2| i don't want to lie, I've been relying on you
Clay's eyes snap open, he was covered in a cold sweat, heart pounding, looking around the room suspicious and paranoid that the horror may have followed him here, he runs a hand through his messy hair taking a few deep breaths to stop the pounding in his chest, Clay gets up cautiously, rubbing his eyes to fully awaken.
He stumbles to the bathroom, he flips the light switch on, the bright light burning his eyes, he winces as he tries to adjust to it. He looks in the mirror slowly, his eyes red bloodshot and tired, these nightmares haven't done him any good, his hair was a mess. He was a mess.
He rested his elbows on the dark marble sink top, still shaken up from the dream, he rested his head in his hands trying to get himself together. He lifted his head and sighed. Clay turned the handle letting the water drip from the faucet, he let the water fill his palms, he washed his face with the cold water, letting him wake up fully.
Washing his face a few more times, he turned the water off, grabbing the rag that rested on the countertop, drying his face with it. Clay put the rag back, leaving the bathroom, turning off the lights, walking back to his bed, Clay grabbed his phone.
The clock read 4:10 am, Clay groaned in annoyance, knowing that he won't get much sleep. He decided to go have a shower and get dressed properly since he won't be able to sleep again. He stood up, grabbing his phone, and headed to his bathroom once again. Turning on the lights in the bathroom didn't make him wince like earlier, he set his phone down, playing a random playlist. He undressed and got in.
Clay let the water soothe him, relaxing his tense muscles. He leaned against the tiled wall letting the water block out everything. The music could be heard faintly. "Lost on you" by LP was playing.
"When you get older, plainer, saner
Will you remember all the danger
We came from?
Burning like embers, falling, tender
Longing for the days of no surrender
Years ago
And will you know
So smoke 'em if you got 'em
Cause it's going down"
Clay sighed, thinking about the nightmare he had, why George made an appearance. The memory of him and George kissing made Clay wish it didn't end, wishing It lasted a bit longer.
"All I ever wanted was you"
He lightly brushed his fingers across his lips, the tingle of the kiss on them. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to get rid of the butterflies he felt. Clay had feelings for George but he never thought he'd be in love with him. At first, he thought of it as a stupid little crush, but he realized that it wasn't a silly little crush when George started to pop up in his mind. He felt selfish for having feelings for George.
"I'll never get to heaven
Cause I don't know how"
Pushing himself off the wall he was leaning off, grabbing his shampoo, scrubbing his hair, in hopes to have a clear mind. Scrubbing himself clean.
"Wishin' I could see the machinations
Understand the toil of expectations
In your mind
Hold me like you never lost your patience
Tell me that you love me more than hate me
All the time
And you're still mine"
Clay reached for the shower knob, turning off the water, the glass door on the shower had fogged up, stretching his hand towards the glass, wiping it down leaving a few handprints on the surface. Opening the door, a cool gust of air hit him, making him slightly shiver at the feeling.
He grabbed the red towel and wrapped it around him. Walking over to where he set down his phone, he grabbed it turning off the music and seeing a few missed notifications. Deciding to look at them later, he left the bathroom.
Clay opened his closet trying to find something to wear, deciding that he will most likely visit his family today, he decided on a red, white, and black striped, above the elbow button-up, and some black cuffed pants. After getting dressed he put his dirty clothes in the hamper. He grabbed a hair tie tying his damp hair into a man bun, a few short strands fell making it messy. While heading down to the kitchen he was greeted by his cat.
"Hey Patches, you must be hungry huh?" his voice soft as he pets his cat, Patches brushed against his legs.
He grabbed her food, filling her bowl and setting it down for her. Clay walked to his fridge, opening it he looked at what was available to eat, deciding on eggs and avocado toast, grabbing whatever he needed, he shut the doors and walked over to the stove, setting down everything. While the bread was toasting Clay started to prepare the avocado by removing the pit and cutting it into slices, setting that aside.
Turning on the stove he cracks the eggs on the pan watching them sizzle, the toast was ready, making his meal almost complete, after putting together his toast, he took the eggs placing them on his plate, the smell was satisfying, grabbing a mug out of the cupboard he poured himself a fresh cup of coffee.
Clay sat down and looked at his phone, checking all the notifications. He noticed George had gone live not long ago, deciding to join his stream, clay clicked the notification. George was playing bedwars, he watched him play while enjoying his breakfast. People in chat didn't notice him due to being nicked. So George had no idea hed joined.
Clay soon finished his breakfast, putting his dirty dishes away in his sink, leaving them for later. Grabbing his mug and phone he walked to his room sitting at his desk, turning on his computer, taking a sip of his coffee. The time on his clock read 6:00 am. Opening up discord and twitch on his computer he decided to call George. Clicking on George's icon, pressed the call button, it started ringing, and shortly his call was accepted.
"Oh look who decided to join us, chat!" George called to his chat. "Hello, Dream." he dragged out.
"Hello!" Clay let out a chuckle.
"Why are you up? Isn't it like, six am for you?" He asked the younger male.
"I couldn't sleep. I've been up since four." He answered. "I see that you're streaming bedwars, any luck winning?" He asks changing the subject.
"Oh. No w yet." George laughed.
Clay only hummed in response. Letting his mind wander. He'd occasionally look at the stream and watch George play. He was scrolling through Instagram liking his friend's posts. He saw a funny meme and sent it to George. Looking at the stream watching his reaction. George grabbed his phone assuming that he'd received a notification, he saw him smile.
