House of Snakes

Been Thinking About Me?

AN: We made it, guys. Draco and Hermione will finally interact for more than two seconds. Enjoy haha. But this is more of a filler chapter, explanation at the bottom!

Warnings: language, minor drug use, sexual references

Disclaimer since I haven’t done that for a while: I do not own anything Harry Potter!

Recap: Theo and Hermione have taken a polyjuice potion to look like one another. Hermione ate breakfast with Theo’s Slytherin friends. She looks over Theo’s class schedule.

**So whenever I’m saying Hermione, it’s Hermione, but in Theo’s body, essentially. And when I say Theo, it’s Theo, but in Hermione’s body** Except that first line and if it’s Hermione’s inner dialogue.

The last person anyone would expect to be sitting in an empty classroom, reading over a textbook, was Theodore Nott. Yet, there he was, doing just that.

As the hour after breakfast came closer to an end, more students shuffled in. Theo, actually Hermione, closed the book and twiddled with the feather quill in her hand. The ancient runes classroom desks were set up in four rows, with two large desks per row that seated two students per desk. Hermione had chosen a seat in the back, which was quite a change for her. Although she was currently polyjuiced to look like Theo Nott, and therefore trying her best to actually act like Theo Nott who always preferred the back of classrooms, she very much intended to sit further back in all of her classes this year. Her interest in academia was as strong as ever, but she had no desire to bring extra attention to herself this time around.

Padma Patil walked in and nodded her head, smiling at Hermione before sitting down in the second row, with a fellow Ravenclaw boy, who Hermione wasn’t sure the name of.

Are Theo and Padma friends? She wondered as she observed Padma. She couldn’t recall ever seeing them together, but again, she had never really paid much attention to Theo Nott before the summer.

She heard the chair next to her drag across the floor and her face soured when she turned her head.


He slid into the chair, practically on the edge, with his legs stretched out as far as they could reach. Hermione found herself irritated knowing that Malfoy was in their class. Clearly, her prayers for him to fail his O.W.L.s hadn’t worked. But she would be lying if she said she wasn’t surprised. Hermione sighed in disappointment. If she was lucky, maybe he failed at least some of them or decided to drop a few classes.

“What?” Draco asked.

Hermione turned her head to look at him, pushing her newly straight, dark brown hair out of her face. She saw the muggle book on the table and nodded her chin towards it.

“How far along are you?” She asked.

Draco look up at who he thought was his friend, and followed his dark brown gaze. “The book? It’s muggle.”

Hermione scoffed. “Clearly.” She continued staring at him, almost accusingly.

Draco’s brows furrowed when she continued to stare. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Well are you going to answer the question?” Hermione bobbed her head as she spoke and widened her eyes.

Draco leaned forward and widened his eyes as well, mockingly. “I haven’t read a word of it, Theo. It’s muggle." He smirked and resumed leaning against the wooden chair as his eyes scanned around the room.

“So what were you doing all of breakfast then, Malfoy?”

He hasn’t read a single word? Liar.

Draco turned back to look at his friend. “Thinking, Nott."

“Thinking?” Hermione asked suspiciously. “About what, then?”

Draco gave her a sideways glance, clearly irritated. “Yea. It’s something us people with a brain do sometimes. And none of your business. What’s your fucking problem, mate?”

“Nothing’s my fucking problem. I just don’t understand why you would be looking at the pages of a muggle book to think.” Hermione turned her attention back to the front of the room, rolling her eyes.

Such a fucking prat.

She and Malfoy spoke more this year than they had ever before. Normally it was only Malfoy going off on his bullying tangents while Hermione mostly ignored him or occasionally threw back an insult. Luckily for Hermione though, his main focus was Harry and Ron. As she was experiencing the latter this year it seems, Hermione was definitely not a fan. He certainly had a talent for pissing people off. Everything he did was just..infuriating. Even breathing.

The logical side of Hermione’s brain knew that she probably only felt that way about him because of their strained relationship. She wasn’t even sure why she was mad, at the particular moment. The whole conversation was actually quite ridiculous. But she wanted so badly for him to admit he had read at least one word of the muggle book.

Something to taint your pureblood mind. The book was a masterpiece. It would certainly impress anyone. Not that she wanted to use this book as a way to impress Draco Malfoy with something muggle, but in a way she would feel vindicated almost. Like he would perhaps realise that he was wrong to treat her the way he did all these years. That his views of muggles and muggle-borns was wrong. And maybe, just maybe, others could think in a similar manner. And maybe Voldemort wouldn’t have anyone to aid or follow him, and he would fail.

It’s just Malfoy. One boy. It wouldn’t change anything. Hermione shook her head ever so slightly, pushing the ridiculous notion from her head.

