my supportive boyfriend, koushi sugawara.
i looked up at him, teary eyed. shaking my head, no, knowing that if i told him, itโd be a lot of high pitched whining noises.
โcome on, letโs get you off the floor, sugar.โ he helped me to my bed, rubbing soothing circles on my back.
i could tell he was examining the absolute mess the state of my room was in.
โhow did this happen..?โ he sounded hesitant to ask, as if i could start breaking down even worse.
deep breaths, (y/n). deep breaths.
โi-i tried to draw. none of th-them came out even remotely good. iโm a f-failer.โ i hiccupped as the warm tears continued to trickle down my pink tinted cheeks.
my anxiety ridden hands carelessly played with the loose strings on my shirt.
โhey, look at me,โ i felt him softly use this thumb and pointed finger to direct my gaze to him. โunder no circumstance will i let my girlfriend call herself a failer. you just need a break, sugar.โ
wiping away my tears with his thumb pads, he kissed the red marks under my eyes.
โbreak time, yeah?โ he hugged me close to him, humming a small lullaby to help calm me down.
he held me like that for a while. and when he did that, i felt at peace. my head started getting clearer but no image to specify.
listening to the rhythmic music from his heart beat and my untamed sniffling were the only sounds in the room.
โare you feeling better?โ the small circles on my arms didnโt cease.
i nodded giving him a small smile, gee that sure wasnโt embarrassing.
โgreat! now letโs get this placed cleaned up sugar.โ he kissed my cheek and helped me up.
i cringed looking at the mess i had made. shuffling all the torn up pieces of paper to the bin.
suga had fixed my easels, lining them up like i would want them.
i felt the need to apologize come over me and the question of why he had come over anyway.
โsuga? iโm s-sorry if you had to do something and got stuck here because of me.โ my dejected voice sounded in the room.
i looked up and was met with a sugamama smile.
โi didnโt have any plans, donโt worry. and iโd always love to take care of you anytime.โ he sent me an air blown kiss.
i chuckled a bit and caught it, placing it in my pocket for later.
when we were finally done with the cleaning, i persuaded Suga to stay for dinner as an apology.
โitโs always good to see you sugawara.โ i heard my mom say as i helped clean the dishes.
โyou too mrs. (l/n).โ he responded respectively.
โitโs going to get a bit dark soon. you might want to head home, but youโre always welcome to stay the night.โ
โah! thank you! i didnโt even think of that.โ
i grabbed my boyfriendโs hand gently and lead him back to my bedroom.
โare you confident to create a wonderful piece of artwork now?โ i heard suga inquire from behind me.
โiโm lacking in the inspiration department but other than that, yes, i think.โ i smiled at him while gathering his things.
โyou might want to go home before it gets dark outside, hon.โ i passed him his things as he looked like he just got an amazing idea.
โhow about i give you some inspiration?โ
he set his things down on my bed and walked to opposite side of my easel.
suga laid on my floor with one hand on his hip and the other holding his head up.
โdraw me like one of your french girls.โ he smirked as i bursted out in laughter.
โkoushi! dear god, pray for me.โ i rolled my eyes at his form.
โwell at lea-โ
โwait! donโt move! you actually just gave me something i can work with.โ i almost shouted at him.
paying attention to the canvas and looking up at him every once in a while.
i had drew a picture of my dear koushi but he was on a serf board, riding a wave.
when i had got done, i physically and mentally felt better. noticing that suga had almost fell asleep on the floor.
โkoushi, do you want to stay over tonight?โ i questioned already walking over to my dresser getting the clothes he worn last time.
โthank you. i donโt think i could walk home in this state.โ he gave me a small tired smile.
โno, i should be thanking you. iโm so glad i got that piece of art done. i feel so much better.โ
โiโd do anything for you, sugar.โ he kissed my forehead and headed towards the bathroom.
i used that time to change into my pajamas too.
when he was done i had put everything away and set my night light on.
i was afraid of the dark.
โyou ready?โ i mumbled getting into the comfortable king sized bed i had got.
โof course. goodnight sugar, i love you.โ
a smile graced my lips, โi love you too, so much.โ i cuddled against him, swarmed in blankets.
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