"That's inappropriate, Dream. " he groaned and let out a little laugh.
Clay let out a little laugh. He loved to annoy and tease George.
George started reading donations from his fans. Reading them out loud.
"Is Dream sending you feet pics again?" George read the donation. "No, he's sending me inappropriate memes." he laughed.
Clay laughed at the donation. Deciding to annoy George more. He opened Snapchat, turning the camera to face him. He laid his hand on the side of his neck. He was wearing a ring on his pinky finger and a bracelet made by a fan. Tilting his face away from the camera. So only his jaw was visible. Snapping a picture, he wrote a caption 'you wished it was my face huh? ;)', he pressed send.
"I sent you more feet pics." Clay laughed, knowing it would annoy him more.
George sighed, grabbing his phone out of his pocket, opening his notification.
"Dream! You're so lucky people can't see this!" George shifted in his seat, turning his head to look out the window, a stupid grin on his face phone in hand. Face turning red.
"Let me zoom in on this feet pic." George laughed playing along.
George has taken a screenshot
Clay smirked, quickly typing out a message.
"Is Georgie blushing over a snap?"
"I hate you."
"No, you don't."
"I do now."
"Awh you're hurting my feelings, Georgie. What are you planning to do with that picture? Make a collection?"
"You are so annoying. "
"You love me ;)"
George left him on read. Continuing to play bedwars. Clay didn't write anything more. He just watched George play. He'd laugh at the funny donations that people sent.
"This is just 2 homies hanging out with 50 thousand people third-wheeling." George read out another donation.
"I mean, you aren't wrong?" clay chuckled at it. Leaning back in his chair.
George rolled his eyes at him, shifting in his chair with a little smile on his face. Clay opened Minecraft, hopping on the server. He took a sip of his coffee, waiting for the game to load.
"George? Do you wanna hop on the server?" He asked sitting up in his chair.
"Yeah, I was about to ask you that." he laughed, "Are you in already?"
"Yeah. I'm thinking we rebuild the community house, do you want to help?" Clay bit his cheek waiting for an answer.
"Oh, are you rebuilding it like the one you saw on Reddit?"
He hummed in response, "It looks cool so why not?"
"Fair enough. Where are you?"
"At the farm. why?"
"Well do you want me to help you or not?"
"Someones sassy today." Clay winced.
"I'm not!" George cried.
Clay laughed, breaking the crops that had grown and replacing them with seeds. he put everything else in a chest, leaving only things he needed to build.
Him and George had been re-building the house for a while now, gathering materials and re-doing every detail.
Sapnap had decided to play with them too. George and Sapnap had started messing around leaving Clay to do it all himself.
"Dream! Tell sapnap to stop killing me!" George practically shrieked in his ears.
"Boys, boys.." Dream called, "stop it."
George and Sapnap both started to argue about who started it first. Talking so loudly clay was unable to understand what was going on. Leaving him confused and with ringing ears.
"Can you both stop? I have a headache!" Clay told them, pinching the bridge of his nose sighing. He leaned back in his chair frustrated with himself. The thought of him and George kissing came back to mind. God fucking damn it, right now seriously? He grabbed his phone and checked the time. The time read 8:45 am. Playing for almost 3 hours.
He had a missed notification sitting on his screen.
A text message saying "Clay, please meet me at the beach tonight. It's important. I think we should talk..."
He winced at the message, typing back a quick response.
He shifted in his chair. His cat had wandered into his room, she rubbed her head against his legs purring. He reached down and picked her up, setting her down in his lap.
"Hey." He softly called, petting her gently.
He had zoned out completely.
"Dream!" George shrieked, snapping him back into reality.
"Ow, what?" Clay winced at the loud scream.
"You weren't responding, I was ending my stream and you didn't say goodbye." George rambled on.
"Oh sorry, bye stream!" Clay happily told them.
The three of them continued to play and joke around for a few more hours. After a while sapnap left, George and him stayed and chatted for a few before he left too.
He decided to edit a new video before leaving to see his family.
3 pm had rolled around making him finish up whatever he's doing to get ready to leave. Clay turned off his computer, walking out of his room. He checked if he'd taken everything he needed. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his coat in case it would rain or get cold. Walking out he locked the door behind him, he fidgeted with the bundle of keys he had in his hands. The weather was nice, it was a bit windy. Clay breathed in the fresh air, it felt nice to have different weather once in a while. The constant heat and humidity was irritating at times.
He walked to his car. He got in, throwing his coat and other things in the passengers and seat. He ignited the car, turning on the radio. He started his drive to his parent's place. Clay took in the beautiful view of the city as soon as he reached it. He missed going to his parent's place every few days and spending a few nights there with them. He got so busy with work it was hard to break free from it all.
He smiled, knowing that he'd get to see his siblings and his parents. He was thankful for everything that had happened to him, for people who stuck around and supported him through everything. He appreciated George and Nick the most. They never lost hope in him and they stuck with him through it all. Clay felt a tear roll down his cheek. He wiped it away not wanting more to spill.
The drive was nice, the music playing on his radio made him remember so numerous memories. He pulled into the driveway, shutting his car off. Clay grabbed his stuff and got out of his car. Walking up to the front door he knocked twice, a small moment passed and you could hear someone approaching the door. The door opened and revealed his younger sister.
Her smile was bright, "I've missed you." She hugged him tightly.
