1
Xiao Zhan stood in front of a mirror, he ran his fingers over the stubble on his cheeks. 'I need to shave soon', he thought to himself. Zhan had not visited the salon in months. Work had been hectic for the past few weeks, since the outbreak of the virus.
Zhan works as a physician in a public hospital. His days were usually busy and he hardly had any free time for himself. Zhan loved what he did and he never complained about having to work long hours. He often volunteered to work extra time when more hands were needed. Since the outbreak of the virus 2 months ago, the hospital had needed more hands on deck. Zhan had nothing to do at home, so he spent most of his time at work. He could count the number of times he had been to his apartment on one hand.
Zhan was never one to fuss about his looks. He had a look that could be described as perfect and he achieved this with little or no effort. He never put any work into his looks but this time it was different. Yibo, his boyfriend of just over a year was coming back in three days.
Wang Yibo worked as an actor. He was really popular and many directors wanted him in their movies. He hardly had any free time as his agency was in charge of handling his contracts, informing him when the deal was nearly done. Yibo was 23 this year, 6 years younger than Zhan but he worked very hard for his age. He had been away for about 6 months working on a movie that was originally supposed to last only 4 months.
Zhan and Yibo first met when Yibo sustained an injury while working, he was taken to the emergency room and Zhan was the doctor on call that evening. For Yibo, it was love at first sight. It took him a few weeks to finally get Zhan to go on a date with him. Things went pretty fast from there. Yibo was really attractive and for the first time, Zhan felt somewhat insecure about his looks.
When Yibo first left 6 months ago, he and Zhan spoke often, at least thrice a day. Over time, this number reduced to twice a day then once a day. One time, Yibo had gone a whole day without calling or texting. At first, Zhan understood Yibo was busy and couldn't communicate as often so Zhan kept on calling and leaving messages regardless of whether he got a reply. Gradually he began to feel as if he was no longer as important to Yibo. He was also a busy person but he made out time every day for his boyfriend. He felt Yibo could spare him one minute daily if he wanted to.
Whenever Zhan called and Yibo didn't pick up, he would leave a message. He sometimes ended up leaving as much as 4 messages for Yibo who on the other hand, would reply at night before going to bed. This had become their routine. As much as Zhan didn't like it, he wasn't left with much of a choice.
'Honey, I'd be coming home soon. My flight has been booked for Saturday'.
Zhan was delighted when he got that message from Yibo on Tuesday night. He texted back, asking Yibo to return by road to reduce his contact with people because of how rampant the virus had become. He was at the frontlines so he knew the severity of the disease caused by this virus. Yibo was yet to reply but Zhan was already mentally preparing for his arrival. Thank goodness he was off duty starting Friday.
On Friday night, the government issued a nationwide lockdown to curb the spread of the virus. The number of cases had grown exponentially in the city where it was first identified and it was quickly spreading to other cities. Zhan was called back to work as they needed more hands. Zhan was worried about Yibo's trip and their planned reunion but when he arrived at the hospital, he quickly forgot all about his initial worries, he knew how to set his priorities.
"Dr. Zhan, thank goodness you're here", Meng Ziyi, the nurse attached to Xiao Zhan's clinic welcomed him with a distressed look on her face. There was no need to ask what she was worried about because Zhan could see there were patients everywhere. The wards were full to their capacity and the passages had been converted to make shift wards. "We had a lot of patients transferred over, too little space but there is nowhere else they can go. We are almost out of facemasks and gloves". She tried to fill Zhan up on the situation at hand as soon as he arrived.
Zhan quickly got to work, attending to as many patients as he could. The cases were on the rise and the health personnel barely had time to sit, not to talk of checking their phones. Zhan though this was the worst until his colleagues started contacting the virus.
......
'Honey, because of the lockdown, I won't be able to return for now. Talk about terrible timing! How are you holding up over there? I miss you'
'...'
'Honey, what is your Netflix password? I want to watch a movie'
'...'
'Honey...I'm going to bed, please stay safe'.
