"I Still Fucking Love You" ✔️

Summary

Inspired by, "Drivers License" by Olivia Rodrigo. Win wants to laugh at himself really, but he knows the laugh is just to hide the pain. He snorts and then says, "I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me." Saying that out loud actually made him ache because the thought that came after it reminds him of his present predicament. Because... Bright said forever, but now Win drives alone past his street.

Genre:
Romance / Drama
Author:
Jac 💕
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
1
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
16+

"I Still Fucking Love You"

One-shot

Inspired by Olivia Rodrigo's "Driver's License."

Win shifts while driving home back from the store. He feels it happening again. Tears welling in his eyes from memories.

He just passed the same street Bright lives on, drove past all the same houses they would pass while together in Bright's car. It's all the same front yards, cars, and sidewalks.

They would pass this same area while laughing, flirting, eating, and talking. After going on dates and making out in movie theater parking lots after watching movies together.

After towing traffic and talking about the future together.

The same streets with the same red lights and stop signs.

Win can still see Bright's face everywhere.

Win feels the tears on his cheeks and tries to hold them back but he can't. Even his favorite song comes on, but he doesn't smile because he just doesn't know how to be thrilled about anything since his split with Bright five months ago.

He even got his driver's license last week. It's something he and Bright had talked about together.

What had made Win smile before was how Bright was thrilled that Win would be able to drive to his house.

While Win had been thrilled for what the newfound freedom would bring to their relationship.

He would be able to drive over whenever during the summer and not have to ask for a ride from his parents or friends.

Also, he had hoped that if they went on another road trip together, he would be legally able to drive and could take turns with Bright, so he could sleep.

Win had been so excited to just be able to be with Bright more, especially since they had been about to graduate high school in a few months and would be spending the summer together, but then...it happened.

Win didn't know it was something that would ever happen to him...until it did.

He didn't even see it coming, because he never thought or dreamed it was in the cards for him.

He and Bright broke up and Bright is okay without him.

To Win, he and Bright were forever and he thought it was the same for Bright. Bright had even written him a song that spoke of them as forever.

Win was sure of Bright's feelings because if Bright wasn't anything else, he was sincere.

Win couldn't believe that they didn't even talk to each other anymore.

They were friends, then lovers, and now...nothing.

Promises were broken and Win is not okay. Even if there weren't promises, he still wasn't sure if he would be okay, but there were promises.

Win, still heading home, having driven past Bright's street. Does not dare to take that fateful turn that would lead him to Bright's house, but rather travels the forever familiar pathway to his house that holds just as many memories of them together.

He thinks about what would happen if he decided to drive past Bright's house. He wouldn't be there anyway. He has someone new. Win feels tears fall down his face as he thinks about the post he saw on IG a few days ago.

Bright smiling holding a gorgeous model named Nevvy, while they spend the summer together in Pattaya.

Not even half a year has gone by and Bright was able to move on.

Win hates that he even stalked her IG, but he did. He had clicked on the tag of her name in Bright's post.

Her IG was public and had many pictures of her. Win had begrudgingly admitted to himself that she is a beautiful girl. He learned that she is a new model and according to her IG, a talented singer. All things that she shared in common with Bright.

Win had never felt so insecure. She was stunning and was great at everything he was insecure about.

Win never felt like model material, despite being told he is handsome, and he knew his voice was good, but it wasn't a natural talent of his. He had to work harder than most to do what came to others naturally.

He was also too shy to sing or even post covers. However, this girl had an IG page of many covers. Songs that were so similar to Bright's taste of music.

Win always had a different taste in music to Bright. Win actually loved when they bickered over music and roasted each other's musical taste.

Now, Win wonders if Bright wasn't actually okay with Win not favoring his music.

Win snorts in jealousy, dating her must be so easy since they are so similar.

Weren't opposites supposed to attract?

Was he that difficult to love forever?

Win knew they weren't perfect, but he despairs because he has never felt this way about anyone.

And...Bright told Win that he loved him, so why is he okay, now that Win is gone? Why is he okay now that they are not together?

He shouts..."Fuck you Bright!"

He has to stop the car. Tears are blocking his vision of the road and although he is in despair, he still wants to live. Atleast that hasn't changed.

He thinks again about Bright smiling with Nevvy. About him spending the summer together with her when that's what they were supposed to do.

He slams his fist on the steering wheel. "I still fucking love you P'Bai!! So why??!"

He knows no one can hear him, but it just hurts so much. How is Bright okay? How do you unlove someone so quickly?

God knows he is so sad now that they are through.

He can still hear Bright's laugh echo in his ears. The laugh haunting him.

Thinking about the last time he heard Bright's voice.