"I know you did, and I've missed you too. Where's mom?" He walked in taking off his shoes.
"She should be in the kitchen with dad." She walked back to her room leaving him to greet the others.
Clay hung his coat and grabbed the phone out of its pocket. He entered the kitchen, he was greeted by his mom and dad.
"Hello." he greeted, snapping them out of their conversation.
"Hi, why didn't you tell me you were arriving quicker? I would've made you something!" His mother laughed and stood up, pulling him in a hug.
Dad smiled and waved at him, coffee mug in hand.
"I decided to come to visit you guys sooner. I felt the need to get out of the house." Clay clarified.
Clays mom smiled, "I'm glad you did."
They chatted for a little while, deciding they should make dinner. Clay helped make it, he enjoyed cooking even tho he mostly just ordered food. Everyone gathered around and ate dinner. Conversations about various topics were attended. Multiple laughs were shared at the table. After dinner Clay helped his mother tidy up. Clay leaned over the counter, head in his hands. His mother noticed his movements.
"Clay, is something wrong?" She asked concern in her voice, "You known you can tell me what's going on right?"
He lifted his head, giving her a sad smile, "I know. It's just a lot has happened and I don't know how to feel bout it or what I should do." Clay groaned biting the inside of his cheek.
"Well whatever it is, you know I'm not gonna judge you. I'll try to help as much as possible I just need to know what's going on." She placed her hand on his back rubbing circles on it in a comforting way.
Clay took a big breath, "I had a dream about being chased, I've been having these dreams every once in a while and this one I had... This morning, i.." he felt nervous and confused. Yet he told her the story.
"I ended up kissing someone" he blurted out, "I don't understand why they were there in the first place."
His mom looked at him, she was listening carefully to him, observing every detail of her son's story.
She shifted in her chair, clearing her throat. "Well, dreams about getting chased generally means that you are being told by your unconsciousness that you're avoiding an issue or a person. In such dreams, context is important, which includes identifying the chaser. Who is chasing you matters."
Taking a sip of her water, she asked "Who was chasing you? Do you know?"
Clay rubbed ran a hand through his hair, "I was chased by myself, but I wasn't like myself." he made air quotes at "i".
"You're running from your emotions." his mother said calmly.
"What?" Clay asked, confused.
"You're avoiding your emotions," his mother turned to look at him, "What's going on with them? Has something happened?"
"Mom, I don't know what's going on, I'm trying to figure that out myself."
"You said you kissed someone right?" she smiled at him, "Was it your girlfriend?"
Clay stayed silent. His mom took it as a sign that it wasn't his girlfriend.
"Did you kiss someone else?" she asked, a comforting look in her eyes.
Clay nodded "George," he looked at his mother "I kissed him, I kissed George in the dream." he quickly turned his gaze away from her.
"Dreams are interesting. It often means no more than the meaning that we give it, which is to say what does it mean to you?"
Clay simply shrugged still unsure how he feels. Unsure what it means to him and what it possibly should mean to him.
"Alright. It could mean nothing and only strengthens your relationship as you realize it's not what you want, or it could mean you're falling for someone else." she explained, Clay appreciated his mother and her wisdom.
"Or, and this is where it gets really fun, it can plant ideas in our head that weren't there until the dream. What I mean by that is that dreams can be so real feeling, we can start to think maybe we really feel a certain way, and maybe we do or maybe we don't or maybe we want to."
Clay nodded, thinking about everything she said. She was right.
"What should I do?" Clay spoke, his voice soft and confused.
His mother gave him an assuring look
"I would caution you to give yourself some time to recall and decide what you really feel, rather than acting on it or letting you get very confused. Also, remember, it's not cheating if you didn't actually do it, so if your conscious is bothering you, give it time and it will pass, acting only as a reminder that you shouldn't cheat on her or that's how you'll wind up feeling in real life."
She continued "I like to think of dreams as a learning ground for things we can't or shouldn't do in life, or a playground for the mind. It can do what it wants, but it's up to you to decide what you do with it."
"Thank you. I needed that, it was eating at me all day." he smiled. He felt better.
"Of course, I'm here for you." she got up and hugged him.
He and his mother were close, she always supported him.
"I should go soon, I have a few things I need to do." he broke from the hug. He stood up rubbing his face. "I'll come to visit you all again soon."
His mother nodded, walking with him to the door. He put on his shoes and grabbed his coat. He hugged her goodbye. He unlocked his car getting in. He looked up seeing his mom waving goodbye. He smiled waving back.
He started his drive back home. Opening the car's windows, the air was a bit colder than before. He turned on the radio. Nostalgic songs played. The sun had almost fully set, a few colorful streaks could be seen in the sky.
The cool breeze that blew at him was nice. Goosebumps rose on his skin. Fingertips getting cold. Weirdly he liked it. The city looked beautiful at the moment.
He arrived home not long after. He sat on the couch playing games and playing with his cat. He turned on the tv and waited for the time to arrive. Turning on a random channel he watched whatever was playing.
A while had passed, checking his phone he saw that he should go now and be on time. Standing up from the couch, he stretched, a yawn escaped his lips. I'm going to bed early.
Shutting his TV off he walked towards the door grabbing his keys and phone, not really bothering to grab his coat. Getting in his car buckled up and drove off. Why the beach of all places and at midnight? His thoughts wandered.