Mental note: ask Theo for bonbons or to grab my bonbons from my room. Or sneak in and get them yourself.

She plopped the last bonbon into her mouth as a distraction and focused her attention back to the book. Hermione couldn’t recall how long ago since she had last read it, but when she first read it, she read it two more times afterwards, making her own notes along the pages, something not uncommon for her to do when she thoroughly enjoyed a book.

There was a short pause before Draco sighed.

“The book allows me to pretend to be busy, so Pansy doesn’t talk my ear off with whatever insipid things are going on in her head,” he replied, still looking forward as well.

“Well you could at least choose a book you would actually read then.” Hermione went to grab the book to look at it, but Draco slid it out of her reach, causing her to scoff.

Draco smirked. “But then I’d be distracted with the book and wouldn’t be able to think.”

Hermione turned back to Draco, her irritation returning again. “So, what, because it’s muggle, it can’t distract you?”

“Exactly.” He answered as if it was the simplest thing.

“That’s idiotic.” She gave in and turned to look at him again.

“Excuse me?” He turned as well, his attention fully on Hermione.

“It’s a book. If a non-muggle book would distract you, then so could a muggle book. You’re just actively choosing to ignore this one, when in reality its a very well-written book.”

"You’ve read this book?” He asked.

Hermione tried to reach for the book again. “Of course.”

Draco grabbed the book this time, holding it away from Theo, who he thought was acting strange. “Why?” He eyed him suspiciously.

“It’s a well-written book.” Hermione was the one to answer curtly this time, leaning back in her seat and looking at him from the side.

Now look who suddenly has all the fucking questions.

“And how did you come to that conclusion, therefore deciding to read it?”

“I just did. How did you come across that book?” Hermione cleared her throat, once again aware of her large Adam’s apple.

Does Theo even read? ...Of course he does, Hermione. Don’t be daft.

“I’ve noticed that Pansy leaves me alone for the most part when I’m reading,” he replied nonchalantly with the brush of his hand, before looking his friend in the eyes, as if searching for something, before he next spoke. “So I nicked it from Granger when she forgot it on a table, what, two years ago?” he cleared his throat and looked away for a brief second before his eyes returned.

"Excuse me? You stole it? From..Granger?” Hermione felt a flash of anger and was unable to conceal it before Draco noticed.

“What of it? Does that bother you, Theo?” He spoke almost tauntingly and was still looking very intently into Theo’s eyes, as if making an assessment.

Hermione knew it was ridiculous, but she felt as if he could see that it was her he was speaking to. So, she looked away from his locked gaze. “I-I don’t know. It’s muggle and from a..mudblood. Are you not disgusted just touching it?”

“Obviously not.”


“Why are you keeping Pansy around, if you don’t even like her, then?” Hermione was unable to hide the displeasure in her voice.

She could honestly say, Draco and Pansy were two of her least favorite people at Hogwarts. Yet after hearing Malfoy talk about their relationship, she wasn’t sure why he wasted any time on her. Surely he could find another witch that he at least enjoyed having around him. As baffling as it was to Hermione, she knew several other girls who would gladly take Pansy’s spot.

A small, breathless laugh left Draco’s mouth. “You’re seriously judging who I keep as company? While you’re here doting after a mudblood, enough to read her stupid muggle books?”

Fucking ridiculous. Hermione breathed out through her nose in an attempt to diffuse her anger. You’re Theo, right now.

“I actually enjoy Granger’s company. And her muggle books. I’m judging your company because you say you despise Pansy, yet she’s constantly all over you and you two are always together.”

“Fucking ridiculous.” he mumbled under his breath. “Yea, because she won’t leave me alone.” He replied, ignoring the comment about Hermione.

“So make her?”

“Obviously it’s not that simple.”

“What do you mean obviously. Why not?”

“Because, Theo.”

“Because what?”

“It’s seriously not obvious?”

“Clearly not, if I’m still asking.”

“She’s an easy fuck. Merlin-”

“I’ve thought about it and..sorry, Theo. I have to decline your request. I will not be having a threesome with you and Draco.”

Both Hermione and Draco turned their heads immediately, looking at the face of none other than Hermione Granger. They both looked incredulously at her. Theo pulled out the chair next to Hermione and smiled down at both of them.

“Now, I say no to the threesome, naturally. But if it’s just-”

Hermione cut Theo off, knowing very well that he would make a joke about her and Malfoy, as he had done many times over the summer. “Yes, what a shame. Please sit, Granger." She stared at her own face with wide eyes and harshly nodded her head towards the chair.

Theo smirked at Hermione, “Gladly, Nott.” and sat down.