Yibo had sent Zhan a string of messages. This was the third day and he was yet to get a reply. Because of the lockdown, he was unable to leave his hotel room. He was really looking forward to seeing Zhan. He had missed Zhan so much. To help cope with the sudden emptiness he felt in his heart, Yibo decided to go through their old conversations starting from when he left 6 months ago.
As he read them, he smiled fondly. It felt as if he could hear Zhan's soft voice speaking directly in his ears. Soon, he noticed a pattern. At first, Zhan texted often and he replied often. Then his replies reduced but Zhan's texts did not reduce. 'I was so busy at work, I didn't even realize I had started neglecting him', Yibo felt a sudden bout of sadness as he thought of that.
He soon noticed that Zhan's texts started to reduce and it happened after that night when Yibo didn't reply him. 'Ah Zhan, it wasn't intentional. Don't tell me you got mad at me. You've never been mad at me before. I don't feel good about it'.
That incident was fresh on Yibo's mind. On that day, Yibo filmed until late in the night. His co-star had been making work tedious for everyone. She often had to play her role dozens of times before she could get it right. She was the main reason filming took so long. When he got to the hotel room, it was already well past midnight. He sat on the bed to read Zhan's messages. Yibo often looked forward to these messages as they were the highlight of his otherwise stressful day. He would read them all then reply. That day, Zhan had sent a long voice message, educating Yibo about the deadly virus that was quickly spreading. He told Yibo ways to stay safe and signs to watch out for. Yibo lay on the bed, still fully clothed, listening to Zhan's voice and laughing at Zhan's jokes but taking his every word seriously. He knew Zhan cared about his safety and well-being.
He didn't know how or when he slept off but he woke up to someone banging on his door. He was already more than an hour late for work! He hurried out of bed and ran to work without taking a bath. He didn't get to eat dinner the previous night, also he forgot to reply Zhan's messages. When he got to the filming location, he apologized to everyone but some people seemed to have found an opportunity to rant.
They accused Yibo of delaying their work and acting like he was above everyone just because he felt he was popular. That day turned out badly for him. He was unable to concentrate and performed poorly. He got to his hotel that night and realized that the only thing that could have cheered him up; Zhan's messages, did not come in that day. After that day, even though Zhan never complained, Yibo knew he must have felt bad. Zhan still messaged him but not as often as he used to. He felt he owed Zhan an explanation.
Since the lockdown, Yibo had become mostly free. Zhan on the other hand had become so busy that he hardly had time for anything else. They still texted back and forth, Zhan told him work was hectic, the cases kept increasing and they have had to say goodbye to a lot of the patients. Zhan promised to text as often as possible.
......
It had been a month since the lockdown commenced and Yibo had only heard from Zhan thrice. He suspected Zhan was avoiding him on purpose. He put a call across and was surprised when the phone was answered almost immediately.
"Hello...", came a female voice from across the phone. Yibo ended the call immediately, thinking he called the wrong number only for him to look again and saw that he actually called the correct number. Who could she be and why was she answering his phone?
Meng Ziyi put down the phone and continued with her work. She had the exact same phone as Zhan and had mistakenly picked up his phone when it rang, not paying attention, thinking it was hers.
Yibo's heart felt heavy. He wasn't used to this feeling. He knew he could not jump into conclusions but he missed the days when he was sure to meet at least 3 messages from Zhan each day. Those messages and voice notes kept him going. Was this how Zhan felt when he got really busy and hardly replied? He felt regretful and wanted nothing more than to explain himself to Zhan.
......
Zhan had become so busy that 3 months passed in the blink of an eye. He replied Yibo's messages as often as he could. Sometimes, his phone would run out of battery and he would not notice until after a few days. He turned on his phone on this day and received a message from Yibo. He had gotten clearance to travel but he had to travel by road and he had to self-isolate for 2 weeks upon arrival.