The drive was 40 minutes long. But it felt like a lot less. He parked his car and turned off everything. The silence was weirdly comfortable and calming. Clay got out of his car. Closing the door he walked towards the beach.
He sat down on the sand and waited. Looking around if they had arrived. He looked at the water, the moon was shining bright, the reflection hitting the water. He heard soft footsteps approaching him. He didn't look up. The person sat down.
"Hey, thank you for meeting with me." her soft voice spoke.
"Yeah, of course, you said you wanted to talk?" he asked turning his gaze to her.
"Yeah. We do." she sighed. "I'm sorry..."
"Why are you apologizing to me?" Clay laughed clearly confused about her actions.
"I can't keep hurting you like this, I'm hurting myself by not telling you." her voice sad and shaky.
Clay raised an eyebrow "What do you mean? Hurting me how?"
"I..." she stuttered, letting out an exhale she continued "There's no easy way to say this. I'm sorry. I cheated on you." she broke down crying.
Clay was at a loss for words. He stayed silent not knowing what to say.
"Why?" is all he asked not looking at her.
"I thought you were the one, slowly my feelings changed and you are busy doing your own thing... You don't have time for me anymore. I felt alone." she spoke, sniffling in between sentences.
"Don't have time." he let out a forced laugh, it stung. His heart was broken.
"Clay, I don't wanna lie, I've been relying on you." she sighed. "I've been relying on you to keep the relationship alive. I haven't put much effort in it knowing it won't do anything, you're busy with your career."
"I should've known. That's why you never texted back, never came over." he played with his rings. His voice rough and filled with frustration.
"I want the best for you." she hugged his side. He didn't move to allow it to happen. He couldn't care less.
He felt her shift he looked over to her. She was holding something. She took his hand opening the fist he didn't realize he was holding.
"I want you to have this back, I don't deserve to keep it." she dropped the piece of jewelry in his hand. Her dark hair covering her face, her eyes were tearing up.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, you never deserved this, I never deserved you. To whoever you end up with I hope they treat you better than I ever did." and with that, she stood up walking away.
"Goodbye Clay." was the last thing he heard from her.
Tears threatening to spill. He tried to hold them back. He couldn't. He let them flow down his face. He opened his hand looking at the ring he had given her a year into their relationship. He stood up walking towards the water. He stood on the wet sand. Tears blurred his vision.
He took the gold ring in his right hand. He lifted his hand aiming it for a throw. He swung his hand throwing the ring into the ocean, never wanting to see it again. He was angry.
He walked to the bar that was near where he had parked. He never drank, but tonight he wanted to blackout and forget everything. He pushed the door open to the bar and walked in. Music was playing loudly people dancing and drinking. He walked to the counter, taking a seat on one of the stools, calling the bartender over.
"What can I get you?" his smile visible
"Anything that's can make me blackout." he laughed.
"Rough day?" the bartender asked pouring him a shot of what looked to be vodka.
"Yeah. Girlfriend cheated." he took the shot glass downing the liquid.
It burned but he didn't care, he signaled the bartender for more. He was gonna regret this decision so much later on. Now he didn't seem to have a care in the world for it.
He downed one shot after another. The burning feeling wasn't there anymore. He didn't make a weird face after a few shots. The bartender kept him company. He drank more and more as the night went on. Clay had drunk so much he definitely couldn't drive home anymore. He didn't wanna make any more stupid decisions he was gonna regret later.
Walking to the bathroom they had he noticed it was for one person. He looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes puffy and tired, his hair was a mess. He slammed his hands on the sink countertop. He was angry at himself for everything that had happened at the beach. He balled up his fists. Out of anger, he punched the wall. He punched it until his hand went numb and his knuckles bled. Tears spilled from his face. He loved her. He blamed himself for not having enough time for her. He looked at the mirror and sighed.
"Why couldn't you been a better boyfriend?"
"This is why she left you. You're a mess"
He ran a hand through his hair, he was indeed a mess.
His mind wandered to his friends. What would they think if they saw him like he was right now? Would they be able to fix him?
Clay rested his hands on the sink. He was too drunk. He splashed water in his face. The cold water definitely brought him back to reality.
He walked out back to where he sat. The bartender noticed his hand.
"You alright bud?"
He looked at his hand, "Yeah I'm fine, got a bit angry at myself."
The bartender nodded. "I think you had enough for today."
Clay nodded, he did have too much. "What time is it?"
"2:40 in the morning," he responded
"Thank you, thank you for dealing with my drunk ass." he laughed.
The bartender laughed "No problem. I'm Dan." he extended his arm to shake it
"I'm Clay" he lifted his arm showing the bruises.
Dan lowered his hand. He wrote down something on paper handing it to Clay.
"Here's my number. You seem like a cool guy. Maybe we should hand out sometime?"
"Thanks, will have to take you up on that offer sometime." with that he got out of his seat, stumbling a bit, he pushed past the sweaty bodies that were grinding on each other to the rhythm of the music. He walked back to the bathroom.
He washed his face again, cleaned up his hand. He straightened his wrinkled clothes. Running his fingers through his hair combing it back. He tied it back in a bun and walked out.
He went back to pushing past the people dancing. He clutched his things and decided to leave soon. He walked to where and was thanking him for everything and went his way after exchanging goodbyes.
