This Time I'm Ready To Run.

Party Animal

We walk into the apartment with muffled music, people kissing everywhere we turn. I think even some of them could be hooking up into open space. It smells of drugs and smoke, sweat and everything that I’m foreign to. Emma doesn’t do this, but Lucus’ friends do.

We walk over to the drinks in the kitchen. “Blossom,” Drunk Emma squeals from afar, a drink dropping from her hand. I let go of Harry’s as I leap into a hug. “What are you doing here,” She slurs.

“Thought I’d surprise you,” I smile. I look around and just notice the purple lights everywhere, dancing on the floor. The air is humid. This is what I signed up for though. I knew it would be a party like this. I can’t complain, though. It’s lively and fun. It gives you a thrill of energy.

“Nice to see you!” She squeals again. She leads me over to the drinks. I turn back and see Harry still there with a smirk on his face, looking directly at me. “Wanna drink?”

Why not.

Let’s get drunk.

Not too drunk to the point where I pass out but, very much drunk.

It’s a Thursday, I don’t have work until Monday 14th.

I can’t believe its already May.

I’ve known Harry for 3 months.

Wow.

“Give me anything you’ve got,” I smile. I watch Emma add some drinks into our two shot glasses. I have no clue what any of these drinks are except Vodka. That shows how much I know about alcohol.

“I have no clue what I’m putting in here,” she laughs as she pours more, bouncing to the beat of the muffled music that no one is listening to. “May taste like shit!” She screams. Even the energy in this party makes me all pumped up. It gives me that adrenaline.

This is so unlike me.

She finishes making her drinks and she passes me one. Before I chuck it down my throat, I look at Harry who is still looking at me with a smirk, glasses on his head leant against a open wall arms crossed and one leg over the other. He looks so good.

Blossom, get yourself together.

“You’re drooling.” I turn back to see Emma again, taking me out of my thoughts. “3, 2, 1.”

The contents cover my mouth, my taste buds burning, my face shrivelling up. That tasted terrible. “What was that?” I shout with my tongue out, hoping for the burn to disappear.

“I’d like to see you do better,”

I smile confidently, walking over to the cupboards of alcohol. I can do this. I start to feel the alcohol kick it and I couldn’t want it any other way. I watch Emma bring Harry over to me and the drinks. I find another cup and decide to use that for Harry’s shot.

I crouch down, wobbling slightly, and search for random drinks. I can really feel the alcohol kicking in. I see a bottle of vodka and decide to pour some into our cups. I tumble down again and find tequila in hopes it’ll taste okay then pour that in as well. I walk over to the flat drinks and bump into someone “Sorry,” I muffle, not caring in the slightest, right now, I’m in cloud nine. My head spins slightly, before going back to its normal state.

I grab some orange juice and pour that in too.

I think that will do.

I pass Ems and Harry the contents, trying not to spill anything, alcohol hitting hard.

“3, 2, 1.”

I take a swig of the drink, cringing and trying to ignore the strongness of it.

“Emma,” I hear a man’s voice from afar. It’s Lucus.

“I’ll see you guys later,” She shouts over the music. “That drink was shit, though,” She grins. “Love you!” She squeals before running off into the crowd of drunken people.

My head is starting to hurt. It’s loud in here, as expected. I try to ignore it, though.

As everyone knows: I hate alcohol. I just find it disgusting. It’s not the fact that it’s bad because at times it’s okay, but I don’t feel the need to drink zed drink.

Probably made no sense.

Drunken me leads Harry to an empty sofa and everyone’s too busy against the wall. I push him down, almost going down myself. “You,” I try to make eye contact, not focussing though. “You stay here, I’ll be right back,”

I turn around and bump into another person. “Sorry,” I mumble. I go over to the kitchen and getting Jack Daniels and take the whole bottle and stumble and bounce my way back to Harry.

Without knowing what or where I’m going I take him to a random room in the house, this being an empty bedroom.

I lock the door, the noise outside going muted. On the other side of the room, there’s this beautiful view of the town. The town is still alive, cars zooming past and it brings me to peace.

I take a mouthful of the drink, ignoring the taste. I sit there leaning my back on the bed looking at the view in front of me. I tap the floor beside me, Harry sitting there. I stare at him slightly but I can barely focus on him. His pupils are bigger, him being slightly drunk. His mole thing beside his mouth prominent. The moonlight shining on one side of his face, making his eye luminous.