Zhan didn't know whether to rejoice or be sad as he was sure he would be busy. Some of his colleagues had gotten sick and their manpower was reducing by the day. Besides, he believed Yibo may have fallen out of love with him. He had kept in touch more often these past weeks because he had a lot of free time and was probably bored.
He was about to text back when another colleague came to inform him that Ziyi had tested positive to the virus. She had been exhibiting symptoms and had gone into isolation. Her results just came back positive and she was having a panic attack. Zhan went to see her in the room where she was being isolated. Even though he didn't go in, he could talk to her across a glass barricade. He tried to calm her down. Zhan and Ziyi could not be described as friends but they had worked together for many years. He felt bad for her, besides, she made his job much easier. He hoped she could get better soon.
......
Yibo arrived in town and left Zhan a message asking them to meet when he was out of isolation. Zhan agreed and decided to ask for a few days off so he could go see Yibo. Zhan was not as excited as he was back then. He still loved Yibo but he didn't know what to expect this time around. He chose to keep an open mind and accept whatever may come.
During his self-isolation period, Yibo tried to keep in touch with Zhan as much as possible. He knew Zhan was busy but deep down, he had the premonition of an imminent disaster. Zhan had been increasingly distant and he hoped seeing Zhan and talking things over would fix everything. He was anxious but he had no choice than to be patient.
......
"Zhan, honey I'm out of isolation. When are you free? So we can meet", Yibo's enthusiasm could be heard from his voice.
"Yibo...I can't see you right now, I'm not too well. I started to show symptoms a few days ago. Just a minor cough and sore throat. There is no space in the hospital so the cases with minor symptoms like mine have been asked to go home and receive treatment there", Zhan paused to cough and continued. "So, let's wait and see how things go". Zhan had started to exhibit some symptoms of the disease but there were insufficient test kits so his status was yet to be ascertained. It was best to treat the symptoms as they appeared. Zhan was grateful that the symptoms were mild. He felt he could go to work but he couldn't put the life of others at stake.
Yibo felt his heart drop. He looked forward to seeing Zhan time and time again, yet they were unable to meet. It was now more than 9 months since they last saw each other. He could feel Zhan drifting farther away from him. If this continued, he may no longer have a place in Zhan's heart. He knew he loved Zhan but right now he didn't know how Zhan felt about him. He wasn't dense. He could tell Zhan had some reservations towards him.
"Zhan, sweetheart, I can come take care of you, I would be careful. I just want you to have company...", Yibo offered to take care of Zhan. "...I really want to see you. What if I come stay with you? We could stay in different rooms. You'd have someone by your side...I really do miss you".
Zhan was not having it. If he really was positive, he could not afford exposing someone else to the virus. He refused Yibo blatantly.
Zhan smiled and replied, "Yibo...I don't know what to say. I understand you but don't worry, I'd be fine. I just need a few weeks to get better then...then...", he couldn't bring himself to continue. Suddenly, all the bottled-up feelings made Zhan's chest feel tight.
"Yibo, I don't feel too good. Let's talk again in a few days. I have to sort out some things. I'd turn off my phone for the time being, don't be worried if you cannot reach me".
Yibo wanted to protest but he could hear the exhaustion in Zhan's voice. His only wish was to be by his side right now. Whatever Zhan was going through, he was willing to go through it with him.
"Okay, I'd be waiting for your call. If you need anything, don't hesitate to reach out".
"Hmm".
Zhan had a lot on his mind. At first, he was happy in the relationship. Yibo's sudden change in attitude gave him a scare. He put in a lot of effort into making the relationship work but he felt it was one-sided. Yibo never reached out to him, he rather replied his messages. If he didn't reach out, would Yibo have kept to himself?
He noticed during the lockdown, Yibo started to reach out more often but he believed Yibo had a lot of free time so he was bored. Now, he may have come down with the virus and Yibo may be feeling sorry for him. He felt Yibo had fallen out of love with him. He thought about the few times they spent together, it was one of the best times of his life. Yibo was 6 years younger than himself. Of course, they were not thinking of the same things. He might want to settle down and start a family but Yibo on the other hand may not be ready for that. He thought it was unfair holding him back. Maybe it was best to let him go.