Notes: I wanted to thank you all for showing so much support for this book, it means a lot, and thank you guys for your patience and I hope you guys had an amazing Christmas and as I'm posting this there are 30 minutes till it's officially 2021 holy shit time passes. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I'll try to post every 1-3 weeks. Cause I genuinely want to make this fanfiction good for you guys!
He stumbles to the bathroom, he flips the light switch on, the bright light burning his eyes, he winces as he tries to adjust to it. He looks in the mirror slowly, his eyes red bloodshot and tired, these nightmares haven't done him any good, his hair was a mess. He was a mess.
He rested his elbows on the dark marble sink top, still shaken up from the dream, he rested his head in his hands trying to get himself together. He lifted his head and sighed. Clay turned the handle letting the water drip from the faucet, he let the water fill his palms, he washed his face with the cold water, letting him wake up fully.
Washing his face a few more times, he turned the water off, grabbing the rag that rested on the countertop, drying his face with it. Clay put the rag back, leaving the bathroom, turning off the lights, walking back to his bed, Clay grabbed his phone.
The clock read 4:10 am, Clay groaned in annoyance, knowing that he won't get much sleep. He decided to go have a shower and get dressed properly since he won't be able to sleep again. He stood up, grabbing his phone, and headed to his bathroom once again. Turning on the lights in the bathroom didn't make him wince like earlier, he set his phone down, playing a random playlist. He undressed and got in.
Clay let the water soothe him, relaxing his tense muscles. He leaned against the tiled wall letting the water block out everything. The music could be heard faintly. "Lost on you" by LP was playing.
"When you get older, plainer, saner
Will you remember all the danger
We came from?
Burning like embers, falling, tender
Longing for the days of no surrender
Years ago
And will you know
So smoke 'em if you got 'em
Cause it's going down"
Clay sighed, thinking about the nightmare he had, why George made an appearance. The memory of him and George kissing made Clay wish it didn't end, wishing It lasted a bit longer.
"All I ever wanted was you"
He lightly brushed his fingers across his lips, the tingle of the kiss on them. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to get rid of the butterflies he felt. Clay had feelings for George but he never thought he'd be in love with him. At first, he thought of it as a stupid little crush, but he realized that it wasn't a silly little crush when George started to pop up in his mind. He felt selfish for having feelings for George.
"I'll never get to heaven
Cause I don't know how"
Pushing himself off the wall he was leaning off, grabbing his shampoo, scrubbing his hair, in hopes to have a clear mind. Scrubbing himself clean.
"Wishin' I could see the machinations
Understand the toil of expectations
In your mind
Hold me like you never lost your patience
Tell me that you love me more than hate me
All the time
And you're still mine"
Clay reached for the shower knob, turning off the water, the glass door on the shower had fogged up, stretching his hand towards the glass, wiping it down leaving a few handprints on the surface. Opening the door, a cool gust of air hit him, making him slightly shiver at the feeling.
He grabbed the red towel and wrapped it around him. Walking over to where he set down his phone, he grabbed it turning off the music and seeing a few missed notifications. Deciding to look at them later, he left the bathroom.
Clay opened his closet trying to find something to wear, deciding that he will most likely visit his family today, he decided on a red, white, and black striped, above the elbow button-up, and some black cuffed pants. After getting dressed he put his dirty clothes in the hamper. He grabbed a hair tie tying his damp hair into a man bun, a few short strands fell making it messy. While heading down to the kitchen he was greeted by his cat.
"Hey Patches, you must be hungry huh?" his voice soft as he pets his cat, Patches brushed against his legs.
He grabbed her food, filling her bowl and setting it down for her. Clay walked to his fridge, opening it he looked at what was available to eat, deciding on eggs and avocado toast, grabbing whatever he needed, he shut the doors and walked over to the stove, setting down everything. While the bread was toasting Clay started to prepare the avocado by removing the pit and cutting it into slices, setting that aside.
Turning on the stove he cracks the eggs on the pan watching them sizzle, the toast was ready, making his meal almost complete, after putting together his toast, he took the eggs placing them on his plate, the smell was satisfying, grabbing a mug out of the cupboard he poured himself a fresh cup of coffee.
Clay sat down and looked at his phone, checking all the notifications. He noticed George had gone live not long ago, deciding to join his stream, clay clicked the notification. George was playing bedwars, he watched him play while enjoying his breakfast. People in chat didn't notice him due to being nicked. So George had no idea hed joined.
Clay soon finished his breakfast, putting his dirty dishes away in his sink, leaving them for later. Grabbing his mug and phone he walked to his room sitting at his desk, turning on his computer, taking a sip of his coffee. The time on his clock read 6:00 am. Opening up discord and twitch on his computer he decided to call George. Clicking on George's icon, pressed the call button, it started ringing, and shortly his call was accepted.
"Oh look who decided to join us, chat!" George called to his chat. "Hello, Dream." he dragged out.
"Hello!" Clay let out a chuckle.
"Why are you up? Isn't it like, six am for you?" He asked the younger male.
"I couldn't sleep. I've been up since four." He answered. "I see that you're streaming bedwars, any luck winning?" He asks changing the subject.
"Oh. No w yet." George laughed.
Clay only hummed in response. Letting his mind wander. He'd occasionally look at the stream and watch George play. He was scrolling through Instagram liking his friend's posts. He saw a funny meme and sent it to George. Looking at the stream watching his reaction. George grabbed his phone assuming that he'd received a notification, he saw him smile.
"That's inappropriate, Dream. " he groaned and let out a little laugh.