Everything is so much more ignited when you are drunk.

“I’m happy,” he whispers. I stare at him, my sight flickers from eye to eye. My lips part at what he’s saying. “Thanks for being my somebody, love,” He whispers, referring back to the day Harry and I were in the rain.

That was only yesterday.

It feels as if it’s been weeks.

Wow.

My cheeks go pink and he moves his position so he’s laying on my lap. I don’t hesitate as he’s got a genuinely happy look on his face, the thing he’s been longing for since the start. I look down at his eyes sparkling from the outside world as butterflies flap around in my stomach. My heart’s beating loud and I don’t want it to stop.

“You make me happy, you know that?” He smiles even more as I see his drunken side come out “come with me,” He says in a breathy voice. My lips part once again, half in utter confusion and the other half in awe.

“What..? What do you mean?” I whisper back.

“Come with me on tour, Blossom. Runaway. Let go.” He has to be joking, right? I mean, I just got the job and he’s leaving tomorrow. I’d love to go but I have work and a book to write. As I said: I want my own life too.

“Harry, I can’t. You know I can’t. I have work.”

“Quit.”

I take a sip of my liquor with an ache in my stomach. I’d love to go. I want to go. But I can’t just forget about here. I know his tour isn’t permanent but Ms Brown wouldn’t be happy with me and would most likely fire me when I get back. “I can’t just quit, Harry,” I smile. “Plus, I’ve got a half-written book that I still need to finish off.”

“Take it with you.”

“Harry,” I sigh. “I’d love to. But I want my own life. I can’t just grab on to others. I’m sor-”

“Don’t.” What did I do? Is he mad? His face turns into a frown as the ache in my stomach reappears. “Don’t say that word. Sorry.” But I need to.

“But Harry, I need to. I feel bad.”

“But you shouldn’t. I understand, just drunk me talking. You didn’t do anything wrong, Bloss.” I smile slightly. It’s not that easy to just not say sorry. I feel like I need to, so I do.

He’s not even that drunk.

“Sor-” I sip the drink, pretending I didn’t almost apologise again. I slightly clear my throat, though my mouth is used to the spicy burn of the alcohol. “We probably should be getting back...” I say, slightly upset because I feel like we’ve done nothing here. Or maybe we have and it’s just been a blur.

I check the time on the wall which reads 1 am. Harry needs to leave in 7 hours. My heart starts racing as Harry lifts his head. I down the last contents out of the drink, trying to act as sober as possible.

I get up from my position and walk out of the quiet room, the loudness from the outside coming back. My brain tries to function as I can’t walk or talk without messing up bad. I probably shouldn’t have gotten drunk. Instant regret.

I finally make it to the door. “Leaving so soon?” Emma says, drunk as ever. I haven’t told Emma about the job, or about James. Or about anything.

“tired,” I lie, trying not to pass out on the spot.

“Okay, sleeping beauty,” She says proudly, kissing my cheek. I shine a smile quickly fading away. Behind me are a hook-up or couple kissing, crashing into me every second they kiss more. The room feels tight and small as I notice I need to get out of here as soon as possible. “Call me!” She says before I shut the door.

“Eat this, love,” I stumble my way around, to face him, probably looking like a zombie. I take the bar in his hand “You should probably try and sober up,” He laughs. I agree. I gladly take the bar and eat it as if my life depends on it.

“Thanks,” I smile. He once again takes my hand to lead me back to the lift. The feeling of the lift going down makes my stomach churn. The liquor in my system probably doesn’t make it any better.

Walking out the door, I take off my uncomfortable flats, feet touching the cold floor. It’s so sensitive. Nothing I’ve done today feels real. Me standing up to my abuser, Harry telling me he’s happy and me actually getting drunk.

It feels like a complete dream.

It drives me crazy about how fast the night changes. Yet it hasn’t changed a thing. Tonight started with Harry getting mad about Lucus to Harry and I, drunk walking home. I mean it’s been the most eventful day in a while yet nothing has really happened. I mean: I got the job, and Harry said the heartwarming speech to me, led on my lap. I know we aren’t dating but it makes me go crazy the fact that I make him happy.

So once again, it’s just me, him and the moon.

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