Malfoy leaned in to whisper, “Seriously, what the fuck, Theo.”

She gave Draco a tight lipped smile as she leaned herself, towards Theo and his long bushy hair, whispering, “Fuck you.” before returning back to Draco.

If she acted as if she had no idea why herself, Hermione Granger, had said that, then it would make herself look completely mad.

“Uh, yea. I might’ve lost a bet with someone. And as I failed, I had to ask Granger if she would have a threesome with you and I. Don’t ask me why or any details. The one who I lost to was very weird about it.” she whispered back.

I’m going to kill Theo.

“Have you gone mad?” Hermione leaned back in closer to Theo.


“No one says the word ‘gasp’ Th-Hermione. It’s a sound.” She cast a glance at Draco who she was glad didn’t seem to be paying attention to them.

He smirked. “Brightest witch and all that, and you’ve only just realised how mad I am? Tsk tsk. I’ll have to alert the daily prophet on this matter.” he shook his head side to side, swaying his long curls in the process.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

“There isn’t any rule against it, Theo.” He held up a finger in Hermione’s face and she lightly smacked it away.

“Godrick.” She ran her hands through her hair, unused to the feel of being able to run her hands completely through it, instead of her usually resting there, hands stuck in her curls.

“You’re in a sour mood all the sudden. What’s happened?” He placed a hand on Hermione’s broad shoulder.

“Had a small dose of poison that is reality.” She smiled sheepishly at her friend.

Theo smiled back and rubbed her back, understanding. Voldemort.

“Want a bonbon?”

“Please. I’ve eaten the last in yo-my robes but they’re hardly effective anymore.”

Theo dug out a bonbon and offered it to Hermione, to which she gladly accepted, plopping it immediately into her mouth.

“So, Granger. Finally decided to catch yourself a pureblood this year?” Draco was watching their interactions with a sneer.

Hermione opened her mouth to speak, but Theo beat her to it.

“Shove off, Dr-”

Hermione nudged him in his side. She never called Draco by his first name.

“-Malfoy. Nobody has time for your shite right now, yea?”

Draco chuckled with a venomous look in his eyes. “You’re still addressing me as if I’m somehow you’re equal, mudblood. Do I need to remind you who I am, and what you are?”

Theo looked at Draco incredulously before meeting Hermione’s gaze, simply blinking. Almost to say, did he really just say that?

Hermione found herself curious to see how Theo would handle the situation, so she simply let him. He cleared his throat, a soft sound rather than the harsh one that he usually made. He gave Draco a small smile and leaned on the desk, as he kept his head turned towards him.

Theo swept the long hair behind him. “And pray tell me how exactly you plan to remind me, Malfoy? Going to bend me over a table and teach me a lesson, then?”

Hermione’s eyes widened. Draco leaned right across her, roughly brushing her chest, causing her to sit back.

“I’d rather chop my own dick off,” He replied with a sneer.

Theo leaned in, much more calm than Draco, and placed a hand on his arm, grasping it firmly and pulling him even closer towards her. “I imagine cutting off one’s own dick can be quite the task. I’ll gladly offer my services.”

Draco looked over Hermione’s face with disgust, completely unaware that it was actually Theo, before ripping his arm from his small hand. “The thought of you touching me in any way, makes me sick.”

“Been thinking about me touching you, Malfoy? Hm. Interesting. I bet that’s what really makes you sick, isn’t it. You don’t want me anywhere near your dick, because you probably get hard just at the thought alone. And oh, we can’t have that, can we? A pureblood sexually attracted to a mudblood?” He turned to look at his own face, smirking at Hermione at his next choice of words. “Gasp.”

Breathless laughter tumbled out of Hermione’s mouth.

“Try not to think of me too much the next time you have a quickie with Pansy in a broom cupboard, yea?” Theo added.

“You’re fucking disgusting, Granger.” Draco spat out.

“All I’ve heard is a compliment.” Theo leaned into one shoulder and blew a kiss towards him. “Careful. My kiss might infect you.” He winked.

Draco scoffed and looked up and down Hermione’s figure with a look in his eyes that made it seem like he was talking to a mental patient. There was a short pause before he replied. “If I wouldn’t know any better, I think you’re the one that’s spending time thinking, no fantasising, about me, Granger.”

“Of course I am. I’ve been watching your chiseled body during quidditch all of last year and I couldn’t help but find myself wondering for the longest time, does the carpet match the drapes? If you know what I mean. But Theo over here,” he clasped Hermione’s shoulder, keeping his eyes on Draco still, “has already confirmed it for me. Pale blonde. Must just drive Pansy wild.”