Clay let out a little laugh. He loved to annoy and tease George.
George started reading donations from his fans. Reading them out loud.
"Is Dream sending you feet pics again?" George read the donation. "No, he's sending me inappropriate memes." he laughed.
Clay laughed at the donation. Deciding to annoy George more. He opened Snapchat, turning the camera to face him. He laid his hand on the side of his neck. He was wearing a ring on his pinky finger and a bracelet made by a fan. Tilting his face away from the camera. So only his jaw was visible. Snapping a picture, he wrote a caption 'you wished it was my face huh? ;)', he pressed send.
"I sent you more feet pics." Clay laughed, knowing it would annoy him more.
George sighed, grabbing his phone out of his pocket, opening his notification.
"Dream! You're so lucky people can't see this!" George shifted in his seat, turning his head to look out the window, a stupid grin on his face phone in hand. Face turning red.
"Let me zoom in on this feet pic." George laughed playing along.
George has taken a screenshot
Clay smirked, quickly typing out a message.
"Is Georgie blushing over a snap?"
"I hate you."
"No, you don't."
"I do now."
"Awh you're hurting my feelings, Georgie. What are you planning to do with that picture? Make a collection?"
"You are so annoying. "
"You love me ;)"
George left him on read. Continuing to play bedwars. Clay didn't write anything more. He just watched George play. He'd laugh at the funny donations that people sent.
"This is just 2 homies hanging out with 50 thousand people third-wheeling." George read out another donation.
"I mean, you aren't wrong?" clay chuckled at it. Leaning back in his chair.
George rolled his eyes at him, shifting in his chair with a little smile on his face. Clay opened Minecraft, hopping on the server. He took a sip of his coffee, waiting for the game to load.
"George? Do you wanna hop on the server?" He asked sitting up in his chair.
"Yeah, I was about to ask you that." he laughed, "Are you in already?"
"Yeah. I'm thinking we rebuild the community house, do you want to help?" Clay bit his cheek waiting for an answer.
"Oh, are you rebuilding it like the one you saw on Reddit?"
He hummed in response, "It looks cool so why not?"
"Fair enough. Where are you?"
"At the farm. why?"
"Well do you want me to help you or not?"
"Someones sassy today." Clay winced.
"I'm not!" George cried.
Clay laughed, breaking the crops that had grown and replacing them with seeds. he put everything else in a chest, leaving only things he needed to build.
Him and George had been re-building the house for a while now, gathering materials and re-doing every detail.
Sapnap had decided to play with them too. George and Sapnap had started messing around leaving Clay to do it all himself.
"Dream! Tell sapnap to stop killing me!" George practically shrieked in his ears.
"Boys, boys.." Dream called, "stop it."
George and Sapnap both started to argue about who started it first. Talking so loudly clay was unable to understand what was going on. Leaving him confused and with ringing ears.
"Can you both stop? I have a headache!" Clay told them, pinching the bridge of his nose sighing. He leaned back in his chair frustrated with himself. The thought of him and George kissing came back to mind. God fucking damn it, right now seriously? He grabbed his phone and checked the time. The time read 8:45 am. Playing for almost 3 hours.
He had a missed notification sitting on his screen.
A text message saying "Clay, please meet me at the beach tonight. It's important. I think we should talk..."
He winced at the message, typing back a quick response.
He shifted in his chair. His cat had wandered into his room, she rubbed her head against his legs purring. He reached down and picked her up, setting her down in his lap.
"Hey." He softly called, petting her gently.
He had zoned out completely.
"Dream!" George shrieked, snapping him back into reality.
"Ow, what?" Clay winced at the loud scream.
"You weren't responding, I was ending my stream and you didn't say goodbye." George rambled on.
"Oh sorry, bye stream!" Clay happily told them.
The three of them continued to play and joke around for a few more hours. After a while sapnap left, George and him stayed and chatted for a few before he left too.
He decided to edit a new video before leaving to see his family.
3 pm had rolled around making him finish up whatever he's doing to get ready to leave. Clay turned off his computer, walking out of his room. He checked if he'd taken everything he needed. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his coat in case it would rain or get cold. Walking out he locked the door behind him, he fidgeted with the bundle of keys he had in his hands. The weather was nice, it was a bit windy. Clay breathed in the fresh air, it felt nice to have different weather once in a while. The constant heat and humidity was irritating at times.
He walked to his car. He got in, throwing his coat and other things in the passengers and seat. He ignited the car, turning on the radio. He started his drive to his parent's place. Clay took in the beautiful view of the city as soon as he reached it. He missed going to his parent's place every few days and spending a few nights there with them. He got so busy with work it was hard to break free from it all.
He smiled, knowing that he'd get to see his siblings and his parents. He was thankful for everything that had happened to him, for people who stuck around and supported him through everything. He appreciated George and Nick the most. They never lost hope in him and they stuck with him through it all. Clay felt a tear roll down his cheek. He wiped it away not wanting more to spill.
The drive was nice, the music playing on his radio made him remember so numerous memories. He pulled into the driveway, shutting his car off. Clay grabbed his stuff and got out of his car. Walking up to the front door he knocked twice, a small moment passed and you could hear someone approaching the door. The door opened and revealed his younger sister.
Her smile was bright, "I've missed you." She hugged him tightly.
"I know you did, and I've missed you too. Where's mom?" He walked in taking off his shoes.
"She should be in the kitchen with dad." She walked back to her room leaving him to greet the others.
