Sofia rubbed her eyes and walked to the mirror. Her tear-stained face stared back at her, dark circles being a clear evidence of her sleepless nights. Her hands itched to feel his face, hold his body close to hers one last time but reality hit her. He was gone.
Trying to regain her consciousness back, she tried to fix her appearance and got herself cleaned for the day. She dragged herself out of the bathroom and reached her bed.
There it was.
The letter which he left her.
She hadn't dared to touch it yet. She knew that reading it would bring back painful memories but she knew she had to do it. She had to try to get through it.
Without realising, her fingers were feeling around the edges of the envelope so she tore the edges and started unfolding the letter. Taking a deep breath, she started reading.
You were the light of my life, the candle whose flames burnt deep inside my heart, sealing the wounds that were present like imaginary jagged scars which hurt me every single day. I assure you that you weren't the reason for my pain instead you were just the opposite. A nightingale who sang melodious songs that lulled me to sleep.
I remember the times we used to play at my house when we were little kids, shattering my mom's favourite china vase for which we received a handful of scolding. I remember growing up with you, all those silly stuff we did together, our inside jokes, our banters and especially our first kiss when we were in our teens. The joy I felt when you reciprocated my love was beyond infinity. I also remember the day we got married. Especially the amount of beers we had together and drunk dancing in our after party.
I will miss the scent of your cologne that gave me a sense of warmth. I will miss tangling my fingers in your hair while we kissed passionately in the backseat of our car. When I returned home from office and you opened the door, I will miss the way you give a coy smile that was only reserved for me. I will miss making love to you at night.
But you have to let me go.
I wish I could be better for you. I wish I was able to take you on a world tour or be able to fulfill all your big dreams. I wish I could be a better husband and make time for you instead of being crammed up in my workspace and doing all the odd jobs so as to make the ends meet.
I wish I could have been a better person. I fucking hate myself. Self depreciation is really toxic and it has buried itself deep inside my head and all I can hear right now are the nasty comments my co-workers say to me or more than that -- what shit I say to myself. I know you don't deserve this baby. Fuck, I know that I am being selfish but I can't be in this world. World where beautiful people like you exist. I don't deserve to be in this place. I am mentally exhausted to the point where I just want everything to end. The only constant thing that has always been in my life is you. Now, I want you to find another person who can keep you happy and contented for the rest of your life. Grow old with him, have lots of kids and grandchildren and spread love and kindness in this world. I know a piece of you would always love me as you wouldn't be able to get over my handsome body haha. Jokes aside, I want you to promise me that you will explore love.
Maybe we can be together in another life.
Goodbye sweetheart. I love you forever and always.