Zhan works as a physician in a public hospital. His days were usually busy and he hardly had any free time for himself. Zhan loved what he did and he never complained about having to work long hours. He often volunteered to work extra time when more hands were needed. Since the outbreak of the virus 2 months ago, the hospital had needed more hands on deck. Zhan had nothing to do at home, so he spent most of his time at work. He could count the number of times he had been to his apartment on one hand.
Zhan was never one to fuss about his looks. He had a look that could be described as perfect and he achieved this with little or no effort. He never put any work into his looks but this time it was different. Yibo, his boyfriend of just over a year was coming back in three days.
Wang Yibo worked as an actor. He was really popular and many directors wanted him in their movies. He hardly had any free time as his agency was in charge of handling his contracts, informing him when the deal was nearly done. Yibo was 23 this year, 6 years younger than Zhan but he worked very hard for his age. He had been away for about 6 months working on a movie that was originally supposed to last only 4 months.
Zhan and Yibo first met when Yibo sustained an injury while working, he was taken to the emergency room and Zhan was the doctor on call that evening. For Yibo, it was love at first sight. It took him a few weeks to finally get Zhan to go on a date with him. Things went pretty fast from there. Yibo was really attractive and for the first time, Zhan felt somewhat insecure about his looks.
When Yibo first left 6 months ago, he and Zhan spoke often, at least thrice a day. Over time, this number reduced to twice a day then once a day. One time, Yibo had gone a whole day without calling or texting. At first, Zhan understood Yibo was busy and couldn't communicate as often so Zhan kept on calling and leaving messages regardless of whether he got a reply. Gradually he began to feel as if he was no longer as important to Yibo. He was also a busy person but he made out time every day for his boyfriend. He felt Yibo could spare him one minute daily if he wanted to.
Whenever Zhan called and Yibo didn't pick up, he would leave a message. He sometimes ended up leaving as much as 4 messages for Yibo who on the other hand, would reply at night before going to bed. This had become their routine. As much as Zhan didn't like it, he wasn't left with much of a choice.
'Honey, I'd be coming home soon. My flight has been booked for Saturday'.
Zhan was delighted when he got that message from Yibo on Tuesday night. He texted back, asking Yibo to return by road to reduce his contact with people because of how rampant the virus had become. He was at the frontlines so he knew the severity of the disease caused by this virus. Yibo was yet to reply but Zhan was already mentally preparing for his arrival. Thank goodness he was off duty starting Friday.
On Friday night, the government issued a nationwide lockdown to curb the spread of the virus. The number of cases had grown exponentially in the city where it was first identified and it was quickly spreading to other cities. Zhan was called back to work as they needed more hands. Zhan was worried about Yibo's trip and their planned reunion but when he arrived at the hospital, he quickly forgot all about his initial worries, he knew how to set his priorities.
"Dr. Zhan, thank goodness you're here", Meng Ziyi, the nurse attached to Xiao Zhan's clinic welcomed him with a distressed look on her face. There was no need to ask what she was worried about because Zhan could see there were patients everywhere. The wards were full to their capacity and the passages had been converted to make shift wards. "We had a lot of patients transferred over, too little space but there is nowhere else they can go. We are almost out of facemasks and gloves". She tried to fill Zhan up on the situation at hand as soon as he arrived.
Zhan quickly got to work, attending to as many patients as he could. The cases were on the rise and the health personnel barely had time to sit, not to talk of checking their phones. Zhan though this was the worst until his colleagues started contacting the virus.
......
'Honey, because of the lockdown, I won't be able to return for now. Talk about terrible timing! How are you holding up over there? I miss you'
'...'
'Honey, what is your Netflix password? I want to watch a movie'
'...'
'Honey...I'm going to bed, please stay safe'.