Clay hung his coat and grabbed the phone out of its pocket. He entered the kitchen, he was greeted by his mom and dad.
"Hello." he greeted, snapping them out of their conversation.
"Hi, why didn't you tell me you were arriving quicker? I would've made you something!" His mother laughed and stood up, pulling him in a hug.
Dad smiled and waved at him, coffee mug in hand.
"I decided to come to visit you guys sooner. I felt the need to get out of the house." Clay clarified.
Clays mom smiled, "I'm glad you did."
They chatted for a little while, deciding they should make dinner. Clay helped make it, he enjoyed cooking even tho he mostly just ordered food. Everyone gathered around and ate dinner. Conversations about various topics were attended. Multiple laughs were shared at the table. After dinner Clay helped his mother tidy up. Clay leaned over the counter, head in his hands. His mother noticed his movements.
"Clay, is something wrong?" She asked concern in her voice, "You known you can tell me what's going on right?"
He lifted his head, giving her a sad smile, "I know. It's just a lot has happened and I don't know how to feel bout it or what I should do." Clay groaned biting the inside of his cheek.
"Well whatever it is, you know I'm not gonna judge you. I'll try to help as much as possible I just need to know what's going on." She placed her hand on his back rubbing circles on it in a comforting way.
Clay took a big breath, "I had a dream about being chased, I've been having these dreams every once in a while and this one I had... This morning, i.." he felt nervous and confused. Yet he told her the story.
"I ended up kissing someone" he blurted out, "I don't understand why they were there in the first place."
His mom looked at him, she was listening carefully to him, observing every detail of her son's story.
She shifted in her chair, clearing her throat. "Well, dreams about getting chased generally means that you are being told by your unconsciousness that you're avoiding an issue or a person. In such dreams, context is important, which includes identifying the chaser. Who is chasing you matters."
Taking a sip of her water, she asked "Who was chasing you? Do you know?"
Clay rubbed ran a hand through his hair, "I was chased by myself, but I wasn't like myself." he made air quotes at "i".
"You're running from your emotions." his mother said calmly.
"What?" Clay asked, confused.
"You're avoiding your emotions," his mother turned to look at him, "What's going on with them? Has something happened?"
"Mom, I don't know what's going on, I'm trying to figure that out myself."
"You said you kissed someone right?" she smiled at him, "Was it your girlfriend?"
Clay stayed silent. His mom took it as a sign that it wasn't his girlfriend.
"Did you kiss someone else?" she asked, a comforting look in her eyes.
Clay nodded "George," he looked at his mother "I kissed him, I kissed George in the dream." he quickly turned his gaze away from her.
"Dreams are interesting. It often means no more than the meaning that we give it, which is to say what does it mean to you?"
Clay simply shrugged still unsure how he feels. Unsure what it means to him and what it possibly should mean to him.
"Alright. It could mean nothing and only strengthens your relationship as you realize it's not what you want, or it could mean you're falling for someone else." she explained, Clay appreciated his mother and her wisdom.
"Or, and this is where it gets really fun, it can plant ideas in our head that weren't there until the dream. What I mean by that is that dreams can be so real feeling, we can start to think maybe we really feel a certain way, and maybe we do or maybe we don't or maybe we want to."
Clay nodded, thinking about everything she said. She was right.
"What should I do?" Clay spoke, his voice soft and confused.
His mother gave him an assuring look
"I would caution you to give yourself some time to recall and decide what you really feel, rather than acting on it or letting you get very confused. Also, remember, it's not cheating if you didn't actually do it, so if your conscious is bothering you, give it time and it will pass, acting only as a reminder that you shouldn't cheat on her or that's how you'll wind up feeling in real life."
She continued "I like to think of dreams as a learning ground for things we can't or shouldn't do in life, or a playground for the mind. It can do what it wants, but it's up to you to decide what you do with it."
"Thank you. I needed that, it was eating at me all day." he smiled. He felt better.
"Of course, I'm here for you." she got up and hugged him.
He and his mother were close, she always supported him.
"I should go soon, I have a few things I need to do." he broke from the hug. He stood up rubbing his face. "I'll come to visit you all again soon."
His mother nodded, walking with him to the door. He put on his shoes and grabbed his coat. He hugged her goodbye. He unlocked his car getting in. He looked up seeing his mom waving goodbye. He smiled waving back.
He started his drive back home. Opening the car's windows, the air was a bit colder than before. He turned on the radio. Nostalgic songs played. The sun had almost fully set, a few colorful streaks could be seen in the sky.
The cool breeze that blew at him was nice. Goosebumps rose on his skin. Fingertips getting cold. Weirdly he liked it. The city looked beautiful at the moment.
He arrived home not long after. He sat on the couch playing games and playing with his cat. He turned on the tv and waited for the time to arrive. Turning on a random channel he watched whatever was playing.
A while had passed, checking his phone he saw that he should go now and be on time. Standing up from the couch, he stretched, a yawn escaped his lips. I'm going to bed early.
Shutting his TV off he walked towards the door grabbing his keys and phone, not really bothering to grab his coat. Getting in his car buckled up and drove off. Why the beach of all places and at midnight? His thoughts wandered.
The drive was 40 minutes long. But it felt like a lot less. He parked his car and turned off everything. The silence was weirdly comfortable and calming. Clay got out of his car. Closing the door he walked towards the beach.