Draco’s mouth opened ever so slightly, in shock. Before he could respond, their teacher walked in, conversing alongside Blaise Zabini. Hermione wasn’t sure if Draco would have even been able to formulate a response. Theo had left even her speechless, so she couldn’t imagine how Malfoy felt, being the recipient of his remarks. And all of it coming out of the mouth of Hermione Granger, no less. That must’ve made it that much more shocking for Malfoy.

“Sorry everyone, it appears my watch was five minutes off. Thank you, Mr. Zabini, you may take a seat.”

Blaise observed the classroom and immediately noticed Theo Nott, before quickly glancing over who was sitting next to him, which happened to be the real Theo Nott. He smirked at seeing Theo and Hermione together before taking the seat next to Draco, the last in their row.

Hermione leaned in to Theo. “You and the constant comments about Malfoy and I.” she whispered very quietly, half amused.

“You have no one but yourself to blame, Herm.” He whispered back and chuckled. “I should come up with a name for you both, like muggles do with celebrities.”

“I can’t fucking wait.”

“You are all aware of how advanced courses will consist on difficult, real wizarding world tasks. And I’m aware that every one of you is very much prepared for your O.W.L.s., so these classes are given specifically to prepare you for your future careers. Next year, you won’t have such an opportunity as only your O.W.L. preparatory courses will be available. So use this time wisely.” Professor Babbling continued.

“If anything, that entire conversation makes me believe that there’s truth to your joke, Herm.”

Hermione quickly turned her head away from the professor. “What? Are you being serious right now?”

“Deadly.” Theo nodded his head, but kept his eyes towards the front of the room.

“There has never been anything between us, Theo.” Hermione whispered quietly enough so no one else could hear them.

“That I believe. But,” he threw Hermione a quick cheeky look before once again watching the professor, feigning attention. “The sexual tension. It was oozing off of him. Merlin’s balls. He wants you. He even made me, want you to want him.”

Hermione smirked. “I think for once I agree with Malfoy, in that you’re fucking disgusting. And you do realise I was right here, witnessing everything? I have to disagree.”

“You may have a penis for today, my young grasshopper, but you have yet to truly understand the sexual inner workings of a man. Especially those of the fucked up Slytherin variety. I’m sure Potter’s got his own issues to match, but the rest of those Gryffindor boys, as black and white as they come. You don’t have an eye for these things. Yet.”

“Oh, Slytherin men, is it?” Hermione chuckled.

“Nothing matures a boy faster than fucked up pureblood tradition, I always say.” Theo winked.

“I think I’ll just gladly focus on the fact that you and I both agree you’re mad, therefore everything you say, is nonsense.” She turned her focus back to Professor Babbling.

“Mr. Zabini has spoken with me about the third project on the syllabus I’ve released for this term. And as he was the only one to do so, I’ve decided we can begin there, as he has requested. So, pull out your copy of Spellman’s Syllabary. We will go over a few key things in there, and our first assignment will be creating rune charts of simpler spells. It may be child’s work to you all, but it will be time consuming and must be exactly precise...”

“Everyone said the same thing about Einstein.” Theo added.

“I’m trying to pay attention, Herm.” Hermione ignored Theo’s comment.

“This is the foundation of magic. And one mistake on a single rune could make the whole spell fail or could very well be the difference between a simple levitating charm to a deadly curse. After this week, we will then begin looking at already translated runes with a special guest who has received his ThM in Ancient Ruins. For those unfamiliar with the term, that is an abbreviation for Thaumaturge of Magic. It is equivalent to the muggle PhD, I believe.”

“How do you even know who Einstein is?”

“Muggle studies. Did you know, he has a PhD, which is the equivalent to the wizarding ThM?” Theo looked at Hermione sarcastically, baffled, causing her to snort.

“Wow...gasp!" Hermione lifted her shoulders and shook her head in amusement.

“That’s the spirit, Theodore." He nudged her playfully with his arm before they focused again on the lesson, which was spent going over certain passages from Spellman’s book, before given their assignments. As soon as class was dismissed, Draco was the first to leave.

AN: Ok so, this is more of a filler chapter! I really want to get to dinner at the great hall, but I’ve decided, I need to reread the Half-Blood Prince because it’s been too long. I decided to reread the books a bit ago, read one, watch the movie, and I’m currently on the fourth book. So, I’m going to speed through them like I do through some of these Dramione fanfictions, so I can update the next chapter by next week haha and get this story rolling with the main plot. Hopefully this little encounter with Theo, Draco, and Hermione is enough to satisfy you guys for the moment! I know you’re excited to see interactions with Harry and Ron, seeing Hermione and Theo, and I really wanted to add that, but I don’t want to add them in till their fresh in my mind from the original book!

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