Yibo had sent Zhan a string of messages. This was the third day and he was yet to get a reply. Because of the lockdown, he was unable to leave his hotel room. He was really looking forward to seeing Zhan. He had missed Zhan so much. To help cope with the sudden emptiness he felt in his heart, Yibo decided to go through their old conversations starting from when he left 6 months ago.
As he read them, he smiled fondly. It felt as if he could hear Zhan's soft voice speaking directly in his ears. Soon, he noticed a pattern. At first, Zhan texted often and he replied often. Then his replies reduced but Zhan's texts did not reduce. 'I was so busy at work, I didn't even realize I had started neglecting him', Yibo felt a sudden bout of sadness as he thought of that.
He soon noticed that Zhan's texts started to reduce and it happened after that night when Yibo didn't reply him. 'Ah Zhan, it wasn't intentional. Don't tell me you got mad at me. You've never been mad at me before. I don't feel good about it'.
That incident was fresh on Yibo's mind. On that day, Yibo filmed until late in the night. His co-star had been making work tedious for everyone. She often had to play her role dozens of times before she could get it right. She was the main reason filming took so long. When he got to the hotel room, it was already well past midnight. He sat on the bed to read Zhan's messages. Yibo often looked forward to these messages as they were the highlight of his otherwise stressful day. He would read them all then reply. That day, Zhan had sent a long voice message, educating Yibo about the deadly virus that was quickly spreading. He told Yibo ways to stay safe and signs to watch out for. Yibo lay on the bed, still fully clothed, listening to Zhan's voice and laughing at Zhan's jokes but taking his every word seriously. He knew Zhan cared about his safety and well-being.
He didn't know how or when he slept off but he woke up to someone banging on his door. He was already more than an hour late for work! He hurried out of bed and ran to work without taking a bath. He didn't get to eat dinner the previous night, also he forgot to reply Zhan's messages. When he got to the filming location, he apologized to everyone but some people seemed to have found an opportunity to rant.
They accused Yibo of delaying their work and acting like he was above everyone just because he felt he was popular. That day turned out badly for him. He was unable to concentrate and performed poorly. He got to his hotel that night and realized that the only thing that could have cheered him up; Zhan's messages, did not come in that day. After that day, even though Zhan never complained, Yibo knew he must have felt bad. Zhan still messaged him but not as often as he used to. He felt he owed Zhan an explanation.
Since the lockdown, Yibo had become mostly free. Zhan on the other hand had become so busy that he hardly had time for anything else. They still texted back and forth, Zhan told him work was hectic, the cases kept increasing and they have had to say goodbye to a lot of the patients. Zhan promised to text as often as possible.
......
It had been a month since the lockdown commenced and Yibo had only heard from Zhan thrice. He suspected Zhan was avoiding him on purpose. He put a call across and was surprised when the phone was answered almost immediately.
"Hello...", came a female voice from across the phone. Yibo ended the call immediately, thinking he called the wrong number only for him to look again and saw that he actually called the correct number. Who could she be and why was she answering his phone?
Meng Ziyi put down the phone and continued with her work. She had the exact same phone as Zhan and had mistakenly picked up his phone when it rang, not paying attention, thinking it was hers.
Yibo's heart felt heavy. He wasn't used to this feeling. He knew he could not jump into conclusions but he missed the days when he was sure to meet at least 3 messages from Zhan each day. Those messages and voice notes kept him going. Was this how Zhan felt when he got really busy and hardly replied? He felt regretful and wanted nothing more than to explain himself to Zhan.
......
Zhan had become so busy that 3 months passed in the blink of an eye. He replied Yibo's messages as often as he could. Sometimes, his phone would run out of battery and he would not notice until after a few days. He turned on his phone on this day and received a message from Yibo. He had gotten clearance to travel but he had to travel by road and he had to self-isolate for 2 weeks upon arrival.
Zhan didn't know whether to rejoice or be sad as he was sure he would be busy. Some of his colleagues had gotten sick and their manpower was reducing by the day. Besides, he believed Yibo may have fallen out of love with him. He had kept in touch more often these past weeks because he had a lot of free time and was probably bored.