He sat down on the sand and waited. Looking around if they had arrived. He looked at the water, the moon was shining bright, the reflection hitting the water. He heard soft footsteps approaching him. He didn't look up. The person sat down.
"Hey, thank you for meeting with me." her soft voice spoke.
"Yeah, of course, you said you wanted to talk?" he asked turning his gaze to her.
"Yeah. We do." she sighed. "I'm sorry..."
"Why are you apologizing to me?" Clay laughed clearly confused about her actions.
"I can't keep hurting you like this, I'm hurting myself by not telling you." her voice sad and shaky.
Clay raised an eyebrow "What do you mean? Hurting me how?"
"I..." she stuttered, letting out an exhale she continued "There's no easy way to say this. I'm sorry. I cheated on you." she broke down crying.
Clay was at a loss for words. He stayed silent not knowing what to say.
"Why?" is all he asked not looking at her.
"I thought you were the one, slowly my feelings changed and you are busy doing your own thing... You don't have time for me anymore. I felt alone." she spoke, sniffling in between sentences.
"Don't have time." he let out a forced laugh, it stung. His heart was broken.
"Clay, I don't wanna lie, I've been relying on you." she sighed. "I've been relying on you to keep the relationship alive. I haven't put much effort in it knowing it won't do anything, you're busy with your career."
"I should've known. That's why you never texted back, never came over." he played with his rings. His voice rough and filled with frustration.
"I want the best for you." she hugged his side. He didn't move to allow it to happen. He couldn't care less.
He felt her shift he looked over to her. She was holding something. She took his hand opening the fist he didn't realize he was holding.
"I want you to have this back, I don't deserve to keep it." she dropped the piece of jewelry in his hand. Her dark hair covering her face, her eyes were tearing up.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, you never deserved this, I never deserved you. To whoever you end up with I hope they treat you better than I ever did." and with that, she stood up walking away.
"Goodbye Clay." was the last thing he heard from her.
Tears threatening to spill. He tried to hold them back. He couldn't. He let them flow down his face. He opened his hand looking at the ring he had given her a year into their relationship. He stood up walking towards the water. He stood on the wet sand. Tears blurred his vision.
He took the gold ring in his right hand. He lifted his hand aiming it for a throw. He swung his hand throwing the ring into the ocean, never wanting to see it again. He was angry.
He walked to the bar that was near where he had parked. He never drank, but tonight he wanted to blackout and forget everything. He pushed the door open to the bar and walked in. Music was playing loudly people dancing and drinking. He walked to the counter, taking a seat on one of the stools, calling the bartender over.
"What can I get you?" his smile visible
"Anything that's can make me blackout." he laughed.
"Rough day?" the bartender asked pouring him a shot of what looked to be vodka.
"Yeah. Girlfriend cheated." he took the shot glass downing the liquid.
It burned but he didn't care, he signaled the bartender for more. He was gonna regret this decision so much later on. Now he didn't seem to have a care in the world for it.
He downed one shot after another. The burning feeling wasn't there anymore. He didn't make a weird face after a few shots. The bartender kept him company. He drank more and more as the night went on. Clay had drunk so much he definitely couldn't drive home anymore. He didn't wanna make any more stupid decisions he was gonna regret later.
Walking to the bathroom they had he noticed it was for one person. He looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes puffy and tired, his hair was a mess. He slammed his hands on the sink countertop. He was angry at himself for everything that had happened at the beach. He balled up his fists. Out of anger, he punched the wall. He punched it until his hand went numb and his knuckles bled. Tears spilled from his face. He loved her. He blamed himself for not having enough time for her. He looked at the mirror and sighed.
"Why couldn't you been a better boyfriend?"
"This is why she left you. You're a mess"
He ran a hand through his hair, he was indeed a mess.
His mind wandered to his friends. What would they think if they saw him like he was right now? Would they be able to fix him?
Clay rested his hands on the sink. He was too drunk. He splashed water in his face. The cold water definitely brought him back to reality.
He walked out back to where he sat. The bartender noticed his hand.
"You alright bud?"
He looked at his hand, "Yeah I'm fine, got a bit angry at myself."
The bartender nodded. "I think you had enough for today."
Clay nodded, he did have too much. "What time is it?"
"2:40 in the morning," he responded
"Thank you, thank you for dealing with my drunk ass." he laughed.
The bartender laughed "No problem. I'm Dan." he extended his arm to shake it
"I'm Clay" he lifted his arm showing the bruises.
Dan lowered his hand. He wrote down something on paper handing it to Clay.
"Here's my number. You seem like a cool guy. Maybe we should hand out sometime?"
"Thanks, will have to take you up on that offer sometime." with that he got out of his seat, stumbling a bit, he pushed past the sweaty bodies that were grinding on each other to the rhythm of the music. He walked back to the bathroom.
He washed his face again, cleaned up his hand. He straightened his wrinkled clothes. Running his fingers through his hair combing it back. He tied it back in a bun and walked out.
He went back to pushing past the people dancing. He clutched his things and decided to leave soon. He walked to where and was thanking him for everything and went his way after exchanging goodbyes.
Notes: I wanted to thank you all for showing so much support for this book, it means a lot, and thank you guys for your patience and I hope you guys had an amazing Christmas and as I'm posting this there are 30 minutes till it's officially 2021 holy shit time passes. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I'll try to post every 1-3 weeks. Cause I genuinely want to make this fanfiction good for you guys!
