His hand was shaking. Why was it shaking so damn much? His eyes felt like they were burning from how hard he kept them clenched shut. Of all days for him to be late, why did he choose today? He didn’t even send a text. Who does that? A pile of scratch paper scattered across the floor as Jungkook stood up from his chair. He got all dressed up too. Slim fitting black pants that hugged around his tiny waist so perfectly. Tucked in a loose white button-up with the top two buttons undone. Today was supposed to be the day things changed. Everything was going to be like it was before he-
Jungkook flinched as the front door rattled against its frame. He took a deep breath. He wouldn’t let this get to him.
“Where were you?”
Taehyung raised his eyebrow, looking bored almost. “Where do you think? I was at work.” He dropped his bag onto a stool with a plop and went to grab a water bottle from the fridge.
Jungkook shook, clenching his fists.
Why am I getting so mad?
“You could have at least told me you were gonna be late.”
“I didn’t think it was that important.”
“NOT THAT IMPORTANT? Taehyung, this was going to be the first date we’ve had in over a year!” He couldn’t stop the way his voice cracked. It was his fault. He knew it was. If he had just been stronger in high school, then maybe they wouldn’t have gotten so far apart. But god, it’s not like Taehyung was making this any easier. It was hard to tell if Taehyung even loved him anymore.
Today was supposed to be the day that all changed. It was supposed to get better.
“Jesus Jungkook, calm down,” Taehyung slowly put down his water. He was getting annoyed, Jungkook could hear it in his voice. His eyebrows drew together, and his lips formed a tight line. “They needed an extra model to help out with a last-minute shoot. It’s not that big of a deal.” He stepped out of the kitchen, brushing past Jungkook to the stairs. He grabbed the rail, turning his head back to speak briefly, “Besides, we can just reschedule the date anyways.”
Jungkook was dumbstruck. whAt. No. His BOYFRIEND wasn’t allowed to blow him off like this. Taehyung was treating him like he was nothing. Did he not even care? He cradled his face in his hands. “You know what, fuck you. Forget the stupid date.” He ran up the stairs past a surprised Taehyung, ignoring the light brush of fingers he felt up his arms. He didn’t even realize he was crying until he slumped against the door of his bedroom.
Yep. HIS bedroom.
God, if anything, that reminder hurt more than the fact Taehyung blew him off. He remembers it clear as day, when they had first moved in.
There were so many fucking boxes. Jungkook could’ve sworn his mom got rid of most of his things when he was in the hospital. He didn’t see all this stuff in his room at home. She must’ve kept all his stuff boxed away somewhere then. He smiled at that, despite how grim the reality of it was. Whatever, this wasn’t the time to be thinking about that. He should enjoy this moment. He was moving in with his high school sweetheart, after all. But something was off...wrong. It had, after all, only been about three months since the incident. He couldn’t expect everything to go back to normal, but god did he want it to.
He looked around at their new place. He had been the one to ask if they could move in together, and although Taehyung had agreed, he couldn’t help but feel bad. Like he had forced him into this.
stop it, he thought. Not the right time.
He grabbed one of the many boxes labeled as his, struggling slightly to get up the stairs. When he got to the top, he was confused. Taehyung was moving in and out of two of the four rooms carrying books. He put the box down in the middle of the circle loftish area (It’s not a hallway, it’s like, a big circle area with four doors leading to rooms if that makes sense.) Taehyung had said something about a study and a guest bedroom. Maybe there were two guest bedrooms? Or maybe, he also got a study? Honestly, he was too scared to ask.
He walked over to the room to the far right, seeing a queen-sized bed, the room empty except for maybe a couple of shelves and a bathroom. Ok, this must be the guest bedroom. He went into the next one. Another bedroom, except the bed, was a twin, and it was smaller than the rest. It also had its bathroom but not nearly as luxurious. Jungkook didn’t like the way this was piecing together. Taehyung was still moving in and out of the two rooms on the left side, completely unaware of Jungkook’s presence. Either that or he was ignoring him.
Jungkook walked into the next room, the study, and watched Taehyung put away books on the shelves. He leaned against the doorway, admiring him for a second. Taehyung was beautiful, but lately, his attitude was not. Taehyung stood up, popping his legs from being crouched down. When he turned around, he halted for a second, startled at seeing Jungkook standing there. Something flashed across his face, his walls falling for just a second before they were up again. Jungkook couldn’t pinpoint it, but the way Taehyung looked at him sometimes caught him off guard. He wasn’t sure if it was surprising, seeing him, or something more....sad.
Taehyung cleared his throat. “What is it?”
Now it was Jungkook’s turn to be startled. He hadn’t thought about what he wanted to say. “Um, I was just wondering- well, I wasn’t sure if I had heard you wrong before, something about a guest bedroom and a study- but I’m just a little confused...” His voice was getting quieter and quieter, and he could feel the heat creeping up his neck. Why was he so embarrassed? It was Taehyung for crying out loud. He shifted his feet, looking down.
God, this is embarrassing, he thought. Can’t ask a simple fucking question.
Taehyung let out a grunt, Jungkook snapped his head back up. Taehyung wasn’t looking at him, going back to his books. He gulped, unsure of how to act.
“I purposely got a house with four rooms so you could have your own,” He shifted one book from a bottom shelf to a top-shelf. “I thought it would be best if you had your own space after....” He could see Taehyung gulp, and he looked...scared for a moment? “...after everything that’s happened. The doctor did say to give you space anyways.” He resumed putting away his stack of books.
Jungkook felt like crying. His boyfriend doesn’t want to share a room with him. They would sleep in the same bed all the time in high school, is now any different? His lip trembled, and he knew if he spoke, his voice would most definitely crack, but that didn’t stop him.
“You couldn’t have talked to me about this first?” Taehyung stood up, walking out to get more books. Jungkook grabbed him by the shoulder, spinning him back around to face him. “Are you serious?” Taehyung stared down at him, his expression blank. Jungkook never felt like punching him more than at that moment.
Ok, that hurt. Jungkook pushed him out of the doorway, scoffing. Taehyung stumbled a bit, staring at Jungkook’s back as he stomped down the stairs. He could feel it, and for some reason, that just made him madder. Kind of in a, ‘how dare you to think you can look at him after that!’ way. Don’t get me wrong even though he felt like he could bash someone’s head in, specifically his, he was more hurt than anything. What did this say about them?
He sunk into the new couch they had bought a week ago. Its grey leather was cold and chipped, but comforting. It reminded him of Taehyung’s parents’ house. They had a couch almost like this, and Jungkook had practically begged Taehyung to get it. Jungkook would spend so much time at the Kims’ it had become a second home to him. They were like his second parents. He picked at the couch, some of the grey sprinklings on the ground. He couldn’t go back upstairs, not after that. He didn’t want to see Taehyung right now, fearing he would either try and beat him up (not that he could, Taehyung could crush him like a twig before he got the chance to.) or that he would burst into tears just looking at his stupid emotionless face.
Off to organize the kitchen then, he thought.
Thinking back on it now, he felt similar to then. He either wanted to beat the shit out of Taehyung or felt like breaking down completely. He was somewhat thankful he had his own space right now. He couldn’t imagine sharing a bed with that monster after what he did today. Ok. A monster might be a bit of a stretch, but he’s mad, so leave him alone.
He sighed, standing from his slump against the door. He couldn’t take this shit. It had been going on for too long. Why couldn’t they get out of this slump!? The accident happened last year in May. Now it was almost August, over a year since, and yet nothing felt the way it used to be. He was about to start college! He would’ve started last year right after they moved in, but....he wasn’t ready. He took a deep breath.
It’s all going to be ok, it has to be.