He was about to text back when another colleague came to inform him that Ziyi had tested positive to the virus. She had been exhibiting symptoms and had gone into isolation. Her results just came back positive and she was having a panic attack. Zhan went to see her in the room where she was being isolated. Even though he didn't go in, he could talk to her across a glass barricade. He tried to calm her down. Zhan and Ziyi could not be described as friends but they had worked together for many years. He felt bad for her, besides, she made his job much easier. He hoped she could get better soon.
......
Yibo arrived in town and left Zhan a message asking them to meet when he was out of isolation. Zhan agreed and decided to ask for a few days off so he could go see Yibo. Zhan was not as excited as he was back then. He still loved Yibo but he didn't know what to expect this time around. He chose to keep an open mind and accept whatever may come.
During his self-isolation period, Yibo tried to keep in touch with Zhan as much as possible. He knew Zhan was busy but deep down, he had the premonition of an imminent disaster. Zhan had been increasingly distant and he hoped seeing Zhan and talking things over would fix everything. He was anxious but he had no choice than to be patient.
......
"Zhan, honey I'm out of isolation. When are you free? So we can meet", Yibo's enthusiasm could be heard from his voice.
"Yibo...I can't see you right now, I'm not too well. I started to show symptoms a few days ago. Just a minor cough and sore throat. There is no space in the hospital so the cases with minor symptoms like mine have been asked to go home and receive treatment there", Zhan paused to cough and continued. "So, let's wait and see how things go". Zhan had started to exhibit some symptoms of the disease but there were insufficient test kits so his status was yet to be ascertained. It was best to treat the symptoms as they appeared. Zhan was grateful that the symptoms were mild. He felt he could go to work but he couldn't put the life of others at stake.
Yibo felt his heart drop. He looked forward to seeing Zhan time and time again, yet they were unable to meet. It was now more than 9 months since they last saw each other. He could feel Zhan drifting farther away from him. If this continued, he may no longer have a place in Zhan's heart. He knew he loved Zhan but right now he didn't know how Zhan felt about him. He wasn't dense. He could tell Zhan had some reservations towards him.
"Zhan, sweetheart, I can come take care of you, I would be careful. I just want you to have company...", Yibo offered to take care of Zhan. "...I really want to see you. What if I come stay with you? We could stay in different rooms. You'd have someone by your side...I really do miss you".
Zhan was not having it. If he really was positive, he could not afford exposing someone else to the virus. He refused Yibo blatantly.
Zhan smiled and replied, "Yibo...I don't know what to say. I understand you but don't worry, I'd be fine. I just need a few weeks to get better then...then...", he couldn't bring himself to continue. Suddenly, all the bottled-up feelings made Zhan's chest feel tight.
"Yibo, I don't feel too good. Let's talk again in a few days. I have to sort out some things. I'd turn off my phone for the time being, don't be worried if you cannot reach me".
Yibo wanted to protest but he could hear the exhaustion in Zhan's voice. His only wish was to be by his side right now. Whatever Zhan was going through, he was willing to go through it with him.
"Okay, I'd be waiting for your call. If you need anything, don't hesitate to reach out".
"Hmm".
Zhan had a lot on his mind. At first, he was happy in the relationship. Yibo's sudden change in attitude gave him a scare. He put in a lot of effort into making the relationship work but he felt it was one-sided. Yibo never reached out to him, he rather replied his messages. If he didn't reach out, would Yibo have kept to himself?
He noticed during the lockdown, Yibo started to reach out more often but he believed Yibo had a lot of free time so he was bored. Now, he may have come down with the virus and Yibo may be feeling sorry for him. He felt Yibo had fallen out of love with him. He thought about the few times they spent together, it was one of the best times of his life. Yibo was 6 years younger than himself. Of course, they were not thinking of the same things. He might want to settle down and start a family but Yibo on the other hand may not be ready for that. He thought it was unfair holding him back. Maybe it was best to let him go.