He doesn't even want to think about the day they broke up in their favorite cafe. It wasn't mutual and Bright just kind of eased into the conversation unsmiling, said what he said, hugged Win while he sat there numb, and left.

Win hadn't been capable of even responding because it felt like some nightmare. His ears went dead after, "I'm sorry, but we need to break up". The word "why," was on the tip of his tongue, but he isn't sure if it was ever spoken. He just remembers feeling numb.

A waitress had to wake him up from his daze, asking if he was alright and if he was ordering anything else? He didn't recognize her, so she must have been new.

He had seen that Bright left money for their drinks, but his coffee was left cold and untouched.

Bright had practically waited no time before breaking up with him. Win hadn't even taken a sip of the coffee.

Now Win can't even walk into their cafe, it seems that place is ruined for him too.

Win still hasn't been able to piece together the full reasons as to why Bright broke them apart, but he never had the chance to confront Bright again.

Bright had left for their school soccer trip tournament the next day. It lasted two weeks because it involved a two-week play-off consisting of multiple schools playing against each other in an all-league championship.

Then when Bright came back from the tournament, he avoided Win like the plague. Win knew it because he saw Bright run away from him many times and leave rooms he just walked into.

Bright stayed stuck to his after school music club that was the same time as Win's debate club.

Bright left school quickly and arrived at school late in the morning to avoid any possible conversations.

It took Win a month to finally give up trying to talk to Bright. He had felt so abandoned that he just stopped trying to look for Bright. He just gave up. Bright didn't want to talk to or see him.

He knew he was never going to have a clear conversation if Bright was still avoiding him, so he stopped. It was becoming unhealthy to him and making him feel so bad about himself.

It took him another month to just focus on schoolwork again. He immersed himself in it, trying to stay busy so he didn't have to think about Bright.

Then another month went by which led to final exams and graduation. Three months of school and no direct contact with Bright. They didn't even talk to each other on graduation day.

Win just looked at Bright and silently cheered for him when Bright's name was called. Then he saw Bright look at him when he received his diploma, but that was it. Bright looked away and Win knew he still couldn't hope for them to get back together.

He hated that he couldn't hate Bright. He was angry, boy was he angry, but he didn't hate him.

Now, two months of summer have ended already and Win has been preparing to pack for college. He knows Bright is no longer going to college, but rather pursuing a career in modeling that has already started.

He remembers Bright telling him that a month before they broke up. He was sad but still supportive of Bright.

Bright and he planned to have a great summer together so they had wonderful memories to hold onto when they started their long distance relationship since Win was going to college in Chiang Mai.

He thinks about how that was possibly another reason as to their breakup that Bright may be shared with him that didn't make it to his numb brain.

Was a long-distance relationship or different career paths really so challenging for relationships?

Win wipes his tears and puts the car back in drive and continues on his way home. He knows he was supposed to have a sleepover with Khao and the boys tonight, but he just couldn't do it.

In school, weeks after his and Bright's breakup, his friends quickly grew tired of hearing and seeing how much he missed Bright.

He had stopped looking for Bright in front of them, but he knew they still knew he missed Bright.

They still text him to make sure he is okay and to remind him to prioritize other things and they physically come to make sure he is okay every now and then since summer started.

He is thankful for them, but he just couldn't be with them tonight. Not when he has to drive past that street again to get to Khao's house.

He knows they are tired of seeing his eyes miss Bright and he can't stop that anytime soon.

Not when you love someone the way Win loves Bright.

Loves... yes present. Win is still presently in love with Bright. He just screamed it a moment ago, but thinking about how much he loves Bright and why always makes him tear up.

Bright made him feel so good when they were together, they had so much fun, laughed, and talked for hours. They were so comfortable with each other. Yes, Win had his insecurities, but Bright never made him feel that those were things important to him.

His friends didn't know Bright the way he knew Bright. How could he love someone else?

His insecurities now play with his mind though because, although Bright didn't make Win feel that his insecurities were important to him while they were together, he now second-guesses Bright's words and actions.

Mainly because Bright's new girl is great at everything he is still insecure about. Win realizes that observation is truly such a hard pill to swallow.

He truly doesn't want to doubt Bright, but damn, she is everything, he isn't. She is even a little older and probably more mature than Win.

He couldn't even relish in the thought of Bright dating a girl that was basically another Win, because they really were different.

And she seems to be better than him.

He keeps drying his tears. He is almost home and another favorite song comes on. It's a love song that immediately reminds him of the song Bright wrote for him. He almost bursts into tears again but turns the song down.

Win wants to laugh at himself really, but he knows the laugh is just to hide the pain.

He snorts and then says, "I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me."

Saying that out loud actually made him ache because the thought that came after it reminds him of his present predicament.

Because...

Bright said forever, but now Win drives alone past his street.

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